#kittnstyles

“Already done,” I informed her, stretching my back out and gripping hard onto the steering wheel. “Jude made a gross misogynistic joke, so I made one about his dick and was outta there within five minutes.” I smirked, remembering the eventful evening the night before. The look on Jude’s face when I insinuated my fingers worked far better magic than his manhood could’ve cut glass, but it was totally worth it.

 “Okay, before I have a good laugh about that, I need to check in…” Quinn paused, looking over at me cautiously. “I know you two weren’t technically together or serious, but how are–”

 “Chill,” I interjected, holding my hand up for extra emphasis. “Like you said, we weren’t serious, so I’m honestly okay. Wasn’t even sure I really liked him for anything other than his dick – well, actually, that’s quite debatable.”

 “Ah, my baby sister is growing up.” Quinn pressed her hand to her chest and pouted her lip as if she was a proud mother – she even went as far to wipe her finger under her eye, pretending to wipe away her tears of pride. She was an idiot.

 I shook my head and laughed. “You’re an idiot.”

 Quinn flashed a cheeky grin my way until I decided we needed to embrace the entire road trip cliche and have the wind blowing in our hair, so I pressed the button on my side to wind down both our windows. “Ro, no! Don’t do this!” she cried, furiously pressing the button on her door to wind her window back up. “I will not stand for my hair being a right mess when we arrive!”

 “Excuse me,” I said, frowning hard at my sister, though still making sure to keep my hands between nine and three on the steering wheel – if I’m the one behind the wheel, you could always count on the utmost safest driving; there would be no car accidents so long as I was the one driving. “But how are we supposed to enjoy the cliches of a road trip if we’re not allowing the wind in our hair?” I questioned, tilting my head back slightly and letting my hair float freely in the wind.

 I spotted Quinn glaring harshly at me through the rearview mirror, while she attempted to tuck her blonde hair behind her ear as the wind made a right mess of it. “We’re going to have to make a quick stop before we arrive at the festival, y’know,” she instructed. “I will not tolerate my hair looking like a birds nest when we meet up with–”

 “Waverly?”

 “–The Digi Fairy family,” she continued, narrowing her eyes towards me. “But, I mean… Ensuring I look half-decent before I see Waverly is cool, too.”

 I scrunched my nose up and tried to hide the giggle of happiness wanting to escape. “That’s ‘cause someone’s in looove,” I said, lips tugging into a cheeky smile.

 “We’re not – I’m – Romee!” Quinn cried, burying her face into her hands as she brought her feet up onto the seat. “You’re being ridiculous.”

 “Am I?” As I pulled up to a cross section, I pouted my lips and tilted my head to the side as I tried to give her a look that insinuated I was right. “Oh my, are you – are you blushing, Quinn?” I definitely couldn’t hold back my laughter now as I reached my hand out to pinch her blushing cheek. “You totally are! Aww, you and your little schoolyard crush!”

 “No – no, stop!” she spluttered out, pushing my hand away from her as she continued to squirm in her seat. She was in luck, however, as it was time for me to continue driving – she was going to get it later, though. “And, besides,” she went on after I hit the accelerator, “it’s not like you can talk.”

 I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please. I never felt weak at the knees when it came to Jude.”

 “Not talkin’ about Jude, babe,” Quinn said, running her fingers through her hair. “Pretty sure you almost came on the spot when I mentioned that one Harry Styles may be tagging along with Gemma this weekend.”

 “I did no such thing!” I cried, almost offended she would accuse me of such a thing. Quinn fell silent as soon as I replied, and it wasn’t until I glanced at her in the rear view mirror that I realised she had been staring at me the whole time with one eyebrow raised. “Okay, maybe I was just a teeny bit excited…” I admitted quietly.

 To be fair, possibly being in the presence of a famous person is enough to warrant anyone’s excitement. But I certainly couldn’t deny the boy’s incredibly attractive looks and how animated he was on stage that one time I went to a One Direction concert the year before – and when the band was on X Factor, but he was only a baby cherub back then and I was only merely interested in squishing his cheeks together.

 I mean, I would be lying if I secretly hadn’t been wishing for the chance to even get a glimpse of Harry Styles the second Quinn announced she had a new job working alongside Gemma Styles at Digi Fairy. It’s not that I was some crazy fan; it was more about the fact that I had a connection to someone so many people in the world admired, someone who many people would kill to be in the position I could be in. I simply wanted a taste of how it felt to be around him; I wanted a taste of what it was like to be in the same room, to be conversing with the very boy the whole world had fallen in love with.

 “Mhmm, you keep telling yourself that it was only a teeny bit,” Quinn said with a laugh.

 “Just like you’ll keep telling yourself you’re not in love with Waverly?”

 Quinn didn’t say anything further, she simply scrunched up her nose as she reached forward to turn up the music – Fleetwood Mac, of course – and drowned out the sounds of me mocking her being in love. Ah, the joys of road-tripping with family.

 ***

 It may be the end of summer, but that sure didn’t stop the heat from rising amongst the crowd of sweaty and alcohol fueled madness surrounding us wherever we went, even to the point of dragging us in as the evening came. Throwing my head back, I downed the hard liquor and scrunched my face up as the burning sensation slid down my throat. I only prayed that the alcohol would help the weekend become more appealing because, so far, things weren’t exactly going to plan. If it wasn’t the sucky parking or the almost rear-ending someone, it was the rain earlier in the afternoon that not only dampened the ground, but also my mood.

 “One more!” Ellie, one of the members of the Digi Fairy family (or so that’s what Quinn keeps referring to them as), exclaimed, holding up the bottle of vodka in one hand and her shot glass in the other. Quinn was the only one who held her glass up, and looked around at the rest of us wearily, but Ellie didn’t seem to care. “I knew I could count on you,” she said, throwing her arm around Quinn’s shoulders. “You make a great asset to our team.”

 “Because she’s willing to do a shot with you?” Gemma asked, raising a curious brow.

 I chuckled as I sat there quietly, watching the chaos around me. It had been an eventful day, that was for certain; it was nearly ten when we arrived, which was almost half an hour later than Quinn had initially wanted. It was her own fault, though. If we hadn’t stopped every two seconds for her to pee or stretch her legs, we would’ve made it in time for her to not be the last of the Digi Fairy family to arrive.

 Seeing as it was a weekend festival and camping was essential, I made sure to throw in a tent for Quinn and I, though we both knew that Waverly was bringing a tent of her own. So that was where Quinn would be spending the two nights. I didn’t mind, however; I was just happy that Quinn had found someone who made her happy. She hadn’t always had the best luck when it comes to romance, both before and after she came to terms with her attraction to girls. I was just bummed that I’d most likely be spending the two nights alone, which was okay; I just added it to the list of things that put a damper on my mood.

 Quinn did help me setup my tent, but I mostly found her to be more of a nuisance than anything. So I told her to go find us some food while I finished the rest, and she happily obliged. Of course our tents were near Gemma and Ellie’s, as well as the other members of the Digi Fairy family that I was struggling to remember, so it was a great time for us all to bond and get to know one another. If we were going to be spending the weekend together, I found it very important that we got to know each other and, well, actually got along. Luck had been in my favour, for everyone was very friendly and welcoming to both Waverly and me. Quinn, who continued to believe she was the newbie and was yet to fit in, meshed well with her coworkers, and it made me beyond happy to see that.

 “Hey, at least someone is!” Ellie proclaimed. “It’s nice to know that at least someone is willing to party with me!”

 “I’ll have you know, that I would much prefer to be sober when my brother arrives,” Gemma replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t get to see H often, so when I do, I’d much rather remember it for the most part.”

 Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Quinn’s devilish smirk at the sheer mention of Harry’s impending arrival. “Ah, so Harry’s going to make an appearance?” she asked, though her eyes were focused on me and my reactions rather than Gemma, also known as the person she was actually speaking to.

 “Yeah, the poor sod is in between shows and missing his big sister,” she said with a laugh. “And – shit, what’s the time?” Gemma reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, then stood up immediately in somewhat of a panic. “He shouldn’t be far away now, I’ll – I’ll meet you guys back here soon?”

 “We’re about to head to the main stage for The Wombats, so meet us there?” Ellie offered, to which Gemma agreed to instantly and fluttered off to find her brother. “Right, one last shot before we go?” She held up the vodka bottle and looked around the rest of us, and we all decided one more shot couldn’t hurt.

 ***

 The staging looked majestic with its bright lights and high tech equipment, sending vibrations through my body as the bass sounded as though it got louder and louder. Girls and boys danced in spirals in front of us, twisting and turning as they shouted the lyrics to “Greek Tragedy”, sweat dripping down their faces. I held my hands in the air as I followed suit, swinging my hips from side-to-side as I belted out the words to each and every song in their set, without a single care in the world.

 There was something about being in a drunk and sweaty crowd, watching a band you love play their hearts out, that was almost magical – it was as if anything that had been a major stress in your life was gone, as if there was a sudden calmness in the world, and the only people left were those surrounding you. I barely said a word to Quinn, or my new (hopeful) friends, as each song passed, for I was throwing myself into the scene and the music, embracing the festival culture as much as I possibly could.

 It wasn’t until “Moving To New York” finished and Matthew Murphy began thanking the crowd that I realised Gemma had finally returned, and right behind her was the very person she had left us to retrieve. Before anything else, I noticed his hair – it was long, it was curly, and it blew against the warm summer wind. Harry was whispering something into Gemma’s ear, forcing a laugh out of her, and I felt something twist inside me the second his eyes flickered through her group of friends and landed upon me. His vibrant eyes were brought alive with the images to come, forcing my lips to tug in a faint smile as I flicked my wrist into a wave.

 Harry’s brows furrowed in confusion (and maybe worry, which was almost offensive), until Gemma leant over and seemed to have let him know who I was. Immediately, his face brightened, and he nodded as if there was some prior understanding. I was now the one left with confusion.

 Matthew Murphy introduced their next song – a Taylor Swift cover, in fact – and so I returned my attention back towards the stage, already bopping my head and jamming to the opening chords of “Blank Space”. I let the music take over my being, the thumping bass pulsating through my veins and taking me into another world. Running my fingers through my hair and ignoring the wetness of my forehead, I continued belting out the lyrics with the rest of the crowd, until I felt a hand around my waist. As I twisted my head to the side, I was greeted with Quinn’s mop of blonde hair glazed over eyes as she grinned wildly at me. I chuckled and shook my head, but threw my arm around her shoulders as we continued to sway together and enjoy the music.

 As another two songs passed, my mouth became more and more dry, reminding me that I was actually in need of a drink – not just another alcoholic beverage. I asked Quinn whether she had any water left, but she didn’t, and though I didn’t want to miss any more of The Wombats’ set, I knew I had to stay hydrated otherwise I’d risk passing out. Finding somewhere that sold water nearby was the tricky part, but I found a stall and quickly purchased a bottle of water and downed almost half of it in one go. I span on my heels to return to the crowd, realising that it was going to be hell to find Quinn and co. again, when I came face-to-face (or, really, chest-to-face) with the very person I had secretly hoped attended this weekend.

 Harry apologised quickly, but looked mildly confused with his furrowed eyebrows and pouty lips, until his eyes brightened in realisation. “Ah, Romee, yeah?”

 My heart quickened at him knowing my name. “Yeah, that’s me,” I replied, unable to hold back a smile. “Harry, yeah?”

 He knew I was only playing around, but an appreciative smile still tugged on his lips, and I almost died then and there as his dimples carved into his cheeks. “That would be me,” he said, taking a step forward as the line ahead of him progressed. “Nice to officially met you.”

 “Officially?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 “Yeah, uh – Gem named everyone who was gonna be here and I could only match a few names to faces,” Harry explained, reaching into his back pocket to grab out his wallet. “Knew who Quinn was ‘cause I’ve seen photos on Gem’s Instagram, but wasn’t sure who you were.”

