#letskickass

Photo of the author in July 1977 two months and four days before these events transpired in a parallel Universe. Ugly It was an ugly start to an ugly day. The kind where, if the world won’t, we wish we could just go away. Max didn’t want to go to school. He’d been harassed every day since the term had begun and he just wasn’t wanting to, let alone willing, to be torn down again.    Even the…

With World AIDS Day fast approaching I am sharing this poem. Although not in my voice it speaks to things many of us know and too many of us are unaware. Don’t worry about me, its like a story I am aware of so I can tell it but it is not me.

WHEN DAYS WERE NIGHTS

How I long for the days of falling in love in one night, Then saying our goodbyes forever before the dawn’s early, healthy, wealthy, and…

Newest Version: I Can’t Remember Dancing but I Remember Dancing with You

DISCOnnect

I can’t remember dancing But I remember dancing with you. The hurt I feel inside, It’s just not something I can try to hide, Because I remember dancing with you.

I can remember the day we met, The joy;the fear; how could I forget? You came on…

REAL TALK - had the worst anxiety attack in a while yesterday. I just felt so anxious and it all had to do with that one thing; my dead pancreas, a.k.a. diabetes. Lately my bgs have been a rollercoaster and I am working hard to get them in control again, but college takes a lot of my energy as well so it’s not likely that this problem will go away in a day.  My sensors stopped working (I have to wait a week for replacements) and I have a limited supply of testrips. It is not healthy to think about your bg 24/7, but with my sensor I felt so safe knowing what my bg was 24/7. It’s not, because it definitely made me over-inject insuline sometimes or over-eating because I thought I was going too low and then I ended up with a high bg. So thinking about all this, the anxiety began.

This morning I woke up with new energy. I wanted to order new testrips and other medical stuff when my pharmacy ended up being a ***. They said I couldn’t order because I ordered too much last month which is quite fair because that is the truth but still - I needed some. Argument went down but after calling my hospital all was well (well sort of, I atleast could order one box ). I do know one thing - going to that pharmacy was a mistake, so I immediately called my old diabetec pharmacy and went back to them. Their customer service is just so much better and they understand my situation.  I am proud of myself for staying calm, but I do have a lot of work to do. 

Conclusion - diabetes and anxiety is the worst combination but - I will not let this disease control my life. (And yes, I need to check my bloodsugar less. Which is very scary for me, but checking your bg 10-12 times a day isn’t good for your mind either. (5-8 times is normal))