Lacid submitted: I’ve been reading your “blog” (tumblr?) For a couple months, albeit sporadically. I don’t always agree, and a lot of it might have been sarcasm so screw it. I enjoy it, though.
I see a lot of hate from similar circles. Even within yours, but again, you have that dry sarcastic wit that is lost in text.
There’s a strong rise of feminist ideologies in my area, and ive tossed a similar letter to a few (respectable) persons. I would seriously appreciate a reply to a handful of questions I’ve cobbled together.
(As a preface, I am male, sorry)
How can I fight the stereotypes? I’m extremely feminine, color/gender blind, and percieve myself as completely non-threatening at face value. I read blogs about people feeling oppressed, about hating men as a blanket statement because the stereotypes ARE so often accurate. It bothers me, and I want to take one small and personal step towards proving them wrong. How do?
What IS socially acceptable between strangers without crossing a line or putting someone in a position to feel threatened? Men are accepting of compliments/positive body language (if they are gay/bi). But I feel as though making any kind of advance outside my own gender might be rude or insulting, and again the last thing I need to do is perpetuate a stereotype. I’m not asking for dating advice. I’m asking what would flatter you and get a point of mild attraction across without crossing any lines. Catcalling, obvious “checking out”, I see it daily and it bothers me as well. But I feel oppressed in my own way by having this “keep your head down lest you give the wrong impression” attitude. And frankly, that’s the fault of piggish men.
Lastly, I promise, would it be weird or uncouth for a male to attend a “feminist” event? I support the causes and battles that have to be fought for equality and most importantly visibility. I’ve always felt that diversity is key in gaining public attention/support, but it just feels predacious or pandering, as I’m NOT a woman and I purely observe the malpractices, I’m never a victim of them in the exact same capacity.
I love the blog. I love your lack of fucks when it comes to just expressing who you are and your opinion. Please don’t stop doing you. I appreciate it if youve read this far, and mostly for putting up with the haters.
Ok, there is a lot here and it might be my lack of sleep but it’s a little confusing so forgive me as I try to wade through.
For starters, no one wants you to be gender or colour blind, honestly. It’s ok to see those differences and to embrace them and remember that people who experience these differences will have something different to say than you a lot of the time, so be sure to listen.
I never generally feel threatened by compliments, I have many guy friends or even starters who have complimented me in ways that I find totally appropriate. Complimenting my shirt because you like it, or saying “wow, your hair looks awesome” is a really non threatening way to approach someone and give them the power to either thank you politely and leave or engage with you further. To me, finding a connection with someone isn’t about flattery, it’s about interest and seeing if there is anything you two can share.
I see a lot of Pick Up Artist nonsense that make it sound like women need really specific cheat codes in order to even engage in conversation and to me that is totally ridiculous. I don’t think you need to feel “oppressed” by this, you just need to start from the basic concept that women are people and prone to all the complexities that go along with that. Don’t focus on flattering a woman, don’t focus on some possible “end goal” (be it sex, relationship, marriage, babies, someone to go on a crime spree with, whatever it is) and just respectfully engage her in the here and now. If she’s not interested just let it roll off you, everyone faces these mild rejections when they put themselves out there.
As for a feminist event most of the ones I know have no gender rules, but always check out their website and rules. If you go make sure it is so you can learn, remember it’s not about you. If you want to go as an ally who wants to learn from feminist thought then that sounds healthy. Any other purposes seem seedy.
Oh and something I forgot to address . . . when ti comes to fighting the stereotypes it’s less about you learning to become the perfect guy and more about learning about women’s experiences and respecting that. Also, if you can . . . call out those piggish men when you hear or see them. It’s exhausting for us to do it all the time and I find that that is important ally work.
So TL;DR: Women are people, learn from their experiences, respect them, call out sexist men.