 I bit down on my lip and nodded sharply. “Ah, right,” I concurred. “Well, hi, yep, I’m Romee Chandler.”

 “Like Chandler Bing?”

 I rolled my eyes, for that was something I had heard many, many times throughout my life. “Yes, like Chandler Bi–” I was cut off the sounds of Harry’s name being called out from almost screeching voices nearby.

 Harry flashed me an apologetic smile and span on his heels to attend to the fans that had spotted him (I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised, but for some reason I was), but I couldn’t help but notice the small roll of his eyes and frustrated breath he let out before he greeted them. I stood back patiently, but as I remembered he had also been lining up for water and that the line was free, I quickly jumped in and bought one for him in the time I had waiting for him to finish.

 “Sorry about that,” Harry said once returning back to the line. “Didn’t wanna be rude to them, y’know?”

 “Understandable,” I replied and held out the bottle of water. “Here, bought this so we can head back and hopefully not miss the rest of the set.”

 “I, oh – Romee, you didn’t – you didn’t have to,” Harry stuttered over his words but still wrapped his fingers around the bottle that suddenly looked tiny in his large hands. “I’ll, uh – here,” he went on, reaching back into his pocket to grab out the wallet that he must’ve put back there since before, “let me give you the money–”

 Loose strands of hair stuck to my skin as I shook my head, causing Harry to pause mid-sentence. “Don’t sweat it, honestly,” I told him, even waving my hand to brush it off. “It’s only a bottle of water; it’s not like I bought you something crazy expensive.”

 “Considering the prices of things at festivals, I beg to differ.”

 “Listen, Harry, we could stand here and do this all day, or we could go back to the main stage and jam to The Wombats.” He seemed like the type of guy who would think it was the polite thing to do to pay someone back, even if it was something as simple as a few pounds, and I didn’t exactly want to miss out on the rest of the set – “Let’s Dance To Joy Division” would be playing soon, and that was one of my all time favourite jams.

 Harry seemed to ponder it at first, but in the end he agreed with a nod and we began making our way back to the main stage. We’d both sent a million texts to our sisters to see if we could meet back up with them, but upon no reply from either of them and awkwardly standing towards the back of the crowd, we decided it was no use.

 “Why did I decide I needed to be hydrated?” I whined, crossing my arms over my chest and regretting that very stupid decision. “We had a good spot, too!”

 “Mmm,” Harry hummed. “Would be nice if we could see–” Harry paused mid-sentence and pulled his phone out of his pocket immediately, tapping away. He grinned cheekily down at me and my creased eyebrows, until he pressed his phone up to his ear. “Romee, mind waiting here for one moment? I have the best idea!”

 I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, so I stood there at the back of the crowd and waited for Harry’s return. “Kill The Director” was blasting through the speakers, though it was almost pointless to sing or bop to it because I was so far back and couldn’t see a thing. It was merely five minutes before Harry finally returned, grabbing hold of my wrist and pulling me away from the crowd.

 “Har–Harry!” I cried, frowning. “Where are we going? I – I wanna stay and watch the set!”

 “And how do you expect to do that from way back there?”

 “I don’t – I don’t know!” I creased my eyebrows further and tried to hide the tinge of red in my cheeks as slight embarrassment took over. “But where are we going? We’re going even further away, so if you think I’m the one being dumb, I got news for you.”

 The occasional head turned our way as we rushed past them, and I only prayed that they weren’t some huge One Direction fan who was going to post a horrible photo of me all over the internet. I didn’t need people speculating about me. I had things to do – most involved making sure I was fully prepared for my second year of university when it began in two weeks. Besides, my eyebrows were also in need of a wax, and I didn’t want photos of me everywhere online looking like I have caterpillars above my eyes.

 Harry let go of my wrist as we grew closer to the large crowd of people, while I was too focused on the muddy ground and making sure I wasn’t about to fall straight on my arse. Honestly, with the way everything had gone throughout the day, it wouldn’t surprise me if it happened. Since my head had been down and I was more focused on not slipping than anything else, I hadn’t noticed our surroundings change, and it wasn’t until Harry gave his name to someone who looked like part of a security team that I actually decided to take in where we were.

 I was surprised to find that he was guiding us through a backstage area, the sounds of The Wombats’ music growing louder the closer we walked to the stage. I gulped hard as I stood still and froze on the spot, finally coming to the realisation of what Harry had done.

 “Are we – Harry!” My eyes widened and lips parted, unable to believe where I was actually standing. “Did you seriously bring me back stage?”

 Harry’s cheeks flushed pink as he shrugged. “Couldn’t see from the back, and I know a guy, so, yeah…” he explained, running his long fingers through his hair. “Hope that’s – that’s okay.”

 “Okay? That’s – holy shit!” I couldn’t contain my excitement any further as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug out of appreciation. Though we had heard of one another before today and had our sisters as a connection, I’d still barely known the guy for five minutes, yet here we were, backstage, because Harry wanted to do something nice. I couldn’t believe it. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I repeated over and over again.

 Harry chuckled as he returned the gesture, pulling me in tight as he wound his arms around my small frame. “C’mon,” he said as I eventually pulled back, placing his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s finally go watch the last few songs.”

 It was absolutely insane being backstage and seeing how everything worked behind the scenes, but the best part was seeing the band so up close and personal. We were still far enough away that no one could see us, but I almost cried at one point when Matthew Murphy ran to the side of the stage to get another bottle of water and waved at the two of us. I had texted Quinn to let her know where I was and that I was okay; I doubt she even remembered I left and was no longer beside her, because I knew The Wombats were one of her favourite bands. She was going to be incredibly jealous when she found out that I had found myself a backstage pass in the name of Harry Styles.

 As it came time for them to announce their final song for their set, and the opening chords for “Let’s Dance To Joy Division” blasted through the speakers, I felt Harry tap on my shoulder. I twisted my body to the side to glance at him curiously, only to be greeted by him holding his hand out with a cheeky smile plastered across his lips. “Shall we dance?”

 It was ridiculous, but I couldn’t help feeling a smile tug on my lips as I allowed him to take my hand and twirl me around. We sang the lyrics to one another as we bopped our heads and shook our hips to the beat of the music, jumping and spinning around on the spot. The thumping of the loud bass pulsed through my body, but it was the electricity that shot through my skin and into my veins from Harry’s touch that made my heart beat faster.

 “Yeah, we’re so happy! So happy! Yeah, we’re so happy!”

 Throughout the whole song, neither of us could wipe the smiles off our faces as we somehow found the fingers of both our hands entwined, and we shimmied to to the beat. As the final lyrics were sung, we practically screamed them to one another through a fit of laughter until the song ended, and we pulled one another into another close hug between giggles and short breaths. I pressed my cheek against Harry’s beating chest, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, leaving me feeling so warm and secure in his arms.

 “I’m so sweaty and gross,” I apologised as I was still panting, the dancing having got the better of me. “But you give such nice hugs, so I don’t want to let go.”

 “M’sweaty and gross, too,” Harry replied, lifting his fingers to trail up and down my back. “We can be sweaty and gross togeth–okay, well, that sounds like it could have a sexual connotation, but I promise I didn’t mean it like that.”

 I giggled against his chest, listening to him rambling about how sorry he was for even suggesting such a thing. But, somehow, it turned into him apologising further as he believed to have stuck his foot in his mouth even more and thought it sounded like he didn’t want to have sex with me or that I wasn’t worth it, or something of that nature. I had lost track, for I had lifted my head to look up at him and laugh in his face, but I was greeted by a defined jawline and pink, puffy lips and all thoughts of making fun of Harry went straight out the window.

 Before my thoughts could go any further, the band had run off stage, and I was left trying not to wet myself out of pure excitement and slight anxiety, that I no doubt looked like a sweaty mess, as Harry quickly introduced me to them. I got a photo with them all, which I sent to Quinn right away, and expressed how much I loved their music and how talented they were. They thanked me and were on their way to wherever they were off to next, which left both Harry and I wandering around the festival as we attempted to find the rest of our crowd for the weekend.

 Quinn had never been more upset and disappointed in her life that she hadn’t checked her phone throughout the set, because if she did, then she would’ve known where I was and probably would’ve come running and had the chance to meet the band as well. But, in a way, I was kind of thankful she wasn’t there, for I enjoyed the time I had spent with Harry. It just wouldn’t have been the same if she was there, right by my side. I mean, I love her – she is my sister, after all – but I felt this connection with Harry that I wanted to explore further, and I didn’t think that would’ve been able to happen if she had been there.

 After we had all found one another, we decided to head back to our tents and get plastered. Well, the plan was to have a few drinks and then visit some booths and see what we could find, but with the amount of empty bottles lying around, it was obvious that things had gotten a little out of hand.

 “Okay, okay, okay!” Ellie exclaimed, holding her hands above her head and only spilling a little of her drink. “Never have I ever… Slept with a someone on the first date.”

 Oh yeah, we were super cool and brought out the classic Never Have I Ever game, leaving us to really get to know one another in a way I never thought I’d be able to do this early in a hopeful friendship.

 A few heads were thrown back as they downed their drinks, though I wasn’t surprised to see Quinn being one of them. We were pretty open with what we told one another, and I had been informed of her many sexual endeavours.

 “Alright, my turn?” Harry questioned, and as Ellie nodded in reply, he smacked his lips together in thought, until a cheeky smirk spread across his lips. “Never have I ever taken someone’s virginity.”

 A slight pause fell over the group, until a majority downed their drinks at hand. Quinn narrowed her eyes towards me as she noticed me following suit, so I quickly reminded her about my boyfriend from sixth form. She remembered quickly about the story I had told her of two awkward virgins. She let out a snort of laughter, no doubt the god awful incident flooding back into her mind – she liked to remind me of it occasionally, making me want to bury my head in whatever surface I was standing on.

 “I say let’s pause the game for a moment, ‘cause I need to know what’s so funny,” Harry announced, holding his palm up as if that was supposed to signal the rest of us to shut up.

 “No!” I cried, reaching my arm out and slapping my hand across Quinn’s mouth before she could say anything. “There’s nothing to tell, let’s go back to the game, yeah? Who’s turn is it? Gemma’s or mine?”

 Harry shook his head, not taking no for an answer. “This sounds intriguing, and I like being intrigued.”

 “Not this time you do–ugh, Quinn! Gross!” I pulled my hand back quickly as soon as she had stuck her tongue out and licked my hand, and as I wiped her saliva on her shirt, she was already licking her lips and smirking, most likely working out the best way to say it.

 In that moment, Waverly stood up promptly from the other side of Quinn and announced she wanted to go to bed and if Quinn wanted a repeat of what happened last time they were left alone in a tent, then she should follow soon. I scrunched up my nose at her comment, mumbling something about how that is not something someone ever wants to hear about their sister.

 “I hear ya,” Harry agreed, taking a sip of his drink. “Heard some things about Gemma I wish I never did.”

 “Honestly, I know we’re super close and all, but there are some things I just don’t need to hear about.” The presence between Harry and I drew closer as he scooted his chair closer to mine, ignoring the questioning looks of Ellie and Gemma opposite us. “I’d rather, I don’t know, talk about my new nail polish or an assignment or something.”

 “Oh, yeah, totally same,” Harry joked, lips tugging into a shit-eating grin. “Love talking nail polish, or even makeup in general, with Gem. It’s a real hoot.”

 I shook my head and chuckled. “You’re an idiot.”

 “What can ya do?” Harry shrugged.

 “Oi, you two wanna come for a walk with us?” Gemma called out.

 As I shifted my glance towards her, I saw her almost stumble over her own feet as she took a step forward; Harry threw an insult at her, which resulted in an unpleasant gesture thrown back. “And for that, I’m not going with you anywhere,” Harry pointed out to his sister, folding his arms across his chest in a child-like manner.

