#kodaposting

It was difficult to put on a tea party when the whole team was busy. Bob discovered this very quickly. The table had been set with a plastic tea set, colorful tablecloth, and small snacks he could scavenge himself without asking for help. But one thing was missing. 

Guests. 

Koda and Alexei were out for the day, having gone to the park. Bucky and Ava were in the middle of one of Val’s “promotional interviews” to keep the team relevant. John had disappeared somewhere a few hours ago, probably training by himself again. Yelena was writing out schedules for the littles and making chore sheets so things in the tower would run smoothly. It had only been a few weeks since they became a team officially, and Yelena and Bucky were doing their best to keep everything comfortable and set routines. Bob was immensely grateful, but without his usual caregiver or playmate, he wondered if schedules could really be that important. 

Never mind that. Bob could be independent. He could be resourceful. Maybe. The tea party was all set up, so he might as well make the most of it. He couldn’t exactly un-pour the apple juice himself without making a mess. So, determined to find guests for his party, Bob wandered down the halls of the Watchtower. The nursery was fairly scarce, but a few stuffies caught his eye. They were floppy enough to be able to sit nicely in chairs, and big enough to peek over the edge of the table. Perfect. He scooped up a big dog that reminded him of Alexei. And a floppy panther that reminded him of Ava. He scurried back to the table and set the stuffies in their seats, and then ran back down the hall to his bedroom. A large wolf and a soft puppy would do just fine to represent Bucky and Koda. Tucking them under his arm, Bob peeked into Ava’s room. Hopeful eyes searched along the floor and under the bed, quickly rewarded for his efforts. A large ragdoll lay halfway out of a barren toybox, and Bob added it to his growing collection. Its yellow yarn hair made it a perfect fit for Yelena.

Once Bob set up all the stuffies, he was puzzled to find two empty seats. One was his, of course, but the other was… John. Right. Bob scowled to himself and pulled out his chair to sit down and begin the party without him. But… all the rest of the team was there, even Alexei, and he didn’t know Alexei very well yet. Maybe John would come back from training and be sad that he was left out. Bob doubted it, but the thought nagged at the back of his head as he poured out teacups of apple juice. The empty chair taunted him, open and waiting. Really, he had no stuffies that could represent John. Nothing matched him. It was okay to leave him out then, right? There just wasn’t anything to suit him, Bob reasoned. But he thought of Ava's toybox and the doll he had “borrowed” for the tea party. Maybe John had something in his room that would work. 

The door wasn’t locked. It was cracked open, even. Cautious little steps carried Bob over the threshold, thumb stuck in his mouth to ease the little voice in his head that said it was a bad idea. A cursory sweep of the room didn’t reveal much of anything, really. The curtains were drawn, furniture lacking any personal touches or decorating. Honestly, the room hardly looked lived in. Bob thought to his own room, with its brightly painted walls and neon stars on the ceiling. The team had been thrown together last-minute, but Bob had immediately settled into the space and made it his own. It seemed as though John hadn’t. The only personal touches were a sleeve hanging out of the dresser, starry blue sheets, and a photo of John with a man he didn’t recognize. He peeked at it curiously, but there wasn’t much to see.

There was one realm Bob hadn’t explored yet. The closet, The voice in the back of his head grew louder, and he knew it was a bad idea. He chewed on the sleeve of his shirt and carefully slid the door open. Thankfully, no monsters jumped out at him. With how dark and dreary the room was, Bob was almost surprised. But inside the closet were a few boxes.

Jackpot. 

Bob opened the first box and shuffled through its contents, and his shoulders sagged in disappointment. There were just photos and papers, a few news clippings, and an old, dusty trophy. Another box sat to the side, but it was locked. Bob thought it must be some kind of safe or something. But in the third box, Bob found what he was looking for. A raggedy, worn teddy bear. Bob picked it up gently and looked it over. It didn’t seem to be anything special, and John wouldn’t even notice it was missing before he put it back. Triumphantly, Bob ran back to his tea party and sat the bear in the empty chair. 

With all his guests now present, Bob began his tea party. It wasn’t as good as having his real team to play with him, but it did alright. He ate a few snacks and had lots of apple juice, and he chattered away to the stuffies as if they were his friends. But after a while, Bob began to get bored. The stuffies didn’t chat back to him, and he’d used up most of his topics of conversation. He’d eaten all the good snacks, and he wanted Yelena. Maybe she would read him a story. He did like a good story. So he began to clean up, carrying little plastic dishes to the kitchen. He was so engrossed in his thoughts of storytime, however, that he knocked over a teacup right at the edge of the table. A small, startled yelp escaped his mouth, and he cringed as if awaiting a yell or hit that didn’t come. With a deep breath, he forced his shoulders down away from his ears. The teacup was plastic. He didn’t break anything. He wasn’t in trouble. The juice could be cleaned up. The juice. Oh, he’d made such a mess. For a moment, he just stared at the soaked tablecloth and puddle forming on the floor. His eyes watered, and he took another deep breath like Yelena had taught him to do. He could clean up. It was okay. 

Bob hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a dish towel. When he came back, the spilled juice had spread. It leaked over the edge of the table, dripping steadily onto one of the chairs. Bob stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide and scared. He sniffled as he padded over and dabbed at the mess, but it did little to help. The dish towel lay abandoned on the wet chair, and Bob began carrying the stuffies to the couch to keep them dry. But when he picked up John’s bear, it dripped. The puddle on its chair had spread, and the toy was soaked with apple juice. Bob’s eyes widened, and the tears he had been trying to hold back finally broke free. With a shuddering sob, Bob ran to the common room where Yelena had been working. He crashed into her with a cry, arms wrapping around the caregiver tightly. Tears soaked the neck of her shirt as Bob cried into her.

“Oh, Robby, what’s the matter?” Yelena cooed gently. “What is wrong?”

