Bo internalizing all his guilt and self hatred as he makes you cry for the third time this week. It's a knee-jerk reaction when he snaps at you. He doesn't mean to, and he can't control when he lashes out. The worst is when he feels it coming on- he knows it's going to happen, but he says it anyway. And as soon as the insult leaves his lips- he's kicking himself for it. You run off, tears streaming down your cheeks as you believe more and more that he hates you. But it's not true- none of it is. But it's so hard for him to apologize- he doesn't know how. And even if he does: if he promises he didn't mean it, or that it won't happen again- you both know its a lie. Every attempt at an apology feels like a lie. And every attempt to just forget it and pretend like nothing happened makes it seem like he doesn't care. He's stuck in a cycle of hating himself and wanting to push you away for your own protection. The only thing he can offer you is physical pleasure- in hopes that'll be enough to dull your heart so that at least he can fall asleep next to you and pretend that you have a healthy relationship. Bo was never taught how to love.
Vincent is no better. No matter what you say to him, no matter how much you try to prove you love him: he'll never believe it. In his mind, he's not even human- not worthy of love. In his mind: he's a monster- meant to lurk in the shadows, never deserving of affection. He yearns to touch your lips with his: to feel the soft and warmth of your skin, to bring pleasure to you and taste your essence. But the mask is both a barrier and a reminder of things he can never have. Even as your relationship grows, he'll never feel comfortable enough to remove it- he expects the worst. He doesn't trust that your love is true enough to withstand the horrors of his misfotune- of his fathers sin. He's too afraid of ruining what you've already built together. But you shower him in reassurance- promising that you'll always love him, no matter what. Even when you're intimate- you beg him to place his mouth upon you- wanting more and more of him: you need him- you promise. Even as tears well in his eye, and the hole in his heart deepens, even if it hurts you: he can't bring himself to do it. There would be no going back- and he can't risk losing the one light in his life. Vincent was never taught how to trust.