 Gemma rolled her eyes, but wished us both goodbye because it was already getting late and I was tired, so I had no doubt I’d be heading off to bed shortly. Harry and I were left in silence, sipping on our respective alcoholic drinks and letting the buzz take over our minds.

 I threw my head back to yawn, and as I did, I pouted my lips and stared straight above me at the pretty stars. I always knew they were pretty, but with my alcohol-induced mind, I had the urge to stare at them for the rest of eternity. Pulling my body weight from the chair and onto the mat that was luckily there between all the chairs, I rolled onto my back and placed my hands behind my head, admiring the view from above.

 “What are you doing?” I heard Harry ask from above.

 “Star gazing,” I replied, like it was the most obvious thing ever – I mean, it kind of was, considering the situation. “Come join me!” I patted the mat beside me. It took Harry all of two seconds to take my suggestion, placing his drink onto the ground beside him, before plonking his arse down onto the mat beside me. “Thanks for today, by the way,” I added, turning my head to the side and smiling sweetly at Harry.

 “No problem,” he replied, matching my facial expression – though I do wish I had cute dimples like he did. “It made you happy; I liked seeing you happy.”

 I rolled onto my side, sitting up on my elbow. “Really? You barely even know me.”

 “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t warm my heart to make you smile – to make anyone smile, actually.” He followed suit once more, also rolling onto his side and sitting up on his elbow and biting down onto his lip as his eyes met mine briefly. “Besides, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen the band, so it wasn’t entirely a selfless act.”

 “They’re good, hey?”

 Harry nodded in agreement. “Nothing gets my body moving more than “Let’s Dance To Joy Division” does,” Harry said, shimmying his shoulders as he hummed the chorus, causing me to shake my head and laugh at his idiocy. “Ah, there it is!” He pointed his finger towards my lips. “There’s that smile I’ve grown to love!”

 Though I wanted to bury my face into the mat, I was suddenly curious by his words. “Grown to love? Interesting choice of words, Harry.”

 “What can I say, you have a very nice smile, Romee.”

 “Do I?”

 “Mmm,” Harry hummed, his gaze leaving my eyes to land upon my lips. “Nice smile, nice lips…”

 Harry lifted his hand to brush stray strands of hair behind my ear, my eyes following his hand as much as possible and my heart beginning to race inside my chest. Slowly, his fingers trailed down my skin until his warm hand was cradling my jaw. I gulped as my eyes left his hand, only to be met with the green of his eyes twinkling against the moonlight. There was a faint smile tugging on his lips as I felt the tip of his thumb brush against my bottom lip.

 “Romee, can I–”

 He didn’t need to say any more, he didn’t need to tell me what he was thinking, because I knew – I knew what words were about to escape the very lips I wanted to feel in every way possible. I nodded my consent as his eyes flickered to my lips one final time as Harry dipped his head, but his lips paused in front of mine, like he was having second thoughts. I gulped, the most horrible thoughts running through my mind (bad breath was definitely number one), and just as I went to pull away, Harry’s hands cupped both my cheeks as he made that final step and pressed his lips against mine.

 The sweet taste of his alcoholic drink was still lingering in his mouth as his lips moved expertly against mine through slow and languid movements. I twisted my arms around his body and brought one hand up to the back of his head, tangling strands of hair between my fingers as I helped push us closer together. The way his lips connected against mine felt like magic, like it was right and meant to be – I was no longer drunk off alcohol, I was drunk off Harry.

 Time escaped me as Harry captured my bottom lip between his one final time before pulling back from the kiss and leaning his forehead against mine. A smile tugged on his lips as he relished in what had just happened, and though he had smiled many times throughout the course of the day, there was something so genuine and real about the smile before me – something so unveiled and authentic that only came across someone so vulnerable as Harry was before my eyes

 “Mmm, I like kissing you,” Harry murmured against my lips, his warm breath sending goosebumps up my skin.

 “And I like kissing you,” I taunted, brushing my lips lightly against his enough to cause his breath to be caught in his throat. “And I’d really like to do it again.”

 “I think that can be arranged.”

 As Harry crashed his lips against mine once more, making my head spin in a way I thought only happened in movies. I smiled into the kiss, my lips parting just enough for Harry’s tongue to swirl in my mouth, leaving me in quite the tizzy.

Shall he be damned, he was shaking, the alacrity of her touch stale on his skin, the taste of her lips clinging to the inside of his mouth, the touch of her tongue urging the ghost of her presence back into his mind, urging him towards the exit, shirt untucked, hair askew, a faint trace of deep purple lipstick on his neck. He was going insane, but the blur of his eyes was going away, he could faintly make out the immaculate presence of the rest of the attendees of this ‘festivity’. If he could even call it that, god knows he could care less. Unknown faces, bemused wives who know nothing about the source of the money they keep spending on resorts and effulgent jewelry.

He knew she wasn’t that way. He knew that as she’d be reapplying her lipstick and covering the darkening mark right at the base of her throat, she wouldn’t note that the diamonds in her necklace had tangled together.

From afar, he’d watch her and see how some oh so willing gentleman would offer to untangle the mess resting proudly over her chest and from afar he’s see the way her skin crawled when all one of the bravest would try to touch her, the not so subtly remarks and invitation nothing out of common, after all, she was the heiress of an empire, who wouldn’t want her?

Now everything was back in focus, all the glimmering spots aligned in the center of the room, people networking, as they were calling it these days. Networking or trying to get somebody into bed, it all felt the same to them. Liam felt a chuckle make its way up his throat and forced himself to divert his gaze from her. He was so aware of the gazes she kept attracting and it was leaving him unflatteringly bothered, so he left.

“It’s your thing,” she’d told him, one of the many times they shared something more than notes. “You leave before being left.” Because it was exactly what Liam did.

///

20th of September 2015

“She’s got a boyfriend, you reckon?” it had been itching him to ask this for about a month and a half and it was driving him insane. He couldn’t learn lines, he couldn’t study characters, he couldn’t understand roles. He did nothing but gaze longingly and pine.

“Ask her.” It was as simple as that for someone that was her friend.

“I can’t just go up to her and ask, that’s awfully impolite,” he lied. He daren’t be the first to acknowledge what they had. He couldn’t.

“How posh of you, oh mighty gentleman,” she scoffed, flipping her notebook closed and tossing it in Liam’s lap, who’d been pouting at her. “I’m not telling you,” she shook her head, mass of chocolate hair falling in her eyes. “Go up to her and pretend you don’t have an ulterior motive, aren’t you a drama major, mighty Liam Payne?” the smirk on her lips made him roll his eyes. She leaned into him. From a distance, you could’ve thought they were together. Pulling her sleeves over her fingers, she raised her gaze to meet his. “Ask her, it’s bloody time, you’ve been pining for years,” and if there was something Diana was good at, it was stating the obvious.

“Am not,” Liam shot back angrily, frowning at her as if she were telling lies. Indeed, she was telling the truth, but he wouldn’t admit that, not in a million years. At her disbelieving face, he rolled his eyes. “I’ve got class,” he deadpanned, pushing her notebook in his bag.

“You’re welcome,” she hollered after him. He could’ve thanked her, after all, she had finished his assignment. Instead, he flipped her the bird. “Oh that’s how you treat me, Payne?” at that, half the campus might’ve turned their heads around and from the way the back of his neck was burning, Electra was staring too. “Bloody bastard,” he could see with the corner of his eye the smirk on her lips. She was being cocky about this entire endeavour.

He turned around and blew her a kiss. She pretended to catch it and everyone continued to believe they were together. Diana told him numerous times she had absolutely no interest in him, moreover, they hadn’t even considered this before.

///

23rd of September, 2015

He couldn’t recall a single valid reason he’d decided to take a screenplay course this semester, and god knows he hadn’t been thinking, because the professor (couldn't have been more than five years Liam’s senior, though) was talking shit to them. It was almost as if he actually wanted them all to fail. Liam thought he’d go insane by the end of this semester and this lad was going to make sure of it.

“And then he proceeded to give us the assignment for the semester, and mind you, it is seventy five percent of our grade, god knows I’m going to fail. He want us to adapt one of the books ‘of the new age’ into a movie and he expects it to be a YA revelation. Everyone’s doing John Green.” Liam huffed into his tea, the tips of his fingertips burning from the hot paper cup, sitting down onto the grass, leaning against a tree.

Diana sat between his legs, an open book balanced on her knees, atop of it, the same notebook; now she was correcting his global economy report. Liam didn’t think he could love her more, he was shit at this and she knew so she spared him and proofed them herself, all while Liam gazed over her shoulder and kept pulling at the lobe of her ear, which always attracted scornful frowns and sweet smiles and Liam was elited to see either.

Being born into it doesn’t assure you talent, he consoles himself once he’s done with antagonizing her.

“Stop complaining and give it a try,” she muttered distractedly. His fingers were tangling her hair in small braids. He knew she hated it but kept doing it. Destressing, he’d reason with her when all the ends of her hair were in clusters of braids.

“God, I can’t even remember why you’re my best friend,” Liam huffed, looking at her with faux annoyance, because if there was something he wouldn’t forget, it was that she’d saved him.

Sometimes diverting the attention from him, pretending to have heard something new about their ‘relationship’, sometimes managing to slip him away from a well deserved beating, sometimes saving him from the deep end of the pool.

He didn’t want to end up there again.

“Oh please, you’d be lost without me,” she scoffed and confidence exuded from her words. She had no doubt about them and now, two and a half years since they’d met, there was hardly anything she didn’t know about him.

“Diana,” he whispered, serious and all.

“Yes, love?” she frowned picking up on his tone.

“I love you,” she smiled, wide and toothy, face glowing, eyes green and lips red from the chilly wind. Autumn was descending. Fixing her scarf around her neck, he pressed a kiss to her cheek and leaned back, watching as students passed hurriedly.

“She doesn’t have anyone,” Diana said after a while, long done with his report, now immersed in her Universal Literature class. This week it was Mihai Eminescu.

Liam smiled and planted a kiss on the crown of her head.

///

2nd of October, 2015

In passing, he’d seen her a lot of times. In passing. It’s not as if he stopped and gazed longingly every single time he’d notice her, not as if he could picture every single curve of her body under the thick coat she was wearing, not as if he wanted to go up to her and kiss the living light out of her. He was just checking up on her. Trying to see if she was overworking herself, that’s what he was doing.

That’s what he was doing.

And now that she was passing him no more than six feet away, he thought he was dying on the inside. He shouldn’t have been staring so painfully severe, but he was, he might have memorised every single pattern in her jumper and every single washed out stain in her jeans; every single curl of her hair and every single laugh that ransacked though his memories and filled him with spiteful anger when looking at the boy in front of her.

“...are you listening?” Diana’s raised eyebrow pulled him back into the courtyard, back into the chilly air of the imminent winter, back into his own body, back from his own mind. “You weren’t.” She sighed. “For once I’d like you not to be a puppy dog while she’s around. For once, I’d like to be the target of your undivided attention, Liam.” Diana rolled her eyes at his apologetic smile. “You’re not charming your way out of this one,” she got up, pushing his notebook back into his arms, slinging her backpack over her shoulders, she was possibly the last girl in the university to own a backpack, and trudging off in a heartbeat.

Liam stared wordlessly, not understanding a single words of hers.

It was much later that he managed to track her down, apologetic smile on his lips and a peace offering in his hands. “I’m sorry,” though he was sure it wouldn’t solve a thing.

“It’s time you talked to her, okay?” Diana looked at the paper bag in his hands flippantly, and pushed him aside, making her way down the hall, Liam fast on her tracks. “It’s about fucking time you stopped trying to prove something to your father and did yourself, and me, a favour and fucking talked to your precious Electra,” Although she had stopped, it seemed to Liam that she was still running away from him, he felt caught in her storm. Diana was hurt but he felt the sting of her words more times harder than she could imagine. “You seem to be obsessed about her. You seem to want her more than you want my friendship.” She nodded to herself, as if she was patting herself on the back for going through with her tirade. “Fucking Liam Payne,” she muttered, storming into her dorm room.

