standing outside the club with your stage clothes still on and an unlit cigarette between your cold fingers while you watched the rain fall on the street. you had no intentions of lighting it but when a well dressed man offered his fancy looking lit lighter to you you found yourself unable to decline the offer. “fantastic set tonight.”  he said as you were close to the flame.

“thank you. the crowd hates me here, i don’t know why i bother.” you grumbled, breathing out the smoke you had dragged out of the death stick.

“perhaps i can save this place from people that don’t appreciate such talent.” the man so casually exposed and got your attention back to him and away from the nippy rain, both his hands stuffed in his trousers.

“and you are?” curiosity rose inside you, it wasn’t the first time a business man spoke to you but you had a good memory for faces and you didn’t recall ever seeing him around the club before.

“harrison osterfield,” the man introduced himself and the name rang all the bells in your head, remaining quiet when you linked the surname with the poised with which he carried himself, immediately thinking you might be in danger in his presence. a shiver shook your body subtly yet, not subtle enough for him to ignore it. “do you want my coat? it’s really cold out here.” he offered, not moving until you nodded your head. you were moving without thinking much, both mesmerised and mildly terrified of him.

he stepped closer to you draping the garment over your shoulders, the scent of his cologne and laundry products mixed in the most intoxicating smell that had graced your senses in a long time. “so, you’re planning on buying this place?” you quizzed, closing the man’s coat over your chest with your free hand. 

“i already did it.” harrison said, a slight cocky tone could be detected in his admission. “would love to have you around for a meeting. you know, to speak about your contract.” he adjusted his suit jacket casually.

“i don’t have a contract.” you scoffed, thinking of how little you were paid for singing in such shit hole.

“yet.” he finished for you. your eyes fixated themselves on his and for long seconds you found it impossible to look away. the pale blue of them shining even under the dimmed light over them. “may i get you a drink?” he smirked at you when the silence was starting to get too much.

his words echoed in your head, torturing you mercilessly. “i don’t love you anymore.” he had said to your face, his eyes dead and face stoic. you wanted to beg, you wanted to ask how everything had changed so suddenly in him, you wanted to ask what have you done wrong. but all you said was, “of course you don’t” because how could someone like him ever feel love? what hurt the most though, was that you had actually fallen for him.

little did you know, harrison had found out people in the business had realised of your existence and how much you meant to him and making you a target was the last thing he wanted, so he had no other option than to break your heart just to keep you from fatal harm.

that night you had left his house in a hurry and you didn’t look back, but leaving with pride and dignity was a front you couldn't keep up on the days that followed because your flat was dotted with pieces of him. a pair of shoes, shirts, coats, pictures. you didn’t seem to understand why he had put up that act for so long, how could he be so heartless to pretend that he loved you just to hurt you the way he did.

that wasn’t the worst part, the worst came at night when every little sound kept you awake in fear of one of his enemies finding you. everything was suspicious, every car that parked in front of your building, every person that stood outside or that you came across on the street. so seeing harrison standing in the middle of your living room when you came back home from work shot up your anxiety faster than you could have ever imagined.

in a second you were on the verge of panic. unable to catch enough air, you dropped your dinner and handbag on the floor, limbs numb and eyes filling with tears. you couldn’t comprehend what he was doing in your flat, “get out,” you wheezed, struggling to breathe properly, you were so scared for his motives to be there.

“princess, breathe.” he said softly, holding a hand out as if showing you he wasn’t a threat. “i’m not gonna hurt you. just let me help you.” harrison insisted when he tried to step close to you and you were quick to back away, your back meeting the closed door. the moment you slid down to the floor he was there holding you tightly against his chest. “just breathe. breathe with me, yeah?” he settled on the floor with you, brushing your hair out of your face and opening your coat along with your button up work shirt to help you cool down. the way his touch eased you had you coming out of the episode fast and you found yourself unable to pull away from him. you had missed him; his scent, his voice, his touch. “i’ve got you, angel. it’s okay.” the man whispered, placing a lingering kiss on your temple. 

he took the liberty of taking you to your bedroom, pushing your coat off your shoulders along with the rest of your work clothes, quickly dressing you again in more comfortable clothes and you let him. you let him take care of you even when your mind yelled at you to not let him near you again. “d’you want some tea?” he asked you, brushing your hair out of your face.

“why are you doing this? you said you didn’t love me.” you looked up at him, eyes pleading for the truth.

“how could i not love you, angel?” he murmured, cupping your cheeks in his hands. he was the complete opposite of what he had been the night he broke up with you and it had you so confused.

“but you said—”

“in my position, i have to make sacrifices in order to keep everyone i love safe…” he explained. “telling you that was the single hardest thing i’ve ever done.”

“so you lied?” you inquired in a whisper, both hurt and relieved.

“i did. i’m sorry.” the man whispered back, you could see the regret in his eyes, the guilt and the honesty. “i had to keep you safe somehow.” 

harrison was strong; physically, mentally and emotionally. his job demanded for him to have thick skin, but there was something he couldn’t control, something that haunted him since the very first time he put someone to rest against their will.

cold sweats, ragged breaths and horrible visions behind his closed lids was something he unfortunately had no way of controlling. he was conscious of it and having you asleep on his chest made his anxiety about it much worse, some nights he didn’t sleep at all just to keep you from witnessing him in that state however tonight exhaustion had knocked him right out the moment he got into bed with you.

he woke up with your hands cupping his cheeks and a terrified look on your face and all he wanted to do was run to another room out of embarrassment. “i’m sorry, i—” he panted, his tongue dry and heart pounding.

