#learnaswego

They say “If you really love someone, you must be willing to set them free”…

Easier said than done…

I’ve been in love many times.. and many times I have stumbled and cried a river..

Why do we even love in the first place?!

It’s the feeling of not being alone. We humans need this feeling of assurance that we’re not alone. We have someone to depend on especially during our tough times. Is it just all in the head? or is it just because of our selfish needs…

Everyday when i wake up I find myself saying a few words of prayer… I thank God that I have another day to live and new day to cherish his blessings.. I have improved so much…

Do you want to know what i did? let me tell you my story.

The point came when I don’t even want to wake up anymore…. Falling asleep was a struggle, waking up was a torture. I wished every single day of my life not to wake up anymore!!!! It was my darkest moment, the moment where i can’t see the light anymore... In the morning i find myself staring at my white walls and dim ceiling… i lie awake and restless while having my morning smoke in my bed… Trying to figure out what went wrong and wishing i’ve done it differently…

REGRETS was eating me from the inside out. Blaming myself from all the things that went wrong. I never believed with destiny cos for me everything is a result of our actions. If only I’ve done it right… If only I loved her more… If only i could change her mind I’ll do it all again and make her feel how important she is to me. more and more “what ifs” after another.

I looked back from those moments that had past… 2 years past me by just like that… I built my world around her. I thought it would last for bit longer.. I thought she wouldn’t leave. WE WERE HAPPY! I was happy…. and i know she was too…. I couldn’t look at our pictures together. It makes me feel it was just yesterday…

I could still feel her touches, i can still smell her scent.. I could still remember how she feels when her skin touches mine… but

BUT SOMETIMES GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END…

One way or another it will….

WHY DO WE FALL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

The time came i have accepted everything… I have to put all of those memories in a box… The pictures of the places we went to… The greeting cards, letters and post cards she sent me. The songs she made for me that i used to listen to… It’s sad to think that those 2 years could fit that small box of memories… I was drowning from my own tears… its hard to say goodbye.. it was like i was burying a very important part of myself…. I could no longer be the same again… I finally said… “Goodbye, it has been fun journey with you but since you’re no longer here, let me leave everything here… Im walking away. You left me first anyway. So lets bury these memories now and i’d be on my way to somewhere i think is better.”

The walls are now empty… it used to be so happy and bright… I was tearing up while putting all those pictures down… And as i stare on it, i thought to myself…. “Only you have the choice to colour it back again…. it will remain white as it is val, its your choice now… should you paint it? or you just gonna stare on this empty space forever?”

SNAP BACK!!!

I’ve been crying for the longest time… two months have passed, all i did was to hang with friends and get drunk. Hoping those alcohol would wash off my hurt away. It did made me happy for awhile, yes it helped me… But everyday, as i go back to my room again, i could still feel the pain…

How could someone who tells you everyday “I love you” just be gone in one snap…. It’s still a puzzle to me, a mind boggling question… How could a person just forget the feeling, how could this person just forget the tree that she used to take care and love and axed it down the next day? Was it cos she hit her head on the wall and had an amnesia? or something else that I wouldn’t even want to know…

But what hurts more, is to know… that the person you used to love no longer feels the same for you.

LOVE FADES… PEOPLE CHANGE…

And that’s a fact and truth about life and love.

We choose the people who stays in our lives, but we can’t force them to stay…

We need to accept that those days are gone and over and we need to move along. Bad memories will always drag us back to negative thoughts, I’ve tried so hard not to think about it up until now.

If a door closes on you, a window will open. There’s a brighter future ahead… New moments to enjoy and new people to make it worth living.

Someone once told me “Val… Life is beautiful, you just got to get through it”

God sends people to help us… in the most unexpected way, time and places. You will understand what life means in a different perspective from someone elses point of view.

I am happy i met some.

“If you’re living with your past still, you can’t live your future”

So i keep my head up high… and I’m excited for new things I will see and to people i will meet.