Liam had a key, but he didn’t use it.

The next day, his father called.

He was finishing an assignment when his phone buzzed from his coat. He thought it could have been Diana, ready to forgive him and move on, but it wasn’t. and he was frozen on the spot because his father had a specific day for call-your-disappointment-of-a-son call day, and it wasn’t today. “I don’t care if you’re still on about that bloody dream of yours, but you are to attend this meeting. It is crucial for the company and I don’t care that you don’t want it or you’re ‘into drama’, you’re going to be there.” And he proceeded to hang up and leave Liam once again fucking fuming. It took him three hours of running around the campus to slow his mind down, to calm himself enough to go back to doing homework.

///

16th of December, 2013

Beware of us, for we are here to rule

“Diana loves you too much for your own sake,” Electra had a smile that made Liam’s entire body tingle, his skin lit up with the carefulness of her words. “You will ruin her, she’s too good.” His smile slipped from his lips, a frown forming. She smiled sweetly at him.

“So now you’re on her side, are you?” Liam smiled and acted like he wasn’t being torn from the inside, as if the storm she was trying to bring to surface wouldn’t wreck his insides for days, as if it wouldn’t go on and on and on..

He'd be thinking about this for days. He’d be ruining Diana for himself. He’d be ruining himself for everyone.

“She’s quiet but she isn’t blind.” Electra commented, returning to studying some contract.

“I don’t understand,” Liam sighed, running his hands through his hair, a bad habit he’d been trying to rid himself of since three years ago.

“She wants attention, you bloody idiot, and all you’re ever on about is idiotic crap she doesn’t give a shit about,” she was getting worked up now, and Liam didn’t understand why. Was it that big of a deal? Had he been that foul to her that Electra felt it was time for a wake up call to him?

It was.

“She’s far the best thing that’s ever happened to you and you’re ignoring her completely,” She was already riled up, closing the file and pushing it to the side. Liam couldn’t take her seriously, not when she was wearing only a hoodie and was red cheeked from the cold that was pouring in from the opened window. He felt shivers going down his spine; it was a waking up he needed.

“Leigh,” the chuckle that followed only riled her up more, her face going from snippy to ‘world war III’ in about one second. “Okay, hear me out, you fanatic girl,” He whispered in a soft tone, She sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “Diana gets my attention more than anyone as it is, why would she want more?” It wasn’t hard to tell what Electra was thinking. “She’s got a boyfriend, that’s not what she wants from me. We’ve known each other for years, literally, if she liked me that way, she’d have told me.” Liam explained, pushing himself from the chair he was perched on and sat down next to her on the bed, hand tugging at her sleeve, smile wide on his lips.

“Liam,” she pushed.

“No, Leigh, that’s enough.” He tutted. “Diana doesn’t like me like that. And it doesn’t matter because i don’t like her either.”

“You’re the burning house I want to live in” she whispered, pause lingering, Liam frowned, brows pulling together, because those weren’t her words; and because he didn’t care, his lips were on hers, and his hands were on her hips and even through her hoodie he could feel the warmth of her skin.

And then it was skin, skin, skin.

///

3rd of October, 2015

“Shit,” the word left Liam’s lips countless times because, yes this was a horrible idea, this was the worst thing he could possibly be doing. But there wasn’t anything else he could think of doing. Shit, he was going to die. But, still, he knocked.

And then waited, and waited, and waited and decided that he really had no business being here in the middle of the night. Shit, he needed a cigarette. He should’ve let Louis teach him to smoke, he really should’ve, at least he’d have something to kill his nerves with.

“Liam, what the fuck are you doing here,” he hadn’t even noticed Diana in the threshold. He really shouldn’t have come.  He hadn’t even thought of something to say. “No, actually, I don’t even want to know,” she was wearing barely anything, knickers and a, what was that, a crop top? a sports bra? god, two sisters and that was all he knew about girl clothes.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen her in only her knickers. Hell, he’d seen her naked; the girl had no shame walking around wearing quite literally nothing,  but for some reason, he was red to the tips of his ears. “If anyone sees you here I’m going to be mocked for the rest of my life, alright?” She was right, he knew how condescending her ‘mates’ could be to her when the topic at hand was him. “You know that, Liam,” her voice didn’t betray her anger but from the way her hands gripped the knob, knuckles white and fingers dug in, she was hardly holding back from strangling him.

“Di,” he whispered, voice a drawled out whine and Diana bit down on her lip, closing her eyes and taking in a big breath before slapping him right across the cheek.

“You fucking twat,” Liam would’ve asked her to mind her language any other day, but it wasn’t quite the best of time for manners. “I hate you.” And she proceeded to open the door, let him in, and the put some of her cooling cream on his cheek after sneaking him into her room, which she shared with a girl that Liam had seen in his entire life at uni for about three times, all of them including both him and Diana being kicked out because she had ‘a friend over’.

“I’m sorry.” Liam whispered, not caring about the sting in his cheek or how stupid he was. “I’m really fucking sorry,” his gaze fell from her eyes to her hand, gentle touch incongruent to the harshness of her slap. He had to give it to her, he’d been a dickhead for far too long about this thing.

“Liam, I get that you love grand gestures and romantic encounters but you know you can barely come here in daylight and not get judged, but in the middle of the night,” her voice was gentle, warm, soothing. Liam felt at home. “If someone would’ve seen you, I’d have once again been the whore that’s sleeping with the business tycoon for money to pay her rent,” Diana frowned at him, and before anything else, she added, “which I have got covered, I don’t need money again.” It wasn’t something taboo, Liam had loaned her the money for her rent a couple of times, it’s not as if he couldn’t afford it, and it seemed that as she refused to move in with him, like he’d asked her a million times, he could at least help her out. “Now, what the fuck are you doing in front of my door at four in the morning?”

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dickhead but you know that I can’t really do anything about Electra,” Liam whispered, sitting down across from her on her desk chair while she sat atop of the bed covers, gaze doubtful and weary.

“I know,” she took a handful of her duvet, “that’s why it’s so fucking annoying.” Diana groaned, looking at him through hazed eyes. Liam knew she was on the verge of tears and he was fucking terrified. “Fuck,” the tears spilled. He had no idea what to do, but Diana recovered quickly, wiping her tears away and swearing some more.

“You done?” Liam smiled at her and yep, she’d forgiven him. “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll listen from now on, okay love?” Diana nodded, flinging the pillow at him, the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips.

“You can sleep here if you don’t have class tomorrow,” She muttered flippantly, eyes trained to the floor. “You can sleep in Katie’s bed or summat,”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” Liam teased and Diana almost slapped him again.

“Oh shut up, asshat,” and then flung another pillow at him.

“I love you?” Liam laughed, catching the pillow as it flew towards him.

“There’s no question mark there, is it?” Diana smiled at him, because she knew there wasn’t one.

///

4th of October, 2015

The next morning Liam took Diana out for breakfast, his treat, and then announced that he would need her to pick a suit for him to wear for the thing his father had planned for him. She jumped at the occasion, asking about a million questions and almost driving Liam insane. Almost.

But now, standing in front of his father’s office, he realised, he was fucked. It wasn’t because his father had asked him to come in on a Saturday, it wasn’t because he’d seen Electra walking down the hall (and she had absolutely no business walking these halls) and it wasn’t because his father’s receptionist had been trying to get him to join her in the bathroom, it was because yes, today’s the day of the contract.

It was because the one day of the year he hated most had come and he hadn’t even realised it. He felt his stomach in knots at the mere thought of having to see his father, breathing quickening as he approached the conference room. Liam was good at acting, but not around his father. It was what he wanted most, to get his approval and he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he just wouldn’t get it. It was like reaching for the moon. Scientifically impossible.

Each year, Geoff Payne renewed the contracts that he stubbornly refused to accept to make longer than a single year, so they had an entire day ahead dedicated to signing and reviewing and most important of all, seeing Electra because of course she was the good heiress and offered to do the dirty job of her parents every year and make the ol’ Geoff Payne not disembark the peaceful ship her family had put him on almost twenty years ago. My father wasn't going to get rid of her family, and he’d been trying for twenty years.

“Good day, Electra,” Liam muttered as he passed her, walking towards his chair on the other side of the table, next to his father’s. Oh, how he loved the unity; he just had to be able to whisper in his ear about how he was wasting his time with a drama major.

“Isn’t that a bit formal of you, Liam?” she teased, “Or has Diana turned you posh in the last year?” her voice carried a lightness that suggested to Liam just what she wanted to get out of him at the end of this day.

And he was on board. So on board.

“Can’t really say, that would be a bit indiscreet of me,” Liam nodded, grin wide on his lips, cheek vibrant in his words. Electra grinned right back. IT was just like riding a bike, how they fell back into their routine.

“Son, why don’t you come over here and stop fooling around with that Electrica girl,” Geoff Payne had an astounding capacity to refuse to treat Electra with dignity.

At heart, he was a good man, willing to go to incredible lengths for his company and that, to him, meant that he had to keep Electra’s company (it was hers, after all) on a short leash. Liam admitted, though, that Geoff couldn’t offer them more than a finger, but the way he chose to do it made his find his decision not to pursue the business even more satisfying. If he wouldn’t be the good heir to the empire, then shall he endure the scoldings.

Alas, he tried to console himself with the thought that he would be doing what he wanted and loved. Even though his father hated him for it.

Like, hated him for it.

“All right, Geoff, why don’t we move on to business,” Electra smiled at Liam’s father and it didn’t take much to tell that she was absolutely done with him already. It made Liam chuckle how she thought she could hide the flame in her eyes. Diana used to tell him that when he’d be a dickhead to Electra, she’d look at him with the same flaming anger.

Only difference is: I’d slap you, whereas she just stares at you with a murderous gaze

“So they let you take over the contracts this year then, darling?” Liam felt more bad than anything for him father, Electra had feeble tolerance towards condescending sexists. Which, honestly, his father fully was.

“Yes, Geoff, Father trusts me enough to let me take care of this on my own,” her remark shouldn’t have stung the way it did, but Liam couldn’t help but think that it was aimed directly at him, and, honestly, his father got it, because he was quiet after that. It stung him too how he didn’t have a heir to his empire. A male heir.

It seemed that Liam zoned out after the exchange, awake enough to just add a few mentions here and there, point out to his father where they were trying to cut his ties. Liam might hate the business, but it didn’t mean he’d let his old man (no matter how sexist he was) be robbed blind.

“We consider this a fair offer,” Electra deadpanned, fille sitting weightlessly in Liam’s hands, his face pale and brows furrowed. They were trying to drag his father down.

“Absolutely not.” The file made a laconic woosh as it slid across the table back onto her side. “This means giving you half the profits while we’re doing all the work. Like hell I’m letting this go through,” with the corner of his eye, Liam could make out the smirk on his father’s face. Moments like these made Liam think of pursuing his father’s dream for him, but there were too many downsides to just do it for him.

“It is a fair offer, we’re offering you the space, necessities and taking care of the ecotaxes for you,” Electra stood straighter at Geoff’s chuckle, her eyes dark, set on Liam, she was getting annoyed with his refusal. She was going to flip his offer over in a second. Good thing he knew how to tame her anger.

“Well then, you can take your offer and go to hell with it, because we can find one a thousand times better anywhere.” Liam smiled at her. Showtime.

“Son, don’t be so cruel to the lady,”

“Geoff, if you’d like you can leave,” Electra’s eyes were fixed on Liam.

“Like hell I am. Why would I leave when for once in his lifetime, my son is making me proud,” It stung.

Fuck, it stung Liam.

“We’re not backing off on this offer.” Electra deadpanned.

