one of those times i regret having RL people on tumblr with me, because i cant actually talk about shit without them noticing. when things get real i can apparently only make stupid ass posts into the void rather than trying to talk to an actual human being but whatever im an emotionally dead mess so roll on the whining
anxiety is playing up again. cant talk about it directly because anxiety. having problems at work because anxiety. meeting with the boss man to try and give me support because anxiety. convinced everyone at work hates me because anxiety. a phonecall in the office today from boss man because i spoke to my other boss to ask for a talk (but never got the chance) to the point where his first question was âare you ok?â (and i lied and said yes) because anxiety.
depressive thoughts coming back because anxiety. bad depressive habits coming back because anxiety. shutting myself off from people and getting paranoid because anxiety. thinking most people wouldnât miss me if i left work and never came back. unable to converse about this normally because anxiety. completely resigned and accepting of the fact that i am unlikable, unstable, and a total burden at work because of anxiety. also accepting of the fact that i am better off keeping away from people at work so they dont have to put up with my presence, because anxiety.
unable to sleep tonight because anxiety.
going to post this and then turn off my computer/phone and go play oblivion, partly because anxiety, but also because i know im being an attention seeking little shit who cant handle any of her problems properly.
but i know if i dont at least make some attempt at saying something, even if its just a post like this, im going to fucking explode.
(and just to emphasise, i PROMISE i am safe. i promise i am not going to hurt myself. i absolutely promise to you. i just...needed to vent)
