#less rambling

Making a dedicated post for this meme-redraw because its probably the single highest effort piece of art I've ever made.

First the context in case you somehow missed it, its from some mobile game add or something, but the wording just so comedically awkward that the whole thing is iconic.

@istheremorethanburrito rightly declared that there needed to be a dungeon meshi version, and I decided I needed to be the change I wanted to see in the world.

I debated on if Marcille or Cithis should be the "Beautiful Elf" tm, but I decided it would be funnier if everyone was less than thrilled about thier titles. Also the backgrounds are from the anime production, I got them from https://setteidreams.net/settei/dungeon-meshi/!

I ended up pretty proud of the section of Laios's armor that the "Now With Mushroom!" covered up, so here is the textless version.

And of course the mushroom itself!

*His Majesty the Worm Stat Page below*

Earth Golem

Also known as a Clay Golem or Soil Servant

Sorcerous {Golem} Brute

Earth golems are among the easiest and cheapest golems to create, and despite being composed of tiny lose particles of stone are surprisingly strong and reliable. An earth golem will generally do exactly what it was instructed to do by the arcane script inscribed on it’s core, and when that fails they generally default to random violence.

While this last quirk makes them rather troublesome for most tasks above ground, it makes them idea for guarding dungeons, since violently crushing intruders is usually what dungeon lords want them to be doing anyway.

Attributes: SWORDS 4 PENTACLES 3 CUPS 1 WANDS 1

Health/Defense: 1/8

Likes: Following Orders, Mild Sunlight

Hates: Borrowing Animals, Looters, Erosion

Notes

Buried Golem Core. The earth golem cannot take piercing damage if you do not know where in its body its magical core is located. If you deal a wound targeting an area near the core that reveals its location.

Construct. Earth golems treat Notches as 2 Wounds.

Can You Dig It? Attacks with a shovel have favor (+3) and can deal piecing damage if you know where the core is located.

Lesser Dooms

Plant. On a successful Attack, the target both takes a Wound and is Rooted.

Greater Dooms

Deadly Attack. When the golem Attacks, discard a greater doom card to deal a deadly attack. If successful, deal 2 Wounds instead of 1.

Cook’s Corner

Earth golems are 99% sand, gravel, or clay. In theory edible plants could grow on one, but please don’t try eating them

*His Majesty the Worm Stat Page below*

Mimic

Beast {Crustacea} Brute

Mimics are crustaceans, specifically hermit crabs, which have been scaled to a horrifying size and learned an even more terrifying hunting technique. They lurk inside of artificial structures in dungeons, most famously chests but any appropriately sized structure will do, and when an adventurer comes over to investigate they lunge out skewering them with their razor sharp pincers.

Since mimics shells are scavenged from the dungeon they are indistinguishable from harmless objects while at rest, but this does come with some downsides. Each shell must be big enough to contain the mimic when curled up, but small enough to be carried with them, so mimics have to cycle though a range of them while growing. Additionally since the shells cannot be repaired a damaged one must be discarded and a new one scavenged from the environment.

Attributes: SWORDS 4 PENTACLES 2 CUPS 1 WANDS 0 Health/Defense: 2/6 Likes: Tree Nuts, Rotting Meat, Unwary Lock-picks Hates: Acids, Other Mimics (Territorial), Treasure (Frightening)

Notes

Ambush Predator. If the mimic successfully ambushes an adventurer it always goes with Tactic 3 and deals Critical damage in place of a standard wound. Carpentry Camouflage. As mimics use real dungeon structures as shells, they cannot be visually distinguished from an ordinary non-lethal chest, cabinet, or box before they move. Without a shell they have 0 Defense, and are very easy to spot. Tough. Actions that target mimics must exceed (not just match) their Initiative.

Lesser Dooms

Pincer. On a successful Attack the target is also either Rooted or Tripped (GM’s choice)

Greater Dooms

*His Majesty the Worm Stat Page below*

Dungeon Rabbit

Also known as the Headhunter Rabbit, or The Blurring Death

Beast Brute

Should you ever venture deep into the dungeon and spot what looks to be a peaceful field of rabbits hopping about, you should turn right around and run. For, those are no ordinary rabbits! They are most foul, cruel and bad tempered rodents you’ll ever set eyes on! Most adventurers underestimate them due to their appearance, but even the wary rarely survive an encounter with these beasts. Once one leaps upon you, digging their razor sharp spurs into your neck, death is only instants away. Many have watered the grass of dungeon rabbit meadows with their blood, and fewer still have their tales of these vicious creatures believed.

Dungeon Rabbit

Beast {Mammalia} Brute

Attributes: SWORDS 1 PENTACLE 5 CUPS 0 WANDS 0

Health/Defense: 2/0

Likes: Fresh Clover, Sunlight, Boxing for Dominance, Its Own Poop

Hates: Anything Larger than it, Loud Noises, Dancing (don’t ask)

Notes

Easy Squeezy!. If engaged with a dungeon rabbit an adventurer can deal it Critical damage with a successful attack Extreme Speed. Adds pentacles to all attacks Headhunter. Unless the target is wearing a Reinforced Gorget, or a Helm and a full set of metal Armor, whenever a dungeon rabbit would deal a wound it deals Critical Damage instead.

Lesser Dooms

Second Spur. On a successful attack, if dungeon rabbit’s total attack value is double the Initiative of the target deal an additional wound.