“You might as well get out now, then.” Liam shot back and Electra was off her seat in an instant, hands prompted on the tabletop.

She was impulsive, that’s why they made a good team. He’d keep her grounded, not letting her blow everything out of proportions. She acted upon her gut, and although she was the better businessman out of the two of them, her gut could sometimes drive her off the ledge.

Then, his phone started buzzing on top of the table. and oh god how this came just at the right time. Making her ransack her head for a strategy was just what he needed to blindside her. Excusing himself, he slipped right by a fuming Electra and out of the room, answering the phone in a cheerful tone. His smile faded a second into the call.

Liam flashed right back into the room, his heart was pounding in his ears, blood cold in his veins. Gathering his belongings frantically, he gulped down on the lodge in his throat and leaned over to him father to suggest his strategy.

“Where do you think you’re going?” but he had no time for explanations.

“Just wait them out, offer them something unacceptable, then lower your guard and they’ll let your off. Do five percent more than last year. Nothing more.” Then he shot out the room, down the stairs after waiting an eternity for the elevators to come. And he was halfway through London in a heartbeat. He might’ve broken about a million traffic regulations, btu it wasn;t like he gave a damn right that moment. All he could hear was emergency room, Mile End Hospital, echoing in his head over and over and over again.

The receptionist refused to cooperate with him though, insisting that she was recovering and needed rest. To hell, if Liam was leaving without a room number. “Liam Payne,” he tutted annoyedly. “I’m her-” well that was a bit of a problem, “-her cousin.” The lady didn’t believe him, but she already was tired of his ceaseless nagging. So she let him off.

“One-five-three,” She ushered him along.

He was there in less than three minutes, and through the door in six seconds, by her side in two more and cursing her breathless in one. “You absolute stupid girl, how could you,” Liam had his fingers tangled between hers in an instant, holding her hand so tightly that he thought it was only from the miracle of the painkillers that he didn’t break her good arm, the one that wasn’t broken. Her warmth was pervading into his ice cold fingers and finally, Diana turned and smiled warmly at him, eyes half closed and lips tugged into a grin..

“Oh shut up, don’t you scold me, you broke your arm slipping on a stair,” she scoffed and Liam felt himself relax at the wit in her voice. She was fine. Even with a broken limb. “I, at least, was brave and courageous,” She was high off her arse on painkillers, he noted as her words messed together. Truly high.

“And stupid,” Liam noted. She rolled her eyes, waving her hand in front of his eyes flippantly. He seemed to be a little too platitudinous for her state. When he pointed this out, her instant response was ‘oh shove it,’ which sounded nothing like it, a messy ‘ahsovet’, only that he knew her like the back of his hand.

“Look who’s talking now,” Diana muttered and Liam chuckled, looking at her through clouded eyes; his heart still hadn’t stopped racing, but he could relax for a second now that he was sure she was good and steady.  

“What were you doing, you idiot?” At the furrow of his brows, Diana rolled her eyes. His concern was absurdly amusing to her. Of course it was, tough, when didn’t Diana refuse to be taken care of.

“Some asshat told me that I couldn’t climb the big oak on campus because I was short and a girl.” She grinned at him, before the words slipped from her lips, “I get that short people are underrated, but what does having a vagina have to do with it?” Her inner feminist was bubbling at the surface and Liam’s cheeks were beginning to hurt from how he was smiling at her. Like an idiot.

“Turns out I can climb a tree, even with a vagina,” Liam couldn’t help but fall into a deep rumble of laugh, his smile wide to his ears as he watched her, shaking his head at the smugness in her expression. Truly, his Diana.

“You risked your life because a stranger told you you couldn’t climb a tree.” He deadpanned and Diana nodded proudly. “My god, aren’t you insane?” She shrugged because that was Diana.

After getting her discharged and stumbling back to the parking lot to somehow try to convince Diana to get inside the car, finally deciding on bribing her with a warm breakfast the next morning, he strapped her down, to which he only got myriad ‘ohhhhh, kinky’ replies from her, but he promised himself he wouldn’t let her off the hook so easily about this one, even if she had a broken limb. He’d squeeze the last drip of embarrassment out of this day and bring it back every time she told him that he was the reckless one.

He took the long route home, avoiding the crowded, midday London downtown and driving by the outskirts of the town. The drive settled Diana down, her eyes fluttering shut halfway through so when they arrived at his place, Liam put her in bed in his room, tucked her in and switched on the tv on, picking some series about dogs, which would be nothing short of entertaining for Diana when she woke up.

Then, he cleaned himself up, changing into sweatpants and a jumper and tried to gather something for dinner, every five minutes or so checking up on her. Every time, she was so far gone that slobber was dripping from the corner of her mouth.

Don’t imagine he didn’t have photographic evidence of that.

The bell rung around five in the evening and Liam first thought shit, then I’m fucked, then that his father was here to skin him alive. That was the reason he didn’t even bother to check who it was, opening the door ready for a run for his money, even if he had no mood for anything of sorts, seeing Diana like that, along with the scare of it had him running low on energy.

But he didn’t come eye to eye with Geoff Payne.

Great.

“Now, I get that your fans are very important to you,” Electra eyed him hungrily, and Liam could read all the words hidden behind the clear blue of her eyes and he couldn’t help but think how fucked he was, “but to burst out the door in the middle of a meeting with your own father” she grinned, slipping past him and inside the flat, “whose approval you desperately need so you don’t starve to death,” well thank you for that, Leigh, “when I had arranged with your father’s secretary to burst in with an emergency meeting just five minutes later, well that’s another kind of mean.” She spun on her heels, smiling brightly at him, setting two bottles of wine on the countertop and rummaging through his cupboards for wine glasses.

Her shirt was already half unbuttoned and Liam could just make out the lace tip of her bra; her skirt was running up her hips, the deep split at the back doing nothing but show her forms. Liam’s mouth was watering already and he wanted to punch himself for it.

“But I’ll get over it,” She finished, huffing when she couldn’t find the wine glasses, which Liam didn’t own. “Honestly, is it so hard to organise these things, my god, you can’t find anything,” she was in the middle of opening another one when Diana’s voice rung out from behind Liam, sleepy and almost in a whisper, words followed by the soft tap-tap of her feet.

“Li, do you still have that fancy tea from China your dad bought?” She muttered as she padded into the kitchen, wearing Liam’s shirt from this morning and nothing else, rubbing the sleep from her eye with her good hand, shirt riding up her legs. She stopped dead in her tracks as her gaze fell on Electra, open mouth and raised eyebrows and all that. “Oh, the meeting,” as if it hadn’t crossed her mind before, “I’ll just go, then,” After a moment, she thought of saying.

So Diana started backing away from the kitchen but Liam couldn’t let her do that. Diana knew that after these kind of meetings Liam and Electra usually hooked up but this was so much more important than sex.This was family.

When he turned to Electra, he found her eyes trained on Diana’s body.

Sometimes Liam forgot how beautiful Diana actually was. No wonder She kept telling him he was a dickhead. He actually was a bloody idiot.

“Of course she’s here,” Electra whispered, and Liam could just make out the anger in her voice. “Is that why you rushed out?” Her eyes skimmed over the bareness of her thighs and messy state of her hair. It looked like exactly like what she thought. Only thing she couldn’t see. The very important aspect of it, Liam would add, was the cast on Diana’s arm.

And sometimes he forgot how Electra struggled to be okay with Diana being around him all the time.

“Please,” Diana rolled her eyes, “don’t act like you’re just so hurt. You just thought Liam wouldn’t want to sleep with me,” And there went Diana’s confidence. “Am I too low for his standards or some snobistic shit, is that what you think?” Electra was silent, lips pursed because that was exactly what she didn’t think. She thought that Diana was too good for him.

“And just for the record, I broke my fucking arm, and he’s my emergency contact,” And then it clicked. Because why wouldn’t there be her brother or her mum or her gran. Why out of all these important people in her life, she’d choose Liam to be the most important factor in the equation? Sure, he was O neg, but that wasn’t the reason. No, he can’t have been her emergency contact. She was just-

Just confused.

Diana turned fast on her heels and rushed out of the room, a tirade of swear words echoing behind her, small figure slipping out the room in an instant. God he was going to get hell for this. Liam rushed after her and he knew, he knew that by doing this he was ruining anything he could have with Electra for weeks, because if Electra could do something, it was hold a grudge, but Diana was family and family comes first. Always.

She’d locked herself in his bathroom and the first thing he could think of was breaking the door, but then he remember how his dad had insisted that the doors were connected to the security alarm and should the code have been his birthday, he couldn’t remember a single cipher of it.

He could just make out Electra dressing slowly, buttoning her shirt, running her hands through her hair and gazing over by where he was standing, on the floor, his back against the door, the echo of faint sniffing coming from the bathroom, effervescent pain shooting from his heart at every sound. She nodded goodbye to him, before opening the door placing a yellow envelope on the table, next to his keybowl. Without so much as a single other glance, she walked out.

Twenty-seven minutes later, the lock clicked back into place and the door slipped open behind Liam. His eyes were closed, his back against the wall. He felt her slip next to him, their legs glued together, the alacrity of her skin so vibrant even through his joggers.

“Do you really think I’m that big of an asshat?” Liam whispered, eyes closed. He felt the scent of her skin before he felt her touch. Diana leaned her head on his shoulder and shrugged silently. “You’re a mad, mad woman,”

“You could at least pay my medical bills after all the proofreading I’ve done for you,” She whispered, choosing to ignore the subject, and Liam couldn’t help but chuckle, finally opening his eyes to glance at her. Diana’s eyes were brimmed red and her lips bitten raw, but at least this time, it didn’t take a couple of hours to wait her out. “Before you ask, yes, I’m taking the goddamn pills,” Liam nodded wordlessly, slinging his arm round her shoulders and placing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“I didn’t ask her to come over,” Liam whispered and he knew that it wasn’t necessary, but he had to say it aloud. “I wasn't going to have sex while your were sleeping in my bed,” Diana burst into laughter, scornfully snarling at him when he winked at her. “How could I when I had such a beauty in my bed,” to which Diana elbowed him in the ribs.

Much later that night, he could feel her mind reeling, but he waited her out patently, trying to figure what it was that was bothering her so much.

“Am I really that repulsive to you that you wouldn’t even think of sleeping with me?” Her eyes were sleepy and her voice was hushed and she thought that Liam had already fallen asleep and maybe it was just something she wanted to say aloud, to get out into the open space, just like Liam wanted to tell Electra that he’d been watching her for six years and he didn’t ever dare ask her out on a date but Liam could only whisper those four words before falling asleep.

“We slept together, Di.”

////

2nd of January, 2014

And shall we fail to rule, we’ll burn everything down

“You’re like sugar,” her voice was shushed, her body warm under his. “You’re addictive.” And the glimmer in her eye was gone. “But don’t be foolish, Liam,” Her fingers were combing through her hair, taming it so she could go back to her meetings. “Next thing you’re going to ask me to love you,” and Liam wanted, so wanted to do that.

Her dress laid crumpled sorrowfully in the corner of the room and as she picked it up, body naked save for her stockings, Liam’s mouth was watering. She slipped it on, stepping back so Liam could zip her up and god how he loved seeing her like this. He took his time, touch lingering over her spine as the zipper went up. As she turned, he could see the perk of her nipples under the tight material and that was the only clue she’d ever leave that he could do something to her.

“They say I’m not made for this,” Electra whispered as she pushed the hem of her dress down and slipped her feet back into her shoes. “Watch me conquer their sexist empire.” And there she went, back to her day full of meetings, leaving Liam naked and alone in an empty, empty flat. There she went, naked and free and ready to face the hungry wolves. There she went, conquering their empire. There she went.

“They say I don’t have what it takes,” because that was Liam’s biggest fear.

