#lapm

“Hey, Lo! Who turned the lights out?” Patton joked, just as Virgil turned on a small torch. 

“That, was a really dark reference, Patton” Logan answered.

“As dark as this room?”

“Oh, for the love of…”

Suddenly, Careless Whisper’s instrumental roared across the room. 

“What is going on?!” Roman shouted. 

Logan closed his eyes, his mouth contracted into an exasperated line. He sighed tired and turned to the left. A door, frame included and all, appeared next to the table.  It opened at the purest Doraemon style, making way for a slithering cloud of smoke inside which green and white lights scattered. 

A pair of toe-socks up to the knee, decorated with horizontal rainbow stripes, slid on the wooden floor doing the moonwalker. Inside of said socks was Remus, letting his hair down singing the first lines of Careless Whisper. 

“I feel so unsure, as I take your hand, and lead you to the --” Remus turned around with impetus, pointing with his right arm extended, placing the other behind his head. 

Remus’ expression was a picture the entire time, first biting on his lower lip suggestively, frowning in an expressive manner; then, eyes wide open, a hint of annoyance in them, and his jaw  dropping into a grimace of indignation. 

Logan corresponded him arching his eyebrows and making an effort to turn his lips into a two point thick line. Or, said differently, an angered mother face.

Remus blinked several times. He took a glance at the rest. Virgil had his arm placed in front of his brother, who was holding back more due to the authority of his boyfriend’s gesture rather than the force Virgil could be exerting against his abdomen. Patton had turned into the colour of a low-fat yoghurt. The father looked at him up and down positively horrified. 

Grand entrance, check. It didn’t go as expected, but, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not unless the horse asked for it. 

He went back to focusing on Logan. 

“Was it today?!”

“Indeed”.

“Well, fuck me!” he cursed. 

Logan adjusted his tie with annoyance and turned to his presentation. He looked at him out of the corner of his eye. 

“Let me finish this first”. 

The monosyllabic equivalent of a horse laugh escaped out of Remus. 

“That wasn’t what I meant, but, works for me!” he smiled from ear to ear. 

Right after that, he shrugged and set course back to the door doing the moonwalker. 

“--guilty feet have got no rhythm. Though it’s easy to pretend, I know you’re not a fool…” he picked the song back as he disappeared, taking the door with him. 

The room was left in sepulchral silence. Virgil looked at the floor with a face that said something along the lines of ‘I’m rethinking my entire life’, Roman’s eyes wouldn’t stop going back and forth from Logan to where the door had vanished. Patton had sat down on the couch and looked at Logan as to encourage him to speak. 

“Sorry about that, now, where were we?”

Virgil glanced up and he made a contained version of one of Roman’s wild gesticulations. 

“What the hell was that?!”

“Remus, of course, you saw him too” Logan played the matter down, wanting to go back to the presentation. 

“I saw more than I wish I had seen” Roman said. 

“He does not like wearing clothes” Patton added, as to agree with Roman. 

“He was wearing socks, so, technically, he was dressed. I swear he only does it to be annoying”. 

“I mean, why did he do that?” Virgil asked with a mixture of overwhelm, annoyance and confusion. 

“That depends on what you’re asking about. If you’re referring to the… uh… nudity issue, then it’s because I told him I wouldn’t talk to him if he wasn’t dressed”.

Virgil furrowed his brows. Considering Remus’ personality, he found it very odd that he had even bothered to get ‘dressed’... or whatever that was. He knew first hand that if the Duke didn’t feel like doing something, persuading him otherwise turned out to be tricky, not to say almost impossible. 

“On the other hand, if you mean the whole situation, well, I believe he was attempting to have intercourse with me” said Logan, trying to be conciliatory and failing miserably. 

“Uh… okay, what?” Virgil muttered to himself.

“Is there something you need to tell us, kiddo?” Patton inquired.

Of course, Logan took this as a prompt for him to continue with the presentation. 

“Yes. Thank you, Patton. As I was saying before we got interrupted…”

“Oh my god! Why is my brother trying to get into your pants, nerd?!” 

Logan frowned and looked at Virgil for help. 

“Get into someone’s pants, as in trying to have sex with them”. 

“I think the answer will upset you, but, if you must know, we had it scheduled for later today. Remus has poor impulse control, so he came here earlier. He, also, completely forgot that the reason why, was because I had a meeting with all of you”. 

Patton looked at Logan with muted worry. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say upsetting… more like... shocking?” 

“Deeply disturbing” corrected Roman. 