Bob tried to answer, but his words came out in a jumbled mix of tears and hiccups and shaky breaths. All he could get out was “spilled” and “trouble”. Everything else was lost in the mix of sobs and sniffles. Yelena gently petted his hair and murmured soft reassurances to him until he could breathe again, and she lifted him up onto her hip. 

“It is okay, Bob. It cannot be that bad, whatever it is. We will fix it.” 

------

John had been in the training room for hours, trying to knock the fuzzy, cottony feeling from the inside of his skull. He knew what it was, but he wouldn’t admit it, not even to himself. Nothing he had tried worked. If anything, the clouds around his thoughts just grew thicker. And strangest of all, he was tired. John didn’t get tired, not anymore. He’d trained much harder and for longer before without feeling tired, even a little bit. The serum made sure of that. But right now, he was dog tired and a little fuzzy, and he wanted to go to bed. It was the middle of the afternoon, not even suppertime yet, and he was already fighting yawns. He’d been training for a long time anyways. Maybe it was time to quit for the day. 

As John stepped out of the elevator, he heard Bob crying about something, and he groaned to himself. Just what he needed: a sobbing, crying little fussing about something like a baby. He was sure whoever else was around was coddling the boy like there was no tomorrow. Walking past the common room, he saw just that and rolled his eyes. Of course Yelena was fussing over him. She always was. John shoved down the irritation, letting it mix with the fog over his mind. He made his way to his room and stopped short, seeing his closet open and things scattered about. He… must’ve been a lot more fuzzy than he thought. He didn’t remember going through his closet earlier. He’d put everything away after a shower. Then he could sleep a bit, and maybe the clouds would lift from his head. 

Clean and dressed in fresh clothes, John began putting away the papers and photographs scattered across his floor. None of them seemed to be missing, just left out on the ground. He sorted everything into its proper spot and shoved the box into the back of his closet, but the lid of another box tumbled from its perch. He shoved the lid away, but it just fell back down. A frustrated grumble and a second shove didn’t set it in its place either. So with more force than was really necessary, John pulled the box out and shoved the bent cardboard lid back into place. 

Wait a minute. Something wasn’t right. Something was missing. 

John pried the lid back off and threw it across the room. Yes, something was definitely missing from the box. Something he knew he hadn’t touched. The clouds in his head turned stormy and angry, and no amount of deep breaths could shove them away. He knew who was behind it. Only one person was stupid enough to go through his stuff and take something like that. 

Storming out into the common room, John jabbed an accusing finger at Bob. “Where is it?” he snapped. “You went through my stuff, didn’t you? What’s your problem?” 

“Walker,” Yelena interrupted. She turned to the side, sheltering Bob from John’s anger. “Enough. He is crying. It was an accident.”

An accident? It wasn’t an accident. Bob went through his stuff on purpose.

“No it wasn’t! Little brat did it on purpose.” He glared daggers at both of them, refusing to shrink under Yelena’s warning stare. He brushed past them, radiating anger like a physical wave. 

Sure enough, the dining table was half-decorated like a kid’s tea party, complete with stuffed animals sitting in the chairs as guests. If he wasn’t so angry, John might have found the sight entertaining. But nothing was entertaining now. He was exhausted, his head hurt, he couldn’t think, and the team’s little angel baby had gone through his stuff with no consequence. His eyes landed on a familiar, worn-out looking teddy bear and he sighed in relief. At least it wasn’t lost. He picked up the bear tenderly. 

It was wet. And cold. And a little sticky. 

A lump rose in John’s throat. His bear? His bear was… wet. And it smelled like apples. The backs of his eyes stung, but he forced that away too. But his breaths shook and his vision narrowed to that one moment, juice-covered bear clutched in his arms. So that was what Yelena had meant by an “accident”. His jaw clenched and he vibrated with anger as he tracked down Bob. 

He was still crying in Yelena’s arms. John entered the room, and Bob hid further against her side and whimpered. Yelena hushed him and smoothed down his hair, but John snapped.

“Stop treating him like a baby! He isn’t your innocent little angel! He went through my stuff and ruined my bear-” His voice caught. The hand he was using to point at Bob was shaking.

“Walker, calm down. It is just a bear. It was an accident. It is okay.”

“No, it’s not okay, Yelena!” John shouted. Bob cringed away and hid his face in Yelena’s neck. He’d gone completely silent, cries stopped. “You can’t just baby him whenever he does something wrong! Don’t act like I’m the bad guy here!”

“We will wash it. I will talk to Bob. Calm down. You are making a big fuss over nothing.” She set Bob down, and he immediately scampered away to the nursery to hide. Yelena gestured pointedly at where Bob had run off, glowering at John. “You know better than to yell at him like that. I know you have trash caregiving instincts, but you could at least try. It is your job as a caregiver on this team to make him and Ava feel safe and comfortable. It is not always about you.”

“No, it’s never about me! It’s always about Bob. Always what he wants and what he needs. Whatever the baby needs, right?”

“That is not fair.”

“You aren’t fair! You never are! I hate this stupid team!” John yelled. In the back of his mind, he knew he was being a little overly dramatic. He didn’t really hate the team. He knew Yelena was doing her best to manage a team and two littles. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to stop either. He stomped out of the common room and slammed his door shut, locking it behind him. 

John had immediately flopped into bed, still holding onto the bear. He buried his face in the soft fur, but it smelled wrong. It smelled like apple juice. His throat and eyes burned, but he wouldn’t cry. He wasn’t a baby like Bob. Instead, he turned over and sulked, grumbling and growling to himself. If he was angry, he wouldn’t cry. And only babies cried, or adults when real bad things happened. Like when someone died, not when a bear got juice on it. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been laying there sulking when Ava phased into his room. He hurled a pillow at her without looking, and he groaned in frustration when he heard it hit the wall instead of its target. “Get out of my room.”

“Pouting? At your age? God, you are pathetic, aren’t you?” Ava snipped scornfully. “Nice going with Bob, by the way. Yelena told us what happened. Bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?” 

John sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, but Ava phased out of the room before he could chase her out. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes until the burning behind them faded and he could breathe a little easier again. Yelena had told them, but she didn’t even know what had happened. She didn’t understand. Or care. But she’d told Ava and apparently Bucky, and now he was a monster. Tormenting poor baby Bob for an accident and a toy that didn’t matter. The idea of Bucky knowing, of him having heard what happened, made a cold dread settle into John’s stomach. 

Suppertime passed. Nobody came to check on him when he didn’t take his place at the table. An hour, two hours, three hours past supper, and he still hadn’t emerged from his room. And nobody came to ask if he wanted something to eat. He was starving, actually, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the team. He knew the looks they’d give him, the disapproval and judgement and hatred. So he stayed in his room until his hands shook. Bob would be in bed by then, and Ava probably would be too. So when he poked his head out of his room, he wasn’t surprised to see the lights dimmed and doors shut. 

The kitchen was empty. Leftovers sat in the fridge, but they looked unappealing and bland. His stomach turned at the thought of trying to force that down, so he searched through the cabinets as quietly as he could. The meal he came up with was pitiful and far from balanced, but it was something. He didn’t bother sitting at the table to eat, simply electing to stand at the counter. 

“I hear you have… busy day with Bob today,” Alexei said. John practically jumped out of his skin, whirling around to face the man. Alexei held up both hands placatingly, grinning a little. “Did not mean to startle you. Just making conversation.” 

“Get lost,” John grumbled. 

“‘Lena was right. You are very cranky today.”

“Shut up,” he snapped. Alexei backed off, eyebrows raised and eyes a little wide. When John turned back to his half-eaten bowl of cereal, he suddenly didn’t feel so hungry. He threw everything into the trash or the sink and retreated to his room again. 

His room was safe. The cotton around his thoughts had grown too thick to ignore, and everything made it worse. Small, almost cautious steps led him back to his closet. He fumbled with the lock on the safe with much less dexterity than usual, and he thunked his hand against his head until he was sure he’d knocked whatever screws were loose back into place. But that was only a temporary fix. Once the lock on the box came undone, he grabbed the few contents inside and curled up in his bed. 

He didn’t have much in the box. It had been locked, but it didn’t hold money or valuables or weapons. In John’s mind, what it held was much, much worse. A slightly tattered blanket, a softer shirt with a monster truck on the front, and a teether. He looked down at the possessions with distaste and bitterness, but he didn’t put them back. As much as he hated it, he needed them. At least the shirt was cozy. And the blanket was warm. He lay curled up on his side, sulking and chewing on the teether, his back turned to the door. Usually, he would have his bear, too. But his bear was on the nightstand, sticky and smelling of apple juice and wrong, and everything came crashing down. The fuzz around his head turned into static, buzzing and crackling as he tried to justify his tears to himself. He was just angry, that was all. Really, really angry. It was okay to cry if you were angry, he thought, but he wasn’t sure. But surely he was just very angry. He wasn’t sad or scared or lost or so very small. He wasn’t a baby. Bob was a baby, and he was nothing like Bob.

John heard the door click as it unlatched, and his whole body bristled. He stopped mid-sob and went still as a statue. He must have forgotten to lock his door when he came back. He was facing the other way still, but he knew who had tracked him down.

“Alexei said I’d find you here.” Bucky. Angry Bucky. John curled up a little smaller and didn’t say anything. “I heard what happened today. That’s a new low, even for you, Walker. You know Bob is… delicate, especially when he’s regressed. What’s the matter with you?”

Still nothing. Bucky walked closer, steps heavy and loud to warn John of his approach. 

“We’re supposed to be a team, Walker. And as a caregiver on that team, I expect better from you. Honestly, sometimes you act more like a toddler than Bob does. Quit sulking and grow up.”

Oh. Yeah, John knew those words. He was deeply familiar with that command. So he sat up and rubbed the tears from his eyes, sniffling quietly. The teether dangled from his mouth, but he shoved the blanket off of him and onto the floor. He didn’t need it anyways. He wasn’t a baby. But why was Bucky suddenly looking at him like that? John hiccuped and let the teether fall from his mouth. That must be it. Bucky wanted him to be a grown-up. He wasn’t supposed to be little. Grown-ups didn’t need teethers. They also didn’t need monster truck shirts, so he went to pull that off too.

Bucky’s hands were suddenly on him, grabbing him, and John yelped and kicked But… Bucky wasn’t hurting him. He was pulling on his wrists, coaxing him to let go of his shirt and leave it on. The tears started again, and John turned his head so Bucky wouldn’t see. But a cold metal hand caught his chin and oh-so-gently turned him to face him. John cowered, barely breathing as he met Bucky’s eyes. They were soft. They weren’t angry anymore. In fact, he almost looked hurt. He swiped away John’s lingering tears with his thumb as he knelt beside his bed. 

“John…?” Bucky whispered. “John, are you… little? I- Why didn’t you tell us? C’mon, bub, look at me.” 

John wrenched his head away from Bucky and crossed his arms over his chest, shrinking into himself in a way that was so not John it made Bucky’s chest ache. “No. ‘M not a baby. I’m not little.” 

“You’re not a baby,” Bucky agreed. “You’re a big kid, huh?” 

John ducked his head but eventually nodded, casting a wary glance in Bucky’s direction. But the anger he’d been carrying when he entered had dissolved, leaving behind a worried caregiver and a deep concern. “Not a baby,” John repeated. 

“No, not a baby.” 

John moved a little closer, wiping tears and snot off his face with his arm. Bucky cringed and held a handkerchief up to John’s nose instead. His mind whirled with questions and worries and frustration, but he forced it aside. He could ask John more questions when he was big again, and they could talk about his behavior in the morning. For now, John was just upset and guilty and small. Interrogating would just make him shut down.

“How about you tell me what happened today?” Immediately John began to protest, but Bucky stopped him. “I’m not going to yell at you. Just tell me your version of what happened today.” 