“Honey, don’t let them,” because as she went, she wrecked him too. “You’re sweet like sugar and they think that’s the only thing you know to do, but you know what else sugar does?” Her eyes were wide and blue and big and bright. “Sugar slowly kills everything,”

And she was gone.

And he was killing everyone around him.

///

2nd of November, 2015

“How come your boyfriend allows you to hang out with me?” Because Liam had no alternative, he had to take the big guns out. If he wanted to get anything out of her, he had to upset her.

“I’m not a dog, he doesn’t get to, like, let me pee in a certain place, I’m a human being that has the right to do her fucking thing without being controlled by some dirtbag,” Diana scoffed, going back to proofing his screenplay.  

“That wasn’t the question and you know it,” Liam pressed pointedly, ignoring how she gestured for him to shut up.

“He knows that if he wants me, he’ll have to have you too,” She sighed, staring at him annoyedly, pointing back to his project. It would’ve been more productive to allow her to finish proofing his assignment that determined whether the monster of a professor would fail him or not but he just couldn’t get this though out of his head. “Anyway, why am I telling you this, I’m mad at you,” She moved right past the subject, and Liam was going insane.

“You’re mad at me for coming to the hospital?”

“For the millionth time,” She sighed an exasperated groan, rolling her eyes at him. “You should've stayed until the meeting ended, then come. Are you purposely trying to drive me insane, Liam?” she huffed, chucking Anna Karenina at his head.

“So you’re mad that I put you first on my list of priorities,” they’d been having this discussion for over a month and he still hadn't gotten the answer he wanted out of her.

He’d been trying to make her confess what she felt about the night they slept together for ages. Easy to say, Diana refused to cooperate. It had always been something they avoided talking about. Diana didn’t even dare tiptoe around the subject, she straightforward avoided it. That night, whose existence Diana one sidedly agreed to deny, was something that she refused to acknowledge. The reason why was unknown to Liam. For him it could just be that she was embarrassed she’d ever sleep with him. After all, he was the least interesting person to make her acquaintance.

“Shut up, Liam.”

///

10th of November, 2015

He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He really shouldn’t have that tickling the tip of his solar plexus. He was insane. He’d officially gone bonkers. No, that can’t be true. He was imagining things. Because that blonde hair and blue sweater can’t, simply can’t be what he thinks they are.

So he stumbled over his lines for a moment and the director didn’t seem very impressed by it. And Liam cursed himself and fuck he can’t mess this one up because this one just can’t be a fail, this one’s going to bring him into the spotlight. If he lands this, he’ll be living in pure happiness. So he’s ransacking for the next words and as he picks himself up; he’s decided he won’t let that make him blow this one.

Liam might not be the toughest guy around but if he wanted something, and god, he wanted this part, he’d go through anything to get it. Even his goddamn heart. So he ignored the churning in his stomach and the sweat lathering his palms and went back to his monologue because if Victor Hugo had done anything was write 2,783 pages of pure agony to memorise.

And to hell if he didn’t gather himself right back up, because he can’t remember anything of it; and that’s just what happens when he gets into character - that’s just what made him screw every secure thing he could’ve had in his life and go with his gut. And if such a feeling could drive him forward then Liam could not picture what could be greater than to feel that for the rest of his life.

Electricity was running through him, his skin was buzzing, he was lit up. Smile wide to his ears, he caught Electra’s eye, a grin just as big taking over her features and he felt bonkers, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Don’t pretend you just happened to be here,” Liam was covered in sweat and the only thing he could think of was kiss the living light out of her. To sweep the breath out of her lungs because she was here and she was very, very real.

“I didn’t,” she smiled, shaking her head at him as they began walking out of the auditorium. Liam had been the last for the day and as nervous as he’d been, he couldn’t be more calm now. “I heard you got called back for a second audition and thought I could come,” with a pause, she flicked her hair over her shoulder and he saw what that actually meant, he saw the light in her eyes and it was so much. He snapped.

God, it got to him. He didn’t even catch the ending of her phrase and when she saw him scrambling for words, she furrowed her eyebrows at him. And Liam was mad. He was mad, the reason why was unknown to him, because he knew she could think whatever she wanted, but to see that someone who he respected and loved didn’t have faith in him, left him fuming and more so aggravated that he could do nothing but swallow his words.

“You know, there’s always this looming fear of mine,” Liam responded, in a haze, “that I’ll never be able to make it,” and there it was, the glimmer of hope in her eyes, “this impending ‘I told you so’ that’s hovering, and I see that most of the people I know are waiting for that and I thought that I could ignore it,”

“You’re not saying what I think you are, Liam,” Electra’s smile was fading. It was oddly satisfying. “Because it would be better if you didn’t say anything at all, then.” And she was gone, in a flurry of blue and blonde and soft and how it hurt, because even she didn’t think he could make it.

She’d come here to prove a point, to make him realise that he was not doing what he should’ve been doing, the thing he’d been born to do. And it hurt him to see that even Electra didn’t have the necessary faith in him. He couldn’t deny it, it hurt.

“I had an audition this afternoon,” Liam muttered as he flipped closed his laptop, looking up at Diana, who was staring incredulously at him. “For Albert Theatre, they’ve given me a second audition,” Her stare was beginning to make him uncomfortable. “I know you had an exam then-” when he looked up, she was shaking her head, “-so I’m telling you just so that you know and, like,” he stumbled over himself, trying to find words but he could tell she was already planning to murder him.

“Why do you always do this?” She whined, chucking Anna Karenina at him, because poor Tolstoy hadn’t been through enough already. “Why don’t you ever take me with you?” Looking at him with murderous eyes, she got up and started making her way towards him. He had about ten seconds for her to come to the sofa from her stool in the kitchen and he had no idea how to make her not murder him.

They’ve been studying at his flat for the past three hours and while the words had been tickling the tip of Liam’s tongue, he hadn’t dared say them out loud, in fear that Diana would walk all over his sorry arse and smack him across the head with Anna Karenina. Honestly, Anna Karenina was quite impressively heavy.

“You know why,” was all Liam could muster and it’d have been better if he hadn’t told her anything at all. “I just can’t do these things with you in the room, you know that,” She stopped dead in her tracks, as if he’d struck her. With a sigh and a shake of her head, she went back to her assignment and Liam had yet more mending to do.

///

25th of January, 2016

There were three months left till the end of the year and every single moment of them was spent either in a library, Diana’s dorm room or his flat. And because he tended to forget about the outside world during exams, Diana was left with the burden of caring for him during that period. At least I know I’ll get part of your fortune for all the looking after I’ve done, she’d joke and that would be the end of any discussion about her monetary problems.

His dad called every month, on the first day of the last week, at exactly three fifteen in the afternoon and Liam hadn’t missed a single phone call from him. You could say that he felt he owed that at least to his father.

“Son, this girl is ruining my company. It’s either you settle her down or I’m calling off their contract and you know I’m doing you the courtesy of getting a notice on this just because I know you like this girl, ” and the line went dead, and so did Liam. His face had gone pale and it felt as if the blood in his veins had gone cold. He felt maddeningly affected.

So when he dashed into the Hart’s headquarters, sweat on his brown from how he’d run the three miles into town, his mind was wrapped around one single thing. He had to talk to her, after three months of radio silence they were again put in front of the other and Liam didn’t feel quite too cheerful about that.

Nodding at the lady at the front desk, who knew who Liam was, and slipping smoothly in the elevators and to the twelfth floor, he realised he hadn’t thought anything through. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it, if he should mention the things that had him mad for these three months or if he should just treat those as flippant matters, be as much of a martinet as he could and discuss what should be business, only he didn’t have a care in the world for that because now he was thinking of Diana and how she’d looked bemused and disembarrassed of him when he’d dashed out of her dorm room with just a couple of muttered words. He felt horrible.

And as he dashed through the building, just one right turn left before he’d come face to face with Electra, he found himself stopping dead in his tracks, because was that really?

Yes it was, it was exactly the circumstance he’d have hated to intervene in. Because Electra had a roomful of what probably were senior partners and suppliers and board members and a hovering father to her right. And Liam’s breath was strangled in the middle of his throat.

So he watched. He found himself watching and noting and dotting the missing words and he found himself feeling like a weight was pressing him into a tiny piece of human, into a pool of his own wrongness and disarming false assumption. He saw a sparkle in her eye and it was so, so overwhelming. She was doing what she loved, she liked doing this. His own ignorance had been so blinding up until that moment, he felt himself be wrecked by the realisation; his head was pounding

And he was mad, he was so, so mad. He didn’t know what to do. The weight on his shoulders had been building up for so long, he could’ve burst into tears right in the middle of that hallway. There were so many things to disembarrass from his mind, his father and his ruthless remarks, Professor Gallagher and the fact that his flat hadn’t been cleaned in six weeks and there was a leak under the sink in the bathroom and Diana was mad at him and he didn’t know why, and wallpaper was peeling off his living room walls because he had the brilliant idea to put it up himself, and Electra had been poking at his heart for the total of two entire months and he was gone.

He didn’t know how he managed to get into this raucous mess. The fright and hurt and draining ruefulness were taking a toll on him, his heart was pounding in his ears, it was the single thing he could make out in the middle of a hurricane of smothering cacophonous sounds, his head was floating in its own desperation, he left his knees weaken under his weight and he was scared, scared, scared. Because he wasn’t made for this.

All his doubts were clouding his vision, he wasn’t made for acting, why’d he ever choose something like that? That wasn’t a profession. He’d be starving by the end of his first year out of uni. He’d have to go back to his father with his tail between his legs and he’d be shattered.

He’d be shattered.

The extent of his panic was unknown to him, he just found himself huddled into a stairway, head between the palms of his hands, pounding temples deafening him. His eyes were full of tears.

He knew what he was, he’d seen Diana have them for the entire first year of their friendship, every time she couldn’t bring together the money for rent or when she wouldn’t have enough time to study for an exam, when her mum would force her to come down for holidays, he saw her heave and cry and be breathless and sore from the anxiety attacks she’d get. And now he was having one.

What did Di do when she had those? What did she do?

For the life of it, he couldn’t remember what she did.

“Liam,” the voice crept between his thoughts, like the sun shining through the clouds, he could feel a small thing here and there, a hand on the back of his neck, a warm breath over his face, hair tickling his neck, warmth radiating from someone glued to his side. He was pulled, slowly, back into his own body.

Electra’s breathing was steady and warm on his face and as his vision cleared, as Liam was coming back to his senses, he thought to himself how he could either use this to make her accept his proposal or go back to his dad to be slaughtered. I was the only thing he could think of.

“Don’t think about that, Liam,” Electra’s voice was sharp and she can’t really know, can she?

As if Liam even knew.

“You’ve got to let him off the hook,” Liam muttered, running a hand over his face. “Just let him have at it this time, Electra,”

“We’re seriously not going to discuss how you were having a breakdown in the stairway, then?” Her eyebrows were furrowed and Liam felt cold. So cold he started shivering. Electra didn’t know what to do, hands on her hips, she stared at him wordlessly, waiting for a reaction.

“Please, just change the contract and let him have at it,” Liam muttered, not looking at her. Truth be told, he didn’t want her to see him like this, vulnerable and wounded. He didn’t even understand why he was like this.

The thing that had been piling up hadn’t ever bothered him this much before,he didn’t know why it was all going to hell now, of all times. He was angry with himself for letting himself get too worked up.

“If you think that I’m going to drop one of the best deals we’ve had this year just because you’re asking me to, Liam, you’re mad,” she deadpanned, watching intently, tapping her foot with impatience. “You might not care about your company but mine is my life.” With an annoyed click of her tongue, she went on, “It’s the legacy I was born with and we might’ve had some fun in the past but, I’m in no way dropping it to please you.” And it seemed to Liam that he was pervading into thin air, his organs dissipating slowly, slowly.

