Can you tone it down with the seriousness? I’m not used to this sight, Soo. Haha.

Here we go again with the Dead Haha Era. It’s been what? The third time we’re at it? Seems like I’ll forever be stupid in this aspect of life. 

This kind of hurt..how do you cure it, Dr. Do? You’re a cardiologist, so I think it’s best to consult you with matters of the heart (Although, I have always consulted you about these things ever since). But then again, I think it’s not my heart that has a problem. Maybe..it’s my head? My thinking capacity seems to betray me every time I get involved with things that require my emotions. Could it be my hormones’ fluctuating levels? 

I don’t know, Soo. I want a logical explanation for this. 

Why does it keep happening to me? Why, when all things are just starting to turn into something–or maybe I got it all wrong and assumed there was “something” when in reality it was “nothing”? All I have are questions but where are the answers? Am I just being overly dramatic about this or do you understand what I am trying to get across?

Take it easy but don’t preempt what’s about to happen? Bullshit. I did just that, risked so much even if I was scared of it all. Look at where that logic took me. 

Fucking pathetic.

I am fucking tired, Kyungsoo. Tired won’t even fit for the level of exhaustion I have. I feel so fucking stupid for letting my guard down so easily. I should have kept my walls up because I’ll never be enough for anything or to anyone.

I just want to be okay. Forget feelings, I just want to think about myself. I want to be selfish again because I’m so scared. I’m so scared of going through the same three-month slump I had before. I’ve had enough of moping around, hating myself, and trying to put back pieces of myself that I’ve lost along the way. It was a long, painful wait before I’ve had my shit together. However, I’ve made another slip up and I’m back to square one…

I don’t know where this will take me or how long it will take for me to be back on my feet, and this uncertainty scares me. 

I want someone to tell me where the fuck do I always go wrong, so I can fix myself and avoid subjecting myself to another self-loathing pit. I want to feel enough. If there’s a secret for being okay, please tell me. 

real question: who doesn’t? not that you had a say in this in the first place. ㅋㅋ

 Little gestures that are not-so-little.

> meme: ( x )> from: @kyungsoomd> status: accepting _

“Sure, like maybe I should bring all my stuff now, for when I think about never going back again,huh?” a playful laugh resonates from her lips after sharing such thoughts, glancing over the doctor who was watching her pack some clothes. He was the sensible conscience holding her back from being too spontaneous or impulsive, but this time, he’d let her ramble on and on about wanting to go to some South American country. He wasn’t even surprised when she told him she’d booked for a week-long trip for Peru. Doing it for the llamas, she said.

🌙  @kyungsoomd​