#late miscarriage

The Dr believes pprom was a fluke due to an infection. I had no symptoms at all of infection that you'd expect to see but placenta grew e coli bacteria and I had group b strep infection as well. She couldn't confirmed if the infections definitely caused the pprom but all other tests were normal. Still waiting for my girls autopsy results which could be another 6 - 9 months away. She doesn't expect any abnormalities tho.

I was surprised by how fast I had bled that led to emergency hysteromy tho. I lost 2.5ltr in 15 minutes. My cervix was only 3cm dilated when they took me to theatre and they could not feel baby anywhere near cervix (Dr explained if they could feel baby they could have delivered her through cervix and avoided surgery) despite cord having prolapsed.

They explained there was no issue with my cervix at all and that they'll be closely monitoring it in my next pregnancy every 2/3weeks then will offer a stitch and progesterone if shows signs of shortening. Unfortunately because of the surgery I'm not allowed to have labour naturally and would need a c section from the end of 36 weeks as risk of rupture is too high beciase of incision being in the muscle of my womb. I've also got told a date that I can ttc again and advice to help lower the risks of pprom happening again (stop smoking/lose weight).

Safe to say I'm nervous about the test results. Still no idea when little Lily's autopsy results will be ready.

I know I shouldn't blame myself but I do. Hopefully my request for a TAC is taken seriously and put in ASAP.

From planning a pregnancy announcement to planning a funeral.

It's been a while since I posted here in tumblr. I needed a place to share my story. Didn't need for many to see just for me to remember how I feel at the moment.

Last month, on the 17th of August 2025, we heard the worst news we could ever hear as a married couple expecting their first baby. At 14 weeks, our baby boy lost his life in my womb.

At the time, I cried but not too much, I was numb, in shock. I was told the worst news and the plan on what will happen next. I had to take pills to stop the pregnancy and deliver our baby. They gave me the first pill and sent me home to come back in 2 days for the next pill.

On the way home I felt empty. It was the most quiet car ride we had in years. Our baby is gone.

Later that evening I delivered our baby in the toilet, luckily I was able to catch the baby. We then found out he was a boy. I wanted to cry but there were no tears. I was sad. Got teary eyed but not a full breakdown. I had to ring the hospital and go back early since we had the baby already.

The next day, we brought him to the church, said a little prayer and went to the hospital again. We had to sit in the waiting room, full of pregnant women, with our baby in the jar beside us. I had mixed feelings, still numb, still in shock.

The receptionist asked us if it was for a pregnancy check, I said I had a miscarriage. I told the nurse everything and brought us to a separate waiting room away from the others.

Baby was brought to lab for testing and I was brought to a private room to be prepared for the next pill. I had to go through painful contractions to deliver the placenta and the rest of the tissues left from the pregnancy. Everytime something passed, I had to call the midwife so they could take it for sampling. The pain was unbearable. I had bad period cramps but this was worse. It would probably be similar to being in labor.

After all that, the bereavement team came in. We asked for inkprints and a funeral. We picked out a coffin and added a toy with him inside. Everything was paid for.

I feel her vibrations I feel her energy

She is the calm breeze The sunshine And the silence She’s that smooth silky feeling when you touch it’s petal She is in the flowers

I feel her in the flowers