#lemzest

In a nice reflection of the previous commentary, you have picked out the other edge of the double edged manoeuvre! It cuts both ways, you see. After finally making an overt move on Lemony, Ernest is thrown off guard by Lem saying something that genuinely surprises him - and falters as a result, which he did not plan to be seen to be doing.

Ernest slumped back away from him and laughed. Actually laughed. Lemony wasn’t sure what was funny but took careful note for later analysis. He’d not heard the man falter before.

Also, Lemony doesn't initially understand this reaction, and that's another way he knows it's important. He thought he understood better than that. Ernest also thought Lemony understood better than that, and is actually more hurt than surprised that he apparently doesn't, which he kind of says outright shortly after.

Anyway. This little speech. It reference in pattern a quote from Boethius's The Consolation Of Philosophy, not as close as to be a direct pull, but closely enough to be something Ernest clearly knows and has thought about. I'm pretty sure that in a future chapter he will perform it in full, but just in case, it goes:

"It is my belief that history is a wheel. 'Inconstancy is my very essence,' says the wheel. Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don't complain when you are cast back down into the depths. Good times pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it is also our hope. The worst of time, like the best, are always passing away."

This is only partially relevant to Ernest's point. It is also not a true translation, it is a version popularised by being often said by Tony Wilson, the legendary owner of the Factory Records label, which was then further popularised by Chris Eccleston speaking it in the film about the life of Tony Wilson. This fourth-handed self-mythologising kind of nonsense is perfect for Ernest. He would insist that if a truth is self-evident or a concept is clear then the method of communicating it, even falsehoods, don't matter. Much like Tony Wilson might say. Or Melvil Dui, arguing about spelling.

The point is. Ernest is defined by the fact that he betrayed, and continues to betray, his family (his blood) and misuses his un-fire-able position in the organisation (his station) to betray that organisation. Nomatter what the truth actually is, the image of Ernest and the role he plays now is someone who will turn. The Volunteers can't trust him because of his actions. And the Firestarters can't trust him because of his family. When talking to him, there's every chance he could be a different person - you are actually talking to his brother - or even be a different person - he has changed in himself significantly enough to not condone you any more.

The reason he gets so bitter and performative about it is that this image of himself is a role he is now forced to play for survival. What started as a bid for his own opinions has turned into a similarly empty role.

That… was closer to the melodramatic villainous monologue he’d been waiting for. Lemony gathered his fuzzy nerves and prepared to ask the question, the real question, the one that hid behind all the others. It seemed unlikely he would ever get another chance.

“So why do it? Why do you keep this up?”

Ernest became placid again, and fiddled with his sleeve, rolling it back into place. For the longest time Lemony thought he wasn’t going to answer. When he did speak, he sounded clipped and strange.

“Some things are more important than personal gain. I’d have thought, of all people, you would definitely understand that.”

He justifies it as self-sacrifice. His own role is irrelevant. He justifies it as a noble, unselfish act, with mysterious parameters that we don't quite know yet. And this, most crucially of all, directly contradicts Lemony's earlier reasoning -

under the circumstances it just seemed too... selfish. Surely that kind of selfishness was what marked out the enemy in the first place. It was their weakness. Not ours.

Over the course of the fic, Ernest has subtly upset a few cornerstones of the logic that Lemony was using to tell himself that things are ok. And thus, captivated him, because there's nothing that draws Lemony more strongly than the idea of a destructive truth that proves himself wrong.

The kicker is that this was not the plan. The plan was only to distract Lemony while he got hold of the macguffin, but a couple of sincere words got out. Not by accident exactly, Ernest is too controlled for that, but in an improvisation that took him by surprise as he realised what he was doing.

The idea of rival spies in a truce having an unspoken etiquette about making sure the other person can see what they’re doing clearly at all times really amused me and also seemed like a natural progression for people who just, Live Like This all the time. Kind of like the body language animals develop to deliberately signal trust and lack of threat? Like when cats do the long blink or prey animals make a big show of laying down near you. Of course then you have it as a reassuring gesture, and that gesture being false, and I’ve set myself up for the whole rest of the thing to be about successfully and realistically (enough) distracting Lemony without him noticing.

Humans are the animals that do this too, of course. it is the same thing as normal body language just made more pointed. I have Ernest as having complete control over his body language and complete observation of everyone elses, in a Derren Brown type reading/manipulation style.

