#kuratsa

Tagged by @dustylovelyrun, thank you so much !

Sometimes it’s a friendly reminder of a life lived never lonely, but others, the double edged sword that she’ll never get a moment of solitude to even sit and watch the fish threatens her sensitive palms.

Kuratsa grappling with knowing Kaifen so well she can almost hear him commenting on all her thoughts. Being betrothed certainly has drawbacks.

I don’t think I’m even following 36 blogs on this account yet so uhh... I’m gonna just tag as many people as I can

Zhihao stands at the window, one hand draped through the intricate, thinly carved wood and the other hanging down at his side. When he was younger, he used to think the wood was carved like this for the same reason that the spirit gate stood in front of the palace. He thought that since spirits could only travel in straight lines, if any managed to climb over their first line of defence, they’d get caught in the web of wood and would be confused by all the sharp corners.

Now Zhihao only sees skilled woodwork. His world has lost its magic to time.

The door behind him opens, the door gods slipping with it into the wall pocket. With them gone there was nothing to protect him from poison, and Zhihao sighs as he prepares to be berated.

“Everyone’s looking for you.” It’s Kuratsa. This is better than it being his father, worse than almost anyone else. Everything Kuratsa says sounds impatient, like he’s keeping her from being where she really wants to be, and it annoys him in the same way that someone coughing in a library did. “We’re meant to be leaving.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Oh, yes, my sincerest apologies.” Sarcasm scratched against the back of his neck, and Zhihao rolls his eyes even though she can’t see. He hates her today.

“Your Majesty,” she says in a high, breathy, lilt, “so sorry to inform you that your son will be refusing this non negotiable journey.”

Zhihao frowns. He can’t think of anything good and clever to say back, so he says what he usually does when he wants her to shut up. “So this is how the Princess of Tag-Igit speaks to her future emperor.”

A snort. He wrinkles his nose; so undignified. “You aren’t going to be a future anything if you don’t listen to him.”

Zhihao shifts to look over his shoulder at her. She meets his gaze, and hhe glimpses cold meaning there. The implication, the history. He was hoping that she hadn’t known, that the words just slipped out and they would deal with the accident together. But she knows, and the air is heavy with her knowing. She’s playing dirty with him, and Zhihao loathes that he’ll let her get away with it.

“Let’s go,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say in the wake of this. Kuratsa sighs, mutters something that sounds like “Finally,” and leads him out of the room. Zhihao follows, slowly, dragging his fingers across the wall and catching on wooden reliefs.

“Heila,” Saoirse whispered.

Kai Fen yanked his arm back, scowled down at the ground. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “It changes nothing.” It changed so much. “I have to find my uncle.” He looked back up at Saoirse and expected him to tell him to stop being selfish, to go after Heila and find her so they could talk and apologize and come back with rabbit in tow, but instead he found something worse.

Sympathy. 

Understanding.

Saoirse saw right to the truth he was desperately trying to mask. Kai Fen took the damp blanket being offered to him by Tamar and draped it over Saoirse, ignored the offer to join him under it. Saoirse knew him well enough to know that when he was scared, he found something else to focus on. It wasn’t far to the housing complex, and Kai Fen could deal with the cold better than he could that understanding.

A white puff of snow went up and when Kai Fen turned, Kuratsa had replaced it. She stared at the three of them, eyes wide.

“Is… Is this true?” She was staring right at him. “Did she kill someone?”

Kai Fen really wished she wasn’t involved in this. He averted his eyes. “No, she didn’t.” And he kept the company of liars.

Kuratsa jumped to his defense, and as the two of them went through an argument that looked like it had happened countless times before, Kai Fen found himself unable to process any of it. He was so tired of  of this, was so tired of people focusing on the wrong aspects of what was at stake. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and as Kuratsa raised her voice to be heard over the already-shouting Zhihao, Kai Fen found his last nerve being struck, and without thinking he exploded in something that he hadn’t even realized had been true all along.

“He isn’t a liar.”

Both Kuratsa and Zhihao stopped short to stare at him, both equally disbelieved. Kai Fen imagined his face probably matched. Kuratsa’s eyebrow twitched, the corners of her mouth quivering downwards. “Are you?”

Kai Fen squared his shoulders. “No, I’m not.” Sometimes he was. “I’m not a liar, but neither is-” he stole a nervous glance to Zhihao- “neither is my father.”