“Just once, would you think of something else than your legacy?” Liam groaned, hurling himself into the argument, “Do you think you could be capable of that, Electra, of thinking just once about something other than what you’re supposed to do?” He was getting riled up; he knew he shouldn’t, but it felt so good, he relished the searing pain of his words, “And even if you’re doing what you want, you’re not doing it the way you want to, I know it-” with a pause, he added, “I know you,”

It felt as if a stone had been taken off of his chest, as if the words had popped the growing balloon of worry and hurt growing inside of him. He felt the alacrity rising to his chest and cheeks, he felt Electra growing impatient with him, tired of his blabbering, but he didn’t expect what she had coming.

“You don’t know shit, Liam,” Electra spat, eyeing him with anger, rands shaking at her sides. “You think you do, you think you’ve got me pinned down. Surprise then, you don’t have anything,” her voice was wavering, and Liam felt himself growing smaller and smaller, anger cooling into a freezing fear. “We’re not some forbidden love, we’re two people hooking up, it’s not my problem you seem to not get that,” Electra huffed, heels clicking as she paced in circles, “I’ve been telling you for so long to move on, I’ve been telling you about Diana and how she likes you and you don’t seem to get it,” With an exhausted groan, she finished, “You want to know why I’ve been avoiding you for the past two months?”

Liam was breathless, the air in his lungs choked somewhere in the middle of his throat.

“Because you just can’t let it go, Liam. You don’t seem to get that I don't like you the way you like me. You might be my boss right now, but I sure as hell am not going to sugarcoat this. Let it go, we’re not anything.”

It’s still in a fog how Liam managed to crawl out of the building and get somehow back to his flat, but all he could feel in those intermediary moments were his rattled hartbeat, the way his skin was crawling with her words, his stinging tears and the splitting headache that he was bearing. Slowly, he was coming undone. It wasn’t going to be nice.

How could he have imagined all those things, all the caresses and looks and smiles. How could he have just imagined two years of his life?

And it seemed so foolish that he hadn’t even dared ask her if it was mutual; he’d assumed she was reciprocating his feelings and that was the kind of thing that made Diana smack the back of his head because how could I be so self centered that I just didn't see it.

He could hear her in his head how she’d shake her head and roll her eyes and urge him to go up to her and ask her out or something, just see if she’s up to it, but Electra’s told him once this, and he keeps flipping it over and over in his head, this thing about leaving.

You leave before being left.

And that’s exactly the thing, because he did. Not leave, per se, but he did avoid putting himself in situations where he could have been turned down, his lack of courage drove him to waste two entire years pining after her. All while he had Diana whispering in his ear how he was acting like a fucker about it.

A blur; that’s what his entire run home was, he could’ve been hit by a car because he didn’t recall to once have looked if one was coming his way. He was being stupid about this entire ordeal. But why shouldn’t he be petulant, why shouldn’t he sulk and grieve and- cry.

But this wasn’t crying, this was sobbing, this was heart wrenching, ultimately broken down, kind of crying. This was the sound of his heart stopping and his mind reeling. He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did, he shouldn’t have showed his weakness like that, because how could he face his father now, how could he?

He’d be once again, the disappointment.

But once he was back, the door banging shut behind him, the current formed from the opened windows lathering him with cold, cold frissons. He couldn’t tell if those were shivers or sobs. Liam was so, so far gone, he couldn’t have brought himself back.

Only that, “Liam,” and then the soft voice echoed from the hall, and Liam was overwhelmed with fear. Trying to control himself, he wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeve, only looking up after a deep breath. “Love,” her eyes were warm and arms opened and she was so inviting, and Liam was cold and broken and he didn’t know what to do anymore. But Diana always knew what to do, didn’t she? She always had the right answer. That’s why he loved her. As she padded towards him, wrapping her warm hand around the back of his neck, she smiled, “Tea?” and Liam had no words, so she simply led him into the kitchen, brought him a blanket and joggers, which he didn’t bother use, and he waited, gaze fixed on his countertop, and he waited…

They stood in silence for what could’ve easily been more than an hour, and she just waited, and waited.

“I wasn’t crying,” Liam muttered.

“Sure you weren’t,” Diana nodded, and that was the end of it.

///

15th of June, 2014

When everything is ashes, we’ll rise again.

“Why do we lie?” in a calm voice, her sweet voice carried through the room, her gaze burning the back of his neck. It wasn’t as if she were really asking Liam, so he just waited for her response.

Which ceased to arrive.

Albeit tense after the spat they’d just had, he turned and looked her in the eye, with anger in his mind and a burning desire to snap at her, he sighed. “To cover our tracks,” he noted with a nod of his head. “At least that’s what I’ve noticed you were doing,” and he couldn’t help it, it just came out, and it was disturbingly satisfying.

But he didn’t notice anything in her smile or her eyes, neither on her face. He hoped to pry a reaction out of her, to see if she really had anything to say about the entire ordeal. He’d let himself bend to her will all while she simply used him. So now, naked and cold, he stood in the middle of the bathroom, his expression reflected in the mirror he was facing, jaw set and muscles strained, while Electra had nothing to say to him. Composed and vivid, she blatantly ignored his remarks. Defiantly doing anything but note him presence, she went on dressing and taming her hair and with one last glance his way, sardonic smile on her lips, she whispered.

“Nothing’s different.” And Liam was seeing red. “It’s just like in the beginning.”

Because it was.

///

18th of February, 2016

“You can’t do that, Liam,” Diana had nothing better to do than bug him endlessly, it seemed. “You can’t bury yourself in work and blatantly ignore everything and everyone.” But Liam didn’t have anything to say in response to that, because that’s what he was doing, precisely. “You can’t expect me to keep trying to pry the words out of your mouth, Liam. It’s been a month.” Fact which he was mercilessly aware of; he’d been counting the days since he’d last spoken to Diana.

Because this room had become his home, his hope and last option before he’d just go under; shut down like his father had so kindly taught him to do since he was in third grade. The library, quiet and stale, had kept him in one place, prevented his mind from spiraling down into the darkness. But it had to end at a point. And it had not come yet.

Because seeing him so painfully vulnerable that night was an experience which they’d shared only once before and it brought to his attention that they weren’t just friends, because Diana was not just your friend, she was the person you confessed your crimes to. And Liam had no will left in his body to recall that night.

“I’m not going to keep doing this, Liam.”

The thing is, Liam had thought that she’d stretch her patience thin, that she’d ultimately just give up, but she’d been keeping this one sided conversation going and Liam had no words to thank her for it. Had it not been for her, he’d have gone running after Electra. Instead, he’d been burying himself in work.

“I know you’re just going to dismiss me, but you can’t submerge yourself in work and give no sign of life for an entire month, and expect me to cling onto the hope that maybe you’ll be so kind as to give me a grain of your time.” Because she was getting riled up, and Liam could tell from her tone that she had tears in her eyes, but he kept his eyes glued to the books in front of him, he didn’t know how to react. “I am your friend. If anything, your best friend. You’ve got to talk to me,”

“Just stop,” it seemed as if he wasn’t his own self anymore. “Give me some time, Di, you know how it gets,”

“No,” and when Liam looked up, she was shaking her head. “You’ve got another day, and then I’ll be gone, Liam. I’ve clung to you for years, I’ve been there for you, and I’m not telling you that you’re a bad friend, because you’re not, I’m telling you that I cannot handle the fact that you value Electra more than me while she’s been doing nothing but hurt you for years” her voice broke for a second but with a sigh, she finished, “and I just get the scraps of your attention that she doesn’t want.” Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper, she ended, “Am I not deserving of your attention?”

And in a second she was gone, all fire and anger, refusal and hurt, sweet scented poison and decadent faith. And Liam was so gone, he had no words to describe it. It was as if he wasn’t a person anymore. As if he just ceased to exist. He left like a muppet that was slowly submerging to the heavy weight of time. It felt as if he’d been living in an imaginary world and he had lost the real part of himself.

Real people, he had to remind himself once he’d looked up from his books. Real words, real people, they’re all around me. I am one. I am real. Diana is real.

But thinking of this only led him to thinking about Electra and-  was she real? Was the girl Liam thought to have loved real? He wasn’t asking himself if she existed, he was asking himself if she really was present in his world, in his real.

Did she even see the way he’d been looking at her, worshiping the ground she walked on, longing and pining and thinking and trying. He had no words for how he felt all at once. Because there had always been this empty space between the two realities in his life. On one side there was Electra, the kind of thing you longed after and only got if she allowed you to and on the other side there was Diana, who’d do anything you asked of her, in exchange for merely your loyalty. And they were two completely different things, and Liam felt so overwhelmed to understand that he’d been mistaking Electra using him to her taking an interest in him, even though he was not the heir of an empire, even though he wasn’t going to live in lavish apartments or buy everything he’d ever wanted. Because she wasn’t.

Diana had been pushing him for so long to ask her, to communicate, somehow, he thought, she wanted him to realise on his own accord how Electra had no interest in him as a person, but as a glorified shrink; she’d use him, spill her mind and then leave.  

And then he thought once again about leaving because he’d been doing that, he couldn’t deny it, but Liam realised now, after an entire month of turning this entire ordeal on every possible side, he’d been subconsciously aware of this.

Because he could count the times they’d done more than sex on his fingers and he could name off the top of his head the times Electra actually stuck around.

He felt incomprehensibly affected by the realisation; he’d been sticking out like a sore thumb for the last month, he hadn’t found his place, his space not because of the hurt and anger piled up, but because he didn’t have the one thing he always had when Electra would flip him over. Diana.

And as night melted into day, the faint rays of sunshine poking the library windows, Liam’s head was swimming with all the things he had to do, all the words and actions and thoughts. But he’d be all right. He’d be fine. He was going to fix this.

///

11th of March, 2016

If Liam’s mind could decipher anything out of the swirling mass of thoughts in his head, it was that after this night, his father would disown him, then kill him with his own bare hands. It seemed a viable option. He needed a drink so bad and that annoying high pitch sound in his head just didn’t stop screeching. He was going insane.

“What are you doing here, Liam?” was the thing that brought Liam back to his senses. “And why are you wearing a suit?” Diana looked at him through sleepy eyes and as she yawned, Liam took notice of her disheveled state, joggers and one of his shirts on, hair in what she hoped to call a bun but could only be a failed ponytail.

“I’m making amends,” Liam answered, eyes shining and voice wavering and Diana could feel his nerves rubbing off on her. “There’s a party for the firm tonight, and I-” with a pause and a second of looking at her, “I am here to ask you to be my date.”

He’d apologised, more than one time, but he felt it hadn't been enough. Now, at least, he knew how to try to make it up to her.

It should have offended him, the way Diana was on the verge of laughter, with her lips shut tight together so she wouldn’t just blow Liam off, but he felt that he deserved it, partly. “That’s how you’re fixing this entire thing, Liam?” Diana was amused more than anything, and if she wasn’t kicking him out, then it was a win. Possibly.

“Yes?”

“That’s proper dumb.”

“But?”

“It sounds exactly like something you would do.” And once she saw the confused look on Liam’s face, she rolled her eyes and stepped aside, to let him in. “But I hope you’re aware of the fact that I’m going to embarrass you with my not-designer clothes,” Diana sighed, locking the door after them.

“Did you think I’d care about that?” With a smile, Liam met her unamused gaze. He could feel the blow coming before the words even left her mouth.

“You’re wearing a two thousand pound Lanvin suit, Liam.” And with a sarcastic smile, she padded back into her room, and Liam couldn’t help but wonder where all her roommates had gone.

“Where’s everyone?” he wondered aloud.

“It’s Friday night, Liam, not everyone’s waiting around for their idiotic best friend to make up his mind and come to his senses.” Smiling dryly, she winked at him and Liam could just feel how she was warming up so she could mock him mercilessly this entire night.

And maybe he didn’t need that drink. Yet.

