#letter3

.. .. ❤❤❤ 🌹🌹🌹 . To my forever (in moments) #letter3 𝘠𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘦. 𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘪𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘦’𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘺𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺, 𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘛𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨. . . . #badassrebel #spirituallover #spiritualawakening #breathoflove #pawanwritestofuturelover #handstandpractice Dated - 30-05-20 (at My Love) https://www.instagram.com/tantrkundalinibrahmastra/p/CA0hy9KjN68/?utm_medium=tumblr

He had to find Andrew. He had to help him protect his family. He had to help him.

I really am trying. I stay away from music, books, shows, food items..that can send me crashing down into this fucken BLACK HOLE of misery. He has infiltrated almost every aspect of my life. And its going to take me a while to weed all of him out. He was all I knew, so its pretty obvious that how I live my life revolves around him. Almost four years of this person is enough to make me feel this way. I know I made mistakes, and plenty of them. And most of this I sort of am to blame. But he just...made me feel so insecure all the time. Made me feel physically nasty about myself. He fucked with my head, because he KNOWS id rip my skin off just to keep him warm. Me and him were on and off for about the last year and a half of our, relationship, if that's even a good word for it. And in that time we were both dealing with things. Personal issues and issues we shared as a couple. Well I have always been a flirt. Im known for my bold and abrasive personality. And he was use to dating..children. Well not children, but girls a year or two younger than him. He was always the one in control in his past relationships, I assume. Just knowing how he is. I think it caught both of us by surprise that we clicked so well. Even with me being the complete opposite of what hes use to. Im 5'7", ive got meat on my bones. Im loud. Im outgoing. Im ALOT. He seemed to dig that. But as time passed, I think he started to become more insecure about me, and him, and us in general. Which he projected into our relationship pretty often. There were time when id feel uncomfortable for being..too tall. Id feel insecure about the little aspects of myself that I had never even thought of before. Like damn, AM I too tall? At times I think his own personal issues really affected how he was with me. Hes not the person he projects in front of others. Hes quiet, keeps to himself. I think he spends a lot of time observing the world. Kind of trying to piece himself in life and how he fits in certain situations. Ive always felt he was a little lost. His family is, sweet. But definitely not built to handle a person with a mind like his. He has so much potential, and ive always felt like his family has been incredulous of him. Which I think he picked up on a lot, and it really messed with him, even though he never really spoke about it. And I guess me being the way I can be sometimes, didn't help much either. I will admit that I tried for so long to show him how fucken special he was, and at times id be so tired of repeating to him how MUCH he meant to me, that id forget to take care of myself. And hed forget to care for me...being in his head led to him slowly letting me out. So, I felt alone. I felt stuck. I felt like he didn't care, but I didn't ever think about leaving him. Yet I made the mistake of letting someone else show me the things I was lacking in my relationship. His energy was enticing. He made me forget how horrible I felt all the time, even though he could make me feel horrible too...what the fuck was wrong with me? A lot. A lot was wrong with me. Anyways, all this mess ended up blowing up in my face. Like heeellooo? How could it not. YOU CAN NOT GET AWAY WITH DOING SHITTY THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE MELISSA. Point is, the cat was out of the bag, my ex found out about everything and did everything in his power to remind me that it was all my fault, which in some parts YES I take full responsibility. It was not okay AT ALL, to hurt him like I did, over me being stupid and selfish. I know that, my pain and heartbreak are a daily reminder of his. And that breaks my heart and pains me more than ANYTHING else. So point is, I ended up looking like a heathen, a cheater, a bitch, or in words of my ex, a total "peach of shit". Did I mention how clever he was? And that was that. That was about a year ago, and since then me and my ex had been on and off again, classic us, trying to work on something that honestly had no start or finish, it was a massive circle. Id give anything to take it back. To be at that point where we were not okay, and instead of him locking himself in his own head, and instead of me looking for answers from someone else, we should have TALKED. We should have taken the time to be like, "Hey, I'm not okay with this, I love you and I want to fix this so we can be okay", but its a lot easier said than done. I don't know what stopped us so much. Well due to that, he became a somewhat different person with me. Sure, I knew how he showed affection, and yes, he'd be affectionate at times. We still hung out, we still went to places, ate dinners together, we still slept together. We did everything we use to. Plus the passive aggressive comments we'd make from time to time. Then it became unhealthy, I begged and cried and pleaded for him to stay, so he can see how different things were going to be now. Which they were, I have done everything in my power to switch things around. I dedicated all my free time, energy, money, to him. I pampered him, catered to him as much as I could. But, he was just lonely. He wanted affection without having to give affection back. I started to return to that dark place he always puts me in. He was a constant reminder of all the bad in my life.  It hurts so fucken much, soooo much. A pain I'd NEVER wish on anyone, and trust me, I'd torture a few people, but not with this. Its not getting any easier. I don't ever feel OK. He's on my mind 24/7, enough to compel me to start a whole blog dedicated to me talking to myself about this. How sad is that? Ha...very sad.

Esther Lisboa

Ma, Dy, sobrang thankful ako kay Lord na binigay niya kayo sakin :) God has given me enough time para makasama kita Daddy and I’m very grateful for that. Atleast naramdaman ko ang pagmamahal ng isang ama na walang katulad! Hindi ka man showy (siguro sayo ko to namana AHAHA) pero ramdam ko ang pagmamahal mo sakin/samin ni Mama. Salamat sa mga pangaral mo sakin dy. Sayang nga lang hindi mo na ako nakita mag JS prom, grumaduate ng HS at mag college. Siguro pag andito ka dy papayagan na ko mag UST ahaha pero ok lang naman masaya na ko sa school ko ngayon :) Miss na miss na kita as in but I know masaya ka dyan atleast di ka nahihirapan at tsaka kasama mo na si God tsaka sina ading :) Promise po aalagaan ko sarili ko at si Mama. And Ma, thanks for being strong and for standing as my mom and dad. Salamat po sa pakikinig ng kung anong maisipan kong ishare at sa mga hinaing ko sa buhay. Thanks for all the things that you do out of love. Thanks for everything!! Mahal na mahal ko po kayo :) Promise gagawin ko best ko sa acads at hindi na ko magpapasaway at tutulungan kita sa mga gawaing bahay haha at bibilhan kita ng kotse na lagi mong pinapaalala sakin “nak pag nakatrabaho ka na bilhan mo ko ng bagong sasakyan ah” HAHA PROMISE KO YAN MA :) I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUUUUCH ❤️

Rae ‘The Chosen One’

Thanks for the Cake Pops!!