John threw himself at Bucky, crying full-force. Nobody had asked him what had happened. But Bucky was asking, and he was listening, and he said he wasn’t going to yell at him. So he dove into the story, how Bob had taken his bear and how he was really a very special bear and his name was Gus, and how Gus was a gift from Lemar, and how Bob ruined him with juice and didn’t even say sorry and nobody helped or asked why he was upset, and how Gus smelled wrong because he smelled like apple juice and not his friend, and how he was always wrong and Bob was always right and how he was so, so hungry and nobody had even asked him if he wanted supper. And Bucky, for his part, just held him as he sniffled, equal parts baffled and worried. John had been a little all this time, and Bucky hadn’t noticed. Nobody had noticed. But… it made sense, didn’t it? The emotional outbursts, how easy it was to goad him into anger, his attachment to Lemar, his lack of caregiving instincts and skills, the way he sought out approval at every turn. He was little. Nothing was as painfully obvious as that as John whined into his neck, hands clutching onto his shirt like he was scared to let go. 

“John, we can fix Gus. We can wash him. He’ll be okay. And we can get you nice things fit for a big kid. We didn’t know you were little. If we had, we would’ve taken care of you just like Robby. I’m sorry, bub. I’m so sorry.” John didn’t say anything. He just nodded into Bucky’s shoulder with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, buddy. It’s okay. I’ve gotcha now. We’ve got you.” Bucky didn’t have the heart to move him, so he just held him until the tears stopped and John was half-asleep. 

Bucky lay John down and tucked him in with the ragged blanket. He made a mental note to get a new one, something soft and cozy for him. He returned the teether to John’s mouth, and he managed a weak smile at how fiercely he chewed on it. He wasn’t sure if he’d brushed his teeth, or if he had really gotten ready for bed, but he was already half-asleep. He’d be okay for one night.

“I’ll be right back, alright? I’ve gotta go grab something,” Bucky said. He disappeared out the door, and John was too sleepy to fuss about it. But he came back quickly, a couple stuffies tucked under one arm. “I know these aren’t Gus, but Koda says you can borrow them.” 

John reached for a soft, floppy tiger. Bucky pressed it into his arms and repositioned the blankets around him. He mumbled a quiet “thank you” through a yawn, and Bucky ruffled his blond hair. 

“Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning and get everything straightened out. I’ll put Gus in the wash so he’ll be all fresh when you wake up.” 

John didn’t need much convincing. He was so tired, worn out from training and crying, and Bucky was being so nice to him. He had a tiger to hold, and the team would be nice to him now. At least, he hoped so. He curled up small and closed his eyes, asleep almost instantly. 

Bucky watched over him for a minute, making sure he wasn’t going to wake up. He looked exhausted and miserable, and Bucky’s chest twisted. He mentally kicked himself for missing all the signs of a little and the ways he’d handled him under the assumption he was a caregiver. He’d make up for it. 

“Sweet dreams, bub,” Bucky whispered. He rubbed his shoulder and slipped out of the room, latching the door behind him. The bear was tucked under his arm, and he headed into the laundry room with it.

Four littles and three caregivers. Everything would be fine. He could work with this. 

In all honesty, it wasn't all that surprising that Bob and Koda were littles. They were both sensitive souls, forced into resilience over time. The real surprise came in the form of Ava, somewhat sheepishly wandering into the living room with a white plush bunny tucked under her arm, quietly tugging on Yelena's sleeve. The team had been living together for nearly a week, and there hadn't been any signs to notice. Or maybe there had been, and the Thunderbolts had simply missed them in all the commotion and activity. Either way, the routine was quickly adapted, and Ava was added to Yelena's list.

The four caregivers took turns with each regressor, not wanting to give the impression of favoritism. That didn't mean, though, that each little didn't have favorites. Bob and Yelena were practically inseperable, and Ava slunk after Alexei during the day and Yelena at night. Koda was the most well-rounded, seeking out anyone and everyone for attention and care, but she followed John like a lost puppy.

Yelena and Bucky wasted no time in twisting Valentina's arm, insisting on regression gear for the three littles. As Yelena had said, they owned her now, and they could demand almost anything. Boxes began appearing, their arrival heralded by Koda's sharp barking and puppy growls at the mailman, and things were set up swiftly. They weren't sure what they'd need, so they ordered a bit of everything. Foam tiles for the floor, a playpen, board books and picture books, teethers, pullups, anything the caregivers thought might come in handy. Each box was opened in the living room to an audience, gasps and admiration coming from the littles, usually Bob and Koda.

A nursery was set up in the spare bedroom in the hallway. It had been painted a soft, pastel blue, and the playpen and foam tiles were set up inside. A big crib and a big-kid bed were placed inside as well, just in case someone was too little to sleep in their own room in a bed so high off the ground. To Bob and Koda, it was heaven.

They lay on their stomachs on the floor, walking plastic animals along, tangled in the midst of an elaborate story. Bucky watched over them from the rocking chair, and the sound of Ava's giggling and Alexei's booming laughter came from down the hall. Koda's ears twitched towards the sound, and she crawled across the floor. Before she could escape out of the nursery, John appeared in the doorway.

"Bucky, one of your kids is making an escape," he said, blocking Koda's escape route.

Bucky stood up from the chair and scooped her up, bringing her back to the chair to curl up in his lap.

"Stay in here, puppy. Don't you want to play with Bob?"

Koda shook her head and burrowed into Bucky's neck despite having been contentedly playing on the floor with Bob mere seconds ago.

"No play?" Bob mumbled from the floor. Koda shook her head again, and he teared up.

"John, you want to get him?" Bucky asked.

"I was actually gonna-"

"John."

Reluctantly, he stepped the rest of the way into the nursery and picked up the crying boy, awkwardly patting him on the back.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" he asked, nodding at Bucky.

He sighed, throwing up a hand, and gestured to the two littles. "Does now look like a good time to you?"

