#let me live..........

i really hate days when my trauma reactions win, like. i had the weirdest fucking nightmare all night, like i kept waking up and then when i fell back asleep a few minutes later, the dream picked right back up, so i’m just... tired today and don’t have the spoons for anything i was planning on doing, let alone pushing back against my brainworms. and my roommates are being very active, skittering about and talking and doing things, and it’s like i’ve landed right back to when i first moved in with them, when i was just constantly activated by them being active around the house. bc my trauma brain tells me that people i cohabitate with being productive and Present means they are either actively mad at me, or very likely to become mad at me as soon as i step out of my room—which results in me hiding in my room until they quiet down, which can take anywhere from an hour to the entire fucking day.