How to Utterly Punch Mean Spirits In The Face: A Primer
Let’s start by addressing horror films and urban legends.
Urban legends - when they’re not just for the scare factor - are essentially morality tales for the modern age. (Don’t be vain, don’t have casual sex, don’t drink, don’t do witchcraft, don’t do anything weird because my cousin’s friend’s friend DID and THIS is what happened to them!!!) Unsurprisingly there are quite a few urban legends about Ouija boards and teens messing with witchcraft and how they end up in a psychiatric hospital or some such. As I’ve stated before, I’ve never met a ghost who wished me harm and you sure as hell can’t summon the devil with a spirit board, so as a magical practice, that form of necromancy is pretty safe.
However. Necromancy, just like any other form of energy/will-working/magic can occasionally get you noticed by… Other Things. Exactly what category of Other Thing they are (shadow kin, spirits, leechgiest, entities, tulpa) doesn’t matter in the least - it could be Satan himself in all his dark glory for all the difference it makes. Because here’s the thing: whatever it is, you can punch it in the face.
Horror films will lie and say you can’t because if a half hysterical skinny 13y old girl punched an evil spirit in the face before saying four magic words and eviscerating it… well, it wouldn’t be what most people consider a horror film. (I’d watch the hell out of that though…)
Ever watched 13 Ghosts? (Don’t, if you haven’t, it’s terrible.) Three quarters of the way through the film they finally decide to read the Grimoire of Doom and realize the glass doors in the house have Warding spells on them that the murder-ghosts cannot cross. So they pull a glass panel out and use it as a shield. Amateurs! I would have read the book immediately and then pulled out a sharpie marker and drawn the Warding symbols all over me and then all over a fucking baseball bat and gone looking for the stupid murder-ghosts before pulverising them into oblivion. Anyway.
So, how’d you actually do it? There are two basic ways to kick the shit out of something Otherworldly. The first is with a verbal command, the second is with a hand gesture or symbol. As with all witchcraft, the details are less important than the will behind them. Willpower and emotion fuel spells and the beauty of this sort of spell is that fear and anger work just as well as serenity or righteousness. (In other words, if you’re terrified of it you can still punch it in the face.)
Verbal Command: Remember I mentioned those four magic words? They’re very simple. They’re “FUCK OFF AND DIE” said with every ounce of contempt/terror/loathing/rage/imperative you have in your soul. Bellow it like you’re puking acid. I’m sure there are other phrases that work just as well - you could use bad Latin from Harry Potter if you’d rather or something in Ancient Egyptian - you just have to truly mean it.
Symbols and gestures: Often when starting out with a new spell or magical practice, people like to be very ritualistic or to use tools to help them. Then when they’re more comfortable with what they’re doing they may improvise or discard some or all of the tools they used because they’ve personalized the spell so it’s more instinctual. (Magic is exactly like cooking in that regard. A recipe and kitchen gadgets are comforting and helpful when you’re starting out. But once you know what you’re doing you don’t bother with the recipe or even the weighing scales, you go by sight, taste and feel.)
So holding a symbol (an athame, a pendant, a crystal, a religious item, a sigil - anything that you believe has inherent power) and calling upon it, is a good way to banish Unwanted Things. The only small downside to this is you may not have the symbol upon your person when you need it, which does lead to slight horror movie vibes whilst you go fetch it. (Should you be someone who likes tattoos and is troubled by unwelcome Other Things, I’d advise getting your symbol of choice inked. That way you can slap a hand to the tattoo, pull the thought and power of it out and throw it like a lightning bolt at whatever’s plaguing you.) Usually with a symbol there’s a gesture involved too - typically something that invokes an attack or a wall. There’s no ‘correct’ gesture - you can throw your forearms up like Wonder Woman deflecting bullets if you like, just so long as you mean it.
There is a third way to deal with Other Things, but it’s not immediate, and that’s a banishing ritual. There are a lot of different types of these (burning sage/incense/sulfur {don’t inhale the fumes}, warding with salt/ash/chalk, chanting, prayers, sprinkling holy water, calling upon a higher power) and you should go with whatever you feel would be the most effective. However, this is less like punching an intruder in the face and more like staring at them as you call the police and get a new home security system installed. It certainly works, but it’s slower and a lot less satisfying.