"We’re all… a bit shaken up, but that’s no reason to say things so negatively charged--” 

“What?! How am I supposed to react? Nerd over there is… ew… my evil twin brother, who, by the way, tried to kill him several times and we’re all going to pretend that it’s fine?!” 

After Roman ended acting all fussy, he just stood there, taking a glance at the rest, expectant. Patton looked back at him. His lips pressed together and turned to the right, it was hard to tell if with disapproval, pity or empathy. He leaned to say all three. Then there was Virgil, who was still standing with a thoughtful semblance, and Logan, with his face of indignation half-dissolved in indifference, clearly denoted by the eyebrow he just raised. 

“Taking into account that Remus’ direct actions don’t affect me, and he knows that, I’d hardly consider it a murder attempt, therefore, I don’t see your argument neither pertinent nor relevant”. 

“We understand what you mean, Logan, but it isn’t particularly nice to see how you collapse on the floor with a shot to the head. Even if we kinda know nothing will happen to you it can still… frighten us up a little”. 

“More like almost scaring Patton to death, and V being on the verge of an anxiety attack”. 

Virgil turned his head towards Roman and gave him a look of ‘dude, no. Now’s not a good time and we agreed not to talk about it, I can’t believe you just brought it up only to tell Logan off on dating your brother’. Or, what Roman interpreted as: ‘you know it affected be a lot and we agreed not to talk about it, least when I’m impacted with all this new info’. 

“I’m sorry, Virge. But it’s true, the fact is that both Virgil and Patton need to come to my side of the Imagination because Remus can’t manage to be nice to anyone for a even two seconds”. 

“I don’t think you’re objective enough to be able to judge Remus’ capabilities properly. That, to begin with,---” 

“Logan!” Patton exclaimed. 

“Did I say anything incorrect? Roman cannot be objective with his brother because he deeply despises him”. 

“Dude, sensitive topic” said Virgil whilst leaning his head. 

“Roman may not like the Duke, but that doesn’t make his opinion any less valid”  Patton began to say, looking at the logical side, and then moving onto Roman “and it’s not alright to say things tactless, Roman”. 

“I say things tactless?! Have you heard any of what the nerd said?! I’m not the one who’s ignoring that you can barely be in the same room as my brother!”. 

“Precisely because I can tell that Patton and Virgil are more reactive to Remus’ outbursts I suggested for them to stay with you. You agreed to this. Half an hour ago this wasn’t an issue”.

“Half an hour ago I didn’t know you were banging my brother!”

“That changes nothing, because hadn’t you found out, my arrangement with Remus would have remained the same, so the problem and the situation would not change, thus, this has nothing to do with Patton or Virgil. You’re simply determined on demonising Remus because of your disagreements”.

“Disagreements, that’s a light way to put it. Remus is bad for Thomas!”

“And that may be so at the moment, but it's still unrelated as to my relationship with him”.

“How do you expect me to look you in the eye knowing there’s something going on between you?”

“This conversation is useless and ridiculous”. 

Logan went to the table and took a book from it, he then sat down and started to read its contents trying to keep exasperation at bay.

“Roman, we’re not here to judge Logan. I understand it’s hard to process, but it isn’t okay to---” 

“No! You all think the same and the only one who’s being upfront about it is me”.

“I don’t think that… well, not exactly, but although I’m not the Duke’s biggest fan, it’s not okay for us not to support Logan’s relationship”. 

“Oh, lord, they’re just having sex! I don’t see how it’s worth it for us to have a bad time just because Remus feels like having a fling with Logan”. 

The deafening sound of a chair moving backwards cut the conversation. Logan, gripping his book with anger, had stood up. 

“That’s it. Enough nonsense for today! Seeing that I can’t finish my presentation, I’m leaving”. 

“Oh, yeah, run away from the conversation” Roman replied, just as mad. 

Logan held back his desire to throw the book at the Prince’s face. 

“Firstly, I’m not running away from anything. What happens is that the only explanation I owe you is that from my presentation, which was why we met today. You’ve spent forty-three minutes without letting me speak, interrupting me and deviating from the topic. Today, I only planned to talk about the new schedules. My relationship, or, as you so eloquently decided to put it, ‘fling’ with Remus is none of your business, nor open to debate. It is something private and you have no sort of authority to make value judgments about it. Secondly, I have tasks to do and very strict schedules that you are messing with. On another note, your sensitivity to the topics Remus brings up and his ability to be nice to others aren’t correlative. It merely makes him incompatible with you. You can’t universalize that. Lastly, your opinion is biased and you can’t assess the situation accurately without all of the data; which I have no obligation nor want to provide you with. I’ll send you a briefing of my presentation and will see you tomorrow. Goodbye”. 

