#lastentry

Bilang huling araw ng “common modules” ng NSTP, muling pinaunlakan ni Prop. Athena Presto ang imbitasyon upang maging tagapagsalita hinggil sa “Citizenship and Nationalism” Una ninyang ipinaliwanag ang kaibahan ng “nation”  at “state.” Ang huli’y tumutukoy sa aspektong politikal habang ang una nama’y sumasaklaw sa kultural na salik at/o tumutugon sa katanungan kung sino ang kabahagi ng “bayang Pilipino.” Kontekstuwal ang ganitong usapin sapagkat ang “kaisahan” ng isang indibidwal ay maaari ninyang igiit basta’t may simbolikal na interaksiyon na siya sa isang nasyon. Bilang halimbawa ay iyong mga artistang kahit na may dugong banyaga ay mas kinikilala ang sarili bilang isang “Pilipino” dahil, giit nila, nananalaytay na ang dugong Pinoy sa kanila. Walang masama rito, ayon sa tagapagsalita—isa lamang itong patunay na neutral ang konsepto ng nasyon. Walang limitasyon o barikada makahahadlang sa “pakikiisa” ng isang indibidwal sa isang “nasyong” kaniyang kinikilalang tahanan (o ikalawang tahanan, ‘ka nila). Sa kabilang banda, dapat ding matutuhan na neutral din ang “nationhood” o nasyonalidad. Ang usaping ito ay may historikal na kontekstong dapat na siyasatin sapagkat ang bawat bansa ay may iba-ibang pagtingin sa nabanggit na konteksto. Sa Pilipinas, halimbawa, ang susing-salitang ito ay isang positibong nosyon sapagkat ito ay tumutukoy sa mahabang pakikibaka ng mga bayaning nagbuwis ng kanilang buhay mula panahon ng pananakop hanggang kung ang estado’y nakararanas ng isang dispotikong pamamahala. Sa madaling sabi, ang “nationhood,” para sa atin, ay isang lundayan ng ating pakikibaka sa pagpapalaya nga ating bansa. Sa puntong ito, mahalagang tingnan ang historikal na konteksto ng mga Kanluraning bansa, lalo na sa Europa, na ang konsepto ng “nationhood” ay nakapagpapaaalala sa kanila ng madilim na kasaysayan ng diktadurya, malawakang pagpatay (genocide), at mga karima-rimaring na kaganapan. Sa huling bahagi ng talakayan, nabanggit ng tagapagsalita ang kahalagahan ng “aktibismo” sa loob at labas ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas. Malaon na ang ating pakikibaka sa tunguhing makatamasa ng mas maayos na estado sa panahon ng pangingikil. Gusto kong bigyang pansin ang ibinahaging sipi ni Prop. Presto: 
Politics is pervasive. Everything is political and the choice to be “apolitical” is usually just an endorsement of the status quo and the unexamined life” -Rebecca Sonnet

           An extraordinary, restrained and delicate loveliness I think perfectly described the day we went to the shrine and met the couple with the Shiba Inu. The dog was incredibly gentle, and a bit shy.  As Bob was petting the dog, it began to warm up to him, although it showed no signs of interest in him. Then suddenly, it jumped on him and gave him kisses, as if to say it recognized his patience and appreciated it.

I’ve heard you travel a lot with her. The travel goals we didn’t do. The travel goals we wished to do. Your travel buddy I wished to be and the travel goals we should be doing.

I’ve heard you’re happy with her right now. That happiness I failed you to give. The happiness you’ve been longing for so long now. And the happiness all I ever wished for you.

I’ve heard someone say you’re really in love with her and she is too with you. The kind of love you deserved. The love I should have provided. A love that’s much better than my I love yous, oh but not just better, more than that.

So here’s to the guy I stopped writing about.

My pen loses its ink and starts to bled unlovely words. It wrote how and why did you leave me and how you always made me feel like i was either too much or not enough. More on not enough...

So I decided to write about you less. The script on my book began to lose its substance. My sentences were misunderstood. The story about you are now making less sense. But you didn’t notice, you never notice it. Because you’re busy writing another new story with somebody else. You suddenly change. Then you faded. And then the next thing I knew you were gone completely. You decided to leave us. It is your choice to quit.

You are the only writing habit that works for me. But, I no longer want to write about you. First, you don’t deserve a sentence. Second, you don’t deserve a paragraph. Lastly, you probably don’t deserve my written words. 