He sat down on the edge of the bed with Bob curled into him, sniffling and clutching at his shirt. Bob stuck a thumb in his mouth, and John made a face.

"Gross." He reached towards the bedside table, snagging a pacifier. "Here, this is better."

He swapped without much fuss, and soon his tears stopped.

Bucky, rocking Koda, was petting her ears in hopes of earning a faint wag of her tail. "Why don't you want to play with Bob?" he asked gently.

"Avie's havin' fun without me with 'Lexei, an' it's not fair, 'cause she gets to watch big-kid shows an' I don't."

"Oh, yeah, they're watching Gravity Falls in the living room," John added. "Ew, Bob, did you just lick me?"

Koda whimpered, and Bucky smoothed down her fur. She kneaded her claws into his shirt, and he hummed something soothing and aimless to her. Her eyes slowly slipped closed, ears flopping sleepily.

"I think somebody just needs a nap, huh?" he murmured. A faint nod was all he got in reply, but it was good enough. Koda found herself tucked into the bed, dinosaur-themed sheets tucked under her chin.

John stood with Bob still in his arms, and he passed him over to Bucky as soon as his hands were free. The boy reached out at John again, eyes wet, confusion written on his face.

"It's okay, Bobby. Bucky's got you, see?"

Bob whined and rubbed his eyes, shrinking into Bucky's hold. Soft, quiet tears rolled down his cheeks, accentuated by the occasional hiccup or sniffle.

"John," Bucky scolded.

"I didn't do anything! He likes you better, so I gave him to you!"

"John doesn' wan' me either," Bob cried. "Don' wanna play by myself more."

"No, I didn't- I wasn't getting rid of him, I thought he'd like it better!"

"You should know better. He's tired and sensitive. Would it have killed you to hold him a little longer?" Bucky hissed.

"I was trying to help!"

He stormed out of the room, which only made Bob cry harder. Bucky settled back into the rocking chair with him, petting his hair and whispering reassurances. His sobs gradually tapered off into weak whines, then to silence as he drifted off to sleep. He was tucked into the crib, face wiped clean and pacifier slipped back into his mouth. With both the smallest settled for a nap, Bucky set up the baby monitors and closed the door on his way out of the room.

Today was Ava’s day in. To combat any feelings of isolation or favoritism among the littles, Ava could pick days to spend with certain caregivers. Bob and Koda took up a lot of attention, and the team wanted to make sure Ava felt special too. On this specific day, she had requested to stay in with Bucky and Alexei. That left Bob, Koda, John, and Yelena to occupy themselves on a day out. Not that the littles seemed to mind much. A day out was always fun, and knowing Ava was getting special time made the team happy. 

The morning started just like any other. John made breakfast for the team and everyone sat around the table together. After breakfast had been eaten and the dishes had been cleared, the usual routine began to splinter, making way for a new and special day. Alexei and Bucky stayed in the common room with Ava while Yelena dressed Koda and Bob for the day. John stayed in the kitchen making lunches and snacks for the day out. Once everyone had gotten dressed and ready, the fun could begin. 

Koda and Bob sat together in the back seat of the car, buckled into carseats. A backpack sat in the middle seat between them, packed with toys and lunch bags and bandages in case of scraped knees. Yelena took the driver's seat, leaving John with the passenger seat. Once in the car, Yelena punched in directions to a favored park and started the drive. Not all parks were friendly towards littles, but they'd managed to find one that suited everyone's needs. Plenty of benches for the caregivers, big slides and swings for regressors to fit, a sandbox for Bob to dig in, and a snack stand and bathrooms right across the path. It was early enough in the day that there were only a couple other people on the playground, and both littles darted away as soon as they'd been unbuckled. Bob took to the slides, scrambling up the stairs again and again, and Yelena waited for him at the bottom. Koda made a beeline for the swings like always, wind whistling around her ears as she went higher and higher. John stayed by their usual bench, watching them play but not joining in himself, keeping guard over their backpack.

Bob soon got tired of the slides and bounded over to the sandbox, leaping into it without care to preserve his clothes or shoes. Sand could be removed, that's what Alexei always said. He dug tunnels for his Paw Patrol figures, which he retrieved from the backpack, and he staged rescue missions with them buried under the sand. Sand got in his clothes and in his shoes and in his hair, but he didn't mind. Yelena always cared more about that than he did. She'd gone over to sit with John, and they were talking quietly—probably about grown-up things—leaving him to squirm around in the sand like a lost crab. Bob wondered if crabs had families, and if they played together. He'd have to ask Lena about it later. He lined up his figures on the edge of the sandbox and went back to wriggling through the sand, pretending to be a crab looking for his friends.

Koda, on the other hand, was running in circles, muttering under her breath in a story nobody else was privy to. Sometimes it was animal sanctuary or zookeeper, sometimes it was astronaut, sometimes it was Pokemon trainer. Today, it was scavenging wolf separated from her pack. She stalked forwards, sticking to the shadows, a low growl in her throat. She rushed forwards and pounced, catching her prey, gnawing on its limbs mercilessly.

"Ow, Koda, no biting," John yelped, shoving her away. She bounced back and snapped her jaws at him, tail wagging hard, biting at the air all around him.

"Grr," she growled.

"Oh, yes, fierce puppy," Yelena said, hauling Koda up into her arms. She smoothed down her fur and kissed her forehead, and she responded with a playful nip that stopped just a hair away from Yelena's nose. Being held settled her down, though, and she pushed her face into her neck.

Yelena leaned back against the bench, cradling Koda close, and the little wolf rubbed her face all over her clothes, scrubbing her scent into them. Each movement was precise and intentional, though growing increasingly clumsy. Under soft praise, Koda's eyes slipped shut and she tumbled into a late-morning nap.

