#kurdam

“Kurt!  Kurt, wake up!”

  Kurt grunted and pushed his face deeper into the pillow, one hand lifting to wave a clumsy dismissal at the hissing voice.

  “Wake up!” the voice insisted. The whispered squeal grew higher and shriller as it added, “I think I heard a noise!”

  Instead of getting him up, a slipper (luckily overstuffed and soft) went sailing toward the curtain and bopped Rachel right in the head.

  “Hey!” she yelled indignantly, forgetting all about being quiet.

  Kurt snuggled happily back down into the blankets and his boyfriend’s arms.

  “Hummel, get your ass out of bed!” a second far more strident voice ordered. “I can hear something too. Whatever it is, it’s scrambling around in the kitchen and I’m not going back to bed until you find out what it is!”

  Kurt obligingly rolled over, but this time it was Bruce the boyfriend pillow who went sailing, nearly knocking Santana right on her ass as she fumbled to catch the unexpectedly well-aimed projectile. 

  A gentle hand reached out to touch Kurt’s shoulder. “Darling, maybe we should go and have a look, just for everyone's peace of mind.”

  Adam was not assaulted with any unexpected projectiles, mostly due to his proximity, but Kurt did snatch Adam’s pillow and stuff it over his own head.

  Adam laughed and gave him a gentle shake.  “Come on now, just a quick peek and then we can all go back to sleep. I’d do it by myself but, after all, I’m only a guest here.”

  “Not what you said when you were raiding my leftover sweet-and-sour chicken last night,” Kurt grumbled, sitting up with a sigh and sulkily ruffling his flattened pillow-hair into an unintentionally wild state. He shot his boyfriend and roommates a bleary-eyed death glare as he heaved his tired body upright and stomped across the bare floor boards, pausing to snatch one of his pair of matching Sai off the wall mount where they were displayed. If someone was breaking into his home and attempting to steal his possessions, they were going to be sorry.

  Adam followed him, plucking a handy paperweight off the desk. Rachel and Santana trailed behind, positioning themselves behind Adam and peeking out from behind his back. They were both brave women, but unknown 2 a.m. intruders were for men to deal with, sexism be damned.

  A light switched on in the kitchen and Kurt abruptly let go a shriek that could have been heard all the way to NYADA, unhelpfully dropping his weapon with a massive clang as he scurried to join the girls behind Adam. “Rat!” he squeaked, pointing with a shaking hand. “Adam, there’s a gigantic rat on my kitchen counter!”

  As they reached the edge of the kitchen floor, the others could see that he was correct. Sitting on the counter next to the sink, busily raiding a cereal box that had been left open, was a brown and white rodent the size of a hamster, long naked tail shifting along the surface as it blinked up at the staring quartet with bright black eyes, not nearly as frightened by the noise and light and sudden army of humans as one would expect. The creature simply watched them for a few more seconds, then returned to its previous activity of snacking on a purloined Honey Comb.

  “Did that thing just shrug?” Santana asked in disbelief. “Seriously, did that nasty, disease ridden, little vermin shrug us off and go back to eating my cereal?”

  “Why isn’t he scared of us?” Rachel peeped, trying to shove Adam forward, only to find that he had dug his heels in, refusing to be sacrificed to the potentially vicious beast.

  “Should we call Animal Control, or maybe an exterminator?” Kurt asked tentatively.

  Adam wrinkled his nose. “I doubt anyone would answer at this time of night.”

  “Then what should we do?” Kurt demanded. 

  “Why are you asking me?”

  Santana poked him in the back. “Duh, because you’ve lived in New York for four years.”

  “That doesn’t make me an expert on rats,” he grumbled. “I’ve had to do battle with a few cockroaches and bedbugs in my time, but I’ve never encountered this kind of problem before.”

  The staring match (or rather staring and ignoring match) went on for several more minutes. Then Kurt took a deep breath and decided to reclaim his courage. He sidestepped cautiously over to the cookware and utensils dangling from hooks over the stove, retrieving a large metal colander and a spatula.

  “Don’t let him bite you,” Rachel advised, peeking around Adam’s bicep with both hands fisted and pressed to her chin.

  Kurt grimaced and pulled a pair of thick oven mitts over his hands. Taking a deep breath, he crept closer, raising the spatula as he prepared to try and sweep the rat far enough away from the box that he could be captured under the colander. When he got within two feet, however, the midnight muncher suddenly stopped what it was doing and squeaked up at Kurt.

  He froze, eyes going wide, then squinting into a frown as he got a better look. “Holy shit,” he said, suddenly sounding far less nervous then he had before.