Logan sank back right after he was done taking. 

“Logan, wa--!” Virgil tried to call for him in vain. “Oh, shhhhoot. Roman! Where the hell did that come from?” 

“Are you going to take his side too?” answered Roman sounding genuinely betrayed.  

“Yeah, he may have been a jerk, but you went waaaay further than that”. 

“Well, you didn’t say any of that before Logan left”. 

“No, because I was too busy trying to process everything everyone was saying, or rather, shouting” said Virgil, his nerves on edge.  

“Are you fine, kiddo?”

“Yeah. I’m just having a hard time at dealing with it, it’s a lot to take in. Everything has escalated way too quickly”. 

“That’s an understatement”. 

“Ro… leave it”. 

“So you both think it’s okay for him to elope with the Duke”. 

“I don’t think that it’s right nor wrong, I simply make nothing of it because is none of my goddamned business”. 

“This affects the three of us” 

“No, no it doesn’t” said Virgil with frustration. “We’re not the ones dating Remus”. 

“Look, Roman, I know you say this because you’re worried about your pop and your Virge, but that’s no reason not to support Logan. What we need is to work out together so we can find a solution” added Patton.

“Yeah? Well, how are we going to do that if Logan just vanished?” 

“Maybe he wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t hurt his feelings” Virgil shook his hands as if Roman’s head was in between them, and by doing so he could get the idea through that thick skull of his. 

“I can’t possibly hurt LOGIC’S feelings, and I’m not the one saying it, it’s him who keeps on bragging about how he doesn’t have them”. 

“Hmm… but we all know that’s not true”. 

“Gosh, Princey, seriously you think Logan would get so mad if he didn’t care about Remus?” 

“Logan gets angry whenever we don’t tell him he’s right, which is what all of that was about”. 

“But it wasn’t, heck, imagine how you’d feel if someone said all that’s between you and me is just sex” 

“But we don’t have… it’s not the same thing!”

“You don’t know that”. 

“Yeah, if Logan’s reaction is anything to go by, I’d say it’s more than just that” said Patton with a face that had written sympathy all over it.

“Logan’s reactions can literally mean anything because he’s the least expressive out of all of us”. 

“Okay, you don’t want to trust Logan’s reaction? Fine! Then let’s go by the fact that Remus left the room because Logan told him so, wears those ridiculous socks because of him and ACTUALLY has conversations with Logan about his schedules. You and I both know there’s no way your brother would do that if he didn’t give a damn about what Logan thought about him. Heck! Not even freaking DECEIT could get him to do what he wanted, he barely kept him under control. Only I used to manage to do it, and not without using a toxic amount of fear and anxiety first”.  

Roman just stood there, looking at his boyfriend, deeply worried. 

It was one thing for Virgil to defend Logan, but going to the extreme of bringing up his time as a Dark Side, now that was a whole different story. A wave of guilt run him up and down. He knew how triggering Virgil found it to even mention it.

"Maybe we'll all just have to learn to accept the fact that the Duke may care about Logan in his own way" said Patton looking at nowhere "and apologize to our dear old teach" he fixed his eyes on Roman. 

"I… perhaps you're right. I simply… when I look at Remus I see everything I don’t want to become and it’s hard for me to digest that Logan and him are together, because Logan’s always shooting down my ideas. I know he’s already apologised for it, we’re trying to get better… but he still antagonises me and, although it can help me improve, the rest of the time it makes me feel as… as if I wasn’t good enough. I mean, yeah, there’s pressure everywhere,” hearing this coming from Roman, both Patton and Virgil walked up to him to stay beside him “but with Logan I notice it more. Him dating Remus makes me think that perhaps he’s better than me, that maybe I’m the side of creativity that Thomas shouldn’t listen to”.  

“I didn’t know you thought that”. 

“Oh, Roman, is that how you really feel? Why didn’t you tell us?” said Patton placing a hand on the Prince’s arm. 

“Hmmm… I know I should have talked about it, but you already have your own issues and it didn’t feel important enough. Besides, it’s not easy to admit that Prince Charming” he gestured at himself moving his hand up and down, smiling bitterly “is afraid of not being able to make Thomas’ life into a fairytale”. 

Virgil threw himself at Roman’s arms and held him tight after hearing all that. 

“I know it’s hard… I know very well… but you can always come and talk to me, or to Patton… or Logan”. 

“That’s right Ro, we’ll always…” Patton moved fast and gave him a hug from behind “have your back!”

Roman loosely held onto one of Patton’s arms, that circled his shoulders, and caressed Virgil’s head, a smile of contemptment beginning to appear on his face. How could he be so lucky to have them? 

