Love and hate
Love and hate are two brothers fighting over an ignorant girl. It never occurs to her that she never had a choice. That’s why, most of the time, she ends up with neither of them. She either finds peace in herself or seals a deal with a businessman.
I constantly remind myself what I experience right now is not a feeling but a choice. Attempting to be emotionless is a challenging mission. But I am working on it. And I am on my way there.
The one who ambushed my heart has claimed his awards. I don’t blame him. In fact, I stop blaming any other people for a quite while. I even stop blaming myself.
Yes, everything is either a direct choice or a consequence following the choice. Every single fucking thing. Nothing happens without a reason. Even if you are killed by a pot falling down from a 32-floor-building. You chose to be in that exact location at the exact time without a helmet. If you are doomed, you are.
Love too, is a deliberate choice.
There is no such thing called the only one or the right one.
It is just a mutual choice. For that person, you are too good to let go yet not too good to be out of your league. For that person, you have been around for too long to be forgotten yet not too long to stay around with. For that person, you seem to be too much part of his life to be ignored yet not too much part to be all of his life. And for you, it’s all the same.
I learned to be honest about my needs and I am still learning how to let others know.
If there is anything out there that runs the whole world, thank you.
As a human, I am not that different from a machine, an animal, or a piece of rock. Life is always in a loop and I rarely try to break the bubble. For things that I am not supposed to understand, I won’t be able to understand them. It never mattered whether the world is real or not. What it truly matters, it’s me. Am I satisfied with these dreams that I am living in? Am I happy about all these choices that I am picking up? Am I good enough to enjoy the things I am possessing?
Let it be.
Anything that goes wrong will go wrong.
And may the odds be ever in your favor.
Love,
Lanxy
