#kind of..ish

This is the first ever fic I’ve written for RWBY! and the first one ive published in a hot minute  thanks to @r3al-illusion and @spiderling-the-meme for being my awesome beta readers! love you guys <3 this is compliant with and set immediately after the volume 5 finale (so...spoilers if you havent seen that?) pretty please yall tell me what you think of this!! this will be my first work in this fandom and i want to know if you guys would like to see more!

His hands were shaking. He needed a drink.

After a minute of inspection, he handed the relic back to Yang. She didn't much look like she wanted to hold it, but neither did Qrow; he'd already made up his mind on carrying Ozpin--err, Oscar--back to the house, and his shaky hands were threatening to drop the lantern if he didn't hand it off. He was a trained huntsman, but he'd taken some heavy hits, and his aura could only protect him so much. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, and replacing it was a plethora of aches and pains. The worst, though, was the hollow, empty feeling in his chest. Growing, and festering, threatening to swallow him whole. He slipped his flask from his pocket and took a swig, but it didn't help like it usually did.

Pro huntsmen don't just disappear like that.

They don't, Qrow thought bitterly, unless they get mixed up in the business of a bad luck charm.

It was too late now. They were all gone. Maybe if he had warned them, if he wasn't such a fuck-up, if he would just get his head out of the goddamn gutter then maybe he could have prevented this, maybe they could have taken out Salem long ago, or at least maybe he would have known better than to just let Lionheart keep scheming.

But he hadn't done any of that. And all of those innocent people had paid the price. Maybe to some they didn't seem innocent, and sure, not all were respectable, some were lowlifes that scrounged around bars and taverns, but none of them had deserved to die for a cause they didn't even know existed.

He scooped up Oscar. The poor kid was still passed out on the floor, looking very small and very exhausted. It was hard to believe Beacon's former headmaster was stowed away inside. 

Qrow looked around for the rest of his kids, subconsciously wondering when he'd ever started to consider them "his" kids. The Schnee girl was handling the bombardment of questions from gathering police and reporters, telling them only what they needed to know and remaining composed and cordial.

Just like her sister, Qrow reflected, and very much unlike himself. Hell, he was ready to just yell at all these nosy people to just go home and mind their own damn business. He didn’t have the energy for this.

The dark-haired girl who had just shown up, Qrow recognized her as one of Ruby's teammates he'd been told so much about, though he couldn't for the life of him remember her name with the pounding in his head getting worse and exhaustion sweeping in. She had turned to address the massive group of Faunus she'd brought with her, thanking them for coming and bringing down Adam Taurus, and even though he'd escaped they'd done a number on him and blah blah blah. Qrow lost interest.

Yang had retrieved her arm, now, and was helping Ruby to her feet. The blond kid and what was left of his team were gushing over his newfound semblance, and Qrow...Qrow was tired.

He was silent on the walk home. Ruby and her teammates blabbered the whole way, filling each other in on their adventures. The dark haired girl introduced herself as Blake, and the other Faunus boy she'd brought with her was Sun.

"Pleasure to meet you," Qrow managed in a low, gravelly voice, "Ruby's told me a lot about you."

He tuned everything out after that. Or rather, the fuzzy, ringing sound in his head took over, and he didn't try to stop it.

They'd arranged a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor for Oscar when he'd showed up, but this time Qrow brought the boy to the room he shared with Ruby, and laid him in his own bed where he could rest more comfortably.

Qrow was pretty sure every bone in his body cracked as he straightened up, and a stitch in his side had him lowering himself back down to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled out his scroll, and uncapped his flask, and went over the list of names one last time. All brave, strong warriors. All gone. All because of him.

A part of him knew that not all of this had to be his fault, and Lionheart's betrayal was really to blame, but right now that part was swallowed in grief and loathing.

He tossed his scroll aside and set his head in his hand. "What do I do, Oz?"

The only reply was Oscar's soft breathing.

Qrow hauled himself to his feet, grunting with the effort, and hobbled his way back into the living room. God, he'd never felt this old before.

The rest of the kids were sat in a ring around the relic, curled up on couches and cross-legged on the floor. They all stared at him when he walked in.

"You should all get some rest," Qrow told them, noting the way their eyes drooped and shoulders sagged. One by one, they filed out of the room, mumbling quietly about sleeping arrangements now that there were more of them in the group.

He and Ruby were the last in the room. She smiled up at him tiredly and stretched out her arms towards him.

"Nope," he denied her grabby hands, though they both knew he'd already caved. He groaned as he gave in and scooped her up in his arms. Qrow was exhausted, but there was no way he could say no to his little niece.

He carried her to bed and tucked her in, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"You gonna be alright, kiddo? Is there anything else you need?" He asked softly, or as softly as he could.

Ruby looked up at him with wide silver eyes. "Some water might be nice. Please," she added, and, "I love you, Uncle Qrow."

He gave her a wry smile, "Get some sleep, kiddo." He paused as he left the room. "Love you too."

She was asleep when he got back. He set her glass of water on the bedside table and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. He left a second glass for Oscar, and gathered up the tray he'd prepared for the rest of the kids.

He went to Yang and Weiss' room first. Blake was with them, and they each gratefully accepted a glass of water. Yang gave him a quick side hug. He didn’t miss the haunted look that hadn't left her eyes since the loss of her arm.

"You did good today, Firecracker," he told her, "take it easy."

"You too," she nudged him gently with her elbow, "old man."

Qrow chuckled. That certainly didn't help make him feel any younger.

