#lawbreaks

Brownsville, TX — Michigan's newest LawBreaks trip is perhaps its most exciting, and dangerous.

"We're going to stop the criminal, Soros-Marxist migrant caravan from invading our country," explained Federalist Society (FedSoc) co-chair, William Whaley (2L), of the group's newest planned offering for students.

LawBreaks is a Michigan Law program that has provided pro bono work opportunities for students during Spring Break since 2011. Typically, these program focus on important social issues and advancing the goal of legal justice in locations such as Detroit and New Orleans, to more far-flung areas like Belize and Navajo Nation.

"Most LawBreaks focus on helping disadvantaged groups. But we at FedSoc asked, what if that weren't the case," Whaley told Ipse Dixit while describing the planned, four-day trip to the border town of Brownsville, Texas—with a much-hyped two-day stopover in nearby South Padre Island to visit the Schlitterbahn Water Park, a novelty park “known for its ‘transportainment’ lazy river network.”

"Our members have been disenfranchised by the [LawBreaks] program's focus on such things at LGBT rights advocacy, housing justice, or…asylum law," he continued, with a shudder.

Members of FedSoc report frequently feeling deprived of the opportunities to visit these exciting sites, secluded instead to hum-drum, all-inclusive hotels, resorts, and tropical clubs during the same time. Several more praised the opportunity to "defend the nation's borders against this existential threat" of a few thousand Central Americans refugees potentially planning to seek asylum from gang warfare in their native lands. It is yet unknown when, if ever, this group will reach the United States.

"Is it dangerous? Yes, extremely. Am I worried about my safety? I'm terrified. I'm pissing my pants at the idea of these poor brown people trying to get into our country," said Frank Kimzey, 1L FedSoc member and noted waterpark enthusiast. "But is that going to keep me from enforcing the laws, as LawBreaks should be about? No. "

Asylum-seekers have rights under both international and U.S. law to request asylum through proper channels at the border.

When asked what laws, then, this group might break that necessitate a LawBreaks trip to the border or legal aid in any form, Kimzey had no answer. He and FedSoc will be joined by 15,000 U.S. armed forces.

Other students were critical of the mission and focus, framing it as obtuse if-not-outright-hypocritical, given an ostensible organizational focus on following the laws as written. The trip was additionally cited as wasteful, given the uncertainty of both caravan travel and outcome at this point.

"I mean, who knows. Could this whole migrant caravan thing blow over as a painfully overt, racist scare-tactic cynically intended to drum up Republican support ahead of a pivotal midterm election? Maybe. Maybe we'll just stay at Schlitterbahn all four days," Whaley argued in response to the criticism.

"Schlitterbahn. Woo!"

LawBreaks application is live now. Sign up by November 11th.

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