#klee.txt

Honestly, not sure how to answer this, so I'm going to ramble somewhat. It's just kinda chill. Our system doesn't have a host; we all just switch in when we feel like it, or when the front or a gatekeeper decides we should take our turn piloting this thing.

I wouldn't want to be the host because that sounds like a lot of expectations and stress. We used to have a host but tbh it was more like they were sliding between front-stuck and front-sticky for several years, and they're glad to be an ex-host now. We see all of us as equals, but being the main one responsible for external day-to-day tasks (and the main one who will see the consequences of external shit) is, like it or not, a heavy role to carry. They carried that mantle until they could finally rest. For our ex-host, the feelings in here tend to be some flavor of respect and awe.

I'm not sure what you mean by it going to your head. Like, as I've just described, you have a heavy role to uphold. Maybe you have more authority on decisions because you're the one who most has to deal with the consequences. Maybe you can't be treated like your other sysmates because your other sysmates aren't dealing with the external world 90+% of the time. Idk. I don't think it's ever been a point of pride in here. The crown is a burden, not a trophy.

People like to treat the host as "the real one". But maybe you don't feel real. Acting as a singletsona can feel like that, I've heard. Maybe, when you say it's going to your head, you mean you feel less real than the others in your system. I'm not you, so I can't say. But just because you're in this role doesn't mean you're lesser than them. It means you're doing something important for them, in this bitch of a world where singletsonas are so often necessary. Being a mask can suck, but there's still something there if I knock on the wood. Do you get me? You're not intangible. You exist. You're helping others, making an impact on their lives – isn't that proof of that?