  “What are you doing?” Santana demanded. “Just whack him!”

  Kurt looked over his shoulder at them. “I can’t. It’s not a rat. Or, well it is a rat obviously, but it’s not a nasty sewer rat. It’s somebody’s pet.”

  Curious, Adam stepped forward to see, dragging the girls with him. “How can you be sure?”

  “He’s wearing a collar. I couldn’t see it before.”

  Exchanging baffled looks, the others moved in to look. Santana picked up the forgotten Sai and pointed it in the direction of the intruder, just in case. 

As if to return their scrutiny, the rat stood up on his hind legs, nose twitching interestedly. Sure enough, the change allowed everyone to see a tiny brown collar with a miniature silver tag dangling from it.

  Kurt ventured even closer and pulled off one oven mitt, cautiously holding his hand out for inspection. The rat considered the offer, blinking between the seemingly friendly human and the box of deliciously sweet treats, then decided that its belly was full and opted for Kurt instead. It sniffed at his fingers and then boldly walked right into his palm. Kurt gasped, but then stuck the first finger of his other hand out and gave the animal’s fluffy back a little stroke. It apparently liked that, for it did not try to escape.

  “It's kinda cute,” Kurt mused.

  Adam and Rachel had finally joined him, also daring to extend fingers for sniffs and pets, but Santana refused to come close to it. “It’s still a rat,” she said tersely.

  “Aww, look,” Rachel cooed, as the rat nibbled at the end of her long fingernail. “He likes me!”

  “She,” Adam corrected, moving the little collar tag higher so that he could read it. “Her name is Betty.”

  Santana made a face. “Who the hell names a rat Betty? How did it even get in here?”

  “Someone in the building must own her,” Kurt guessed, carefully picking up their unexpected guest and cuddling her against the rumpled material of his t-shirt. The rat gave a happy squeak and snuggled against his warmth. “She probably snuck in earlier tonight when Rachel left the front door open.”

  “So that thing has been in here for hours?” Santana said with a look of horror, reaching out to smack Rachel up the back side of her head. “Sneaking around our feet, staring at us with those beady little eyes, leaving piss and pellets all over our beds?”

  Adam stroked Betty with his fingertip, giving her tiny round ears a careful scratch that had her squinching up her eyes in bliss. “I doubt that very much,” he said. “One of my school chums had a pet rat and he said it was a very clean animal. That’s not to say there might not be a surprise or two somewhere about, given our lack of proper rat facilities, but I wouldn’t worry too much. All we need to do for tonight is make up a cozy nest in a box and cover it up with some kind of cage so she can breathe but can’t escape before morning. Then we can see about getting her back to her home, wherever it may be.”

  “Oh!” Rachel said, eyes bright.  “I have just the thing!”

  She scurried back to her bedroom and returned a few minutes later holding a large plastic storage box with a wire mesh lid. “Finn wanted to get me a hamster to keep me company when I moved to New York,” she explained. “It turned out that the dorm didn’t allow pets so we never did get one, but I still have the basket he bought for it.”

  “That’s perfect,” Kurt said, giving her a grin. “Adam, grab me a few small dishes out of the cabinet, would you?  We’ll make her up a little bed and some food and water dishes and put newspaper shavings in a pan for a latrine.”

  “Excellent,” he agreed, going at once to fetch the supplies.

  Santana just rolled her eyes at the trio of volunteer rat-nannies and said, “Whatever, as long as it sleeps in your room tonight. I’m going back to bed. And somebody owes me a new box of Honey Comb!”

  Ignoring their grouchy roommate, Rachel, Adam and Kurt took turns playing with Betty as they set about creating a cozy rodent hotel.  At last, the box was moved into Kurt’s room and set safely on top of his filing cabinet, and the rat was placed inside. She sniffed around, drinking some water, nibbling and then refusing a boring pile of Cheerios that had replaced her earlier snack, and investigating every corner.

  “Do you think she likes it?” Kurt whispered. “Will she be warm enough in there? It's pretty cold tonight.”

  “I think she’s a bit disappointed that there’s no more cuddling on offer,” Adam chuckled, watching their guest nibble the edge of the blanket – a scrap of leftover plaid flannel from Kurt’s fabric basket that had remained after he’d sewn his dad a new shirt for Christmas – and burrow under its warmth. “But she’ll be all right. We’d better follow her example and get back to bed ourselves. It’s very late.”

  Rachel handed Kurt back his forgotten Sai and stretched up to kiss him on the cheek. “You’re a good person, Kurt. Some kid is going to be very lucky to be yours one day.”

