#lee baucom

Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Believe You Can Change

You’ve been working hard to reconnect and change yourself.  You’re proud of your efforts.  But your spouse just isn’t buying. For whatever reason, your spouse just does not trust the changes — or maybe doesn’t even see the changes! Do you feel like you are hitting a brick wall?  Like nothing you are doing is making a difference?  Like your spouse has already judged you and won’t allow themselves…

“No Closer!” — Stuck?

What do you do when your spouse has shifted back toward you… some… but is still distant?  More distant than you would like? Do you have to just accept it, accept the lack of intimacy and connection? Is that the relationship you are stuck with?  Some connection.  Still married.  But not the warmth, love, and connection you do want? That is the question posed to me.  Mary reports that her husband…

5 Myths of Saving Your Marriage

Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on?  And have you ever discovered it was actually even worse for you? (Just think about margarine or “low fat” diets, or even diet drinks!)

You think you are doing the right thing, and it turns out the “right thing” is actually the wrong thing.  And you are even worse…

When You Can’t Make Your Spouse Happy

Many a marriage crisis emerges when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy.”  It is really a statement about discontent with the relationship.

But many respond by assuming they now know what they need to do:  make their spouse happy.

Which sets in motion an impossible task:  making another human happy.

Why won’t it work?  Why can’t you make your spouse happy?

Because a) it isn’t your responsibility,…

FACT of Your Crisis: How to Face Your Crisis and Move Forward

Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it.  Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game.  Or even a trick for a better pancake.  A hint for a better pushup.

But hints and tricks won’t work for saving a marriage.

Which is what I try to explain when I get the daily emails and voicemails, just asking for a hint or trick.  Nothing wrong with asking.  But the answer is, “you need more than a…

Why These Approaches Are Dangerous (2 to avoid)

I just googled, “how to save your marriage.”  There were 607,000,000.  Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them?  How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they are doing?

It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.

And the problem is, some approaches do more harm than good.  And many times, you don’t even know who it is that is giving you the information.…

How to be the Bigger Victim

Most people don’t come right out and say it, but they have a sneaking suspicion that they are the victim in their marital situation.  They believe they have been done wrong… more wrong than they have done.

Problem is, their spouse is believing the same thing.

Over and over, I watched as people seemed to make a mad race to be the bigger victim, each on their side of my couch, trying desperately to…

My car is in for service.  Usually, that means I am in their lounge, trying my best to work with daytime TV blaring in the background.  But due to COVID, I decided to leave it there and head for home.  Now, I am just waiting for the call to pick it up.

It’s just regular maintenance today (fingers crossed).  But there were other cars there for repairs.

Which had me thinking….

What does service…