I loved you and you know that. I yearn for you. I fought for you the hardest. I did everything I can to make “us” work. But I guess I was right all along. That I was never enough for you. Nevertheless, I still want to thank you as I know I won’t grow if you didn’t hurt me. 

I wasn't supposed to write anything down. Because what had hurt me didn’t even deserve my words. But this is all I’ve got to let go of the pain and to let go everything you left here.

Every part of you is now a residue of my story that I still keep but never to re-write again. 

this is the last time because 125 is enough...

maybe the next time, i don’t know

From below, the sound of a door slamming shut.

Act IV

Nora down the hall, talking to herself walking back and forth stuttering, and crying….

We’ve been told in advance by our adorable Winnie the Pooh Sociology professor :3 for making a documentary film about elderly people right before the finals had started.  She gave us a choice to choose and gather freely the people we want for a group project and those kinds of people are, of course, my friends- Ericka, Carlo and Jedd. Our group was filled even more when Gold, Kyle, Prince and Jay joined in. Gold just ditched Myrile’s group and transferred to us and I never got an intention to ask her about it, though I wanted to. I found really odd when Prince and Jay randomly joined in our group because I thought they’re from Drew’s, but…alrighty then. I, then, persuaded Kyle to join with us after she told me that she’s just on her own, which kinda sucks for being the left out one from the class.

 From the start of our draft about the running process of the documentary video, mostly Gold and I poured our ideas on a notebook and settled everything in order. In the end, after most of the efforts I’ve put though this project, I thought I could be in a placid phase to concentrate for my finals, but I was called back and given a chance to remake another, because there were many flaws I didn’t omit. I passed it early like 2 days before the deadline and I came to that atrocious result </3. Fortunately, Ma’am Cutie extended the deadline for us to focus on our finals and my chest dropped into heavyweight feels of painstaking gratitude.  I cried a blessing and a curse.

 I decided to use some important parts from our recent rejected project and have a fun roaming hunting of elderly people with my group near in our school for interview. That was last Friday when we started our adventure. In that day, my late arrival caused them so stressful for waiting for me. That time I arrived, Gold just had 5 minutes of stay before she departed for lunch with her friends in some fancy luxurious restaurant, which I went with my gang last Thursday night. So, it’s just me, Jedd, Ericka and Carlo who’re left for the project.

 We roamed and roamed until we reached our way to the park and spotted two elderly men talking. We pushed and passed each other to start and ask for an interview from them. While they’re too pussy to ask, I spontaneously went and asked them for an interview. Carlo and Ericka came and supported my explanation for the purpose of it and one of them is cool to take part of it. Then, we found another elderly who’s just hanging on a bench and accepted our interview as well. He advised us not to be shy to talking to the elderly people. I decided to interview two elderly persons with them, so they could go back to their hometown. We departed each other in separate ways to home, and while I was waiting for the taxi I got a text from Prince asking where I was. So, I waited for him to arrive and rolled our way to find old people for interview.

 We found an old man hanging under the shades of a tree which is in front of our school and he’s cool for the interview. After the interview, he tried to offer us his fruits and we thanked him for his kindness. Then, we roamed back to the park and waited for another elderly to hang somewhere. While Prince and I were talking stuff, we found an elderly woman standing across the street. We walked towards her and asked if she ain’t busy and willing to be interviewed, then she took our offer.  Prince paid her a fair going to her home as a treat for taking part in our project, after the interview was finished. I went home and had the last interview with my neighbor at the beginning of the night and it’s raining cats and dogs. Still, I managed to get informations based on what I remembered and the vulgar audio of the video taken.

  Overall, most of the elderly people we interviewed are living in a balance of healthy and unhealthy lifestyle.  Of course, most of them received pension and some have potential jobs for making money and support for their family. In their final stage of development, Erikson explained how they get to look back at the days they’ve achieved and the opportunities they’ve missed, as the limitation of their life expectancy reaches out to them. They’re in a face-up phase of integrity and despair.

 So, back on track, Jedd and I stayed up yesterday for the edit and it’s all good. Today I passed the video with my classmate, which that ends my stress line…temporarily </3. Stressful tasks are inevitable and are a measure of our perseverance and sharpening defiance.  So, before I left the rendezvous Ma’am Cutie had settled, I kinda wanna asked for a hug from her, as this would be my farewell. I’m never gonna see her and her quirkiness  and her charming cute smile (I am not gay). I never did cause’ I don’t wanna be peculiar, awkward and I was shy………Anyways goodnight.

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