#levanael

That’s entirely possible. I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, either. Even when I wasn’t busy being Mr. Stubborn Grump, there was only a smaller group I was close to, and that’s about it. 

It doesn’t sound strange that you’d remember a girl, especially since she seems to have left such an impression on you. I have memories of other entities that aren’t angels, including humans during a couple of my other lives here.

You could still have more memories return. I had memories of one angel, and I still interacted with him during this lifetime, and it took years for me to actually remember we were in a relationship. Which explained his behavior towards me up until I remembered. 

But I don’t think any of us will ever remember all of our siblings. Not during our lifetimes here. Memory works differently here, so unless the information is relevant somehow and/or something triggers it, it might never come up. 

I wouldn’t say none of my memories weren’t “earth-shattering”. I’ve had a lot of very heavy, very hard memories come back to me. They used to break me, over and over again. Sometimes, they still do.

I think I’ve just gotten used to that cycle, some. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to cope with them a bit better. And as the memories have piled up, it tends to take more than it used to for them to get too far under my skin. 

My memories from back then are kind of like how memories work for me in this life. There are some things I think will impact me strongly in the future as a memory, but don’t. And some small things that went mostly unnoticed at the time, become either these beacons of hope, or harbingers of breakdowns. 

So the specific memories of wars or battles don’t usually rile me up. But a single sentence said to me by Samael during one of our confrontations back then tore me apart every time I thought of it, until I reconciled that with myself. 

And there is definitely this underlying ache that permeates me, and really almost all the angels I know, incarnate and not, who have been around for a very long time. I think it’s tied to how things were before the Fall, and how they are now. How far some of us have Fallen, and how much we miss each other, and long for a way of being that we can’t ever have again. I think that’s a good thing, overall. But it still hurts like hell.

Most days it’s barely noticeable, if I notice it at all. But sometimes it makes me curl up and cry. 

I used to get dreams of wars and battles. Some of them might have been flashbacks to a long time ago, but I think most of them were more about internal “wars” going on for me at the time. 

I don’t usually dream of battles anymore. I do have dreams of minor scuffles, and definitely of gatherings. Those happen maybe half a dozen to a dozen times a year. 

It’s far more common for me to have that stuff happen while I’m awake, as a kind of spirit work thing. I’m still active as an angel, so the gatherings/meetings are just part of that for me. And since I’m aligned with Hell, sometimes that can involve being attacked in some form or another. Usually it’s not too major. 

A trend I’ve seen for more newly awakened angels is having dreams like you’re describing, then getting really, really invested in them. I went through that period, too. It’s easy to do. But usually it’s not some world-altering thing. There are lots of active factions in both Heaven, and especially Hell and neutral territories, so scuffles and minor “battles” are actually more the norm than the exception. 

I’m not sure how to tag with your name since you submitted this anonymously! (Unless you meant by Levanael, which I’ll tag).