#lefuret

Please excuse my unexpected hiatus, I've been elsewhere for a couple of weeks. Bu now I'm back, expect the usual "dook dook"s and balls of cuteness to come flying back at you. ^_^

Chapter 0 of my comedy serial, 'Furet de Fer,' is coming along nicely and shall be released some time next week. This is how my life was completely changed and how I ended up working for a media giant in what I thought was Australia.

Today is my first birthday since coming to New Zealand! Come by the office and I'll make sure there's some cake reserved for you :)

  Dook dook!

  Not only did Amelie make regular visits, she soon took up residence in the house next door. That left Raoul by himself, prowling the darker streets of the village, although because of the snow they weren't as dark as they could be. We were both eager to not see him again. It was a strange feeling; never before had I wanted a fellow ferret out of my sensory range. But Raoul was such a meanie-weanie.

“Good morning Amelie!” I said as I slithered into her living quarters.

The old black-furred woman scurried across a wooden rafter toward me. “Good to see you again, François! Are your parents with you?”

Punctuality is another attribute of Monsieur and Madame Lefuret, who chose that moment to poke their heads through behind me. Then we were all three, standing side by side like French soldiers. Unlike French soldiers, the white thing we carried wasn't a flag, but a tea towel containing fresh croissants. We were the Picnic Battalion.

With our pastry treats all laid out, the four of us snuggled together and began consuming this wonderful lunch. Despite her age, Amelie still had the sharp canines of a carnivore, but she liked the occasional croissant to supplement her meat. She had a reddish scar across her snout. I'd been afraid to ask her about its origin; I feared the connard Raoul was involved.

The sound of a slammed door hit us. Bellowing came from below. “I'm late! I have to get to work! Bye kids!” Peeking through a hole below us, we saw a rather rotund guy with a thick moustache and a cigarette in his mouth. He turned away from the round ticky thing on the wall, shoved a beret on his head, then raced out of the house.

“What did he say?” asked Amelie. I had to remind myself that she couldn't understand humanoids.

“He said he's late for work, I believe,” replied Monsieur Lefuret, seizing another morsel with his paws.

“Late? Pah. These people rely too much on time. They let their own routines control them.” Madame Lefuret pointed to the ticky thing and I moved to get a better view of it. “That's called a clock. All humans have one. As far as I can work out, it tells the time to the nearest minute... useless to us. Obviously their circadian rhythms don't work.”

I thought about it, stroking my chin slowly. “Or maybe the clock is an extension of their miniscule brains?”

“Now, now, we shouldn't make fun of them, son. They probably have really big brains under their berets.”

“But wouldn't that give them better circadian rhythms than us?” asked Amelie.

My parents and her continued talking, but I zoned out. Something didn't feel right. Was there something familiar about that man below us? Had I heard his voice before? I tried picturing him in a much darker room... then it hit me. Whatever it was, it went 'SPLOOSH' on impact.

“SURPRISE!” The rascal Jacques was there, with his sister by his side. He held another water bomb in his hand, but it didn't look like he was going to throw it. I squeezed myself through the crack in the ceiling and dropped onto the top of their refridgeration unit. What were the chances – this was the new residence of Jacques and Jacqueline!

“Nice shot there, I'm soaked. How have you been, my friends?”

They laughed and ran over to me as I descended the fridge. “We've missed you so much, François! It's been months since we saw you.”

“Yeah... I couldn't stay away forever though.” I heard the thuds of my companions behind me. “Now I have some other ferret friends I'd like you to meet!”

“More ferrets?!” They made excited squeals as Amelie and my parents bounded over. We were a nice mélange of colours when assembled: my coat with chocolate brown and tan fur was complemented by the ermine white of my mother. My father's fur was light brown striped with black, then the shadowy Amelie completed the portrait.

They greeted the kids with excited “dook dook”s and stretched their heads forward for a pat. I'd rarely seen such large smiles on the faces of Jacques and Jacqueline. But the short bonding session was interrupted by the opening of the front door. My sole human enemy had returned!

“Oh darn it, where could I have left my-” Then he saw us. One ferret in the house could be accidental, but four? I remembered my first encounter with him and hoped he didn't have four ferret cages around.

Whatever I was expecting wasn't what he did. With the speed of a glacier he backed out the door, his gaze fixed on me, his 'stache barely daring to twitch. Finally the door was returned to its non-open state and we were alone.

“He still doesn't like ferrets,” explained Jacqueline, “but now he's scared of them. You must have really shocked him, François!”

  Anywho, we're just chilling in bed. Separate beds, I mean. Human cooties are icky!

As a distinguished Assistant Assistant Sub-Editor of Biro Productions, I'm obliged to tell you of our plans for this summer. In case you live in the northern half of the world, that's the period of time starting 1th December in NZ and ending NEVER.

  In addition to more chapters of my own serial, 'Furet de Fer', we'll be producing a new comedy serial. This one isn't like anything we've done before! It will be hosted on a special blog for all to see and feature a wide array of multimedia. The story shall be told through photos, animations, music and side-splitting prose.

  At the moment we're calling this project 'The Return of Dekar': it hails back to the early days of Lego parodies. Dekar is a bio-mechanical villager who makes his living by keeping pests out of the neighbourhood. On a fateful morning he's attacked by something spoken of only in legends: a Rahkshi. This creature has a terrifying power that enables it to control the very fabric of the world.

  Before Dekar can stop the beast, it has dived into the black waters to the west. His elders order him to chase after it, but he has memories of that sea which he'd rather have forgotten. In the abyss below is a shattered prison inhabited by monsters even worse than Rahkshi....

    With plenty of action and equal amounts of laughter, this is a story not to be missed! The first installment is expected to be released in the first week of December.

  Meanwhile, keep checking back for updates to 'Furet de Fer' (which you should definitely read, if you haven't already). It can be viewed on the blog of Tearaway Magazine for you magical Tumblr people!

tearawaymag.tumblr.com/

  That's all for now, thanks for reading! Dook dook!