  Pleased by the unexpected comment, Kurt kissed her back. “Thanks for your help. Good night, Rachel.”

  They turned off the lights and settled back into bed. Throughout the remainder of the night, Kurt periodically startled awake when he heard scrabbles and squeaks from the cage, but each time he would remember what the sound was and settle back down to sleep. Adam snored right through it all. 

  In the morning, as they were discussing what to do with their temporary pet during the day while they all attended work or school, there was a knock on the front door.  Kurt went to answer it and found a young teenager with blonde braids and an anxious face waiting on the other side. “Hi,” she said. “My name is Dia and my parents and I just moved in downstairs. One of my two pet rats got out of her cage last night and I’ve been going door to door hoping someone might have seen her.”

  Kurt smiled. “Brown hair, very cuddly?” he guessed. “Answers to the name of Betty?”

  “You’ve seen her!” the girl said, her previously bleak expression transforming into one of delight. “Is she okay?”

  “Come on in,” he invited, stepping back. “My name is Kurt, these are my roommates Santana and Rachel and my boyfriend Adam. Your rat is in my room, nice and safe. We made her a cage last night after we caught her in our kitchen going through a box of cereal.”

  Dia rolled her eyes fondly. “Oh, gosh, she loves cereal. Especially if it’s got sugar. I try not to give her too much but she’s a total kitchen raider if I don’t lock the cage just right.”

  Adam had disappeared while she spoke and he came out cradling Betty against his chest. “Here you go, darling,” he said, handing her over. “Here’s your baby, safe and sound.”

  “Oh, Betty, I was so afraid I’d never see you again,” she cooed, cuddling the rat, which ecstatically squirmed and then climbed up her arm to her shoulder, where it contentedly nibbled at the ribbon on her left braid. “Boop is gonna be so happy.”

  “Boop?” Santana repeated, watching the display with a grimace of disgust that she attempted to hide with a fake smile.

  Dia grinned. “Her brother. They were the only survivors out of a litter so my mom let me adopt them both together.”

  “Betty and Boop, that’s so cute!” Rachel said, watching the reunion with shining eyes. “I’m so glad we found her for you. Even if she did scare us a little. We thought we had a prowler when we heard her crinkling packages in the kitchen at 2am.”

  “I’m really sorry for any trouble she caused,” Dia said, looking anxious again, “and if she broke or damaged anything, I promise I’ll pay for it.”

  Santana opened her mouth, but paused a moment to observe owner and pet, then surprised everyone by saying, “Don't worry about it, that cereal box was almost empty anyway.”

  “Cool,” the girl said, plucking Betty off her shoulder to hold her more securely. “Thanks again for taking care of her. I promise I’ll make sure her cage is locked at night from now on!”

  The happily reunited duo left the loft, and Kurt and Rachel both looked a bit sad as they watched them go. 

  “Do you miss having a pet, love?” Adam asked, hugging Kurt from behind.

  “No,” he said, then changed his mind, “Well, sort of. We had a dog and a cat when I was a kid, but it’s been years. It was just nice to have an innocent little creature to take care of for a while.”

  Santana playfully tweaked his nose. “Well, you still have us, Mother Hen.”

  Rachel crossed her arms and tipped her head, eying Santana curiously. “You’re in a good mood all of a sudden. How come you changed your mind about demanding restitution on your cereal? You just bought that box yesterday and we had to throw it away.”

  She shrugged. “I eat too much of that crap anyway.” The three of them continued to stare at her, knowing it was more than that, and finally she tossed up her hands and said, “Fine, the kid reminds me of Brittany, okay?  Watching her with that stupid animal and hearing about her Betty Boop rats just . . . it brought back memories.”

  “I can see that,” Kurt agreed, thinking back to the girl’s innocent blue eyes and delighted reaction to the return of her pet. He checked his watch and gasped. “Crap, I’m gonna miss my train!”

  Everyone scrambled as they were reminded of their priorities, overnight guest forgotten in the rush of collecting bags, finding metro cards and gathering themselves together to face the day. Adam and Kurt walked out together, striding briskly toward the subway platform. Rachel had no classes until noon, but they would both be missing out on important morning lectures if they did not catch this train. They ran down the steps and jogged to the platform, arriving just in time to hop aboard as the doors started to close. 

  They would be yawning all day thanks to interrupted sleep, and feeling a bit sad later on when they came home to clean out the empty cage, but in some weird way it felt like their pet-sitting experience had drawn them closer together. A couple who could successfully take care of a pet together could potentially do all sorts of things one day, and that was very exciting knowledge.  

All things considered, neither one could bring himself to regret their unexpected adventure.  Not one little bit.