#ktbo

Ben’s eyes opened slowly in the soft vestiges of the early morning. The first thing he noticed was the smell of lilac and what he was pretty sure was actual sunshine, so his nose dove deep into its source and he took an acquisitive breath inwardly and sighed.

Then reality hit him.

His eyes widened in shame as he realized he was still holding Rey, and apparently none of what happened the night before was a dream. None of it. The whole evening, everything from Rey telling him how much he meant to her to the torrid way in which he found himself finally being able to hold this woman in his arms as she still softly cried herself to sleep.

Ben wouldn’t let the rage build in him when he thought about that asshole who didn’t even deserve to be in the presence of Rey, let alone touch her. He was fairly certain it was that same guy she had brought over all of those months and months ago when he didn’t even know her name, and yet, his heart still managed to break at the thought of her being with someone else. It wasn’t fair. Especially since he literally had Bazine in his bed at the time, but he knew deep down, what he was truly yearning for.

And now she was still in his arms, and now that Ben was more awake, he realized that one of his hands was literally under Rey’s breast, and oh, he could feel the soft skin against his thumb, and all he wanted to do was reach up and touch her, feel her underneath his palm, bury his face in her neck, and kiss her skin. And what was worse? His other hand was literally in between her breasts, loosely being grasped by her hands, almost as if she had taken it and held it to her chest. And had she done this consciously? Ben found that either why it wasn’t going to help him in this situation.

Because this still wasn’t the worst part, though, no, the worst part was that he was impossibly hard against her perfect ass, and oh, she just shifted against him and he had to literally hold back a moan. He was terrified of her waking up, finding him to be the biggest horn dog because he was not able to contain himself. When she didn’t, he barely allowed himself to graze down to her skin gently, and his fingertips found the underside of her breasts as they scaled across her body. This time he couldn’t hold back the moan as she whimpered in her sleep to his touch, and fuck he was never going to get it out of his head.

And just as amazing as it felt to touch her, the overriding guilt took over and made him feel dirty. This wasn’t right. This was unwarranted and downright creepy, and the thought of Rey waking up horrified was the only way he was able to disentangle himself from her.

He did it quickly, swiftly enough to not allow himself to linger any longer, and how he was panting deeply on his back next to her.

Fuck, this woman was unfairly arousing. And she would never know it, either because, well, she had made her feelings about him extremely clear.

His eyes found her form again and they greedily scanned over her body, which was not helping his erection, and he had to physically restrain himself from not reaching out and exploring the slope of her ass, to which her bottoms were riding down, and dear lord almighty he needed to get out of this bed before he was going to completely pounce on her and ravish her with no warning.

No, it wasn’t right, especially considering what had happened the night before. She didn’t need another asshole feeling her up without her permission. She was too good for that. She was a literal angel, and he was lucky to even be breathing the same air as her.

He groaned as he sat up and swung his legs over the bed. Ben knew that this inconvenient case of morning wood would not go away until he took care of it, which was not going to happen anywhere near Rey. That is something that she did not need to witness. His yearning for her, his all-encompassing ache.

His fingers ghosted over his still uncomfortably stiff cock and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

No, Solo. Get it together, it will only be a few more minutes. She doesn’t need to see you jacking off on the side of her bed, you perv.

Sighing, he stood up and gently tucked himself into the waistband of his sweatpants, and chanced to venture over to face Rey. When he had, he immediately regretted it because she looked so adorably serene. Her troubled face from the night before was gone, and how her mouth hung slightly open in her slumber; it made his heart actually pain. The pull towards her was rampant and reflexive. He couldn’t have helped himself if he tried.

Ben kneeled on the floor next to her and sighed. Ever so slowly, he gingerly tucked some hair behind her ear and traced his fingertips down her face.

“Rey,” he whispered so softly, and he almost felt actual tears form in his eyes from just being in her presence his longing was so great, “I wish…I…got to be yours.”

Fuck, there was a tear, and he wiped it away in shame, even though Rey was still fast asleep, which he thanked all that was holy that she seemed to be a heavy sleeper.

Last night, she had asked him to stay, out of everyone in the world, she had asked him. Ben Solo, a piece of shit worth nothing asshole who somehow wriggled his way into this astounding woman’s life. The tips of his fingers grazed her chin.

“But I would never deserve you.” He whispered again, and then his broken soul managed to get him upright again because he needed to get out of this room now. Selfishly, he leaned over and kissed her forehead, which caused her to writhe slightly in her sleep, and for a few horrifying seconds, he thought she was going to wake up with him looming over her like a predator, but somehow, she still managed to stay asleep. He sighed again and stood completely.

He knew he wanted to come back immediately and provide for her and take care of her in one of the only ways he knew how, cooking her breakfast. Yes, that’s what he would do. It at least felt better that he had a plan in motion now.

However, as he was making his way to her front door, the thought of her waking up alone after what happened last night made him actually feel nauseated, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to contain himself if he got back in that bed with her.

“A note.” He said out loud, not really knowing what else to do. Then he was striding over to the junk drawer in her kitchen and sprawling out a poor excuse for an explanation as to why he wasn’t there on a post-it, waking up with her when that is literally all he wants to do, all he wants is to have that woman in his arms. He sighed, running a hand over his face. Well, at least his dour mood handled his erection. Though he knew that it would take absolutely nothing for him to get himself going again, thinking about her soft skin and her perfect body flush with against his, and oh—

“Fucking stop.” He chastised himself.