Bob's shrieking giggles woke Koda from her nap, though she was reluctant to lift her head from the comfort of Yelena's chest. A soft hand over her ears dulled the sounds of Bob's giddy playtime, and Koda snuffled at the neck of Yelena's shirt. A chew toy was swiftly placed in front of her mouth, and she accepted it easily. Strong, sharp teeth gnawed at the toy with determination, tucked comfortably into her own little world with Yelena. She watched the way sunlight filtered through the trees, the birds hopping along the path, how John and Bob smiled while he played. John had gotten up at some point during her nap, and he was poking at Bob and making him laugh. But all Koda cared about, really, was the sound of Yelena's steady heartbeat beneath both sets of ears and the rhythm of her breathing that she was trying to match.

Unfortunately, the cozy moment came to an end. Koda's tail drooped and her ears flicked, and Yelena noticed immediately. "What's the matter, sobachka?" she asked, murmuring into her hair.

"Bathroom."

"Ah. Okay. Come on."

She carried her across the path to the restrooms and ushered her inside swiftly. Koda scrambled into a stall, and Yelena stood guard just outside the door. A few minutes later, Koda bounced outside again, hands dripping water and tail wagging.

"No paper towels," she said, fluffing up her fur in disapproval. "Only loud dryers."

"Dry your hands off on your shirt."

She did as instructed and her sprirts returned, hopping and jumping back to the playground. She found John and growled at him, latching her teeth into his shirt sleeve. Both hands grabbed onto his arm and pulled with renewed vigor, tearing him away from Bob.

"Fetch!" she barked. Yelena stood over her and tapped one of her fluffy ears.

"Ask nicely, please. Don't rip his shirt."

Reluctantly, she let go of his sleeve. With the biggest, sweetest puppy eyes she could manage, she wagged her tail and repeated her request.

"Can we play fetch?"

"Sure. Go get what you want out of the bag and I'll meet you over there, 'kay?" he said.

Koda bounded over to the backpack and dug through it. Triumphantly, she pulled out a ball and she practically vibrated in place waiting for him to finish playing with Bob. Yelena was over there too, taking John's place in the game, so Koda decided to pass time by counting the stitches on the ball. One, two, three, four… wait. One, two, three-

"C'mon, pup," John called, waving for her to follow. He gave a short whistle, and she ran after him into the field beside the playground. It wasn't long before they fell into a pattern of throw, chase, return. She panted happily, covered in grass from tripping over her shoes, and her eyes followed the ball with single-minded focus.

On the other hand, Yelena and Bob were playing a very calm game of store. He was the shopkeeper, knelt beneath one of the slide structures, and she was purchasing imaginary wares with leaves and woodchips. Occasionally, he crawled out from beneath the slide to ask for a hug, and then he would return to his "store", offering discounts and collecting the prettiest leaves and nicest woodchips for later. Yelena knew she'd have to empty out his pockets before doing the laundry, but it made him happy for the time being. A couple extra seconds before the laundry would be worth it to see his wide, childlike grin a little more.

Koda and John returned from the field covered in grass stains and dirt. She barked, and he echoed it in a way that wasn't quite mocking but certainly wasn't serious. Barking back and forth, they dragged the other two away from their game for a late lunch. Bob had a snack while Koda had been napping, so they'd pushed back lunchtime until a little later in the afternoon.

"John, can you take Bob to get cleaned up? He should have fresh clothes in the backpack," Yelena said.

He took Bob's hand and led him to the bathrooms, pausing outside to brush as much sand off of him as he could. Bob squirmed and complained, trying to shake himself off now that he noticed the unpleasant feeling.

While waiting for the boys to return, Yelena handed Koda a sandwich, a juice box, and sliced fruit. In a matter of minutes, the fruit and juice had disappeared. The sandwich was saved for last. John had made it the way she liked best, with ham and cheese on toasted bread and a little bit of lettuce—but not too much, of course—even though it took a little longer to make that way. She didn't have to look to know Bob got turkey and cheese on a hamburger bun, and Yelena had gotten a mixed rice bowl with pieces of chicken and vegetables. John always packed the best lunches for days out, even if he didn't sneak as many treats in as Alexei did.

Both boys returned, Bob freshly dressed and John only slightly frustrated, and sat down to eat their lunches as well. A low growl formed in Koda's throat though she didn't mean for it to, and Yelena pet her hair.

"It's okay, detka. You can eat somewhere else."

"It's okay, Lena?"

"Yes, it's okay. Go ahead."

Koda grabbed her sandwich and scrambled off to the top of the furthest slide, scarfing down her own food where she wouldn't be able to hear the others chewing. She polished it off quickly and tucked the wrapper into her pocket to throw away later. With her lunch over and her energy restored, she crawled through the tunnel tubes and scrambled up climbing walls, immediately engrossed in a story that wouldn't quite make sense to anyone but her.

All too soon, playtime was over. Bob and Koda would have happily spent all day at the park, but there were other plans for the day. While Koda was wrangled to the bathroom before leaving, Bob collected his toys and put them back in the backpack. Each figure was carefully dusted off and placed inside with utmost care. Yelena returned from the bathroom with Koda, and John took Bob for his turn while they finished packing up.

"I don't wanna leave," Koda mumbled. She stood by Yelena's side, clinging onto her shirt, pouting as fiercely as she could manage.

"I know, sobachka. But we're going to do other fun things."

"But I'm havin' fun here."

"Ah, but there is no frozen yogurt here, is there?" she hinted. Koda's tail began to wag fiercely and she bounced up and down, cheering and giggling. Any hesitance to leave the park vanished in an instant. Bob ran over to hear what the fuss was about, hands still dripping soap suds, and he joined in on the enthusiasm as well. Before long, they were back in the car and buckled in, jabbering about what flavors and toppings they were going to get.

"I'm gonna get all chocolate stuff," Bob declared. "With brownie bites an' hot fudge."

"I'm gonna get the biggest size an' eat all of it!" Koda said.

