#knowing things

Owen knocked on his parent’s door, eyes cast downward as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He couldn’t get the phone call from Daredevil out of his head. It was so far outside of what he expected from someone doing what she did, and it didn’t make sense. 

And he couldn’t talk to Maddie about it because she wouldn’t understand. She already decided she liked Daredevil, and would brush the situation off as proof that the vigilante was a-ok. 

He wanted a more reliable source of feedback. 

The front door opened and his mother peered out, face brightening in joy and then falling into confusion.

“Owen! I thought you had a date tonight.”

He shrugged and leaned back on one leg. 

“Some family stuff came up, so Mary had to take a rain check. Are you and dad busy?”

She opened the door and stepped back so he could come in. 

“Your dad is out right now, but I’m free to talk. Come on, I’ll make some coffee.”

He followed her in, barely glancing around as he made his way towards the kitchen. The house hadn’t changed much since he and Maddie had moved out. It’s constance and warmth were always comforting.

He pulled out a bar stool and sat at the counter as he watched his mom pour some beans into the coffee machine. 

“So, what’s on your mind, Sunshine?”

He winced at the old nickname and shifted in his seat. His mom leaned on the counter across from him, attentive and patient as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. 

“The Daredevil called me,” he finally said. 

Her expression twisted in surprise as the statement settled. 

“The vigilante from Hell’s Kitchen?” She clarified. “Why would they call you? From what Maddie has mentioned, I’d think they’d want to keep their distance.”

“She- there was an incident. She wanted to… thank me for stopping her from going too far.”

Owen could tell that she hadn’t expected him to say that either. Out of everyone in their family, she was the easiest to read. Even more so than his father. 

Really, this conversation was probably unnecessary. Owen knew that what Daredevil was doing was dangerous and wrong. And he knew his mom would confirm that and he’d leave to go back home in exactly the same spot. But still, he hoped it would clear his head to talk about it and have his mother’s reassurance. 

She drummed her fingers over the counter top and her eyes shifted before landing back on him. 

 “And that bothers you?”

He immediately rolled his eyes and looked away at her questioning response.

“No. I mean- yes?” He sighed in exasperation. “The problem is that she shouldn’t be out there in the first place. She obviously can’t stop herself from playing the part of executioner. What she’s doing is wrong.”

“Did you ask why?”

It was his turn to be surprised. He blinked twice and his face wrinkled in confusion.

“Ask why what?” “Why she did it.”

“Why she- Mom, she almost killed someone.”

His stomach grew more unsettled as his mom sighed and turned to fix them both a mug of coffee, hers with a bit more creamer than his. She rounded the counter and sat on the stool next to him as she passed a mug his way. 

“From what I’ve understood from Maddie’s rants of admiration, that isn’t something that… Daredevil has done before. Is it?” 

Owen paused. 

“Not that I’ve seen. But we’ve only met a couple of times.”

She nodded and blew on her coffee before taking a sip. 

“I’m not saying she should go around killing everyone, but you heroes often deal with some pretty nasty people. You don’t know if they did something to trigger a reaction out of her.”

Steam from his mug curled upwards and drifted passed his face as he stared. He couldn’t bring himself to take a sip. 

“Mom,” he admonished. “There’s never an excuse to-”

“Do you think Maddie wouldn’t?” His mom’s tone was firm, sharp at the end. Her stare unblinking. “If someone threatened us or Uncle Tony’s family, or really got her riled up; do you think she wouldn’t snap? Act without thinking? Because I love Maddie, but I know her. Thinking rationally isn’t always her first move.”

He didn’t like the way this conversation was turning. His mom was soft, didn’t even love that they were in the heroes program in the first place. But right now, it sounded like she was defending the rogue actions of a vigilante. 

Owen clenched his jaw and released a breath through his nose. 

“That’s different,” he argued. “Maddie would be held accountable. And I’d stop her too.” 

The last bit was more himself than his mother, but he saw the look that told him she heard it regardless. She reached over and placed her hand on his arm, rubbing circles over his wrist with her thumb as her expression turned a bit distant. The grim lines that sometimes creased her face returned momentarily. 

“Saving people, doing hero work, often gets a bit gray and muddy. I know it can be hard. I know. You have to make decisions sometimes that go against what you originally believed.”

“No. There’s a justice-”

“Owen.” She cut through his argument. “There’s a difference between lawful and moral, you know that.”

He pushed the coffee away completely and shifted again. This wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to have gone. His mom was supposed to encourage him. Tell him he would get Daredevil next time and the streets would be safer. 

“So killing people is moral now?” He couldn’t help the bit of bite in his voice.

His mom gave him a droll look. 

“That isn’t what I said.” She took a breath and moved her hand back to her mug.  

It was silent in the house a moment. Owen’s chest grew tight and he wanted to leave. His mom was sounding more like Maddie at the moment than he was comfortable with and he regretted coming to her for advice. 

“Remember those stories about Batman I used to tell you and Maddie?” Her voice broke the silence.

Owen nodded. 

“His arch nemesis was Joker. How was he able to have the same villain again and again?”

He swallowed. 

“The Joker always managed to escape from prison or the institution.”

His mom tilted her head in agreement. 

“And every time he did, he hurt people. Killed innocent people. Batman is admirable for having a no kill policy; it’s right. But every time he chooses to be right, he has to know that eventually other people will suffer because of it. What if you knew? What if you knew something bad was going to happen? Or knew that someone was going to hurt others no matter what? Would you ignore it?”

Owen finally lifted his mug to his lips as he churned his mother’s words over and over, and stalled. 

He’d joined the heroes program with Maddie because it was right. Because she would do it with or without him, and it was better to keep an eye on her. Because he had abilities and if he didn’t use them to help people, wasn’t that selfish? Wrong?

“That’s what the program is for.” 

But the conviction wasn’t completely there as he said it. He already knew how his mom felt about government sanctioned hero programs. Iffy, at best. 

Owen leaned into her touch as she ran her hand through the hair on the side of his head and smoothed his temple over with her thumb. 

“Sunshine, I’m not saying you have to be ok with it or that killing is acceptable. I’m not even saying you shouldn’t stop her when you can; it sounds like she appreciated it. But these things aren’t always cut and dry, and I do know this: bad guys don’t call and say thank you for stopping them.”

He hadn’t considered that. It only made him more uncomfortable. 

Owen moved her hand and leaned forward to give her a kiss on her forehead. 

“Thanks for the talk, mom. I have a lot to think about.” 

But he probably wouldn’t that night. There was too much and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Already, he worked to shove the emotions and thoughts down to deal with later. 

“You know I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

He left his still full mug, and his mom followed him to the front door. They shared another hug before he reached for the doorknob. But he paused, a thought occurring to him. 

“You know something, don’t you,” he prodded. “From your other life.” 

When he turned, her smile was small and a bit tired. 

“I haven’t known anything in a long time, Owen.” 

It wasn’t a no. But she wasn’t going to share.

He went back to his apartment feeling heavy and conflicted. He had an urge to text Mary. To ask how her family was doing and try and find some solace with her, but she was dealing with her own issues.