“don’t,” you shushed him, way too worried about him. you had an idea of what could have been, the way he tossed in bed and how he was sweating you figured he was having night terrors. even though you knew he was no saint your heart ached for the man. “it’s okay, baby. just breathe,” you said quietly, brushing his damp hair away from his sweaty forehead.

you could feel how tense his body and knew he was resisting, he was trying to put up his strong front. it took him a while to calm down, he fought the urge to get up and let you sleep on your own in peace but your hands caressing his chest comforted him so much that he stayed put under you, his own trembling hands finding a resting place on your arms. “i’m sorry i woke you up.” he apologised once again. “i can go to another room so you can actually sleep, i know it's gonna be a bad night.” he sighed frustrated.

your hand on his thigh slowly rose further up, until it rested dangerously close to his crotch but you kept it classy, continuing to have light conversations with the guests of his party. when you were left alone at your table your lips were quick to press themselves on the man’s neck, right where his sweet spot was, teeth gracing his earlobe causing his breath to hitch the tiniest bit just for you to get up from your seat next to him offering to bring him another drink, not waiting for his answer before taking off to the opened bar.

your hips swung sensually on purpose, knowing well enough that he was staring. he had that habit and if you were being honest, you adored to feel his eyes on you at any given moment. little did you know that the man had gotten up right after you and followed you closely, gripping your hips and from behind, pulling you flush to his front, the front of his trousers to be precise. “can you feel what you’re doing to me?” he said in a husky tone right into your ear, his breath fanning on your neck sending shivers down your spine. taking your hand in a tight lock he tugged you out of the large room and guided you to an empty corner out of prying eyes and pushed you against the wall, palms flat against it on either side of your head. "what was all that about, doll?" his accent thick and more street, the complete opposite of his usual posh one.

"haven’t seen you in like three days," you pouted a little, hands running up and down his chest. "i miss you," you whined, licking your lips when he leaned closer to your face. "i'm a mess under this dress, baby." your fingers swiftly sneaked under your short skirt and inside your underwear, gathering your arousal on them, retrieving them to toy with it. you let your pricked digits grace his lips, leaving behind a wet trace that prompted the man to dart his tongue out, licking your wetness off.

"did i do that to you, angel?" he seemed to growl, the way he had you caged against the wall was unbelievably sexy and you could barely get your next sentence out without wanting to jump at him right there and then.

the longing stares, the deep conversations and at times flirty exchanges had you thinking he would finally take the chance and say or do something about you and him, but each time he seemed to reconsider and back away leaving you wondering what could be holding him back. on this particular night he had you accompany him to a business dinner and by the end he was walking you out to the rooftop of the fancy place he had brought you to, “this is crazy,” you sighed as you looked out into the city from up high. 

“is it?” he chuckled, following you close with both his hands stuffed in his perfectly pressed trousers. 

“yes!” you let out a bit too enthusiastically. pressing your lips together in embarrassment, “god, i’m being stupid. i’m sorry.” you apologised, pulling his coat tighter around you as you looked down at your heel-strapped feet. 

“no, you’re cute.” harrison smiled, placing the side of his index finger under your chin making you lift your gaze to meet his. “the view is better from this side, c’mon.” he said, averting his eyes from yours. you followed him to the other end where you could see a more mesmerising side of the city. “hold my hand,” he immediately offered when you stepped on the small step of the railing. the man not only held your hand but he wrapped his free arm around your waist for good measure.

“harrison?” you called his name quietly, heart drumming harshly inside your chest for what you were about to bring up to him. he hummed pulling you away from the dangerous railing. “do you think you’ll ever be with someone like me?” your voice was unsteady with fear of bringing up something like that to your boss. harrison visibility tensed up, stepping back from you just a little bit. 

“what do you mean someone like you?”

“you know, not rich and…”

“no.” he replied simply, without a second thought breaking your heart instantaneously. 

“please, give me a chance” you sounded desperate and you were. god, you hated being so pathetic but you just were hopelessly in love with him.

"you see, love. i can’t promise you anything.” harrison said sincerely. “being with me it’s a death sentence. i wouldn’t want to put you through that.” the man explained.

“i already walk around with security. they stand outside my building. if i wasn’t already a target i wouldn’t need them.” you fought back.

“that’s exactly what i mean, you’re too involved already, angel. please, understand.” he cradled your face between his large hands, your own coming up to hold onto his wrists. 

“i want you to be safe, because…” the blonde paused, hesitating slightly but ultimately carrying on. “i think i love you,” your eyes brimmed with tears at his words, your heart was madly beating and your stomach twisted and turned in joy.

“harrison, i’ve been in love with you for awhile. i was just wondering when you’d realise it too.” you stepped closer to him out of excitement causing him to let out a breathy chuckle.

“shit, you make it all so difficult for me, gorgeous.” he threw his head back slightly with some sort of groan.

“just give me a chance,” you repeated, eyes dancing between his once his gaze returned to you. your pupils pleaded and you saw how the little resistance in him dissolved the longer he stared right at you.