#kmam

A long, long time ago, Adam’s parents said he would get nowhere in life. They told him that he was nothing, a nobody, no better than the trailer park dust he grew from. He would never succeed, he would end up just like them. Every time Adam feels like quitting, he thinks of this. He pulls himself off the ground, dusts himself off, and he perseveres not out of spite, no, but the need for something more, something better than what he’s meant for.

Maybe that’s why, when Ronan’s texts suddenly stop coming, Adam doesn’t immediately throw in the towel. He knows he should. He knows anyone else would cut their losses and move on to healthier, more fulfilling endeavors. But Adam Parrish isn’t just anyone.

He doesn’t give up, not even when things seem impossible.

“It’s a stupid question,” Ronan points out as he drives them forward. He absently drums his fingers on the steering wheel, unable to push down the need to move. “Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.”

Ronan glances over, watching Adam lay back against the seat with an even deeper sigh than before. The nearby streetlight illuminates him in a short burst, dragging slowly across his features like a lover’s caress, lighting him up just enough for Ronan to see his smile and then disappear again.

“Gansey’s right, you really can be an asshole sometimes,” Adam says in an oddly soft voice.

It would probably hurt to hear the words, if Ronan weren’t so used to them, or if they weren’t spoken in such a fond way. He grips the steering wheel a little harder, turning onto the street, and replies, “Guilty as charged.”

PLEASE read the warning in the beginning notes, I cannot state this enough!

No one ever told Ronan about the phone calls. So. Many. Fucking. Phone. Calls. It’s one after another, nonstop, until the very thought of touching his phone makes Ronan wish he could chuck the damn thing into the sun.

Since this is impossible, he settles for the second best option. While he waits for Declan to make the trip down from DC, Ronan heads out towards the thick, overrun forest past the pasture out back. He stands at the edge, pulls his arm back as far as it’ll go, and puts every ounce of strength he has into the toss. It flies through the stray foliage, smacks hard against something, landing far off, by the sounds of it, with a rustle and a satisfying thud.

For a moment, Ronan almost feels better, but as the silence lingers, going on and on and on, there’s nothing to drown out the perpetually growing buzz in his head.

7 more chapters! 🥳🎊🎉 The end is in sight, we are just getting to the halfway point, chapter-wise! Adam will be making his triumphant return soon, with his very own POV, too! 🥰 I really am hoping I'm not too exhausted to get some writing done on it over the week 💪

Since it's taking me awhile, have a little spoiler under the cut 👇

Oh, he was definitely uncomfortable with the reading! Normally, a three card reading would be past, present, future, but Adam was doing just an overall read on Ronan instead of asking a specific question, so what he got was fairly muddled and picking up more than what he was hoping for.

Aw, yeah, let's see!

So, with kmam, my favorite thing hasn't been written yet...okay, I kid, I kid! I know this says so far! 😇 I think it's the way the first two chapters parallel each other, in a way? The first one ends off with Ronan feeling like he did something wrong, while the second one ends with Adam feeling the same.

More specifically, though, I loved writing the tarot scene in the second chapter. Ronan got (rightfully?) angry, and it was fun making him say some of the meaner stuff. Honestly the whole thing has been fun, albeit a little challenging (especially this upcoming chapter, oh my god...)

With tapoma, that's such an easy answer lmao 😂 the tent scene at the end of chapter three...I'd had that planned early on (actually, I have most of that fic planned out!), and was very much looking forward to getting there! And it was so fun to finally write it out! I'm excited to get back into it once I've gotten some stuff in my head figured out with it.

Hanged man: Adam needs to take a break, pause in his routine—Ronan appearing before him is basically a sign that he should shake it up and take this pause with Ronan (and maybe change everything)

King of swords reversed: this made me laugh, it’s basically describing bitchy Adam to a T. Lofty, analytical, judgmental, using his aloofness to wield power (like making the girl cry with a tarot spread, or the vest comment) but it’s a warning that this power is being misused by him and definitely not going to give him what he actually wants

Eight of swords: very similar to the hanged man, IMO—Adam needs to make a decision before one is made for him. What’s stopping him?

Excited to hear your take!!

Aaaah! Omg okay this is a very interesting interpretation, and definitely spot on for Adam in the fic! At this point, he's very much caught up between school and socializing nonstop, taking no breaks for himself, which he definitely needs (hanged man).

He's stuck in a situation he cannot easily get himself out of, such as the lies he's told even his closest friends (eight of swords).

And the king of swords, reversed, is SUCH a good card for calling his bitch ass out because he really is misusing his strengths and likes to be the smartest guy in the room!

Honestly, the spread works for both of them, and seeing your interpretation has helped me realize that? So aaah ldshfs yes! Thank you for sending me this! 💕💕💕

In terms of reading the spread as What's this Guy's Deal? Let's go...

Hanged Man, in this way of interpreting the spread, would be about how Ronan is in a state of suspension and he's making sacrifices, but he's unable to determine if these are the right decisions. He needs to stay in this place before he can step forward in a more beneficial way.

King of swords, reversed, isn't so much calling Ronan out in this like it would be Adam. In a What's this Guy's Deal? way, this card is going hand in hand with the hanged man to describes a delay in decision making, potentially due to someone taking advantage of him (although whether or not this is intention, hm).

Eight of swords, continues to push the idea to Adam, who is giving the reading, that the person he has given the reading to is trapped (suspended), although not in a way where there is no escape. It's a sort of self-imposed trapped, and that the way he's been living is something Ronan needs to get out of to truly break off from the situation the reading is picking up on.

I hope that makes sense? It took a bit for me to respond, sorry about that, but omg I love the interpretation for Adam and his situation/relationship soo much! Thank you for sharing with me!

I actually wrote six sentences today, so! I'm going to put it under a cut, because it's part of the next chapter of kmam. But it's not too spoilery, if you've read the most recent one! It's a little over six sentences, but let's just pretend it's not.

That being said, this was JUST written, so it's bound to go through a thousand changes in the editing process <3