I like slipping dialogue into the narration here because it cuts out a lot of stuff that’s boring to read and skips a bit of time by having Lemony reflect on things that have just happened. the whole thing is in past tense but this is like, a few minutes further past tense than everything else. Means I can just put the pertinent things. Also it was very important for this bit to happen very fast so that you get his POV sense of being swept along with ‘naturally unfolding’ events. It buries the fact that Ernest now has possession of Lemony’s jacket by making the second half of that sentence much more engaging and interesting looking and easy to move on to - which is exactly what Ernest is doing by saying something distracting as he performs the natural gesture. It’s all about giving the reader the same experience as Lemony, that’s the goal for this one.

Lem is a bit nervous about taking clothes off - which is reasonable, actually - but also he’s a bit precious about it in general because of a lifetime habit of showing skin equalling danger (tattoo) and being vulnerable (without disguise or situation-appropriate clothing). I’m thinking of socks and the symbolic importance of clothes in atwq, the reliance on the disguise kit forever, the scene-appropriate netflix outfits to blend in all the time. That’s whats canon anyway - this all also contributes to my headcanon of trans Lemony, and I made sure to imply top surgery scars in the illustration. Again, vital to remember that its Lem’s POV (even though it’s not in first person), so ‘nobody made a fuss about it’ both tells you his relief that no comment about his body (whether salacious or surprise or mockery) was made and cements that he was nervous in the first place. 

Of course Ernest wouldnt say anything, or even visibly react at all. He is a practiced expert of the service industry.

This is also in contrast with Jacques, who has complete confidence in showing skin. Lem feigning absent-mindedness to disguise hesitation feeds into the overall ongoing thing of Lemony trying to be smooth, and I reckon hes’s coping by pulling directly from how he’s seen Jacques act. This whole seductive wiles angle isn’t really Lemony’s scene and his awkward phrasing and justifications in his own thoughts about it reflects this. Pretending to be going along with stuff he can do, but the playful flirty aspect is different and throws him a bit. So its pretty much all from what he knows of J’s playbook. Of course Ernest isn’t fooled by the faux casualness, and Lemony knows he isnt, but its the polite etiquette to go along with face value that makes everyone more comfortable. Lot of that in this fic. 

‘and he had actually relaxed’ the word ‘actually’ implying his surprise as he’d been intending to only pretend to relax - same with ‘that hadn’t been a lie’, as in, well *that* at least was true. Lem is double checking literally everything Ernest says. The fact that he is actually a practiced masseuse sells the idea to Lemony that this is not just a ruse to get his top off or whatever. And at the same time reassures the reader that Lem is not actually being a complete idiot - he is constantly suspicious of everything as always, and remains so throughout

It smelt of summer.... I wanted a feeling more than a specific scent. Its how it makes him feel. He can’t pinpoint it exactly because its too evocative. To me, smelling of summer evokes warm spice and mango. Also, the sudden switch from a factual barrage to slow and conceptual is a strong feeling. 

The fast pacing and then the sudden slow at the end of the paragraph like a sigh. Like the feeling of being swept along and then being a bit bewildered, bit ‘i can’t beleive this is actually happening’, bit ‘how did i get here’, bit proper relaxing. 

Then slow and meandering pacing, to match Ernest’s hands. Palm oil. Flesh Firmness Friction.

Ernest said pointedly earlier that the mirror was for Lemony to watch him, to feel safe. So he is well aware - and is in fact encouraging - that Lemony study his reflection at this point. However, I hope I managed to get a good genuine vibe in here. Ernest enjoys this, and is finding it relaxing. Probably the actual genuine feeling from him is a huge advantage to calming Lemony down, Lem can probably pick up on fakeness very well subconsciously, so the verisimilitude is Ernest’s best weapon. Also, he wants for selfish reasons. He doesn’t get physical contact because of his position, and when he does its not someone that understands why. And Lemony understands him. And he understands Lemony. Better than most on their respective sides do. Lem even acknowledges in his own narration - 'genuine pleasure... no matter what other motives were in play’ - that the truth and the trick are not mutually exclusive. he gets it.

Very intentional focus on enigmatic smile and brow in quick succession, which happens repeated through the story - yes we are invoking Ellington this fic, more quietly at first and then stronger later. A stirring of something ancient, you might say. 

And yes, the mind naturally wanders to other simple, intimate, uncomplicated, repetitive tasks and he has to shut that line of thought down immediately, something Lemony gets increasingly worse at doing as the fic goes on. Shoving words like ‘pleasure’ and ‘stirring’ and that technically accurate description together heavily implies Lem’s growing arousal. Just to really spell that out. Just in case. If it’s missed it would be there subliminally enough im sure.