#konghuo

Dropping her quill to one side she shuddered, trembling there where she lay and rolling over onto her back to stare up at the blank sky. She was struggling, trying so desperately to be strong as she stroked the locket at her throat and the flower that was resting in a safe place beside the bed. To anyone passing by it would have been an odd sight, for sure, to see her laying with the door to the tent so widely open and just staring up at the pitch black of the night sky, but anyone passing by likely would have left her alone aside from precious few. The pitch of the heavens above her did nothing for her mood, as his words echoed through her mind. Look for the stars and they would guide him home, or guide her to him. But there were no stars for her to look for, there was nothing up there this night to give her that guidance that she wanted so badly. How much she just wanted to run off, to go home and try to find him. To spend however long she needed going to each of the Temples and to just run into his arms and never leave them again. to where the word made sense and the pain of everything she was thinking would just leave her. Comfort, she needed comfort. Instead she had her fears that had settled into her rather clearly. Had that malicious rumor had it to Kong’huo’s ears? Was that the reason that he had left and the excuse of Jyukko just a reason to leave? He would never lie about her, but...what if that was why he had never asked Mei to go with him. Was that the reason that he had left her there at the Bluffs instead of taking her with him like he had back to the island in the first place? Had she been somehow sullied in his eyes and he was trying to escape her? Somewhere, deep in her mind, she knew that the thoughts had no evidence. There was no proof nor reason to think what she was and yet they just kept coming and they kept on cycling stronger and harder with each pass by. It was a vicious cycle she had found herself in as she stared up hopelessly at the night sky. Another tear ran out of the corner of her eye, nearly at the verge of sobs where she sat in the cacophony of silence around her. It was thunderous and loud, deafening and only the roar of her thoughts to break through it and cause it to simply become louder. Was she going to hear from him again? Was this his way of trying to end things without having to face her breaking heart? Was this how she was going to lose him? Laying thousands of miles away and staring up at the sky while he was getting his life back together? She had been left before, she knew that pain and it knew her so very well...it was crushing and all consuming and looming over the horizon like a beast that could not be felled. “A-are y-you e...ever come...coming home?” The words choked out of her tight throat and were punctuated by a sob given to the iron curtain of the night. Trembling there where she lay, Wei-feng moved closer in his sleep to be a heavy grumbling reminder that she wasn’t completely alone, a snort given into her ear as he shifted his weight before that heavy head came to rest across her stomach. Her hands moved to his head, stroking through his fur as she began to cry, mourning a loss she was not certain of.

My Shieldbear, The days here are growing cold, the world is preparing for a Harvest festival to bring others together and there is talk of great feasting. I hope that you will be here when the festival takes place but I understand if you cannot be. There are more pressing matters in the Mainland, I am sure. Did my last letter arrive to you? Is it lost in the mail? I worry that communication is somehow being blocked or lost between us, especially as it has been a week since your letter arrived. There is much going on right now. Quinh is at the Island of all places, apparently she was called there on business. My family wants me to visit soon as well, as they heard that someone was at the house. Malourn has been removed as a Guard, from what I understand Miss Splitshield even destroyed her badge. Mal is so distraught and lost right now that it is all I can do to comfort her bur even then it will be a long road. Apparently she is being judged by her being undead and the anger that she holds. I worry for her, but it gives me something to focus on aside from your missing presence The nights are still long and sleep is fleeting, I miss you. I just hope that to are taking care of yourself and your trials are going well. Even wearing your shirts and looking to your picture miss you terribly. I love you, come home soon. -Your Skyflower.

Her voice completely cracked then as she sung to herself, her eyes shut as she hugged the notebook tightly to her chest, the mechanical hatchling crawling out of her perch inside the tent and coiling around her ankles, playing with her shadow as it darted around. The singing seemed to have awoken the great Garn with whom she shared her company, Wei, who came out with a great stretch and a yawn and lay down beside her with a tired huff. “Al...Alright you two let's...get breakfast and I...I will send this off for him.” No official seal, but that was likely because she simply didn’t have one for herself, so they were simply sealed together as other letters were, his name very carefully drawn on the  envelope while she ate breakfast. By the end of her meal though she looked down at the filled envelope again and it was covered in a morning sky carefully penned around his name with a lonely flower in the bottom left corner. [Yes I know it’s the Rescuers song. No, I don’t care. :P ]

