#klrn

Ms. Koizumi Loves Ramen Noodles.

Oh, the agony.

Now to be fair: is this really a 1/10 to me? I mean, if you take, say, the first episode by itself, it's not so bad. Not to mention, at some point in my viewing I started to develop a sort of masochistic joy in the terribleness- it maybe kind of was a little fun, albeit not in the way it was trying to be.

But, it's as close a 1/10 anime as I've ever found, so for now, it gets that rating.

To truly understand why I hate this show so deeply though, you need the context.

Let it be understood: I watched this show because I was desperate to find a replacement for Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma.

So, bad start, right? I was never going to find anything that good. It was a doomed endeavor. Still, maybe I could find something passable.

And I did! But it wasn't this show. It was Isekai Izakaya "Nobu". And then, when I watched the ENTIRETY of that show, only then did I descend into the depths of this other one.

Nobu isn't a very good show, really. But I REALLY like cooking shows, and so I liked it. And so I began to feel like maybe standards almost didn't matter? Like, if a show focuses on food, maybe I'll just like it no matter what?

Koizumi disabused me of this notion. Slowly, painfully, over the course of 12 episodes, each one about 22 minutes long- though most are formatted as IIRC essentially 2-3 mini episodes stitched together.

Allow me to copy-paste the synopsis of the show from Wikipedia for you:

Koizumi is worshiped almost like a goddess in her class for her imposing beauty, but she is a mystery, as she does not communicate with anyone of her own free will. But her partner Yuu wants to get to know her more, and she unexpectedly discovers Koizumi's great passion, ramen noodles. Both will tour the city to experience new flavors and try to forge a friendship.

Doesn't that sound just... fine? Like, maybe a little simple or boring, but ultimately inoffensive? DOESN'T IT SOUND JUST FINE???

It's not fine.

Koizumi and Yuu are both some of the most insufferable anime characters I think I've ever had to put up with. Yuu is madly (yet still plausibly deniably, because the yuri must always be bait) in love with Koizumi. But Koizumi is an ice queen who only cares about ramen.

Watch, for twelve episodes, as Yuu makes an ass of herself and stalks Koizumi like a lunatic. Watch as Koizumi refuses to falter in her façade of politeness, and just takes it- but also never lightens up even the slightest bit, or shows basically any affection back at ALL.

And as you watch, listen. Listen to this song, as it plays over. And over. And over.

(Couldn't find the audio clean, sorry.)

I came to dread that piano. It's a sad sounding song, so I kept expecting the scenes it plays over to be more serious or emotional, but they rarely were.

I watched this show fully expecting, every episode, that the "real story" was about to start. And it never fucking did. I see now that it was naïve of me, but I just couldn't understand how you write a story where, so deliberately, nothing happens. And because I kept expecting it to pick up, I kept watching, IIRC seeing the entire show in one day. If I'd broken it up, I probably wouldn't hate it nearly so much. A marathon viewing means you notice how every eating scene is the same, how no progress is made in the relationships, and you get no break from that song.

It's got all the pieces of a good show. Proactive characters with diverse personalities and intense interests, who have an unusual dynamic with each other? How do you fuck it up?

It's like they decided ahead of time that they wouldn't develop the characters. So even when it feels like the show is bursting at the seams with potential, it absolutely never reaches out for it.

Worse yet, I'm of the opinion that it fails to be the one thing it really wants to be: a ramen trivia show.

The majority of the information the Koizumi exposits is, IIRC, not that deep. A lot of it is pretty basic, some of it seems downright questionable, and all of it is, well... trivial.

See, IIRC (and it has been a few years now since I watched it, so perhaps I don't) Koizumi doesn't really have any sort of ramen based goals. I don't recall her wanting to open her own ramen shop, or do ramen based food science, or anything like that. I think she maybe leaves reviews? But it's not a focus.

If anything, despite all her knowledge, she seems to mostly enjoy ramen on the surface level: as a yummy food. In one episode she and Yuu discuss the merits of instant ramen vs restaurant ramen... and conclude that both are good. Which, sure, I agree with, but it just goes to show that even when it comes to her only passion in life, Koizumi isn't very opinionated! She enjoys exotic ramen, and basic ramen, and healthy ramen, and unhealthy ramen, and mild ramen, and spicy ramen- and generally, she seems to enjoy them all equally.