The front entrance was brimming with photographers and if there was one thing Liam knew Diana hated, it was being caught in a crossfire of shouting and screaming. So he grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye, and when he felt her fingers tighten around his, he relaxed his muscles and sighed the breath he’d been holding. As the car came to a halt, Diana tugged on his hand.

“Don’t imagine you’re forgiven or anything, asshat.” Diana seems to never let him off the hook for it.

When the door was open, the lights were blinding but they somehow made it inside, his hand on the small of her back, her hand latched to the hem of his blazer, both their faces shining with idiotic smiles, because that was exactly the kind of thing Diana would say.

Smiling kindly at each other, she waited for the photographers to get their shots, then ventured inside, and just as the doors were closing behind them, Diana looked up at him and laughed. Laughed with her whole heart and being, smile wide ot her ears and eyes shining with delight. Liam couldn’t help but join her. They looked insane, but he had nothing else on his mind but how good it felt to be around her again.

“I missed you,” Liam noted and Diana only grinned. “Sorry for being an arse,”

“Oh, you were a proper fuckhead, if we’re at it.” She added and Liam could only roll his eyes, straightening the lapels of his blazer. “But I missed you too.” And what Liam didn’t see coming were her arms around his waist and warmth pervading into his skin from her body. For a moment, they just stood like that. “Don’t ever pull that kind of shit. I get heartbreak and all, but you should have thought to share all those feelings with your best friend, not lock yourself in the library.” Liam hummed and they were getting back into their pace. “Now let’s go.” And with that they were jumping in the deep end of the pool.

Only now, he felt she was trying to get over it.

“I’ve got to take a piss,” Diana murmured in Liam’s ear just two minutes after they’d gone in. “What, don’t give me that look, do you think I had time for something like that at home?” With a frown, she poked his ribs.

“Let me show you the way,” Liam sighed and her smile was wide and toothy and very,very self-satisfied. “S’not like you’re doing it just so you can get out of my father seeing us, because he wasn’t standing just ten feet away,”

“M’not, you’re right.” She grinned and pushed the door open. “Now, don’t go anywhere, these people already know I’m not one of theirs, I don’t want to be kicked out too early on,” Before Liam could say anything, she closed the door, a flurry of shiny silk and skin and chocolate locks to go with it.

And Liam could only lean against the wall and grab two flutes as a waiter passed him and wait for Diana, idiotic smile plastered on his lips, because he was actually doing this. He was actually doing the thing his father promised would disown him for.

Because there was once upon a time, an unexpected visit from his father, one of the few that Liam had ever received, and it so happened that he’d found Diana wearing only those shorts she loved to wear and that thing she tried to call clothing but was an over-glorified piece of cloth. His father did not enjoy seeing her in his son’s kitchen. He could recall every single word they’d said to each other, and he had been so afraid of this, of showing his father the side Geoff Payne had no interest in acknowledging, his friends and passion, his career prospects and dreams.

“Why are you so cheerful?” He felt one flute slip from his fingers and once he opened his eyes, he came eye to eye with Electra, covered in shimmer and diamonds and glowing, dark red lips and blue eyes, he had no words to say to her. “A little bird told me there’s an ensuite waiting on the fifth floor of the hotel,” with a wink, she sipped the champagne. “Would you imagine what a pity it would be to leave it unused?”

And the realisation came to Liam like a lightning bolt, because he was nothing but aware of her presence now. Not drunk on his hopes, but very sober with reality, he wanted to give her a piece of his mind, but what held him back was the respect he had for her. Even though she was a terrible human being, that had took advantage of him, she might be good to someone else someday.

“Electra,” she smirked, already thinking she’d won him over. “I’m not doing that anymore,”

“What,” she scoffed. “Of course you’re doing that, why wouldn’t you?” with the faux foolishness of a child, she smiled at him. “Now that we’re on the same page, we’re going to have fun, aren’t we?”

“We’re not just on the same page, Electra. We haven’t ever been on the same page, and since you’ve so graciously made me come to my senses, I’ve realised I’m on a completely different chapter than you are,” with a shake of his head, he continued, “Also, I’ve realised that what you’ve been whispering in my ear about Diana was true, she is so much more than you’ve been to me. She’s given me everything and you, Electra Hart, have taken everything.”

Her lips were parted, but no sound was coming. Her eyes were dead set on him, cold and cutting, he wanted to walk away but Diana hadn’t come out yet. So when Electra made the first step and turned on her heel, he stood baffled.

Shit, shit, shit did I actually do that?

Because she was nearly three feet away now and Liam was open mouthed and staring because it felt good. For once, he was making his own rules and it was good. More than good actually, thrilling.

And what was even more thrilling, was the fact that just a second later, Diana burst from the bathroom, grin wide to her ears and- thing which left Liam hanging for a second, hands cupping the back of his neck. And- was that…

Because her lips were on his and Liam was so shocked it took him more than a second to respond and this was an entirely new thing, and his heart was pounding in his chest. It was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. He couldn’t have felt better.

There’s nothing like this, I think.

But he got the hang of it, falling into Diana’s pace, and how could he have never thought of kissing her, when it was so- so flabbergasting, frighteningly addictive, because he felt he could just stand there for the rest of the night and not be bothered with anything else. And her lips were so soft and warm and her mouth so pliant on his, and there was just a hint of tongue and how was it possible that he hadn’t ever thought about that night.

Because only now did he get it, and he’d been pushing that night to the back of his head for so long, he didn’t know if the memories of it were even real. But it was coming back to him, all at once when he mouth was on his, because it hadn’t been an accident, and he hadn’t forgotten about it. And it wasn’t a drunk thing. It was not a thing at all.

And then he thought was it even happenstance, because the option that Diana had actually wanted for that to happen hadn’t been ruled out yet and-  and he sounded like a complete and utter tosser and why is this even on my head right now.

And then he felt himself falling back into place, back into his body and wait what because Diana’s mouth wasn’t there and there was a bitter pang of dread because what if he had zoned out too long and now she hated him and-

“If you’re ever going to come back to planet Earth, I’d like to say that I haven’t been pining for you for the last two years,” so he hadn't missed a single thing, then. “Even though I have a vagina, it doesn’t make me weak to my knees to receive attention from attractive males-”

“Di,”

“and I’m by no means saying you’re attractive-” she took a moment to clear her throat and Liam could feel a bubble of laughter making its way up his throat, “which you are, but that’s not the point. Point is, you’re not the almighty specimen that no one can resist, and I haven’t done that because your masculinity finally seeped in my mind-”

“Diana-” Liam grinned wide and toothy and looked at her with endearment.

“What?” she snapped, chest heaving from her rant, and Liam couldn’t help the ridiculous smile on his face.

“I’m an asshat.”

“You are,” she smiled and his chest was growing with the beauty of it.

“And you’ve kissed me to prove a point,”

“Well, not exact-” Diana argued, squinting at him, trying to see where this was going.

“To prove me that I’m a gigant fuckhead.” Liam smiled, “And I don’t cherish you enough,” because it was so true, Liam felt bad for being such an idiot about it.

“Can’t argue with that, can I?” Diana agreed with a grin just as wide. “But I still haven’t been pining for two years.” With a frown aimed at him, she brought her gaze back to her hands which had gotten tangled in Liam’s. And it was nice, Liam thought. This is really nice.

He could’ve gotten used to it.

“Are you joking, you can’t keep a thing for yourself for an hour, but two years,” Liam joked and the smile she gave him was liquid gold and obliviating light and his chest was brimming with something, but he wasn’t going to be the tosser to say he’d been secretly in love with his best friend and hadn’t noticed it until the moment she kissed him.

Because he wasn’t. And what a shame it was that he had wasted two years with someone so much better near him, bluntly ignoring them instead of lathering her in his attention. He was an asshat, he knew it. Along with these revelation Liam felt the back of his head burning and there was only one thing that had this effect on him.

And then there was panic.

But Liam had a hand wrapped around his and warmth pervading from Diana, whose body was pressed against his side, and with his hand, he could feel her pulse throbbing under the frail skin and it seemed odd, that she was nervous, because she hadn’t ever had a problem with the presence of his father, much unlike Liam, who was scared as hell most of the time.

“Son, what are you doing here with her?” His father had a terribly rude way of expressing himself. Liam laced Diana’s fingers through his and faced his father with a brave face and hope that he wasn’t going to ruin his (up until now) great night. “I thought we’d talked about you bringing her to these events.”

“I don’t see why Diana would not be welcome here, Father. She’s been my closest friend for the past two years, am I not allowed to bring someone to support me through your horrid parties?” The words were pouring out of Liam’s mouth without any thought, and it felt good, after all this time, after being shoved to the back, to be talking like that with his father.

“You know exactly why, and I advise you to take her home,” he made it sound more of a command than a suggestion, Liam thought ruefully. “Right this instant, before anyone sees her.”

“Oh how marvellous Father, look, Liam has brought someone with him,” As if on queue, Electra, arm laced through her father’s came into view, smile wide to her ears, but it didn’t seem off, Liam noted. It was genuine.

“How wonderful he’s finally got someone. About time, lad,” Electra’s father was nothing like his own. Where Liam’s father had been harsh and cold, Electra’s father had been loving and warm. And that was exactly the thing that made her so anxious to get her father’s approval, because he wouldn’t just let her off the hook, he wouldn’t dismiss her, he’d hold on to her mistakes. And meddling with the past was not a thing she enjoyed.

“Marvin Heart, pleased to meet you, miss…” with a questioning gaze, he turned his attention to Diana, who was smiling wide and brave.

“Diana, nice to meet you as well, Mr Heart.” but she ceased to mention both her last name and the fact that she’d been taking the same marketing class with Electra for two years. And it might have been the thing that tipped his father off, how she took the presence of The Great Marvin Heart so casually, presenting herself just as Diana, because with a final glare, he excused himself.

For about three more minutes, before some big shot PR person pushed Mr. Heart into some networking, they continued chattering, Diana making jokes and sly remarks, feeling all familiar and at home with her surroundings, all while Liam and Electra were staring at each other trying to pry answers out of silent mouths.

And then there was only the two of them.

“You just wanted to be dramatic, didn’t you?” Liam inquired and she only laughed.

“Aren’t you the drama major?” She smiled and this, this was leading them somewhere.

///

25th of April, 2016

“Are you really doing this?” Diana looked at him with hopeful eyes, but tried to hide it behind faux casualty. It was too early for it to work, Liam could see right through it.

“Don’t make me think it over, I’m running on pure stupidity.” Liam smiled at her and the ticket in his hand, shiny front row seat, filled the empty space between them. And just because it had been exactly a month since they’d decided to ‘try it out’, which meant go back to how they were before, only now there was sex.

God, so much sex. God, such good sex.

“Are you giving me this because of the blowjob I gave you last night,” with a cocked eyebrow, she stood upright, almost nudging Liam off the bed, because there wasn’t a smaller bed in this world than hers.

“I’m not allowed to go to your rehearsals, but I’m getting a front row to the opening night?” Diana was smiling wide to her ears, and he could make out in her eyes the excitement and happiness and he could only think it was obvious from his own grin that he was just as nervous.  

“Well, now you have grilfriend perks,” Diana’s mouth fell open, a pensive expression on her face. He was waiting for her to mock him, he’d been saying those words over and over again, as if he was bragging about it to himself.

Liam Payne, you’ve managed to nick yourself one of the best girls out there.

He could’ve given himself a pat on the back, for he was that cocky about it. But Diana made sure that he’d stay on the ground, “You’re such an asshat,” because he was.

“I’m not sure how your father is going to feel about sitting next to me, though.”

His father had agreed to coming to the opening night after hearing what a prestigious institution the Theater was. Liam thought he was after some business opportunity, but still, he was going to show.

“He’ll just have to deal.” With a smile, he kissed her.

now he was rising again

from the ashes of his shattered dreams

beware of them

for they are here