“Thanks guys… guess I should go apologize to Logan, I just have to find out where he is”. 

It didn’t take long for that question to be answered. Remus materialised himself in the room without warning, like the living pop-up he was. It was possible perceive in his expression, characterised by that mix of smugness and diva, a glimpse of superlative anger. With that in mind, Roman disentangled himself from Patton and Virgil, placing the last one behind him too. 

"I am going to end all of you, assholes" said Remus, with a tone more serious than anyone watching were used to.

Roman extended his left arm and conjured his katana, unsheathed already, with an agile wrist move. 

"Starting with you bro" Remus aimed at him with his morningstar and positioned himself, as if all of that were just a baseball match.

Roman braced himself for disaster and the cleaning that would follow after. Scrubbing his brains off the wall wasn’t going to be particularly pleasant. Virgil stepped forward, or rather to Roman’s side. 

“Try that and I’ll make you regret it” Virgil’s distorted voice flooded the room as if it were coming from the walls. 

He responded by flinching the tiniest bit. Regardless, his resolve was clear: he wouldn’t back off. 

“Oh, Virgil! This display? Just for me? But you haven’t closed the door! We may be seen! YOU may be seen. Are you willing to show your true colours in front of your new buddies?”

“They are not my buddies, they’re my family and if necessary I’ll get you off the way”. 

“You should have thought about that before messing with my nerd” Virgil’s eyes opened wide with realisation. What about Logan? He couldn’t harm Remus. But Remus would definitely do it, judging by the lightning-fast morningstar moving towards Roman’s face.  “Let’s put your theory to the test!”

Virgil pushed Roman to the floor, behind him, ready to take the full impact of the morningstar. He closed his eyes and waited. 

"Remus, that's quite enough" said Logan. 

Logic stood in between Virgil and Remus, effortlessly holding the shaft of the morningstar. Remus stared at Logan’s rest in bitch face dumbfounded. 

The Prince’s body was spreaded on the floor, he leaned on his forearm, with a spooked expression directed right at the back of Virgil’s head. He only came out of the trance to find Patton. Morality gestured at him, trying to help him get up. 

"What? Bitch, are you serious? He asked for it!" Remus pointed at his brother, releasing his grip on the weapon. 

"I don't care. No matter how impermanent it might be, I'd rather you didn't kill, maim, harm not harass him". 

"He deserves to…" 

"Remus, I understand where this comes from” he began to say, putting the morningstar down “and I'm aware of  how hard it is for you to exert control over your impulses. But this isn't helping me". 

"But! But he's an asshole! He deserves to have his testicles bitten off by a hyena".

"Remus," Logan conjured a notebook with a pen clipped to the cover "I need you to write it down as we practiced. Let me handle this myself" 

"But…" 

Logan took a long, exhausted, breath.

"Please". 

Remus’s body language changed completely, fully giving up. Loose. He took the notebook and sank back. 

Logan turned around, giving the rest a chance to finally take a look at him. 

Logan wasn’t wearing his glasses. 

His tie was undone, and his hair look the slightest bit disheveled. Reddish spider webs were imprinted in his puffy eyes, matching his blushed nose. 

“Wow, Logan, you look like shit” Virgil was the first to voice everyone’s worry, as per usual. 

“Oh, my apologies”  he conjured his glasses and put them on. Then proceeded to get his tie knot done. 

Patton stepped forward to hug him, unable to hold back. 

“Logan… dear mother of waffles!” The dad cupped his face. “Have you been c-- are you okay?” he bit his tongue on the last second, reminded of Logan’s reticence to talk about feelings. 

“I… I have been preoccupied”. 

“Logan…” 

“Roman, I do not wish to engage in conversation with you. I got Remus to leave, okay? I’m not in the mindset for debate” said Logan, ready to sink back again. 

“Wait!” 

“What do you want?” 

Patton and Virgil made a non-verbal pact to leave them some space and moved away, limiting themselves to watch the situation unfold, ready to intervene if necessary. Patton gave Roman a conciliatory smile. 

“I’m sorry! I was too rash, and it wasn’t my place to judge your relationship with Remus. I guess I got angry when I found out that you’re dating him, because of how much you criticize me, it makes me feel that he’s better than me, and that maybe you’ll just want him to do my job instead…” 

“Roman, there’s no way Remus could perform your job. He isn’t constant and gets more distracted than you. Even though his ideas are transgressive, they’re barely practical and don’t fit Thomas’ audience. You, on the other hand,” Logan joined the tips of his fingers and gestured at Roman “take production more into account and strive to create content that satisfies the audience”.

