#la lyfe

So the apt I just moved into is 2 levels (first = shared spaces such as living room/kitchen/etc, second = bedrooms) and I was excited because if we are our own upstairs neighbors, then I will no longer have to deal with upstairs neighbors making the weirdest, most inexplicable noises. At the very least, if I hear a weird noise, I can inquire to roommate as to wtf that was. But no. Now, on occasion, there is what sounds like the teeniest, tiniest horse in the world, galloping across the roof. My roommates tell me they are squirrels. I do not believe them.

Have recently moved from one LA apartment to another LA apartment and the new place is closer to the airport, so every time I hear one fly over I open the Flight Aware app to see where they're going and judge them when applicable. "Who's flying to Oakland from LA? They've surely all been forced to for work and resent having no choice but to sardine can themselves for 40 minutes on a Thursday night. Oof." "Oh no, you guys were so delayed. Godspeed, metal tube of sleep-deprived unhappiness soaring across the cosmos." "Random helicopter with no destination, what the fuck is your story? What's even up there to see? It's night." "You're going to New York?? Good luck. Your plane sounds like a kazoo."

This morning I had what I’ve decided to refer to as a ‘sitcommute’, in which my drive to work is littered with sitcom-esque nonsense. The police closed off a single block of a busy 4-lane road for mystery reasons, so we all had to turn down the nearest side street, which lead to one of those tiny one-lane alley roads that cars are supposed to take turns driving through but no one was doing that because there were 40+ of us in both directions running late for work. Much honking, much cars doubling up and barely squeezing past each other. Watched a man with a baby taking what I’m sure he thought would be a leisurely morning walk look very perplexed as he hustled back into his house when all of us showed up. Then once I escaped that madness (I turned around and went even further out of my way to avoid the one-lane situation because I’m not awake enough to navigate that shit), I spent the rest of the drive behind a Doc Johnson sex toy truck and a hearse.

There’s a bird outside my apartment complex making one very loud squawk approximately every 2 seconds. A neighbor opened her door and shouted, “YO. CAN YOU QUIT IT? YO. FOR REAL. THAT IS, LIKE, SO ANNOYING.” The squawking volume went down by half, presumably because the bird flew away a bit, neighbor went back inside...but now the squawking has come back with a vengeance this boy is so goddamned loud. I think neighbor just declared a war. I am afraid.

Neighborhood construction workers are absolutely unhinged today. The yelling and the music-listening is significantly louder than usual, which I thought was maybe just me having to readjust to the noise since I’ve been out of town the past week, but no. Just heard someone else from a nearby building shout, “TURN IT DOWN. I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS.” 

Drove past a gas station on my way to work that is $5.71 a gallon, ladies and gentlepeople, we are in Hell.

Woke up this morning to opera being belted out by a construction guy working on the building next door. Los Angeles really just keeps out doing itself.

Within first hour of returning to CA from the Midwest and I bought grocery store sushi and a kombucha.