#ladymacbeezy

Rules: 1. Always post the rules. 2. Answer the questions of the person who tagged you and then write 10 more. 3. Tag 10 people then link them. (I tagged twelve oops well) 4. Let them know you tagged them.

ladymacbeezy’s questions (ugh i’m terrible at this)

1. What gets you pissed off?

Holy lord WHAT DOESN'T?

But generally, assholes and any -ism that results in people being assholes. Zero percent a fan of injustice and oppression. I get really frustrated with people who don't acknowledge them, and institutions that perpetuate them in general.

2. What helps you calm down?

When I get stressed or upset, a good cry will usually help out. Especially if I'm upset, I really just need to talk it out with other people, I'm not good at processing things on my own. But yes, a good cry and a good laugh with people I love.

3. What’s your view on tattoos/piercings? Have any of your own?

Have at it! I chicken out mostly, I don't have any piercings or tattoos, but I think I might want to eventually. Not right now, but yes, at some point maybe.

4. What does “love” mean to you?

When I think of love I think of unconditional love. Like no matter how frustrated you get with whoever or whatever is happening, you will always have love for this person or this thing, and you are stronger and better for their presence. I also think love is a lot about protection - like the more I at least love somebody the more I want to protect them from being hurt, from being harmed, from things that might want to destroy them. But If I were to sum it up, I think I'd say love is about wanting to be there for someone as they grow and develop and blossom, and to want to see/help them do so in the best way possible.

5. Do you regret any of your decisions in life up to now, or do you live if no regrets? Has this helped you grow as a person, or brought you down?

If you had asked me that like a year and a half ago, I would say that there are entire years that I regret and want to take away, but I think most recently the greatest thing I've learned is that everything I am is chalked up to my past experiences. There are things I may not have loved going through or decisions that could have been better made, but at the end of the day I think I can honestly say I love who I am and the person I'm becoming, and everything that has happened, all the shitty things I did to myself or let happen, all played a part in developing this person here. And I'm thankful, and I'm glad, and I really do think that I am better and stronger for all of it.

6. Who is an inspirational character to you in film/theatre/books/etc and why?

I think Hermione Granger. I remember being a little kid and reading Harry Potter and loving her a lot because when I was little, I never thought of myself as pretty (for different reasons than Hermione did), and that me being smart was all I really had. I liked her drive and her determination and her love for knowledge and while I haven't really followed through on those qualities for all of my life, she has always been a character I have aspired to. I always wanted to be smart, and brave, and strong, and resourceful, and loyal, and kind. And as Hermione's grown up in the books she still is someone that I admire.

7. You’re driving down the road - warm day, windows rolled down, it’s almost sunset. Where are you and what’s on the radio?

I'm back in California I think, maybe Monterey or Carmel. Frank Ocean always!

8. You have a one-way ticket to anywhere of your choosing. Where would you go?

The Phillippines! or Paris I think.

9. Find your favorite book (or any book really). What is your favorite quote from it?

"Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist, there are still those that lie beyond our capacity and our imagination. From time to time, when a piece of music no one has ever written or a painting no one has ever painted, or something else impossible to predict, fathom or yet describe takes place, a new feeling enters the world. And then, for the millionth time in the history of feeling, the heart surges and absorbs the impact."

- Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

10. What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

From my cousin RB: "If you're going to act, you have to be okay with not leaving a legacy. You have to be okay with not getting that huge starring role, as much as you want it, because those are one in a million and as talented as you may be there is so much luck involved in getting that big break. Maybe you won't be famous, maybe you won't get that one in a million role, and there are going to be times when you fall down, and they will hurt. You have to love the art. You have to love the craft. You have to love the experience of it all. When you wake up and go to work and are happy and love it, that's when you're successful."

From my acting professor: "Fuck it up."

So who I tagged gets to answer these:

1. What is one thing you are grateful to have?

2. Who is the person or thing that inspires you most?

3. What are you most scared of?

4. What are you most excited about right now?

5. What helps you sleep at night?

6. Do you like to be surprised?

7. What foods remind you of home?

8. Where do you consider home?

9. What makes you feel safe?

10. What is something that never fails to cheer you up?

Tagging:

http://contra-stt.tumblr.com

http://lalala-kia.tumblr.com

http://ladymacbeezy.tumblr.com

http://shadowsgiveusdepth.tumblr.com

http://madamereece.tumblr.com

http://manicpixiequeenbitch.tumblr.com

http://itss-an-optical-illusion.tumblr.com

http://megtherocket.tumblr.com

http://touching-there.tumblr.com

http://sexifiedsoul.tumblr.com

http://yerthebadwolfmari.tumblr.com

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Fool That I Am - Etta James

Freedom - Anthony Hamilton & Elayna Boynton

Ballad of a Thin Man - Bob Dylan

I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons

Literally anything by Lianne La Havas, she’s perfect

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I don’t have any exes :(  Nobody’s ever liked me enough to date me.  womp womp

47. Have you ever been high?

Yes, and I hated it.  I have never had a good high.  I’d like to some day, but I just think I have a negative reaction to pot in general, and I’m not interested in taking anything else.

