#last picked

Ugh… that feeling when you truly feel people only pretend to like you because they want to be in your best friend’s good graces.

I’ve dealt with it before sure, kinda comes with having an artist bestie… people love her tons, and what’s not to love she’s the greatest friend I’ve ever had

but… having people in chats, and groups and such completely pretend I’m not there or blatantly talk around me just to have her full attention.. it kinda sucks.. especially after the same people “promise” that I’m a “good friend and they support”… it all feels like a lie when the actions never match the words..

It’s reaching a point where even she has seen it so obvious and is tired of it too..

I love that she can make new friends easily, and I encourage it when they genuinely like her..

But it makes me question daily… what makes me so hated?? I mean.. I’ve gone through this for over a decade and only now hit my wall to even try to talk about it.. I genuinely don’t understand..

Sorry for the ramble and thanks for letting me get it out.

  Hello my non-existent fans, Yes I know it’s a shock, I’m back, not dead in a ditch somewhere, I know. I’ll give you a moment to take it all in. Okay! Moment over. So today I was given a list of my… placement, if you will, in someone’s life. Bet you’re all dying to know what place I got, aren’t you? Yeah well you don’t have to look further than the title. That’s right, I was last. As it turns out this person apparently prefers everyone else over me.

    I was surprisingly ok with that, see, it wouldn’t be the first time, and I will bet my life it won’t be the last. Yes that was a joke, yes I am actually making a joke about being considered last in someone’s life. Why? Oh crap it’s the annoying questions again. Because it’s funny you imbecile. It is hilarious how when I put someone first, they have me last. It’s so darn funny how when I couldn’t possibly care more about someone they couldn’t possibly care less. It’s simply the cycle of life, my cycle, my life. Maybe they didn’t mean it like that? Sure and maybe I’m secretly a monkey with a computer typing of all this so I’ll get free bananas. Grow the fuck up. When someone says something to you, they mean it. They mean every word of whatever it is they said. Well my boyfriend called me a hoe, and then he said he didn’t mean it, did he mean it then? Of course he meant it! He just didn’t mean to say it to you.

    Just like I’m sure this person didn’t mean to say it to me, or at least they didn’t mean the way it came out. While it sounded like a slap in the face, maybe it was just supposed to be a gentle tap. But didn’t you say-? I know what I said, and that is still true. Everyone means what they say to people. The difference is in the intention. Well my non-existent fans, I guess that’s just a lesson for all of you out there, hope you learned something. Au Revoir.

                                                                                     Later,