Greater Dooms

Evasive. Dungeon rabbits can play a greater doom as a Dodge action

Cook's Corner

Prep: Standard

Other than thier supernatural speed and lethal spurs, dungeon rabbits are largely normal rabbits and anatomically and can be butchered and cooked as such

Servings: 1

Ultimately decided to go with the bug drawing for the final PDF version, but still pretty happy with how the illusion version turned out!

*His Majesty the Worm Stat Page below*

Succubus

Also known as Qarinah or Tempters

Beast Strategist

Succubi are rumored to be shape-shifting demons which take the form of your deepest desire to lure you away and steal your soul, but the truth is actually far weirder. They are actually magical parasitic insects with an innate and powerful command of illusion magic.

With these illusions they distract and enthrall their victims, until they can get close enough bite. But even running their prey though with a barbed proboscis isn’t enough to shatter the illusion, as they produce a secretion which overwhelms their victim with euphoric bliss, leaving them helpless till the last dregs of life are sucked away.

Succubus

Beast {Insecta} Strategist

Attributes: SWORDS 1 PENTACLES 2 CUPS 1 WANDS 4

Health/Defense: 1/0

Likes: Flowers, the color Red, Flushed Skin, Bananas, Beer, its Nymphs

Hates: Cold, Dry, Garlic

Notes

Irresistible*. When a succubus sees a group of adventurers it will choose one at random, and project an illusion of that persons’ greatest desires. Attempting to move away from or take a hostile action towards a succubus projecting thier illusion causes that action to fail and the adventurer to be Stunned.

*These illusions do not affect those with two souls, like Soul Chimera Artificial Beast-men.

Less Lethal. Whenever a Succubus would deal a fatal wound the target is Knocked-Out instead.

Lesser Dooms

Euphoric Anesthetic. On a successful attack the adventurer spends 1 resolve and can also remove Stressed. One watch after suffering this doom the adventurer becomes Stressed as massive welts appear.

Greater Dooms

Taking a break from sharing my tarot cards to show this walking mushroom I drew. No headcanons here, we all know thier deal

*His Majesty the Worm Stat Page below*

Walking mushrooms, as a result of their incredible range in shape and goofy tottering appearance are by far the most celebrated monster found in dungeons. Packs of ambulo-mycologists regularly descend on newly discovered dungeons just to document the new varieties and take back samples to share with fan clubs. The vast majority of walking mushrooms are small and weak, and pose little threat to all but the most amateur of adventurer. Unless they are unwise enough to eat a poisonous variety, of course.

Walking Mushroom

Elemental{Fungi} Minion

Attributes: SWORDS 0 PENTACLES 0 CUPS 0 WANDS 0

Health/Defense: 2/0

Likes: Corpses(tasty), Damp areas (cozy), Rotting Things, Running Around

Hates: Bright lights, Sulfur, Rosemary

Notes

Directional Mycelium. Takes an additional wound when an attack is specified to be aligned vertically.

Slow. The walking mushroom cannot Dash as a lesser doom

Lesser Dooms

Feeble Spore-cloud. Play a lesser doom card and compare its value with disfavor (-3) to the initiative of each character in the same zone. Adventurers it succeeds against are stunned.

Greater Dooms

Running Headbutt. When the walking mushroom Attacks, discard a greater doom card to try knocking the target away. If successful the target is Tripped or Displaced.

Cook’s Corner

Prep: Standard

Due to their wide distribution, relative ease in slaying, and apparent commonality to standard foodstuffs, walking mushrooms are often the first monster desperate dungeon delvers experiment with. For some it is also their last.

Contuary to pouplar belief there are several posionious varieties, and a few hallucinogenic ones, so care should always be taken to identify them first.

Servings: 2

Special Effects

When eaten (or identited by someone familiar with mushrooms via a CUPS test) draw from the major arcana. The result idicates the special effect for this walking mushroom

The Devil XV- Suffer 2 pericing wounds

The Moon XVIII or The Tower XVI- Suffer 1 peircing wound

The World XXI- Experince wild halluciantions for a watch. While hallucinating you are functionally defended and blinded but once they wear off you can clear the stressed condition.

Anyway here is the the statblock stuff!

Snow Wasset

Beast Brute

Outside of the snowbanks they call home, a Wasset is a sad strange creature. If you see one writhing and galumphing across the ground it might even be surprising that they could survive in a dungeon at all. But their strange legless body is merely specialized for one singular purpose, swimming through the snow as it was water. When in their preferred environment Snow Wassets are viscous lightning fast predators, able to rip larger creatures limb from limb in mere moments. When you spot blood in the snow, or hear their howls on a cold moonless night, be wary. Be wise. Watch for the Wasset or it’ll be your demise!

Snow Wasset

Beast {Mammalia} Brute

Attributes: SWORDS 3 PENTACLES 3 CUPS 0 WANDS 2

Health/Defense: 2/6

Likes: Snow, Thievery, Magic, (Other’s) Misfortune

Hates: Steam, Weddings , Late August

Notes

Sno’w Legs. When outside of a snowbank, Snow Wassets cannot take the dash action and all wounds recived are treated as piercing wounds.

Tough. Actions that target the Wassat must exceed its initative

Lesser Dooms

Bite. On a successful Attack the target is also either tripped or disarmed (GM’s Choice)

Wasset Howl. Play a lesser doom card and compare its value to the Initiative of each character in the same zone. If the Wasset does this on its turn, it adds its Wands to the total value. Adventurers it succeeds against are Deafened, and if already Deafened, Stressed.

Greater Dooms