63. Ever been in love?

No :(  And my biggest fear is I never will be

88. Last person you talked to today?

I just woke up, but yesterday the last person I talked to was my friend Coretta

90. Name a person you love?

Patty (that’s my mom)

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

JOY TO THE WORLD

2. Are relationships ever worth it?Of course, if you’re ready for it. If you know what you want and you’re prepared for what it’ll take, they’re always worth it.

13. Do you get jealous easily?Not really jealous, I don’t think. I mean, I’m not necessarily worried they’ll leave me for someone else, just that they might suddenly realize they don’t like me as a person. 

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Already answered, but no!

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?(INCLUDING LOVE PECKS ;D) 5

55. Share a relationship story. Shit, uh, hm… does this mean the story of a relationship or a story the story of something that happened while I was in a relationship? I’ll copy/paste and elaborate on one.

So my first girlfriend was a girl in my French class in high school. She was a sweet girl, kind of quiet, a year under me. She liked to write. She was in choir with a friend of mine and so we had mutual friends, plus a class together. I was out by then, and so one day she messaged on Facebook and said she wanted to talk because she was questioning and she felt that I was the only one who could/would understand. So we talked and we became friends, and then towards November or so of that year, we started to get feelings for each other. And we knew it, and we acted like we were together but it was really over Christmas break when things got serious. Her parents found out that she liked girls, and by extension found out about me. I remember it being a huge deal because we wanted to go somewhere together and her mother told her that she was never allowed to see me, and they didn’t want her talking to me even at school. She told me that she didn’t care what they thought, that she wanted me no matter what.

So when school started again, we were together, but it was very, very, very under wraps (like, we can hold hands when we’re alone in a classroom under wraps). It was stressful also because she cut (I also used to cut, on my ankles, but it had stopped long before we’d ever met), and we would talk about it, of course, and I knew that even though it was a heavy thing she needed someone. 

In March, after I came home from school one day, my dad started up a conversation about being careful who you talk to and what you say to people. And it felt just kind of like it came out of the blue so I asked him “why are we talking about this?” It turns out her parents had found out about her cutting, and she told them that the reason was because I cut too. Her mom called my parents, and so forth. She didn’t tell me about any of this until I brought it up, and still denied it. So her parents hated me (and I had never met them), she had lied to me, and I had started having health issues again because of it. I stayed with her until the school year ended, and her parents pulled her out of our school and moved her to Davis, probably to get her away from me. But I remember her having this master plan about blaming me for everything and telling her parents that it was all my fault so they wouldn’t question if she was still talking to me or some bullshit like that. I said no. And it kind of makes me sick to think about it, because I did love her. And I knew it was bad, but I felt guilty and somehow responsible because she would constantly tell me  ”I don’t know what I’d do without you,” “You’re the only thing that’s keeping me here,” “I’d probably be gone if it wasn’t for you,” made all the worse by the fact that she told me that she was basically straight, but that I was the only girl that she’d ever want to be with.

The whole thing was sick and twisted and all consuming and made my hair fall out and makes me crawl. It’s not something I can really look back on fondly, and the two of us haven’t spoken since she moved and I broke up with her because I wasn’t willing to do any of it anymore. It’s weird though. I mean, I loved her, but towards the end it was almost like that didn’t matter, because I needed to get the fuck away. 

62. What is the sexiest thing anyone could ever do for/to you?Already answered, but after thinking about it a little, I really, really like it when girls hug me, and then kind of creep their hands under my shirt. It’s just one of those things.

69. What turns you off?Assholes. Disrespectful, inconsiderate, self-centered assholes.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?Already answered, but I’ll copy/paste because I love you. :)

Height. It’s not required, but I definitely like when girls are taller than me. Which, luckily, isn’t really that hard given my size.79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?I felt jealous of my cat because her job is to lie around and sleep and look cute. I’d enjoy that life.