#lehiri

1. How would they define love if asked?

Love is something people feel (implication being that they’re excluded from that group), a deep feeling of affection that grows between families, friends, lovers or even more abstract concepts: love for a people, for a god, for yourself. Very dictionary-like.

They were taught to see it as a weakness, a vulnerability that can be exploited and also something that pushes people into acting irrationally – monastery philosophy even went as far as pointing it out as one of the reasons the masses can’t be trusted to maintain the balance of the world, unlike them – but deep down, they’ve always envied those who had it in their lives, those capable of feeling it at all and have it reciprocated. They've seen enough of the world beyond the monastery's walls to understand how it can also be a source of strength, of hope.

They’d use a language that puts a distance between them and the subject, taking the role of an observer that doesn’t take part in what they’re describing. The old man (Lemmiwink) claims to love them but they don’t know how being loved feels like so they’re not sure it’s the real deal. They’d also dismiss any claims that they show love themself, they're just "returning their kindness".

7. How easily and frequently do they ask for help?

Depends. They had no issue asking Kelp to teach them to swim, for example, when it was something that would affect their group’s mission. In those cases, they’d promptly reach out to make sure they’re on their best conditions to do their job, be it with training, research or something else. 

Now, when it gets personal they rarely reach out for help unless they see no other option. Even now they’re reluctant to let others get involved in their troubles with the monastery and their Master. The growing trust between the Hateful has been making it easier, maybe there will be a day when they learn how to ask for help, or even company, or affection.

13. Is there a moral line they would never cross?

Objectively, they’ve crossed their own moral lines many times over in the name of survival for the monastery or the approval of their Master – granted, they tried to avoid it when they could, at a personal cost. 

Now that they have a little more agency, they are still figuring out what their morals are and where they draw the line. They are very much against needless killing (now, what qualifies as needless to them is a whole new debate). They’re uncomfortable with torture/cruelty but didn’t stop Kelp, nor the party, from taking their grievances out on Hythea. They’re not quite sure what to do about the monastery, the grandmasters and other monks but they haven’t had any of them killed when they’re not cornered.

All that being said, it’s not impossible for them to be pushed towards crossing any moral limits for Kelp or Lemmiwink’s sake if Lehiri's broken enough. But that would be bad for everyone involved. And pretty sad.

16. Do they idolize anyone, and if so why is that?

They used to put Kelp on a pedestal when they met. Not only was he inherently more worthy simply on account of his personhood, a thing they lack, but he managed to stand up to a genocidal empire and, for many years, win. He and his comrades represented everything that they admire: defiance, courage, kinship, strategy, competence, duty. They were the rebels Lehiri had convinced themself couldn’t exist; they meant that their jaded worldview – that there was no point in fighting a system much stronger than you – was wrong. In a way, they represented hope.

It’s not that they’ve stopped admiring him, they just see him a lot more as a person – with flaws, mistakes and regrets – than as a symbol of righteousness and bravery. Enough that they call him out on his occasional bullshit or stand up to him from time to time. Not only that, they’re slowly learning to find those same virtues they admire in him, in themself.

(CW: brief mentions of torture, ptsd)

(also this is not proper writing, i just quickly wrote a post with the scene for context if anyone's interested in them suffering and being gay)

Late afternoon, somewhere between River Hug and Harlow's warehouse to the south...

The Hateful Six were ambushed on the way back to the capital of Bratar. At first it seemed like it was a group of dust elementals that had been terrorising the plains but just as we finished them off, we found ourselves surrounded by mercenaries and a couple of familiar faces.

Marcya, Lemmiwink's greatest rival and enemy, had found us once again, and she brought some bounty hunters and mercenaries. Lehiri had already taken a beating from the elementals and, after a few arrows and two handcanon shots in the chest, they fell. For the first time in the campaign.

That alone already got some of the group worked up. Lemmiwink almost ignored his rival to focus his wrath on the bounty hunter that had downed Lehiri, even scorching him into a corpse after he fell unconscious. Kelp, too, fried a few mercenaries and the bounty hunter himself after a much well applied Lightning Bolt. Even Morgana, who has only recently joined the group, healed Lehiri and cast Sanctuary on them.

But as Lehiri rose from unconsciousness, a tall shadow emerged from their body, the distorted figure of their former (deceased) Master - whose conscience had made itself known in theirs to a few times - held them up by the head before striking them three times: in the face, in the chest and in their ears.

His form was not solid enough to land the last hit but the damage was done. Lehiri lost all senses but hearing. Completely blind and without any sensation of touch, they spiralled back into their worst moment: when they were held captive in a torturous sensory deprivation chamber, and left to rot for months. They fell to the ground in a panic attack, completely unaware of their surroundings as some of the party finished off the remaining enemies or convinced them to flee.

Kelp rushed to them, falling to his knees next to them, held their face like he's done a dozen times to ground them and started telling them that they're safe, they're not in that chamber anymore, he's got them. Lehiri got desperate, they believed they were hallucinating his voice in their descent into insanity until Kelp joined their minds, an ability unique to him, and showed them that he was holding them, his forehead resting against theirs, all the others were here, they were safe.

As he held them tight and caressed their hair, the group began discussing the next steps. Iorverth, Lemmiwink's dragon and friend, curled up around Lehiri protectively (and not even letting Lemmiwink himself approach). A few incantations were cast on them, unsuccessfully. Ekvir said that they should head somewhere safer, and the group decided to go back to the Sandhawk Legion's camp.

Kelp, still holding them, recast 'Share Thoughts' but the spell was running out. Just before it broke, he tightened his hold a little more and kissed their forehead, the rushing, anxious thoughts of they are too important/they’re my person, I HAVE to fix this as their link breaks. He didn’t leave their side, describing to them everything that was happening around them. His voice was the only thing keeping them from falling into despair again.