#leonsterslance

// the concept of blood/nuclear family's almost foreign to him. he thinks that even if he weren't related to finch by blood, taking care of him's a choice he'd've made. family's people he's chosen, people who chose him in turn, people worth sticking around and up for.

No, there was no way around it. He had heard Lady Altena brazenly announce to everyone that she wished to be...kissed....by her friend Linus.

Finn was stunned. Speechless. After all, who even was this Linus? From which pedigree did he hail? What was his background, his education? Of course, he was glad Lady Altena was happy, but she was from the holy blood of Leonster! She should not be running around with merely anyone! And this behavior....it was difficult to imagine the same little girl he saw doing such things. No. It simply did not fit up. Finn wondered if the whole world might have been turned upside down. 

This was not befitting of a lady of her station. But of course, it was not his station to say that. And more than nearly anyone, he desired to not anger her. 

But couldn't she not see? She was worth so much more than a cheap kiss at a party? Lady Altena....she was...

Hands dropped down in frustration. How could others not see what he saw? What could he do about this? Vexation boiled over and Finn knew he needed to do something.

Maybe he could talk to Lady Ethlyn. Approaching her at the party was a different thing altogether. She seemed in good spirits and never did seem to take him seriously. He asked to speak to her off to the side. "Lady Ethlyn, what do you think of Lady Altena's behavior?" he asked. Eyes avoided her gaze. "Please forgive me if I am out of place, if my words are not needed. However I.....I believe that this is not becoming for a Lady of Leonster. For the tradition....Perhaps there is another way...." What was he even saying? Perhaps Lady Ethlyn saw no value in his words. Fists clenched deeper. "Do you know who this 'Linus' is? Is he a good marriage partner for Lady Altena?" ​​​​​​​

Ethlyn has to smile when Finn awkwardly expresses his concern. It's really rather sweet to see him looking out for Altena still after all these years. He had always been her daughter's favorite when she was just a toddler, the little princess toddling after him, tugging at his coat until he picked her up. Even if the circumstances forced them apart, Ethlyn is glad to see the knight still has a soft spot for her daughter.

She links her arm with Finn's and turns him to face Altena and Linus. "Look at them, Finn, and tell me when was the last time you saw her smile like that? How long has it been since you've heard her laugh?" She looks up at him. She knows the answer.

"Maybe he's not the most dressed or has the best manners. I don't know who his family is but, does that matter? He makes her happy, Finn. That's all I've ever wanted for her."

Cold. His body is so very cold. It is not a winter chill but...there seems to be not a drop of warmth left inside of him.

How can he face his lieges like this? After having survived all these odds in the wars, he has become a shell of a man. Finn is not stupid. He knows it. He is no longer worthy to fight alongside and serve these people....

Yes. That is why he should have disappeared in the Aed desert, after leaving Lord Leif to take on the throne. Someone as disgusting as him has no right to be in the presence of such.....such magnificence. 

It's blinding. It hurts. It stuns him and makes him want to hide. And he knows he is a coward. For his long yearned for wish has come forward but he cannot even relish in it.

Finn turns to his daughter. At least she can stand him. Despicable or not, he can be himself around her. He raised her through the most difficult of times and nothing can take that away from him. They are not bound by blood but by choice. Just that gives Finn the tiniest glimmer of hope.

"Nanna," Finn speaks softly. "Are you ok at the party?" He knows she puts on a face. He knows she is the perfect princess. After all, Finn has always tried to protect her and failed. Nanna was destined for greatness. 

"Just stay by my side if you need to," he mutters. He couldn't deny that he missed her. "But if you want to have fun, go ahead."

Maybe....maybe that was enough to make him smile......just a little. 

She was trying not to look. It felt strange, to look over to her right and see her fiance's siloquette... eyes matching his mother's profile, and hairline nearly matching his father's. What was more was how overjoyed she was to see them all at the table—she had never dared to entertain that thought in the past. But now that it resided beside her, she felt at odds with herself... In many ways, she had hoped that this second coming of Lord Quan, Lady Ethlyn, and even Lord Sigurd would signal a second wave to her father. He had raised Lord Leif and herself on their stories after all... their legacies. He had raised her to be a princess, even without the crown. Somehow, in their glory, she had thought that he would be more... pleased. That he would embrace them, that he would cry tears worth his decades worth of service.

