#laewrites

Word Count: 2.1K+ 

Warnings: Very light make out sesh, slight mention of anxiety, angst, cheating. 

A/N: Hey guys! My name is Lae and this is my first imagine as I’m hopping on the Noah Centineo bandwagon. Let me know if you like this one and would like more. Request are always open. Happy reading! 

          This was definitely not how I would typically spend my Saturday night, but Stasia, my best friend certainly had other plans for us tonight. It was supposed to be a quiet night at my house, binging on popcorn and cheese puffs, but then her boyfriend called. As soon as she picked up the phone, I knew we were going wherever Ace wanted. I didn’t mind too much and Stasia seemed happy with Ace, so I never pushed. If I had known where we would end up that night, I would’ve stayed as close to my bed as humanly possible. Nevertheless, I sat in the backseat of Ace’s jeep, third wheeling once again.  

          “Stasia, did we really have to come to the lacrosse game? He’s here.” Y/N didn’t like to come to school events anymore, really. Partly, because my ex boyfriend was always apart of them, front and center. It was one of the reasons why I loved him so much, but now it was just goddamn annoying. “C’mon honey, he’s on the field it’s not like you’re going to see him. It’ll be fine.” 

         We continued to walked up to ticket booth, showing them our student passes before headed to find a seat on the bleachers. Thankfully, the game had already stared, so we didn’t have to endure all the pre-game nonsense. I respected the sport, I really did, but I didn’t want to see him lead the team out on their first playoff game with everyone screaming his name. Just wasn’t something I wanted to witness or be a part of anymore.

          I hated myself for spotting him immediately, even with his helmet on. His signature white compression, tights he wore underneath his shorts giving him away. Plus, he was the only one wearing them on the field, so it was easy for me to spot him. I tried to pay attention to the conversation Ace and Stasia we’re having, but here I was again, completely enthralled by him. He always had this effect on me, even when we were dating. I couldn’t believe he was my boyfriend and that he wanted me, he chose me. 

          He had been everything to me. He was my best friend who ended up being my boyfriend, but I hadn’t seen him since everything happened. Frankly, I don’t know if I ever wanted to see him. Yet, here I was at his dumbass lacrosse game, courtesy of Ace and Stasia’s need to join the rest of civilization. Although, being here, it made me wonder if I done the right thing. In the moment, it felt like I had all those months ago but seeing him again didn’t clarify any doubts I was currently feeling about him. 

          I watched as the clock winded down to zero, the ring of the buzzer filling the stadium. Everyone cheering loudly due to the win the lacrosse teams scored tonight. The spirits were at a high tonight, and it wasn’t just because of the stoners smoking their blunts. Maybe I could actually use one right now. 

          “You okay, babe?” Y/N looked over at her and gave Stasia a half smile, it was the best I could do given the circumstances. I knew I had zoned out for a moment, so Stasia was waiting for me patiently with her impatient boyfriend.c 

          “Stas, I think I’m gonna stick around for a bit. You guys don’t have to wait up. I’ll be fine.” She gave you a nod, knowing this wasn’t something she should push, before ushering Ace in the other direction towards the exit.

          As soon as everyone filled out of the field, that’s when I began walking towards the locker room before I even knew where my feet were carrying me.  I stood to the far right of the entrance, waiting for everyone to come out, knowing he’s always the last one to leave. I felt my palms begin to sweat, and my hands began to shake but I couldn’t back out. This was the closest I had come to confronting him in the months we’d had been apart. I needed to do this for me. A few moments later he came out of the locker room, and I couldn’t believe it was him. Right in front of me. His tall stature making me feeling incredibly small, insignificant even. 

          “Peter?” He stopped dead in his tracks, knowing that voice was only existed in his dreams now. You couldn’t really be here. You never were anymore. If he tried to talk to you, you always went in the other direction. Peter tried for a few months, but eventually gave up on being your friend again. You so clearly wanted nothing to do with him and he had to accept it. Although, he still found himself thinking about you from time to time. You were his first and he was yours, it was hard to give up something like that. 

          “Y/N? What are you doing here?” I wasn’t really sure what to say. I didn’t really know why I thought this was a good idea. I knew it wasn’t. If it included Peter and I, it never was. We tried to make ourselves fit as a couple so hard, but we just never did. 

          “I actually don’t know. Just, um, please forget you saw me here tonight. Cool? Thanks.” I tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him.

         For the first time in months, I was looking at Peter and he was focused in on me and it felt suffocating. His hand had intertwined with mine, while the other left limp at my side. Peter’s curls fell perfectly on his face, still looked a little damp, but perfect nonetheless. 

            God, the way he was looking at me had to be intoxicating. He looked like a deer in headlights, and I wasn’t sure if I should feel prideful that I still had this effect on him or frightened I still did. The beautiful brown haired boy with wholesome brown eyes, looking down on me like I aligned the stars in the sky. Just for him, but we both knew I wasn’t that kind. 

          “Please, don’t go yet. I need a second with you.” I gulped, very fucking loudly or at least that’s what it felt like. My nerves already kicking in with the slight physical contact with Peter.

          Then, his hand left mine and I felt exposed in the cool autumn hair without his warmth until I felt his hands cupped my cheeks, and I felt warm again. Peter’s thumb slowly grazed my lip, which had to be quivering by now, but I was completely okay with it this time around. Slowly, he leaned down so his forehead was leaning against mine, shuffling his body closer to mine. My hands found his waist, wanting to feel secure while I’m with him a moment longer. It didn’t matter how long it had been or the issues we had with one another, he was my home. Whether it was platonically or romantically, it was the truth. 

