#kjoe

I'm in love

Kevin tosses a deck of cards onto their wobbly coffee table. He is wearing five shirts, three pairs of boxers, two pairs of shorts, four pairs of socks, and a hat.

He’s ready to win;

----- and also incredibly hot, sweat collecting at his temples as he shuffles. It is a skill he does not possess, with half the cards ending up on the floor. Kevin acts as though he meant to do that, taking a sip of gin with an air of nonchalance. 

“ Soooo ---- four of a kind, and the other guy has to lose some clothing. Work for you?”

The look on Kevin’s face makes Joe sick with guilt. 

Gee, he feels like a real butthead for it, but during those years they spent apart, especially the times they weren’t even talking, he needed to feel some kind of connection. To Kevin, to himself, to how things used to be, how they could be... It was a reminder of who he’s supposed to be, who he really is. Sometimes it made things hurt more, but maybe he liked torturing himself like that. Maybe he thought he deserved it.

“I know it was selfish, but...” He takes a small breath, and brings his arms up to nervously grip at his elbows. “The parts about us. Some parts would make me laugh, like how annoying you thought I was at first...”

It occurs to him that that’s not all that’s in that journal. He has to add: “---and that’s where I always started. I didn’t read anything before that, I-I-I---” he swallows the lump in his throat, “---I only read it to feel closer to that time, to when we were together.”

He steps a little closer.

“When you kissed me, when I was supposed to be teaching you self defense. And, how we used to cuddle, because we pushed our beds together. Celebrating our birthdays. Your cooking disasters. Staying up late. All our investifakers... sneaking into the neighbor’s pool to go skinny dipping. Just---every beautiful, life changing moment we spent together on our mission. Those were the best parts.”

There were horrible parts, too, but he doesn’t mention those. He just lets go of his elbows and reaches to nuzzle Kevin’s shoulder.