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musings about a poor knight having the Worst day of his life pls enjoy <3
he's been on campaign for over a year. things are not going well. so poorly, in fact, that more than half his men are dead, and he's had to practically drag the remaining ones back to the keep, even though he himself is sporting severe injuries; a shallow cut to the neck, more frightening than anything, a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs, a concussion...
he rides through the gates slumped over in his saddle, fully reliant on his horse to take him through the gates, the hand on his good arm only barely grasping the reigns.
inside, his princess is delighted at his return; she's been largely sheltered from the events of the war, and expects him home with a sort of glorious fanfare. she's missed him desperately; she finds she can't sleep well without him at her door anymore. he's her dearest friend in the worldāher confidant, her protector. she wants him so desperately to be more, despite all the trouble it would bring down on them. she's been thinking about him every moment of every day that he's been gone, fantasizing of what she'll say to him to get him to understand that she wants him to be hers, completely.
her plans do not come to fruition.
he barely looks at her as he limps into the war room. she can hardly look away from him, horrified at the sight of all the blood, the roughness of his voice, the blankness in his eyes as he recounts the deaths of his brothers, the injuries, the people they left behind, the numbers of the opposing army. she feels like she can't breathe. he really can't.
she goes to him in the infirmary, only to find he's asked the physician not to let her in, because he can't bear the agony of being cruel to her on top of everything else, and he knows he will be cruel if she tries to speak to him. of course, she comes in anyways; how could anyone refuse her orders, after all? she's the princess.
the air in the infirmary is thick with the copper tang of blood and something sharply medicinal. she sweeps past the startled physician, her eyes widening as her gaze falls on her knight, propped up on a cot, his armor stripped away to reveal a torso mapped in bruises.
she rushes to him, her hands hovering over his arm before actualizing the bandages.
"i told them to keep you out," he rasps. his eyes remain on the rafters, his jaw tight.
"i had to see you," she whispers, her voice trembling. "i missed you every moment you were goneā"
"you should not have," he cuts in, finally turning. her stomach twists at the agony on his face. "i am not a hero. i am a butcher, and i led good men to the slaughter, and i have not the patience to endure your fluttering pity."
the princess recoils as if struck, her breath hitching. she had spent a year crafting the perfect confession, a lifetime of longing in her heart, only to find it utterly crushed by the weight of reality.
"i am not pitying you," she sniffles, tears brimming in her eyes. "i love you."
he scoffs. "you don't know me at all. do not speak to me of love; what could you know of it? i have spent the last months of my life elbow deep in the viscera of my brothers, each of whom i loved beyond measure. what could you know of it..."
he turns away again, his throat working. as the silence stretches, the cruelness in his eyes fades away, and the adrenaline along with it, leaving only a crushing headache and the devastating weight of the grief he'd outrun for so long. his hand, shaking violently, presses to his face, covering his eyes. a broken sound escapes him, ragged and raw, and he sobs, his battered body aching.
the princess rushes to him, embracing him, heedless of the blood staining her fine gown. she pulls his head against her chest, rocking him slowly, her hands stroking over his hair clumsily.
"i know," she whispers, on the verge of tears herself. "i do know. i do."
she presses kiss after kiss to his temple, and whispers vague things about safety and about peace, but she feels now the distance that has grown between them.
i'm more than happy to share. especially with a knight so handsome, please forgive if i need to steady myself with my hand on your chest...or my fingers in your hair...or shifting closer on my perch. just trying to get comfortable you see. a jester's garb is hardly practical. so i'll need to shift my hips against you, just to helpāof course. worry not, i promise not to stress your vows to your lord. you're so devoted. though, one has to wonder if your mind ever wandered, since we're so close here. might as well get to know each other better, right?
Ready yourself however you need dear jester, in fact, allow me to help you. I'll keep your thighs and waist steady while you prepare your trick. Parhaps my own postion could be improved, please excuse my shifting against you. Oh and don't mind the codpiece, though if it's too uncomfortable I'm happy to take it off for you.
Worry not about my oath dear jester, I'm sure I can manage that quite well myself. As for my mind's wandering, well, a bottle of wine has been known to set it adrift.