“This is me saying goodbye.” - by an Éponine
“Because I know I can never paint that smile across your face the way she does.
Because I know I had never been enough.
Because I know that whenever you happen to look my way, you don't get the wave of colors that washes me up inside.
Because I know it had been nothing to you when it had been everything to me.
And I'm sorry for thinking that way. I'm sorry for pointing the blame at you. It wasn't your fault to leave those words unspoken. It was my fault for waiting for them to emerge from those whispers. I'm sorry for falling in love with your eyes as quick as the sun kisses the sea. I'm sorry if I might not be able to forget the glimmer in your eyes whenever you smile or the way it goes pure black whenever you laugh. I love your black eyes. They were the first reason why I got lured in to you anyway.
If I had the chance at this very moment, I'd still choose to love you but it's no longer doing any of us well. So I'm leaving this choice behind as I finally take my first step forward.
This is me saying goodbye to the stirrings I unearth whenever you smile or the shortness of breath that happens to me whenever our eyes lock. This is me saying goodbye to what we could have been and what we could be. This is me saying goodbye to the girl who realized that love wasn't receiving chocolates on valentines day or going out on dates or telling that person you love him. Love could be so much more. Love could be letting go. Love could be seeing him smiling at her text messages as it makes you both hurt and happy at the same time. Love could be the pumping of blood in your ears and how the world stops whenever you see him regardless of all the tears you've shed.
But this is not the only love I'll know. I'll find out more of it and feel more of it. And whenever I do, I promise to look back at the boy who never knew what he made me realize so, to you, this is me saying goodbye.”