With Yelena's skilled driving, they arrived promptly. Bob hopped out of the car on his own, but Koda waited patiently to be unbuckled, feet kicking the back of the seat in front of her. Her side of the car was facing the street, and she had to wait for a caregiver to let her out.

"Good puppy, so patient," Yelena praised. The buckle released, and she lifted her out of the car, carrying her into the shop with one arm. Her other hand she held out for Bob, which he gladly took.

Once inside, Koda squirmed to be let down. Usually, she would beg to be held for as long as possible, but there was simply too much to look at to stay in Yelena's arms. Bob and Koda were each handed a little paper cup and set loose.

Bob was methodical, carefully reading the label of each flavor before making his first choice. He could mix and match, but he wanted the flavors to blend nicely together, sticking to one theme. He picked chocolate, cookies and cream, and the tiniest bit of coffee, since that one reminded him of Bucky. At the toppings bar, he hesitated before calling for Yelena.

"Lena? Can you help p'ease? I don't wanna spill."

"Of course, svetilo. What would you like?"

"Um, some of that, please," he said, pointing. "And that. Um, and some brownie. And sprinkles."

"Got it, chocolate rocks, buckeyes, brownie, sprinkles. Anything else?"

"Fudge sauce?" he requested hopefully.

"Of course."

"That's it."

His cup was weighed and paid for, and he sat at a table, taking little nibbles from a color-changing spoon. Koda, however, had barely started, so he wanted to save some of his to eat with everyone else.

Koda's cup was the complete opposite of Bob's. Cookies and cream was mixed with cherry slushie and strawberry, topped with maraschino cherries, sprinkles, gummy sharks,and fruit snacks. After a moment of hesitation, she added in a few brownie bites too, just to round it off. Nobody was there to stop her, after all. She didn't need help like Bob did. Soon, her cup was paid for as well, and she plopped down in the seat next to Bob and dug in. Her hands were already sticky somehow, and licking them didn't fix it, so she shrugged and decided it would be a problem for later. Right now, she just needed to focus on the treat in front of her.

John had settled for strawberry and nothing else, and he ate his with his back turned, hiding his treat from curious eyes. Naturally, Koda needed to know what the secrecy was about, so she pushed her cup away and hooked her chin on his shoulder.

"Whatcha got?"

"Nothing. Just strawberry," he answered, blocking her view.

"Why are you hiding it? I wanna see!" Little hands snuck around him to grab for his treat, giggling cheerily. "Lemme see!!"

"Hey, let go! It's mine!"

"Jus' wanna look!" She managed to grab his wrist and get a solid look at the cup, nose twitching and tail wagging. "Oh! You got the sour worms. I like the red and yellow ones best. And rainbow sprinkles, an' oh, candy legos! Those are good. You're missing somethin', though."

"What could I possibly be missing?" he grumbled.

"This." Koda took her spoon and scooped up one of her cherries and dumped it into his cup. "There you go."

John blinked, head cocked as he thought about it, and decided it was a good enough addition. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

Yelena sat down in the final free chair, no cup in sight. "John, yours looks like it was put together by a child. I have to say, I expected something more like Bob's."

"Is that a bad thing?" he retorted. "Something wrong with things being put together by a kid?"

"Of course not. I didn't say that. I just didn't expect it from you."

"Where's yours, anyway?"

"Ah, I will eat what's left over."

There were leftovers aplenty for her. Koda often had eyes bigger than her stomach, and today wasn't an exception. She got about halfway through before reluctantly pushing her cup across the table to Yelena. Bob took little bites of his until it began to melt, and then his cup joined Koda's in front of Yelena. John was the only one to finish his, scraping his spoon along the bottom of the bowl to pick up the last couple sprinkles.

While Yelena was eating, Bob hopped out of his chair and knelt beside the backpack, rummaging through it with fierce determination. A plastic bottle with cartoon sharks on it was raised as a trophy, and he took a drink. Koda joined him and dug around for a matching bottle, hers decorated with cartoon dogs, and had some water as well. Bob was still digging in the backpack, so she left him to whatever business that was, and picked up all the trash from the table and threw it away. Halfway back to the table, Bob let out an ear-piercing scream. In an instant, Yelena was kneeling beside him, brushing his hair back so she could look in his teary eyes.

"What's wrong, Bob? Hm? Can you use your words?" she asked gently.

Bob shook his head and bawled, curling himself into her. John knelt at his other side, rubbing his back, though he seemed more confused than worried. Bob switched over, pushing his way into John's arms, sobbing and babbling incoherent words that he couldn't quite make out. While Yelena and John tried to coax him into taking deep breaths, Koda scurried over to the backpack and found Bob's water. She popped the cap open and pushed it at him.

"Robby, drink," she urged.

"Nuh-uh!"

She held the straw just in front of his mouth, and after a few seconds, he took the water. "No cryin' if you drink. All better."

He stopped drinking long enough to give her a tearful look, lip quivering. "Not all better. No Chase."

Yelena looked at Bob, then at John. Her brows were furrowed in confusion. Bob repeated his words a little more frantically, but it didn't seem to help. He rubbed his eyes with a fist and wriggled out of their arms and over to the backpack, and he pulled out a slightly battered plastic toy. A German shepherd, his cartoony design scuffed, was clutched in Bob's fist, and the crying started all over again.

"No Chase!"

"Buddy, that's Chase," John said. "He's right there."

"He has two," Koda piped up.

"You lost other Chase?" Yelena clarified.

Bob shook his head and hid his face against John's shoulder, sobbing inconsolably. Between muffled wails of "park" and "sand" and "rescue", the image became a little clearer. He'd buried his other Chase toy in the sandbox so he could stage a rescue, and he'd forgotten to dig him back out and put him away. One Chase had made it safely to the backpack and was now clutched in his fist, but the other was still at the park somewhere beneath the sand.

"Oh, honey, we can go back and look for him. It's okay. We'll find him, okay? It hasn't been that long, I'm sure he's still there," Yelena comforted.

