#lacetalks

It was Word of God confirmed Al isn’t afraid of dogs, he just doesn’t like them, so staying on the defensive can’t quite be explained by fear. Given the fact both he and Vox can literally teleport and drop whole buildings/overpasses in one blow, I’m skeptical of the idea Al just didn’t have breathing room to attack.

It’s most likely that Shokky just had plot armour cuz it would’ve been vile of the writers to kill the baby off, but in my heart I want to believe that Alastor was deliberately not hurting him cuz he knew it would cause irreparable fallout between him and Vox, and like. Yes Al has been deliberately hurting and manipulating Vox all season, but he’s also been the happiest we’ve ever seen him while doing it.

So I don’t think he wanted their dynamic to break. He seems genuinely frazzled and caught off guard in the last leg of the fight, which is interesting considering this fight was the culmination of his plan and he initiated it. The tone shift from him nagging Vox about his touchy nature like an old wife, hurling playground insults (“you absolute idiot!” “you moron!”), and calling Vox “baby” to Vox strapping himself to a bomb with a cavalier smile cuz as long as Alastor dies it’s okay if he loses everything is so stark like. This is naut a man who anticipated this turn of events:

Also notice during their fight Alastor didn’t draw Vox’s blood, he only broke off extraneous robotic pieces:

And then just started punching Vox with his bare fists for some reason despite the fact his claws and teeth and antlers were right there:

Meanwhile, Vox had him like this:

Perhaps the feelings between them are one-sided but because Vox HATES Alastor and Alastor DOESN’T hate Vox.

Sidenote, them both being pissed off while everyone is trying to nullify the bomb is so funny:

Till being so annoyed by Ivan’s overbearing clinginess and weird habits, wishing with all his chest that Ivan gets a new hobby / fixation and leaves him alone… Until Ivan disappears or gets sick / injured and Till realises the silence is a lot louder than he thought it’d be. Till having mixed feelings about the boy who buried himself into his psyche like a pest that can’t be excised anymore. Till haunted and wanting Ivan back, but it still isn’t love—at least not love in that soft, comforting, romantic way. Not love like how he feels for Mizi, endlessly wanting to bask in her glow and watch her succeed.

I feel like Till loving Ivan is like, the ease found in familiarity—living in the same house for so long you remember just how many steps it takes to get up from the landing. Even in the dark, you’re not uncertain; you won’t lurch at the top step and feel your heart drop, because you know what to expect. Until the layout changes, and everything is wrong and unfamiliar in ways you never could have anticipated. You keep forgetting you’re not in the same house anymore; you don’t know where anything is.

I like to think Till isn’t capable of loving Ivan the same way he loves Mizi, the same way Ivan wants to love and be loved by him. The only time his heart will ever skip a beat is from fear or embarrassment. There’s no head-over-heels, skin-tingling tenderness. No sparks. But while he’s content to get burned in Mizi’s brilliance, Ivan is like—room temperature. Something that feels like nothing, until you experience too hot or too cold and find yourself wanting that stability back.

I like thinking about Till’s feelings that way, tepid and nebulous but not insubstantial. I feel like they pair well with Ivan’s, who’s undefined in his own way—he knows what he wants, yes, but he seems like he denies himself those soft pleasures and opts for something cold and realistic instead. Till doesn’t care that he’s always there, always interested, always yearning for simple companionship. Till does care when Ivan pisses him off or hits him or insults him, so, well. If Ivan wants to be noticed, there’s a clear trajectory he can take, isn’t there?

I’ve always thought of him as someone content to be an “object,” content to be a fine-tuned product for the aliens’ enjoyment. Even compared to Luka, who’s similarly marketable, we see Luka having his own out-there quirks and acting impulsively, cruelly and letting his personality shine. Ivan is always just giving canned answers he thinks other people would like to hear, this empty black void that barely counts as a person.