          Peter was so close to me now. So close. I could hear every breath he inhaled, and feel every exhale. “Please, don’t leave me again.” My heart broke at Peter’s words, yet I said nothing. We just continued to hold each other, neither of us wanting the moment to end. Although, maybe Peter knew this wasn’t good for either of us, so he backed away, losing any contact we once held before.

          Peter stood there uncomfortably, the intimacy of the moment they shared suddenly hitting him. He knew he shouldn’t have been this close with you, especially not when he had a girlfriend.

          “Yeah, right. How could I forget? I should go, Peter. I’m sorry.” I walked away from him and I began walking home, alone and in the dark. Such a perfect fit in comparison to the rest of her life. Until, Peter ran up towards you, against all internal wishes you had for yourself and for him as well. 

          “Y/N, I can’t let you walk alone, in the dark at night. Let me take you home.” You knew he was right so you let him do just that. Here you were again, in Peter’s Jeep and you could almost smell her perfume lingering in his car. Every time you thought of her, you felt like you didn’t have a place with him anymore. She was his best friend and his girlfriend. What could you be to him? You had been replaced and as selfish as it sounds you wanted to be that to him again but reality is a real bitch slap in the face. 

          There you sat confused as ever when Peter’s hand found your exposed thigh, your short dress slightly hiked up. I looked up at him, but his line of focus stood with the road in front of him. I decided not to think anything of it as I faced the other window. 

          Finally, we arrived at my home, which was right next to Peter’s. Always so convenient as he would like to say. For some reason, we both still sat in the car with the engine still on. Maybe we didn’t want the night to end because when it did, I’d have to forget about this night entirely if I still wanted to maintain my sanity.  

          “I want to say something just in case I never get to say it again.” Y/N looked at Peter again, before slowly nodding her head, waiting for him to speak. Silently, scared of what he might say. 

          “You need to know I never meant to hurt you. The way it all went down wasn’t my intention nor was it the plan. I loved you, Y/N. More than I have loved anyone, and I fucked it up. I know that. I should’ve went to you about everything, but I went to Lara Jean and it’s so fucking messy, now. I made my choice and I know I should stick to it, but don’t I have the right to change my mind?” I shook my head. He’s just having a lapse of misconstructed judgement, and then this feeling will be over. He’ll be over me, and I’ll be the one that has to move on. Peter will be with Lara Jean, and I’ll be the one alone, once again. Setting the reset button all over again was something I was so desperately trying to avoid. 

          “Peter, just leave it alone. All three of us know, Lara Jean is the one you’re in love with. Let’s all do each other a favor and bury this in the ground and never dig it up again.” I never understood why Peter couldn’t just leave it, alone. I just wanted to leave it all in the past.

          I unbuckled my seat belt, turning to say goodbye to him, before I left the car but he had other plans. Before I even knew it was happening, he grabbed me by the waist, lifting me over to his side, so I was sitting on his lap.

          “Peter, what the hell is your problem?” There he sat, as he stared at me intensely, without uttering a sound. In the back of my mind, I had the itching reminder that the boy’s lap I’m sitting on has a girlfriend. I tried to remove myself from him by opening the door, but Peter just closed it shut again. Persistent as ever.

          “Fuck. You’re my problem. You always will be.” With that, he’s lips found mine and I forgot every thought roaming through my head. My fingers threaded through his curly locks, as I kissed him back with a passion I hadn’t felt in so long. He’s tongue traced my bottom lip, side to side, teasing for an entrance I wasn’t willing to give, just yet.

          Peter grabbed me by my hips, encouraging me to move them with his own. I immediately gasped out in surprise, his tongue slotting in at the moment of vulnerability. He kissed me as if this was going to be the last time, and I believe it would be. So, I was going to do something I’d only ever done with Peter. I don’t think it’ll ever feel right if I ever did it with anyon me else. This was the chance which was given to me and I would take. I would accept any consequences along with it.

          I pulled away from Peter for just a second, slipping off my lace thong, before stuffing it in the pocket of his gym shorts. Kissing him hard and fast, once again.

          Peter was now clear on exactly where this was going and part of him wishes this would end, for Lara Jean’s sake and for his own. He didn’t know if he could ever come back from this or how he would. There was a clear line he was crossing with Y/N and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. 

          It wasn’t that Peter didn’t want to have sex with you because he really fucking did. You were the most beautiful person he ever had the pleasure of knowing, inside and out. You genuinely cared about people, and always put everyone’s needs before your own, but he had a girlfriend. Peter definitely didn’t want to make you feel like the other woman. It wasn’t who you were to him and he didn’t want to compromise who you were just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Peter knew everything you stood for and it’s why he loved you so much. He would hate himself if he turned you into the other woman.  

          Peter pulled away from you, detaching his lips from your for a moment. “Can we pause for a second?” I nodded slightly, thinking I did something wrong. Honestly, what had I been thinking? Peter would come back running to me when he had Lara Jean. She was perfect. They were perfect together. Yet, here I was again with him. Awkwardly, just sitting in his lap with my panties in his pocket completely exposed to him.

          “Umm, did I, uh, do something wrong?” I ran my finger through my hair nervously like I always did, before returning them to my lap. I knew I was being absolutely selfish in this scenario, but it was Peter. I couldn’t help it when it came to him. 

          “No, of course not. You’re perfect.” Peter cradled my face in his left hand, with his right arm around my waist. “It’s just, um, Lara Jean and I are still together and I need to figure some stuff out. Yeah?” I nodded my head, understanding the situation I had put us in. I needed to give him time to process everything that had happened between us and maybe I did to. This was Peter Kavinsky we were talking about. There was always strings attached, most of the time they were pulling at my heart. 

          Before, I could say or do anything I heard a loud knock on the door and I was faced with Lara Jean with a look that would kill as I sat on Peter’s lap with my thong hanging out of his shorts.