How do I convince my mind to stop nagging?

I am not gonna lie, sometimes I do have those thoughts again, but it’s not the same, because I made it. I fucking made it!! I live in another country with the woman I love and our 3 cats and I am freaking alive!!

I wish I could talk with all my younger versions and tell them that we will be okay, that yes, it’s hard as hell, but we are so strong!! I wish I could hug younger me, because no one did it… and damn, she deserved it so much, she has been through so much so we could get here and she didn’t even know what she was fighting for. Well, dear baby me, thank you for fighting for us. This is what you were fighting for and I appreciate you so very much.

(made this on my creative writing class and kinda revise it)

Pardon my emotions

maybe i should just keep it all

she fall

and thinking she's cruel

but she picture her just cool

they judge her like a picture book

but she just love the way how she look

chinky eyes,

and she's about cry.

she's a mix of fire and water

both better.

(this one's for you)

Subject: Missing in Action

Date: September 25, 2022

I know I'm 2 days late, im sorry :( been mia for a while since i just want to relax after my hell week HAHAHA

don't know what's the subject of this email paj, since wala naman masyadong ganap sa buhay ko.

But sharing to you what had happened for the past two days that I'm mia HAHAHA

Friday, is the last day of prelims and I can say that na nairaos naman namin magkakaibigan, we've congratulated each other since we've come along together.

They're the best "friends" that you can have :( I'm so happy that I made a move HAHHAHA kasi kung hindi baka hanggang ngayon wala pa din akong kaibigan, palagi din kaming nagtutulungan sa lahat.

sana till our final year we're all friends pa din, I'm looking forward to know and bond more with them. medyo may crush Ako dun sa isa kong classmate, don't worry crush lang naman HAHAHAH

Saturday, walang ganap I just read Wattpad nakakainis kasi di na ko makabasa ng libro it's been months :((

Saturday, spend it with alfeyah balak sana namin mag kkopi kaso full packed. kaya we move in minute burger tapos nanood kami ng liga. sinusulit ko na since malapit na ko mag-move out sepanx malala :( I'm gonna miss my friends here lalo na si alfeyah :((

Sunday, ngayon walang ganap at nagkukwentuhan lang kami ni mama, about my plans once i move out na. I'll surely miss this pero siguro masasanay din ako.

ayun lang naman ganap sa buhay ko, hope that you are taking care of yourself.

I'm studying hard don't worry. I'll make sure to finished this year with flying colors (again HAHAH)

always take care and enjoy. till next time

(my filipino assignment way back when im still at 10th grade, managed to get a perfect score btw hehe)

Subject: Pagtitiwala

Date: XX/XX/XX

To; NRB

Pagtitiwala, isang salita na may halaga hindi lamang sa masa kundi sa panlahat.

Pagtitiwala na may kaakibat na paghihirap upang malasap ang tinatamasa na ginawaha .

Tapat na pakikipagusap at hindi wari'y nagpapanggap.

Sa iyong mga matang nangungusap na animo'y nagsusumigaw na ''ako'y pagkatiwalaan mo'' ngunit paano?

Kung ikaw na mismo ang sumira nito.

Subject: Blue and Red.

Date: July 22, 2022

Dearest Nins,

already got your letter first of all thank you. thank you for such an emotional letter lols been a lil senti these past few days because of the thought that I'm going to be leaving Carmona, but I know that this is for the best.

And second i miss you all, kailan ba kayo dadalaw dito. miss na miss ko na kayo nila markus.

thank you for the advices and tips that you guys gave me I seriously don't know what to do and to start without y'all.maybe I'll take this as an opportunity to tell you how I feel and thought about visiting manila after so many years.

Tired. tired of the long walks but it's one of the best moments that I have with parents got to talk more with them. (we finally found a perfect space for the next few years that I'll be staying in manila. we're still thinking about it dw) and I'm sleepy while writing this hahahaha

Happy. happy that I got to talk more with parents after so many years of not having a proper conversation with them. (they teach me how to commute and etc and so far I got it all naman na I do have an steps on how to do that on my phone.) so happy to see mommy being amused and awe while viewing my school. I have an enough reason to really work hard more.

Ma, Tay are so happy that I'm going to be studying in Manila, but deep down they're still against the idea of it, but I know they're slowly accepting it. (nasa acceptance stage pa lang sila)

I'm still on working the progress, but I know by the time that God and the universe told me so. I know that I'm ready. (the process of enrollment was smooth and easy, the staffs and profs are really approachable and kind)

thank you for the advices nins, we can finally hang out more when I get there. missing you all so much huhu, let's all meet soon always take care and drink a lot of water. hopefully to be with you in the other side of katipunan

luv you nins <3

Hi, this is my first official post made on this blog. I made this blog almost a year ago with the intention of me writing my life’s story but as you can already tell that’s never really happened until now. So at this point I don’t even know if anyone will actually even read this or want to ever know about my life. For right now i intend to use this page as more of a diary to express my thoughts and feelings that I haven’t felt comfortable with sharing with others who already know me. And who know maybe one day you’ll get to know me. But for now this is all you get.