#krithan

He stared down at her, his charming grin permanently placed. Without thought he kept her hand clasped in his. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Well Ethan I don’t want to hurt you, but I will. So you better sit your butt down and tell me what is going on.” As the reality of his presence was hitting her, she couldn’t stop smiling. Just like old times, they sat at a table and reluctantly let go of hands. 

He let her in on everything. “... So there I was in Monte Carlo with Robert and Olivia and they said they were going home to Port Charles. It was a no-brainer to get out of there so I agreed to come along. I hadn’t planned on staying long though.” 

“I’m so sorry about your mom. That’s awful. I can’t believe you want to leave at a time like this. You need to be around family and friends.”

“I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Maybe so but why would you want to be? Don’t you want to be surrounded by people who love you?” With those words it became silent between them once again. He looked down. This was the very thing he wanted to avoid: awkwardness, uncertainty, the point of no return. She decided to dive right in and break the tension. “Do you ever think about that night?” He looked away again, hands to his head. “Because I’m not ashamed to say that I do.” He let himself make eye contact with her.

In a whisper he said, “I thought we weren’t going to talk about it.”

“But we should talk about it. We never said where we stood after that. In fact, we never said anything at all. Why haven’t you called me?”:

“I didn’t want anything to be different. I was afraid that if I called, whatever happened, we would be different after we hung up.”

“So you decided we were just never going to speak again? Ethan, it’s been a year!”

“I know, okay. But it’s not like you picked up the phone either.”

“I did. Trust me, I did. I dialed your number. I wrote out texts. I thought about contacting you all the time but I was scared. I thought you would push me away and we’d never be friends again. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“So here we are. I guess the joke’s on us. We’re having the very conversation we were both scared to have. Well we’re having it whether we’re ready or not.”

“I guess so. I just really want you to know that I don’t regret it. Any of it. And before you say anything, I don’t want you to think that you somehow messed up and that you have to apologize. I know you, Ethan. You’re going to think that there’s some mistake that needs to be fixed here but there’s not. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Look, you are very special to me Krissy. You always have been. But you’re right. I feel guilty. We crossed a line and I didn’t do anything to stop it.”

“Neither did I. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into and we both decided to go through with it.”

“When we agreed to a visit, I honestly didn’t plan on that-”

“These things just happen, Ethan. No one needs to take the ‘blame.’”

In the past, when Ethan had a conversation like this he was used to seeing Kristina as a teenager who needed someone to look out for her. But now, he was staring across the table at a mature woman, fully confident in her life choices. Maybe she was right. Maybe there was nothing to fix here. “You’re right. We’re both adults here. We should just acknowledge that it happened. But I am sorry that I left abruptly like that. I panicked. I couldn’t stay.”

“I understand. There was a lot to figure out. But you know what, we just made it complicated by letting so much time pass by. So let’s forget about that. What would’ve happened if you hadn’t left?”

He was timid to answer. Although he thought about that often, he didn’t really know what he would’ve said or done. 

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She had met him in Australia and they had a great time. He showed her where he grew up and showed her some of his favorite spots. It felt amazing to have her there with him. It all felt right and they had a great time together. It was always effortless with her. They could talk about anything and their time together would always fly by. They laughed, reminisced, adventured all over the place and spent every moment together. 

The night before she was supposed to fly home they sat outside his flat and watched the stars, while drinking wine. “I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve seen you. We can’t wait this long again, okay?”

He agreed wholeheartedly. She felt like home to him. She was his soft place to land and he found that he didn’t want her to leave. He put her arm around her and she fell into his chest. “I guess we’ve come a long way from when you hated me.”

He chuckled under his breath, “What? When did I hate you? I never hated you.”

“Oh yes you did, remember? I stupidly lied about you and you hated me for it. Who could blame you?”

“No. But I didn’t hate you.” They snuggled closer. He kissed her forehead. “I could never hate you. Maybe slightly annoyed though.” He joked.

“Shut up.” She playfully slapped his leg. “But now we’re in Australia and that’s all so far away.” She sat up and looked him in the eyes. “Thanks for showing me your past Ethan. It means a lot to me. I always wanted to get to know you better.”

“It’s not something I really share with people but I trust you Krissy.” He took her hand. “I want you to come back anytime. It’s too bad you have to leave already.”

“Do you want me to...stay?” Their eyes locked. The moment seemed to stand still. Stay. Just stay. They were both thinking it. All that seemed to matter now was how to make this night not end. How to stay just like this. How to stay here. How to stay. The gap between them closed as they sought a way to keep this moment paused. 

He kissed her gently. His heart was racing and he felt nervous. Touching her lips made every emotion fall into place. Every need to protect her, cherish her, trust her, care for her, appreciate her, and embrace her all washed over him. His kiss pressed harder as he slipped his hand around her waist and held her face. 

She grasped his neck and clung to his back. She never wanted to let him go again. This moment was everything to her. She felt breathless as their passionate embrace grew stronger. He kissed her neck and touched her with the most trusting hands she ever knew. She couldn’t focus on anything. Not the world around them. Not even the air in her lungs. All there was was Ethan. That’s all that mattered. He kissed her again then abruptly pulled away, her head in his hands. His eyes were never more attractive than now. She worried about what he would say as he stared at her. He seemed like he was thinking. His eyes looked like they were pleading but cautious. Their foreheads touched as he squinted his eyes in quiet contemplation. He seemed tortured over his internal decision-making. She stayed silent. Finally he looked her in the eye and whispered, “Are you sure, Kristina?” 

“Yes.” Without a moment’s hesitation, he kissed her again and again and again….. 

The next morning as she blinked her eyes open she saw Ethan standing in the corner. He looked like he was scurrying to leave. “Are you going somewhere?” She asked.

He couldn’t turn and look at her. “Ye-yeah I got a call. I--I need to go. I want you to have a safe flight home okay? I’m sorry. I--I gotta go.” 

“Wait, Ethan. Where are you going?” She sat up and called out to him. In a flash, he was gone and out the door. She scrambled to get ready. Her flight would be taking off in an hour and there was no time to try to go after him. They would just have to call each other later. That call never happened. 

************************

 “I don’t know what I would’ve said.” Ethan admitted. “I guess there’s no point in looking back.”

“You’re right. That was then. This is now. What are you thinking now?” She looked hopefully at him.

“I’m thinking that I’ve got a plane to catch.” He stumbled out of his chair and she stood quickly in his way.

“Hold on. You can’t leave. Not like this.” As she tried to stop him, her hand landed on his chest as if it belonged there. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at her hand. He put his hand on hers and let it rest. 

“I can’t have this conversation Kristina.” He closed his eyes in order to not look at her.

“Why not?” Their voices turned to a whisper. 

“Because once we have it, we can’t go back.”

“Your heart’s beating fast…” She leaned and gently placed her ear to his chest. Her eyes closed. She listened.

Reluctantly he wrapped his arms around her and held her head to him. He thought about what to do. What to say. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

“You couldn’t.”

“You deserve better than me.”

“There is no one better than you.”

“I can’t stay.”

“Take me with you.” At this, they met each other’s gaze. 

“What about your family? Your life here?”

“I want to be with you Ethan.”

“Life with me is unpredictable. You’re safer here.”

“Don’t push me away. Not again.” She squeezed him tighter.

He stared at her for a minute. She was different. There was something about her touch, her eyes, her voice that assured him that this could work. This felt right. Now was the time. They could finally be together. “Are you sure, Kristina?”

“Yes.” She replied confidently. A smile crept across his face and he felt relieved. This must be what he wanted all this time and he didn’t know it until right now. He had her in his arms and he intended to keep her there.