“But what good is that if I don’t challenge them?” 

“Good content doesn’t have to be at odds with pleasing the viewership. If your aim is to entertain, or, as Patton would put it,” he briefly glanced at him “make people happy, how can achieving that be bad? If what you create does what it was meant for then it is a good content”. 

“Well, that may be right, but Remus can handle more mature content better than me”.  

Logan frowned and rethought his strategy.  

“Would you consider Steven Universe bad content?” 

“What?! No! Also, Steven Universe treats mature topics”.  

“Indeed, but addressing mature topics isn’t a synonym for mature content. Roman, your ideas are perfectly capable of accomodating mature topics. You don’t need to make mature content to be a good creator”. 

“But Remus is right, what will Thomas’ legacy be if we just keep doing the same things over and over?” 

“Falsehood. We’re not doing the same things over and over, and, even if that were the case, that doesn’t mean we can’t change the content, if Thomas eventually decides to do so”. 

“But what if I’m not good enough for whatever he chooses to do next? What if he replaces me for Remus?” 

Logan smirked after hearing this and went on. 

“Ah, I see what the problem is. Roman, would you refrain altogether from acting if you failed at an audition?” 

“No” Roman answered with a hint of indignation. 

“Good. Then we can extrapolate that to what you said.” Logan made a pause and considered his next words. “There is always a chance for failure, but failing doesn’t restrict our chances for future success. If we consider your ideas from the angle of whether or not they achieve their purpose, then I’d be inclined to say they’re good. Thus, making you a good creator”.

Logan paused yet again, leaving Roman room to speak. Interestingly enough, the Prince remained quiet, letting Logic’s words sink in.  

“Of course, one could argue that what makes a content good or bad is inherently subjective, but entertaining that thought isn’t useful as a means of judging the quality of what you produce” he added, anticipating what Roman might have been pondering on. “Moreso, it is counterproductive because it only leads us to overthinking. Your desire to grow should not be a discouragement, but a source of motivation”.  

“What about Remus?” 

“Well… while I do believe that Remus should be allowed to be part of the conversation, he can’t act as a substitute for your contributions. Just as Remus can come up with things you can’t, that also applies the other way around”. 

“Then you don’t like Remus better?”

“The nature of our relationship is completely different to the one I have with any of you, so I could not effectively compare them, thus value one above the other”. 

Roman’s arms fell to his sides, he stared at the teacher, unsure as to what to say next. 

“Well, thanks Logan, that was... really nice… I’m very sorry for before”. 

“No problem, I can now understand why you reacted the way you did. I suppose an apology is due. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to correctly assess the way you were feeling and that I may have been somewhat insensitive”. 

“We’re both at fault, I guess”. 

“Correct. You were unfair and I was” Logan searched through his vocab cards until he found one and flipped it. It was written in all caps with black chinese ink, using thick angular strokes “an r/iamverysmart”. 

“What?” Virgil began to laugh. 

Patton went to Roman’s side and squeezed a bit on his arm. 

“I’m very proud of you, Ro” he said in a low voice. 

“Remus wanted to contribute to my efforts of understanding modern slang and gifted me with new vocab cards I’ve added to my research. Did I use that one properly?” 

“Naaah… not really” Virgil replied and began to give him some examples so he could frame the concept properly. 

“I’m glad I talked about it”. 

“Me too. I know how hard it is for you, Roman, and I’m so, so proud”. 

“Thanks, Dad” the Prince smiled. He went back to looking at his emo nightmare and Logan. 

“Leaving aside the most gruesome traits of his writing, I’m now proofreading a mystery novel he’s begun, and it’s very engaging” the tiniest of smiles appeared on Logan’s face.

“Isn’t that your favourite genre?” 

“In fiction, yes. So, understandably, I was pleased to assist him. He gave me the chance to contribute with plenty of Agatha Christie references”. 

“Well, it might turn out you and Remus may make a good couple” said Roman, too distracted by how surprised he found what Logan had said to really think about the wording he had used. 

Virgil looked at him in confusion, while Logan waited for him to elaborate. 

Roman opened his eyes wide, mentally rewinding. Oh. 

“Not that I am saying that’s what you are… I know you don’t need my approval, but no matter what’s in between you and Remus, I’m cool with it” he placed a hand behind his head and stood awkwardly. 

“That’s… quite alright. I appreciate that. And, regarding your previous statement, yes, I believe we do”. 

*so I’ve seen Roman call Patton padre a lot, but dad in Spanish translates into papá rather than padre. You see padre=father, papá=dad and papi=daddy. So I chose to go with papá. 

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