“Then how-?”

“He killed me.” It was true. “He killed me. He took something from me.”

“Stop saying me,” Zhihao griped. But, he sighed, shoulders slumping. His eyebrows creased together. “But, what? What did he take?”

He was so ashamed. Kai Fen’s head bobbed forward, his eyes drifted away. For a second, he worried his voice wouldn’t even carry the words. Something in Jin Kai Fen died that day, kneeling on the marble black floor. It was something that he could never return to, could never get back. The emperor, in all his feats, had managed the impossible: to kill a boy while still keeping him breathing.

He looked at the floor, at the light reflected in its sheen, at the flicker of the lamps along the wall. His breath growing shallow, his fingers clutching at what fabric they could pull into his palms, his head snapped up to meet Zhihao’s eyes. Nostrils flared, his mouth snarled, he reached up and pulled the pin from his hair clasp.

Zhihao flinched, and Kuratsa - good and decent as she was - averted her eyes. But Kai Fen, limbs trembling, held Zhihao’s gaze. His breaths came low and shallow, the glossy room in stark contrast to his jagged innards. As he stepped towards Zhihao, he saw the younger prince’s eyes flick down once. 

Limbs trembling and voice shaking and dripping in four years of pain and anger, Kai Fen seethed, “He took my mother, and he took my hair.”

BIG thank you to @woodhouse-jay for tagging me in this.... This tag game is so cute I love it.

Kai Fen: 6/10. He’s kind of awkward, doesn’t really know where to put his arms, is too nervous to ever settle. He gives good hugs though, they’re gentle and tight at the same time. He likes cuddling but would never admit it. If you’re a stranger and so much as touch him he WILL shout at you. Heila’s the only person who can cuddle with him. With Saoirse he’s too embarrassed.

Heila: 8/10. She loves hugs. Loves affection. Adores co-sleeping. She’s always hanging off of people, grabbing onto them, putting her hands on their arms. She likes to play with people’s hair too so that’s a BIG bonus. She’s perfectly sized to be the little spoon. Likes to sleep with her head on people’s chests because it feels safe. If you’re sitting side by side she’ll let you rest your head on top of hers. Her hair is very soft and comfortable. She is the perfect size to hold. Loses points because she falls asleep any time she cuddles someone and she moves a lot in her sleep. She also doesn’t really know her own strength.

Saoirse: 9/10. He gives good hugs - warm, safe, gentle. The kind that make you want to stay. He makes for a good big spoon or little spoon, it doesn’t really matter to him. He’s so full of love and just wants someone to love. Likes to play with hands and fingers. Enjoys when people fall asleep on him. Isn’t 10/10 because he snores and he’s a sixteen year old who hasn’t quite figured out hygiene yet - he can be a little smelly sometimes.

Pelageya: 2/10. She doesn’t like it, doesn’t want it, and just... why is this happening. Cuddling is always sweaty. And cuddling requires laying down and doing nothing and being lazy. Or sharing a bed with some squirmy partner who’s going to steal all the blankets. And when it’s hot out? Sweet, now you’re both sweaty! She just doesn’t like it that much. She IS a good big spoon though, if you manage to get her to be. And she can give good hugs, she’s got strong arms, but those are pretty much only reserved for her mother, step-father, and little half-brother.

Illarion: 5/10. Just because he’s always tossing his arms over people’s shoulders doesn’t mean he likes hugs. He’ll tolerate them, doesn’t hate them, but doesn’t like them too much, either. And when he gives them they’re kind of limp, uncertain, just give off the impression of “can this be over please.” Either smells like fish, sea water, city stink, or a mix of those things plus a lot of cologne. Weird smell, uncertain arms, and he just never learnt how to be gentle. He’s more of a Christian side hug kinda guy.... one arm over the shoulder and a squeeze. Not really into the whole full embrace thing. Will give people piggybacks though.

Zhihao: 3/10. Don’t. Do not. He does not want this. Only people allowed to touch him are his family, his servants, and Kuratsa. That’s it. Keep your little commoner’s hands away.

Kuratsa: 8/10 if you’re Zhihao, a good hug/10 if you’re Kai Fen, and a restraining order and assassin sent to kill you/10 otherwise. She’ll let you put your hands on her if she invites you to dance. A refusal would just be rude.