(Perhaps that’s why he likes Till, who’s overflowing with vibrancy. Black holes swallow all matter, including light itself, etc.)

If he’s not a “person,” he doesn’t have to wear his desires on his sleeve. He can just react to Till in any way that might preserve their tenuous connection. If he’s not a person—just a pet, an object—it doesn’t matter if he’s denied; he’s content to take what he can get and be grateful for it. I figure they must have drifted after graduating from Anakt, since Ivan said in an interview that he and Till aren’t close. I figure it’s cuz their schedules don’t line up without living under a shared roof, and that’s… Just how it is. Ivan can tolerate that and play the role of a good pet. It’s not like they have any reason to meet anyway; only to indulge Ivan’s “shallow emotions.”

But as dark and impassive Ivan seems to be, we do get to glimpse what he’d like to do with Till if he could, sometimes—holding his hand, wanting him to cheer him up / cheer him on, nuzzling their heads together, etc… All things that feel so innocent and starkly contrast his provocative behaviour when Till is paying attention to him (further implying he only acts like that cuz Till won’t GAF otherwise). I often think about how he envies Sua because he thought they were both twisted, unwanted objects, only to realise Sua could be her soft and gentle self when next to Mizi. Sua could love and be loved back. She could be free. Ivan couldn’t.

So circling back, I think if Till and Ivan lived in a kinder world where they only had a death scare rather than death sentence, Till could resolve not to take his friend for granted anymore and, yes, admit they are friends. Being permitted even that much could be intense to Ivan, who was content to be a scribble in the background of Till’s life… I love thinking about them not having what Mizi and Sua have—because they’re different people—but being able to make “whatever” they have work regardless.

EHE THANK YOU FOR REACHING OUT/// Especially in public fandom spaces I’m wary of people getting weird about transgressive fiction, so it’s reassuring to hear people who engage with my works also like it ;u; <3 (Though, I mean, I would hope so, given I don’t really shy away from it in my art AHA///)

I’ll try to post more of my loose thoughts on bluesky! A lot of them are just scenario ideas without much elaboration, but I know I muse on VoxAl’s relationship in general in a pretty niche way—sometimes I feel like @dallacuna-b and I are the only ones who prefer the bulk of the boundary-crossing, invasive, violent behaviours between them to be instigated by Alastor rather than Vox. But, like!!! Look at the show!

Al loves psychologically tormenting Vox, making him feel like shit, making him question his reality, making him burn bridges with his friends, making him feel like his every move is under scrutiny and one day he’ll stop swimming and drown! On Vox’s end… what? He likes mildly annoying Al and putting him in uncomfortable but ultimately harmless scenarios? He returns fire when Alastor starts fights? That is not a man who’s the evil sexy CEO in bodice-ripper noncon fics to me LMFAO He’s scared of Alastor. He’ll literally drop anything and spawn when Alastor calls him, but he’s not going to chase, from what we’ve seen.

(He knows better than to think Alastor would deign to give him the privilege.)

So I’m just 🤤 I love thinking of Al as the one who pseudo-sexually harasses Vox, the one who employs toxic yandere tactics, the one who’s going to spike Vox’s drink and lie to him about it so he can get Vox to depend on him even more, all while he enjoys the comfort of “being in control.” After all, Vox is just a toy to him. His favourite one, yes, perhaps, but in the end he’s only there for Alastor’s entertainment, and he’s a very reliable source. Why wouldn’t Alastor seek him out when he’s bored and needing a pick-me-up?

It actually felt very Asian to me, ahaha—vividly reminded me of all my middle-aged relatives, same with the stupid maracas thing he did with Carmilla. I think him calling Spanish an “island language” could actually have more to do with the fact he’s from the East Coast (likely Baltimore, MD, from “Brighter”—because the team are musical theatre fans, I wonder if it’s a Hairspray reference): The closest Spanish-speaking places would be Puerto Rico, Cuba, and the Dominican Republic, all of which are islands!