#learningtolead

CHECK OUT MY FIRST ITERATION HERE

WHY ANOTHER ITERATION?

Here’s the thing, I actually don’t think my first iteration was too shabby. I actually kind of really liked it a lot, at least, I did in writing. Read it (if you have time), and you just might agree. I made it sound like PRVP is the best role ever. By the end of writing it, I actually started to believe that… sort of.

But here’s the other thing, I HATE (yes I know that is very strong word) that leadership position a whole lot of the time. I hate that it takes up so much of my time that I could spend putting towards other things that I find more value in in my life. Sometimes, I get extremely frustrated or even hurt by the girls I have to work with. I can’t stand the lack of appreciation that my chapter has for me a lot of the time and the countless hours that I put into this position, but I am also fully aware that they really don’t know how much work the position is. I am so frustrated by the girls below me who don't respect what I have to say in leading them the majority of the time, when I truly do have their best interest in mind.

Have I learned A TON from this leadership position? Absolutely.

Do I completely regret it and plan to drop it right now? Definitely not.

Have I taken intentional steps in pruning this role so that other things I want to do with the hours in my days can have more room and more nutrients from me to bloom? You can bet your bottom dollar I have.

I actually had a little bit of a mid-life-mid-life crisis in relation to this role over jterm on the “Design Your Life” program, and I had a sit-down talk with Beth Troy about it in early February. She said something to me that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. She looked me right in the eyes and said, “You don’t have to be A+ Maddie everywhere you go, it’s ok to prioritize and be B Maddie in some areas of your life. Let’s be honest, B Maddie is still pretty darn good.” That was LIFE-CHANGING for me.

This role was frustrating me so much and so misaligned with my values that I wanted to just prune it out of my life completely. When it dawned on me that I couldn’t do that because of the commitment I made to the girls in my chapter, I decided to bloom where I was planted as best I could and take actionable steps to help the situation.

I am definitely  “B Maddie” in the role, and so far, no one in my chapter has really seemed to notice. I made the pressure and expectations so high for myself in the beginning, and then it finally dawned on me that the only one that had made those standards for myself was me. I also created an assistant role for myself in this position and that has made a world of difference. I have been working to find the balance between blooming where I am planted and also allowing myself to prune all the while.

So long story short, while this leadership experience has been valuable and a phenomenal learning experience, I would not say that it has been my personal best. I actually had an experience this semester that was so nonconventional in the way that it happened that when looking back on it, I would say it was my actual personal best leadership experience.

MY *ACTUAL* PERSONAL BEST LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE

Where did it take place? Zionsville Presbyterian Church

When did it take place?  February 15th-17th, 2019

What was your specific role?

“Adult Table Leader”

Leading high school girls throughout the weekend in meaningful conformation to “awaken” them from their spiritual slumber and open their eyes into all the Lord has in store for their lives.

What were the actual results? 

The actual results were lifechange, for both me and the girls that I got to lead through the weekend. Lifechange in the sense that community was built, vulnerable and hard things were shared, and faith was made stronger.

Why was this situation important?

This situation was important for multiple reasons. First of all, back in highschool when I was going through this retreat, it completely changed my life. I felt the presence of the Lord SO strongly, and I truly do feel like it was a weekend that changed my life. I wanted that same transformational power to enter into the lives of these girls. I went in with the power of that vision in my own life and wanted to inspire them to seek that same transformational vision in their own.

Secondly, this situation was important, because my mom, THE most important person in my life, needed me to be a part of her team. There was a hole in the equation that I could fill, and I felt very strongly that I needed to step up and fill that for her.

Third of all, this was a position where I didn’t let my fear of failure, and in reality my VOJ, get in the way of what I truly desired to achieve.

If you initiated the experience, why did you do it?  What motivated you?

THIS is what makes this leadership experience super unique for me, I TOTALLY did not initiate it. In fact, I resisted it quite a bit.

Here’s what went down. My mom was in charge of this retreat, and had asked several adult women, like senior in college to their early thirties, to lead the conversation among these highschool girls this weekend. I had NO problem with her not asking me, I most certainly did not consider myself an adult, or to be as knowledgeable as them.

But then, last minute, one of these leaders dropped. Just ghosted my mom completely. My mom came to me, saying she really needed me to fill this role and saying that she really felt a nudge from the Lord that I would rise to the occasion.

I was TOTALLY terrified. Me? Leading high-school girls? In a weekend where I knew I would likely be asked to be vulnerable about my life and also have to help them through significantly difficult questions and obstacles that they were facing in their own lives? I felt like I would be a total poser, completely incapable of leading them. My self-doubt was TREMENDOUS.