Jaune accepted the tray and what was left of the glasses with a nod and thank you, and disappeared into his room where the rest of the team was holed up. Qrow all but collapsed on the couch after that, basking in the silence. It was only a few minutes before his hands started shaking again.

How much did Shiro owe you?

Qrow took another drink.

His name is clear.

He sat, and he drank, and he tried not to think.

There was light shining through the windows when he finally pulled himself out of his thoughts. He didn’t dare look at the clock, didn't want to know how many hours he'd spent just sitting and thinking. He'd emptied the flask.

"Uncle Qrow?" The voice was Yang's.

It took him a moment to remember how to move. Slowly, he turned his head. Yang, Weiss and Blake were standing in the threshold, all looking concerned.

What are they looking at, Qrow thought, brain going numb again, there's nothing to see.

"Uncle Qrow, are you alright?"

"Peachy," he muttered.

"Are you hungry?" Yang asked tentatively. "We were going to make some pancakes."

The thought of eating made him want to vomit. "No."

"Maybe you could help us make them," Weiss offered, and bent down to speak to him as if he were a child, "to take your mind off things."

A part of him knew they were just trying to be nice, trying to help, but that was the same part that knew all those deaths weren't all his fault. Something inside Qrow snapped.

"I said no!" he roared, pushing himself off the couch and making his way to the door.

Listen buddy, I'm having a rough week. Can you tell me where she is or not?

"Uncle Qrow?"

Daddy?

"Where are you going?"

Does this man know where mommy is?

"Out," Qrow snapped, I'm terribly sorry to bother you.

He slammed the door with enough force to knock a few shingles loose. Just his luck.

He slapped some lien down on the counter.

"What do you want?" the bartender asked.

"Whatever you've got," Qrow said hoarsely, shifting in his seat. His back was just about killing him.

Pity filled the old barkeep's eyes, mixed with a sad understanding. Qrow pretended not to notice. He downed the first drink, and the second. Stopped counting after that. Kept going until he couldn't feel himself shaking anymore.

The bar wasn't empty, not quite, there was somebody passed out in a corner, and a group of people engaged in a poker game around a worn table.

A woman stood up from the poker table to get her group another round of drinks. She bumped into Qrow at the counter.

"Sorry," she said.

"Hmph," Qrow mumbled.

Five minutes later, she lost the game.

"Guess your luck ran dry tonight," one of her friends said. Qrow started to laugh, quietly at first, ending in a series of loud, hacking coughs. Heads turned. They all looked at him like he was a lunatic. Hell, maybe he was.

He stood up from his seat, clutching onto the edge of the counter.

"Did I--hurp--pay you 'nuff?" he slurred at the bartender.

The old man didn't answer. Instead, he asked, "Do you have a family?"

Qrow scoffed, thinking of Raven. Then he thought about Ruby, and Yang, and the other kids.

"Kinda," he replied, blinking the blurry spots out of his vision.

"Go home," the bartender said, not unkindly.

The cold air hit him like a brick wall when he stepped outside, suffocating, imposing, encasing. The force knocked him to weak knees, and he vomited a stream of bile onto the ground. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything. Maybe he should have taken the girls up on their pancake offer.

God, he'd really yelled at them, hadn't he? What was Ozpin going to say to him? What was Ruby, sweet and innocent Ruby, going to think of her beloved uncle now? All those kids looked to him like he was the adult, the grownup, but they were more grown than he'd ever be. They'd all lost people, people they were close to, and they were still fighting. And where was Qrow? On the ground, drunk and alone, in the middle of the night. When had it even gotten dark?

"I'm sorry," he said, to no one in particular.

Overhead, a flash of lightning lit the sky, beckoning a clap of thunder, and all at once, the heavens rained down, drenching the city of Mistral in heavy rain.

"Seems about right," Qrow muttered, hauling himself to his feet. It wasn't long before he began shivering. He pulled his tattered cape tighter around his shoulders and headed back to his kids.

He fumbled with his key in front of the house, clothes soaked through and dripping wet. Inside, he leaned against the door as shivers racked his frame and water pooled beneath him in a puddle. He closed his eyes and and waited for it all to subside.

"Uncle Qrow?"

"Ruby," he sighed, looking to where she was perched alone on the edge of the couch, "what are you doing up?"

"Waiting for you," she said simply. "Where have you been? We've missed you."

They both knew she already knew the answer.

"I missed you," Ruby continued. "I was worried."

Qrow opened his mouth, but then closed it. He didn’t know what to say. Ruby was worried. He'd worried her. She cared about him. Maybe he should feel grateful about that, but all he could feel right now was ashamed.

"Come sit down," Ruby patted the couch next to her, "you look tired."

That was probably true. He hadn't slept in a while. Qrow shuffled over and slouched into the soft fabric.

Ruby tugged a blanket over his shoulders, sticking her tongue out as she concentrated on adjusting it just right. Qrow just sat there and let her.

"There," she said, curling up next to him, warmth pressed against his side. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, which was unusual for her, and then came a soft, "I'm sorry Uncle Qrow."

What was left of Qrow's cold, bitter heart shattered.

"No, kid, no, it's not--this is my fault, this is all on me. I'm the one who's sorry. Don't be sorry, don't blame yourself for, for this," he gestured vaguely at himself, his current state, "for me. I'm just..."

"It's ok," Ruby said, and Qrow was inclined to believe her, because she was so honest and pure and good. "I know it's hard, Uncle Qrow, I understand."

Having this conversation was a hell of a lot harder than anything he'd imagined.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "You kids deserve better than this, you deserve better than this, kiddo. I'm...I'll do better, I can do better."

Ruby smiled, and hugged him tighter. "I love you, Uncle Qrow."