I do not often keep a journal, but right now the tent is so quiet and half empty I am beside myself with what to do. The sun has set, I ate but ther ewas food left over and the stars are out but my heart is aching. There is a hole in my life right now that is so big there is only one who could fill it. He left today.  Kong’huo left for the Mainland today, to go to each of the Temples in honor and rememberance of his grandmother who had planned on taking him there before her passing. As she never made it...he is doing it for her. I am proud of him for wanting to do something so very sweet in rememberance of her and honoring her and himself in more ways than I can find the words to count. But did he have to go alone? I do not think it is something I have said or done. Maybe it is just that he needs time away from me, that this is something that he has to do himself and not with the company of someone at his heels. I just wish I knew why he was going by himself and not taking anyone with him. No. I want to know why he didn’t ask me. I don’t like the questions that are popping up into my head right now, it is a dark place that is lingering and threatening to come in once more.  With Quinh in Stormwind, I believe, and Lau gone and Mal busy I find myself at a complete loss. I don’t know where to go, what to do. Wei Feng is snoring and sprawled out on the furs now but just an hour ago he was staring rather intently at the door of the tent as it if was going to open any minute and Kong would be there, with Mai’go and the world would be set right as all the puzzle peices were in order. I keep trying to tell him that they will not be back for some time but each time I start my voice just cracks.  I feel so lost right now, even as I stare out the open door to the sky above, to the constellations that we have stared at many nights before and they all look foreign. I cannot find the shapes and outlines that I could once before and it makes my eyes water. There is a tightness in my throat now that cannot be eased, dry and sore as if I have been crying and screaming for hours but I have said so very little all day. My chest aches as if I have taken something away from it and I cannot fix it. I miss him too much.  With tears in her eyes she shut the journal that was in front of her, pulling the door to the tent closed and turning out the light. Curled up tightly in the furs, with her glasses and journal with pen set aside she felt herself tremble in the small chill that had come inside. Wei dutifully stretched out once more and leaned against her heavily which caused her to roll towards him, loop an arm around his body and pull him close so that only he would be able to hear the quiet sobbing that was muffled in his fur.  “I love you, Kong, please come home soon....”

Needless to say it did nothing to actually soothe the worries that plagued and gnawed at the back of her mind, no. Instead it inflamed them and only having the calming touch and presence of someone she trusted seemed to assuage them, to beat them back if only for a time lasting only as long as company did. As long as Kong was around she managed to keep a hold of the fears and knock them back, quiet them down until they were little more than murmurs and their laughter seemed to almost shatter them altogether. Almost. Walking, only barely did it register to her mind that she was walking after Xingba had left and she had sometime or another left the company of the others who had been there. So much chaos there at the bluff’s had left her completely bewildered while she was by herself, swarmed by the cloud of doubt that she felt was rolling over her mind. If only you were stronger, you could protect them. If only you were stronger, you could help them. If only you were smarter, you would not have these problems. If only you were better, you wouldn’t lose them. You know what you have to do… Did she? Did she know? Was there something that she was missing? A frown wrote itself across her features as she felt as if she were standing still, never minding that she was marching straight onward toward the gates of Mulgore, looking outwardly strong and confidant and even swinging the injured arm while she was screaming internally from the pain of it and the twisting words of her own self doubt coming forward. What was there that she could possibly be missing? Kong wasn’t hurt, Xingba only minorly so...everyone else seemed to be alright so why couldn’t she fight off the feeling that something was terribly wrong? Something she was missing and it was so very blatant… “That...is a big gate.” Her reverie was broken, the wound up thoughts that had been clouding broken as she stared up at the gates of Mulgore towards what she heard mention of called the Barrens...and she was confused. How had she managed to get here? Why was her shoulder screaming in pain once more? Carefully she cradled her arm across her stomach and held onto the left elbow in her right hand so that it was supported. The sun at some point had gone down and she hadn’t noticed that either...how long had she been walking? The hours of twilight had already passed and it was the very depth of dark outside. “H-how…” She couldn’t even put it together in words. A whisper of a thought crossed her mind then. Feralas. It sent a shiver down her spine and true panic to try and take a grip upon her heart. She had been heading to Feralas? But she hadn’t even been thinking about Malourn...why would she have… “D-don’t be thick, Mei…” Her eyes shut then and she turned her head down and away from the gate, forcing herself to turn on her heel and start up the path that she had been walking back to the lift’s of Thunder Bluff and to someone who she knew was going to be waiting for her. Don’t be thick headed, Meilahn Silverstep, you know exactly where it was you were going and exactly why you were going there too. The cause of the nightmares, all the doubts and fears that are so overbearingly powerful that they are now driving you to go and find it so that it can lie about empowering you but instead can fully rip you apart. You were heading to your own demise. Tears welled in her eyes as she kept her head down, stumbling slowly towards Thunder Bluff and trying to not jostle her shoulder anymore than she absolutely needed to. It was happening. What she had been so adamant wasn’t actually happening to her, that it wouldn’t happen...and here it was. Even as she was heading back to Thunder Bluff she was fighting the urge to turn around for some reason, forcing herself to keep walking forward and taking those steadying breaths that shivered their way out of her. “Y-you have to make sure this ends, Mei, you just have to…” The night air seemed to swallow her voice as she was quiet and meek, staring up at the bluffs and watching the shadows of the Braves off in the distance as they patrolled around. Still they walked. Did they seem agitated? Had something else happened? A resurgence of that familiar fear came coldly creeping through her mind. She hadn’t heard a call to arms ring again but that didn’t mean anything at this point, did it? It could very well have gone off while she had been mindlessly walking off towards Feralas to find the Crown that was pulling to her, calling to her even from the great distance that was between them. Was any hiding place really going to be enough for her to actually not be able to find it? Was there going to be anything that would stop her if she wasn’t in the company of someone constantly? Was she mindlessly going to seek out the thing that was calling to her, pulling her ever forward toward it? Was she already so wrapped up with the Crown itself that she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself? No...no she had to be stronger. She had to be...there was so much at stake, so much that she still wanted to do...so many things that were so very important to her… But the Siren song was nearly impossible for her to resist, and it was only in holding her locket and keeping her eyes focused on Thunder Bluff that she was able to force herself there. Even as she rode up the great lifts she had to force herself until she laid eyes on the fresh new dress blue armor and exposed face of him as he was relaxing there by the waters edge. A wave of relief actually hit her then...home. She was home. She was safe. As long as he was there, she was safe.