I was honestly just motivated by not wanting to let my mom down, as I know she would do anything for me.

What were your hopes and dreams in accomplishing this?

To be completely candid, my biggest hope was to not screw this up. Leading among so many women and mentors that I had looked up to my entire life scared the beans out of me. My goal was to get through the weekend by making it meaningful for these girls while and not completely ruining it for them along the way. I felt an immense amount of pressure by how incredible this retreat had been for me in high school, and I wanted them to feel the same way about their experience.

How would you describe your emotions at the beginning of the situation?

Like I mentioned above, I was scared out of my mind. I felt completely overwhelmed and totally under qualified to be in this position. In the beginning, I just prayed that I would be a vessel for the Lord; that He would give me the words to say and the wisdom to answer these girls questions.

What actions did you take that contributed to the team’s and the situation’s success. In the space below, describe your behaviors as a leader. What things did you do to create momentum so extraordinary things were accomplished? Be specific.

I went into the situation very humbly. I am not sure if this was completely intentional, but I think that is what made this such an effective behavior as a leader. In a way, you could say this was modeling the way and enabling others to act. I saw myself more as one of that girls as someone who was above the girls. I was a part of their conversations, not the director of their conversations. I was sitting at the same circular table as the rest of them, being just as vulnerable (which was SO scary in front of highschool girls who weren’t expecting me to share some of what I did) as the rest of them. I took part without taking ownership of the whole, and it changed everything.

I made the power of the vision I had for the weekend very clear. I shared how extraordinarily powerful this weekend could be if we just agreed to trust each other and to be genuinely, authentically, and recklessly vulnerable. To truly share everything that was on our hearts, no strings attached, no judgement from anyone listening. I made this vision clear, and these girls came into this vision wholeheartedly by the end of the weekend, equally recognizing its power. It was pretty darn special to be a part of.

I encouraged the hearts of the girls I was leading throughout this weekend constantly. Every time they shared what they were wrestling with, I recognized the immense courage that it took to share that with the group, and I thanked them for taking the time to share. It was like a chain reaction, once one girl shared and was affirmed in doing so, each girl at the table eventually shared too. It was SO awesome, I could cry just thinking about it.

Finally, I challenged the process a little bit, and as someone who it pretty risk averse, that was scary! I did this through humor. This is such a heavy and serious weekend, and while I wanted the girls to feel what needed to be felt, I also wanted their overall experience from this weekend to be one that was extremely positive. This meant, at times that may have not totally been appropriate; I was cracking jokes, dancing around like idiot, and singing at the top of my lungs. I didn’t let my fear of what these high school girls thought of me get in the way of this. I truly just went for it. At first, I think the girls at my table were a little shocked by this pure silliness and slight immaturity, but eventually, they joined in too. It was awesome.

Did you face any major challenges or setbacks?  How did you and the team overcome them?

At first, during these hard conversations, the girls at my table were not opening up. I felt like I was not reaching them. I was trying my best to spark conversation, but certain girls were still not really opening up, and a few didn’t say anything at all. This is where model the way came in and saved the day. I would ask a question and when there was no response, I would just be super vulnerable. I would share something that I had wrestled with, or something dark about myself that not many people in my life know about me, something that made me feel icky inside. It only took me doing this once or twice and establishing that I trusted these girls fully and they could expect the same from me that they opened up too. We got around this issue so quickly in the weekend, and all it took was a little bit of bravery to take the first step and encouraging these girls to do the same.

What were the guiding principles that governed your actions?  How did you lead by example?

I feel like I am going to get pretty repetitive here, but my guiding principles at first, like said above, were purely to not screw this up. Eventually, these principles morphed into making this a once in a lifetime weekend of transformation within these girls’ lives and within their faith journeys.

To see how I feel this was accomplished, check out my response to the actions I took section above.

What did you learn about leadership style and practice from this personal best experience?

You’ll notice that this is the same as my other iteration. I really don't think this has changed. If anything, I would add that I lead most effectively when I keep myself humble.

I learned that I am a gentle, yet effective, leader. My friend Kate described my leadership style as being the “silent killer.” She said, “You don’t have to be loud or aggressive about it, but you sure know how to make the change happen.” I don’t think I will ever forget that. I have learned to embrace that “silent killer” identity in all that I have the opportunity to lead.

If you were going to teach a class about leadership based on this experience, what lessons would you share about being an effective leader?