She thought that perhaps he would hit that sort of catharsis, for all the honor he spoke into their names. He was the last of their generation, after all.

But perhaps it was a matter of shock. A matter of time. A matter of... something. Something she could not fathom. He was like a message to the moon, a silent prayer with no real concern if it would answer him back. And now, it did, and it could. She gently parted her hands, to glide gracefully over his. A squeeze.

It had never once crossed her mind that her father was not her kin. Never.

Never.

Just that she needed him. She wanted him to see her. And in the years that came and went, it seemed like he had come to need her, too. But... that was simply her reading into things. Into his brows, into the fold of his lips, into the crisp way his cuffs were pulled. She had to read into things, even if she wasn't sure if they were truly smoked lines leading to fire.

"..." She smiled, not sure how to answer his first inquiry. Yes. Actually. Yes, she was fine. But in some ways, it felt like he wasn't.

She had more tact to utter nothing than to dig her father a deeper grave.

"Thank you, Father... Please, do stay by me. It has been so long since I've eaten supper with you."

Her eyes crinkled affectionately, crows feet made beautiful with love. "Do you remember the time I asked Lady Linoan to help me sneak a plate of turkey to your room to eat with you? I can't help but think how silly it was, to cry my way into getting to share a meal together." She derailed the conversation, fondly. "Oh! And the times we had in the barracks, squeezed two-by-two on those logs by the fire."

"I am in good hands."

She squeezed.

"The best."

Already, he is disgusting with himself.

But he must be strong. For Lady Altena. For that little girl whom he never got to see grow up. He was supposed to be there - ! He was supposed to guard her. Finn will never forgive the day she was snatched from Lady Ethlyn and Lord Quan's side and made into Travant's puppet. 

He will never forgive it.

After all, what have they done to her? How much pain she seems to be going through?

All Finn wants is for Lady Altena to go back to her family, to be happy. Yes, that is what is proper. What is right. If he can help her at least a little...

Approaching, Finn is cautious. "Lady Altena, it is wonderful to see you here," he comments. 

"Is there anything you wished to do.....at this banquet?" His words fumble from his mouth, uncertain and awkward. A knight unprepared to do his duty. 

But, earnest and devoted, no less. 

"Finn." She greets him simply, still not entirely sure how she should behave around him. But she has made a mental promise to herself to try and be agreeable. For her mother's sake. For Leif's sake. For Finn's sake as well. She owes each of them at least that.

It helps that it's her turn puppy sitting Honk and the little pup is snuggled sound and still in her arms. It's far more calming than she'd have expected.

"It's good to see you, too. Mother must be happy you're here." She looks down at the puppy and then back at Finn. "Oh um this is Honk. Linus and I...we take care of him."

She pauses a moment to think about what exactly she does want out of this event. It feels wrong to comment on the food even if it does look delicious. There is too much in a time they are supposed to be rationing. She doesn't want to say she's hoping to get through the night without much incident. That doesn't feel fair to Finn.

"Finn..." Ethlyn laughs and shakes her head. He has always been far too serious. She's tried over the years to force him to lighten up even just a little but he has not made it easy for her.

Always my lady, my princess, my queen. Never my friend.

"It's beautiful, Finn. But when will you realize that you are the gift?" What she really wants is to see him smile again. She's sure if she asked, he would obey but that hardly counts. She wants to see it real and natural and blooming. She doesn't want to see a forced smile she knows he's only giving her because he doesn't know how to tell her no.

Altena is genuinely in awe as she walks silently through the trees of the apple orchard. It had been opened up for the monastery's students and staff to pick their fill. Where the others are happily filling their baskets and chatting together, she simply walks on silently. She's never seen so many fruit bearing trees so filled with fruit. At least, not that she can remember.

It's shocking just how big and red they are. She hadn't even thought fruit could grow to be that perfect looking. It didn't in Thracia. And anything they were able to import was never this nice. Not that she'd have ever complained. Fruit was fruit and she was always just happy to have it.

She doesn't notice Finn trailing behind her, umber eyes too wide and full of wonder and delight, too busy taking in the sights of the orchard. When he speaks, she startles but stops and turns to face him.