Coming back from the hot springs in Feralas she had so much to actually think about that it did not seem that sleep was going to be coming to her anytime soon. Quietly she had curled herself up against him honestly believing that the warmth of his fur and the small breeze from outside was enough for her to actually drift off into her dreams. It wasn’t going to be that easy but as she looked at him while he drifted off, that lopsided smile there on his face, she didn’t mind still being awake. Not at all.  With slow movement she got up from the rug that they had lay down upon, leaning down to place a kiss onto his cheek before she went to the window. The moonlight filtered into the room of soft wood and bright patterned rug, the stark black and white of the man who was stretched out there such a deep contrast to the background he was set in. Patches of fur were missing in places, scars wrote their stories of his past all over his body and each one had it’s own meaning. But in her eyes as she leaned against the wall where the window was, her ears swiveled forward and listening to him breath as she watched the rise and fall of his chest? He was perfect just the way that he was.  Her heart surged in her chest as she watched him, a pleased smile simply enjoying seeing him at peace and so relaxed. He worked himself so hard, trying everything to prove that he was a benefit to society and not the Monster that he had been labeled as, even though the rest of the Mercantile and his family knew he was so much more than that title.  Was Kong’huo a monster? An apple monster perhaps, able to eat the contents of an orchard within a week if given the chance. A working Monster as he put so much of himself into his work and even when he was dead tired he offered to do more if there was something that needed to be done. A friend monster who had a tender heart and a deep caring that he spared for those that actually managed to find themselves into the friend category. No, surely it was that he was a cuddle monster simply for how he seemed to enjoy just being near her, pulling her close while falling asleep sometimes as one would do with a stuffed toy that they held dear.  Oh, but he was a thief though. Stolen moments, stolen breath and more than anything else he was the thief of her heart.  He grunted in his sleep and she tipped her head to pay attention to him but he was already settling back down into the rug, reaching for something for a moment off to his side before scratching his chest. She did her best to stay quiet as she opened the window to the room they were in and let the cool night air hit against her skin, her hair still damp from the hot springs catching that cool air and causing her to shiver.  The fire festival was in full reverie and there were those that were celebrating even late into the night, fireworks lighting up the sky now and then in the distance. They were nice...but they weren’t the green, gold and purple spectacle that she had witnessed while sitting on his shoulders at the Faire. Oh, what a night that had been. From nervous moments right before leaving, figuring out the portal and the ominious signs that lingered around a forest that seemed to watch as they walked up to the loud and very lively Fairegrounds. Oh it had been a spectacle in and of itself and to be seeing it for the first time with him nearby made it all the better. The games played music, barkers trying to sell their wares and goods on the final evening of their revelry for the month. The smell of different confections and food intoxicating in the air and all around the sense of joy that seemed to come from the place was unprecedented.  Fondly she remembered while she leaned against the window sill the smell of spun sugar candy, the taste of carrot cake and sasparilla. She could still hear the music in her head, the feel of the ground beneath her sandaled feet against the well worn dirt grounds. With a fondness she thought back to the zoo that was there and the different animals that they had all near one another, the tour groups that were going through and seeing the other animals as well with private guides and the petting zoo.  A giggle left her then as she bowed her head, doing her best not to be too loud and wake him up as she was caught up in the memory. She had been so tentative about the striders that they used to carry people down to the carnival itself, and how sure Kong had been that she would be fine with the quiet one. Oh how wrong he had been! The beast taking off and ripping her out of Kong’s grip as she leaned forward just trying to hold on as best as she could. She had honestly been terrified as it took off and thankful when it had abruptly stopped to gather with the others of its kin at the front gate and how relieved Kong had been seeing there dusting herself off.  A magical night, that is what it had been...and the one moment that caught her breath was the one that caused her to touch her muzzle slowly with her eyes shut. Oh, it had been a stolen kiss and she had thieved it away but he had returned it all the same.  Turning back to look at him once more she could not help the tired smile she bore nor the satisfaction of where she was and how very special she was to be so close to him. It left her breathless. Together they were making so many wonderful memories of playing carnival games together, of running in the open plains of Mulgore and watching the stars above, and of diving into the waters off the coast of the Jade Forest to play. Every day was a new memory and one that she was so grateful for... The cool breeze chilled her as she approached him once more and carefully she stepped back into the warm grasp of the man who immediately held onto her in his sleep.  “I really think I do....”