#kryonic

For a bit of context, I've been lurking on reddit forums for introverts finding friends to chat with, and, from what I've gathered, a pretty small amount of people actually do find friends there and are satisfied with the outcomes.

So, my question to the people here (answering is optional of course, but I hope you'll indulge my curiosity):

What meaning exactly do you put in the words friend and friendship? How do you define when someone is one? Are there any requirements? Milestones?

Of course, I don't ask for information while giving nothing in return, so I'll start with my twisted vision on that. I have been told it's abnormal by an average standard, I wonder though how much does it match within other people here.

So, a friend. For me it's a word with gravity. It's absolutely not something I can say about people lightly. Quite close to the concept of love actually. My circle of friends has never been large, and I have a pretty consistent experience of friends leaving me (and, on one occasion, me leaving them), which is certainly a matter of avoidant attachment type I have due to.. family reasons first, and a positive feedback loop from friends leaving me. All in all, a lot has to happen before I can say someone is my friend.

Firstly, I'm generally an open person, I can easily share a lot of traumatic and personal stuff with people I barely know by default. The people who get to know all that, still stay, and with whom I continue to feel free (in a sense of that I don't feel like I need to continue to maintain my facade as a decent sane person) - they do become candidates, so to say

Secondly, I feel like there is a requirement for certain amount of time spent together. And not just basic time, certain life situations we go through together, maybe some hard choices where we stick together, maybe some deep personal discussions amid a celebration, a feeling when I see that the person in question actively chose to interact with me when there is more interesting stuff around. Don't know how to explain it better, but there it is

Thirdly, and this is something that rarely happens naturally, but something that actually cements the feeling of trust and friendship. I need to feel that the person in question more often than not helps me when it matters. I guess some elaboration is needed here. I absolutely freaking hate asking for help. I'm very eager to provide it, I've been raised with the idea that the needs of the many often are more important than the needs of one, and I almost never want to be a burden to people around me. I'm a strong person (chuckles), I'm capable of handling whatever the life throws at me (chuckles some more), and for me - asking for help is an act of a desperation and a last resort. Not in a professional sense, our work requires communication and collaboration, and the work structure implies you can and should seek assistance from your peers, so it kinda goes on a different flow. It's more about personal stuff. And so, it's a rare occasion when all the stars align that I really need someone's help and I trust someone enough to ask for it. And when they agree? My trust grows tenfold, even if it was a random discussion I really needed.

And last, but not least, there is a certain trait in my ADHD that affects this whole ordeal. I, like many of my comrades in neurospiciness, do not really have a concept of friendship deterioration. I do logically understand that people change bit by bit every day, but I have no issue of picking up a conversation from several years in the past like nothing happened. And, due to other.. symptoms, so to say, I frequently forget people exist when I dive deep into some hyperfixation, have life throw something at myself, see a particularly beautiful ray of sunlight through the trees, etc. And this pisses a lot of people off. Apparently for most people there is a need for constant communication, even if it's a small talk nonsense, but it should be consistent. I'm, however, anything but consistent. So to call someone a true friend - this whole thing should either not be an issue for them, or they should be pretty much the same haha

So, speaking of friends, I have almost none. I have a lot of acquaintances, a decent amount of good ones too. But friends? These are a rare breed for me indeed. And hence, I'm always surprised, when I see or hear people saying that it's hard to find friends nowadays. No shit, because it is and should be hard in my head. It does not correlate with community's standards though, so even if I agree on that, I have a completely different view on this picture.

You know, art imitates life and all that, but d__n that's on brand for soulless capricious corporate beings from Hell. And for the Devils too, i guess

Guilty as charged. Is it curiosity? Is it paranoia? It's both!

I love this particular paragraph so much!

And holy shit, not only there's a Pyrophobic Arsonist, you can also set their mind on fire as a form of torture information gathering

And lastly.. I can't even begin to describe how close this part hits home. "My old self is lost, and the die is cast," says the Scrivener. "I remake myself, or am remade. Either way, let my last act be rebellion."