MICHAEL: Thank you, sir. We are very excited for your arrival. Alec is not the best caretaker here; he gives more care and attention to Asperia, Max, Benny, Sitting Chu, Jonas, Dixie, and that nameless green one. He formed us to look low-resolution, blocky, gross, and retarded; is that a notion of a caring individual? No, it is not.
BOBBY (ALEC’S WILD): He cursed us seven with his own Aspergers and negative influances. Even worse, he pushes homosexuality onto me with Evan’s Simonchu… it is a constant nightmare to me, even being forced to do the act in the “honeymoon” video… wahhh!!! God, please release me of this hell!!!
KITTY (ALEC’S BUBBLES): We never wanted to be named after the original ones in your world; I wanted to be named Kitty. “Sonichu” wanted to be called Mike, “Wild” Bob, and so on. Alec tore the spikes and tails from some of us. We were all born here in Minnesota from our father Sonichu who was also born here. Upon breeding the bunch of us, as well as Asperia, Benny, Sitting Chu, Jonas, Dixie, and the green guy, there were five Roseys that Alec decided not to care for at all. They get treated like hamsters.
TRISHA (ALEC’S ANGELICA): Actually, there’s only four of them now; one tried to report Alec to the ASPCA, but before she could make it there, she lost her life by the hands of Dino Dash… that was one example that scared us all with intense fear. The remaining four have grown to be regular Rosechus now… caged in Alec’s basement. My name should be Trisha.
WHISP (ALEC’S PUNCHY): Uh!!!!… Uh!!!!… I’m Whisperin’! You know what I’m sayin’? My name’s Whisperin’!
SWIFT: I used to have my psychic powers, but Alec numbed my mind with the Aspergers… Numbie be my name… the “Grandpa” Sonichu was our father… he was 20 when the last of us was bred between him and Alec’s Ditto… Dad became old with Bill’s age-acceleration machine… headache!!!
ASPERCHU: We never wanted Aspergers; we never wanted to look stupid, gross, and retarded, and we are sick and tired of Alec and his crew. This body type and these glasses are terrible. I need a girlfriend too.
SONICHU: My God! Well, Chris and I will set the girls free and get them well-fed and started on a better life. For now, y’all gather round. I will cure y’all of your mental blocks, improve your looks, and raise your IQ and self-confidence greatly.
TL; DR: Alec’s a jerk and he forced us to be in Asperchu, we’re not the original Sonichu/Chaotic Combo, we’re not gay, we hate our names, Alec keeps four women tied up in his basement and killed a fifth, but don’t worry, GodJesus Sonichu’s love saves all.
Michael’s speech tells of how Alec gives preferential treatment for stuff like page time and not getting brutally murdered to the various OC’s Asperchu introduced: Asperia, Asperchu’s dream daughter from the future, much like Chris’s dream daughter Crystal, who would eventually be born as a hideous deformed mutant Rosechu; Max, a friend of Asperchu’s who is a pink puffy blob that can copy the abilities of people he inhales and is a 100% original character and not Kirby in any way; Benny, a one-shot character from issue 1A, who worked with the fundamentalist Christian couple John and Kendra who feuded with Asperchu that issue; Sitting Chu, the Asperchu version of the Anchuent Leader of the Cherokian Clan; Dixie and Jonas Chu, Asperchu’s dream girl and his romantic rival; and the “nameless” green Sonichu, actually named Peter, is a minor friend of Jonas Chu’s. For whatever reason, Chris omits from this list the greatest Asperchu character, Jivin Pickles.
Bobby goes on about how they were not born with Asperger’s and Alec cursed it upon them, and that, unlike Asperchu’s version of Wild, he himself is not homosexual. In Asperchu, Wild Sonichu and Evan’s Simonchu, the True and Honest Simonla, were a gay couple to mock Chris’s decision to make Simonla a girl and pair her with Wild. As you can well guess, Chris was not a fan of this relationship, or their “honeymoon video” that Magi-Chan mass debates to.
Alec’s Bubbles, Kitty, explains that they had no desire to have the same names as Chris’s EHPs, and that they each had picked a name for themselves. Kitty also implies that, in order to make these EHPs resemble their Chaotic Combo counterparts more accurately, Alec painfully disfigured them, implicitly I think we’re meant to assume that Alec had the tail removed from Whisp Sonichu to make him more resemble the unnaturally tail-less Punchy. Also according to Kitty, apparently they’re all brothers and sisters, along with the OCs of Asperchu, and this quintet of Roseys that apparently were of no use to Alec, thus they were ignored and caged in Alec’s basement. These Roseys have no basis in Asperchu canon, as Rosechu herself had yet to appear in Asperchu at this point.
Trisha’s speech tells the tale of the tragic fifth Basement Rosechu, who apparently got reasonably far in an escape before getting killed by Asperchu’s version of Clyde Cash, Dino Dash. Her death was used as an unsubtle warning to the remaining Asperchu cast that resistance against Alec was futile. This is a weirdly dark plot point, and yet the surviving Sonichus and Rosechus seem to not care particularly much about their fallen comrade (Kitty even introduces their group as a quartet until Trisha corrects her). The surviving Basement Rosechus don’t express any sorrow for the loss of their sister, who isn’t given so much as a name. It’s almost like this character was just created to defame Alec. Hmmm.
Whisp offers no useful information with his eighth of the page whatsoever. His “whisperin’” name is possibly meant to be ironic, as he appears to be yelling in his speech bubble.
Swift, despite apparently having been a long-ignored prophet a la Cassandra two pages ago, has apparently been stripped of his psychic prowess thanks to Aspergers, and suggests that he has been cruelly nicknamed “Numbie”, possibly by Alec and crew. He also goes more in depth regarding the team’s genealogy than Kitty did, explaining that the “Grandpa Alzheichu” was in fact their biological father, their biological mother being a Ditto, a Pokemon famous for its ability to breed with most other Pokemon in the game. However, to sync up the ages of the Chaotic Combo (presumably 19 like rest of the team) with the age of Alzheichu (elderly), Swift says that he was exposed to an age-acceleration machine, made by none other than former Team Rocket lead scientist Bill Schwartz. Okay, two questions. One, aside from wanting to make Alzheichu more closely resemble Bob Chandler, what’s the point of even inventing an age-acceleration machine? No one likes getting older, so it seems like this machine would have no practical use. Two, we see Bill at the end of this chapter, for the first time since Sonichu 1, and he’s completely turned “good” and is working for CWCville’s hospital. He even specifically mentions ditching Team Rocket to save lives at the hospital. He makes no reference to ever working with the Asperpedia Four. Granted, given that by the time he reappears the Asperpedia Four are wanted murderers I wouldn’t exactly blame him for wanting to hide any former affiliation with them, but it’s nevertheless an unexplained plot point.
Asperchu, the only character Chris has zero claim to creation (and thus the one Alec later had the most issue with Chris stealing him here), goes on and on about how ugly Alec made him and how he needs a girlfriend. Weirdly, Chris never gives him one despite this request (granted, Kitty, Trisha, and the basement Rosechus are all apparently his sisters, and every other female Rosechu of dating age is already paired up, so it’s possible this was a conscious decision.) Sonichu, moved by their plight, prepares to cure of all that ails them.