After a rushed potty break, the team piled back into the car and headed back to the park. Bob sniffled the whole way, whispering things nobody could hear. The instant the car was parked, he was off like a shot, dashing back to the sandbox with tears in his eyes. John, surprisingly, was hot on his heels, clawing through piles of sand almost as frantically as Bob. Nothing but sand and woodchips were turned up, occasionally a stone, and Bob's efforts gradually weakened into frustrated, miserable swipes at the sand. A tiny sniffle broke through, and he threw himself into John again, wailing.

Yelena's voice cut through his sobs, and a gentle hand was placed against his back. "Bob, it's okay. We found him. Koda found him, see? It's okay."

"Chase?" he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

"Chase!" Koda echoed. The little plastic dog sat in the palm of her hand, and Bob lunged for it.

"Doggie!"

Before he could wander off with it and lose it again, Yelena scooped him up into her arms. She wiped clean his messy face and planted a kiss to his forehead. His head lolled onto her shoulder now that he had his toy back, eyes fluttering somewhere between open and shut.

"Someone must have found it in the sand and played with it. Koda found it next to the big slide," Yelena said. Her voice rumbled a little beneath Bob's ear, and he let out a sleepy yawn.

"Surprised they didn't just take him home," John said. "Most people would've."

"We got lucky this time," she agreed.

Bob and Koda were bundled into the car again, strapped in and sleepy, and John slipped the toy out of Bob's hand and into the backpack with the rest. He didn't notice, nearly asleep sitting up, and Koda saw but didn't say anything. Her eyes were drooping a bit too, and her ears flopped. She was stubbornly clinging to awareness, since the day out wasn't over, but she'd played hard at the park. Maybe closing her eyes just a little wouldn't be too bad…

Yelena lifted Bob out of his carseat and positioned his head on her shoulder, rubbing his back as he fussed. John did the same for Koda and scratched just the right spot behind her ear to make her leg kick in her sleep. The car ride had been fairly short, but both of them were sound asleep, not even waking up fully when they were carried. So with both caregivers holding someone, they walked into the store. John was the first to speak, a grumble in his throat again, but he kept his voice hushed so as not to wake up Koda.

"Do I have to go in with you guys?" he asked.

"Do you want to wait in the car? That doesn't sound very fun. What's the matter with going into the store with us?" Yelena replied.

"I just- I don't feel like I'm supposed to be in here. Everyone's gonna look at me weird."

"You are a caregiver with two tiny ones. Nobody will care. Why are you being weird about it?"

"I'm not being weird!" he snapped back, a little too loudly. Koda stirred, and he rubbed the fur at the scruff of her neck in apology. "I'm jus' too… I don't know. I don't belong in here, with all the soft, baby stuff."

"Get over yourself. We aren't here for you. It's for them."

With that, both littles were placed in the cart, curled up together. Yelena pushed the cart up and down the aisles, directing John what to grab. Like the parks, not all stores were friendly towards regressors, nor did all of them cater to them. But with a bit of research and some scouting by Bucky, the team had found a chain of stores specifically made for littles. Aisles were filled with everything a caregiver could need and everything a regressor could want. Since Bob and Koda were both sleeping, though, Yelena started with the more boring items they needed. Sensitive soaps, the shampoo that made Koda's fur shine, wipes, all the basic things that were always in demand. One by one, they were placed in the cart around the sleeping pair.

As the group began through the fun items, a few things were stashed in the cart when Yelena wasn't looking, like a pack of toy cars, a plush lion, and a matching tiger. Yelena picked something up off the shelf and studied it carefully, and John took the opportunity to tuck a floppy puppy soother into Koda's arms. Yelena glanced over immediately, eyebrow raised, and he stared back at her like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"John, what are you doing?"

"What? You're not the one paying. They'll like it."

Koda stirred at the noise and sat up while rubbing her eyes. After a few bleary blinks, she gasped and shook Bob awake. Her tail wagged back and forth like a whip, striking the bars of the cart.

"Robby, Robby! Wake up! Look!" she urged. Bob whined and pushed blindly at her, but she was persistent. He sat up too, and his eyes instantly went wide with delight.

"'Lena, let me out! Let me out; wanna 'splore!" Bob said. Yelena gave him a look, and he added on, "Please."

Both were lifted out of the cart and set loose, free to paw at toys and investigate as long as they stayed in sight. Bob rifled through the contents of the cart first, and Koda just stood in the middle of the aisle, staring at everything without knowing where to start. Once again, Yelena took the lead, pushing the cart up and down the aisles again. Bob walked along at her side, hanging onto the hem of her shirt.

"I want this!" Koda barked. She held up a toy eagerly and waved it in the air.

"You each can pick out three toys. Two for you and one for Ava," Yelena said.

Reluctantly, she placed the toy back on the shelf. They continued along, a little more thoughtful in their wants. The toys for Ava were the easiest, both of them finding things they knew she'd love almost immediately, but there were simply too many options for themselves. For Ava, Koda picked a Littlest Pet Shop playset, and Bob picked out a Barbie two-pack with a Ken doll, because Ava always complained about not having enough Ken dolls. A wooden set of play food was added to the cart, and a Paw Patrol playset followed shortly with the agreement to share, but they were having trouble deciding on a final item.

And then they saw them. Two white-and-orange astronaut helmets sitting side-by-side on a shelf, practically calling their names.

"Koda, look," Bob breathed.

Visions of deep-space exploration and alien encounters filled their minds, and without speaking a word, a conversation was exchanged. They would both be astronauts together. Both helmets were placed delicately in the cart, and that was the end of that.

They finished up in the store, picking up a few more things they'd needed. Bob picked up a fuzzy, hooded bath towel that looked like a dinosaur, and Koda picked up one that looked like a duckling. Plastic dishware and cups joined the cart after a few too many broken plates, and Bob got a set of sun, moon, and star-themed pacis while Koda got two new teethers and a squeaky toy in hopes of keeping both of them from chewing on anything and everything.