When You're in a Polycule
laszlo x nadja x nandor x reader (reader is gender neutral)
-you'll be honest
-you don't know how you got yourself into this very, very chaotic mess
-it's nice, really, when you think about it
-but in practice, if you're not careful, you can catch yourself tearing your hair out
-vampires are just….so many things
-and your vampires seem to fit that description all too well
-but you all love each other, so it's okay
-okay, maybe you don't ALL love each other ALL the time
-in fact, it can get very violent if things get out of hand
-they're a lot like feral cats you've decided to take in and domesticate
-like ofc they love you and stay with you because you feed them and take care of them and love them unconditionally, but they're still FERAL
-man, you don't even have any more fingers to count on for the times you've caught them at each other's throats
-at this point, you can only chalk it up to their nature
-the jealousy is less than ideal, but manageable actually
-it's more of just an annoyance at this point, rather than an actual concerning issue
-sharing isn't really a vampire thing, you're starting to realize
-one of them will interrupt your time with another, burst in and say times up, and that it's their turn with you
-if you're out in public and holding one's hand, they'll all insist to hold your hand to even the field even though you only have two
-safe to say, it ends with no hand holding at all
-one time laszlo took the liberty of sitting on your head as a bat while nadja and nandor fought for your hands and you had to revoke hand holding privileges for awhile
-you came around later tho
-they also fight over who your favorite is
-frequently
-and when they have civil arguments, which is rarely, one of them will tell you to tell the others that they're right, and then the others will do the same
-needless to say, you've gotten really good at playing diplomat
-they'll ask for your opinion, or for you to break voting ties when technically you would be evening them.
-one braincell between them all and you can never tell who has it at any given point
-most of the time, the dates you go on are individual
-ofc, you love a conjoined date here and there with two of them
-it's great fun when nadja, laszlo, and you go out on walks, or when nadja, nandor, and you accost The Guide
-it's just when there's all four of you, together.
-the chaos is uncontainable.
-the last time you had tried planning a date for all four of you, three people were injured
-they swear it was an accident, but you had to give them all a lecture on the dangers of crashing go-karts anyway.
-but the individual dates are so lovely!
-making music with laszlo, softly listening while he plays the piano and mumbles incoherent lyrics. he always asks you what you think, but you can never catch enough words to have any actual opinion, so you just lie and nod your head along.
-you haven't had the heart to tell the man that three of his latest songs sound like they're from an alternate universe where david bowie was a jazz singer.
-still
-you're favorite one is "space commodity"
-nights on the town with nadja, causing blatant havoc while leaving a hilarious trail of confusion in your wake.
-once, you and nadja accidentally caused a disastrous fire on the ferry. it's somehow still a marvel to her that something strictly designed for water caught flame so quickly.
-and quiet discussions with nandor, ones where you plan for different events in the future, or you sword fight, there's never any in-between.
-sometimes he wants input for council business, and sometimes he'd rather flaunt his skills with a blade.
-tbh, you can't complain. he looks great when he's showing off.
-it's not perfect.
-but they try their best for you!
-when it counts, they really do what they can to put aside their differences and come through for you
-it works...sometimes
-your last birthday was a disaster, but in an endearing sort of way
-they had all intended for it to be a surprise but it had been spoiled from the second the plan had been conceived.
-but you didn't say anything, you wanted them to have their fun ofc
-nandor had been in charge of decorating, something he took quite seriously, but the streamers and "creepy" paper had caught fire because someone had forgotten to extinguish the candles.
-there was no saving it after the hazardous chain of flame began
-they had all sent laszlo off to buy presents and he had instead spent five hours in a Target debating recliner prices
-you really don't even know how he manages to do something like that for that long, but it's honestly a little impressive
-nadja tried her hand at baking a cake, but she got impatient halfway through and skipped a few ingredients.
-and to really put the cherry on top, they had tasked Colin Robinson with the job of keeping you busy until it was time
-do with that what you will
-so, as the signal was given, you walked in, drowsy and half-counting random facts about the French and Indian War in your head, and you were met with anarchy.
-nadja was gesturing rather proudly at her...to say cake would not do it justice.
-a sloppily iced brick would be more accurate. you almost had to stop yourself from asking if she used cement mix in the powder.
-nandor was stumbling around, frantically trying to put out a swiftly spreading fire with random buckets of water
-you're half-sure his cape caught fire too somewhere in the mess
-and Laszlo was sitting in a lovely recliner, hands open with what you can only describe as a "ta-da" expression, a look of delight and expectancy for praise painting his face.
-it may have been the biggest catastrophe possible, and yet, you could only laugh and help clean up.
-because you knew, deep down, that they had put aside everything for you and tried, and that's really the biggest gift you could have asked for.
-plus, you also got a really great recliner at the end of day.
