#kolbie

Endless list of OCs // Robbie Clifton - Small Talk - The Originals [1/??] 

It hurt.

It hurt her whole body, every single part of her was aching with loneliness and with missing him.

She hadn’t been able to bring herself to turn the volume up on her phone, she knew if she heard his voice that she would completely break and she couldn’t afford to do that.

She was alone now.

She wasn’t as strong as before.

She had let him in, let him break down her walls and let him turn her back into the girl she was before she moved to Chicago, and then he had left.

Deep down, she knew she had probably had a lucky escape – they never would have worked, she knew that. He was restless, he never stayed in one place too long before he was jetting off to some other country with apologies and excuses, his camera round his neck and his passport in his pocket.

She craved that kind of excitement, it was what had drawn her to him in the first place. But she was too cautious – scared, even – to live the kind of life he had.

Still, she had foolishly hoped that opening a gallery in town and falling in love would mean he wanted to put down roots, he would want to stick around. For her.

But he hadn’t.

He could never pass up an opportunity to jet off to some war-torn country to take pictures and show everyone what life was like for the people who lived there. He had told her that when they first met, so she shouldn’t have been surprised when he told her he was leaving.

And yet she still found herself sat alone in her apartment, wondering if she’d just lost the love of her life.

Things had been so different with him, different to any guy she’d ever been with before.

Sure, their entire relationship – if she could even call it that – had been full of secrets and uncertainty, but it had also been the most thrilling few months of her life and she wasn’t sure she would ever feel again the way Kol had made her feel. He challenged her in a way no one ever had before. He made her second-guess her decisions in the best way possible, question what she really wanted from life, made her understand there was more to living than just existing and made her realise that she didn’t have to settle for anything than she wanted or deserved.

He had made her feel completely alive, made her love from the tips of her fingers to the bottom of her toes and if she was truly honest with herself, she didn’t regret a second of it.

Because it wasn’t just about what he had given her.

She had been there for him when the rest of his family was focused on the election, focused (as usual) on his father and his needs.

She had helped him turn his vision into a reality with his gallery, the stories he had told her coming to life the second she saw all of the photographs he’d taken from around the world.

She had been his anchor, keeping him grounded and focused on what he wanted.

He had told her she had been the first person in a long time to believe in him and that in turn had made him believe in himself, made him believe he could really make a career out of his photography. She made him feel as though his art mattered, that what he had to show people was important.

Ironically, that was probably part of the reason he had accepted the latest job he had jetted off to, leaving her behind and keeping her updated with Instagram pictures and Snapchat messages.

And she just couldn’t stand it anymore.

She couldn’t stand seeing his face or hearing his voice, hearing him tell her that he missed her and he wished she would have gone with him. If he really, truly wanted her there, he would have asked. She would have gone with him in a heartbeat and she knew he knew that, they had talked about it before but he still didn’t ask.

Instead he had left her behind to deal with the mess they had both made and to pick up the pieces of their affair, her ruined career, and her strained friendships.

The little video messages had, at first, been comforting. Hearing the excitement in his voice as he told her about what he was doing that day, the sadness as he told her he missed her and he wished she would reply to him, but that he would never stop sending them as long as she kept opening them.

She had missed him so much and seeing his face had made her smile, but now it just made her ache.

She had come to rely on him for so much during their time together that now he was gone, she could barely function. She couldn’t think straight without him, she was so sad and she had nowhere to go, no-one to turn to or confide in.

It wasn’t healthy.

God, she knew it wasn’t healthy.

She was completely head over heels in love with him, but she had to let him go. If there was one thing he had taught her, it was that she couldn’t hold on to ‘what if’s’ and what could have been.

She had to live for now, for herself and for her own happiness.

She knew what she had to do.

It was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done in her entire life, but she knew she had to do it to get back to herself again, to be the woman she was before and to look in the mirror and recognise the person staring back at her.

kolbie-lo replied to your post: “Blender Fail!”:

Damn, that sucks a little. Although I'm not a fan of any sort of fruit or vegetable being turned into bread.