#kill fear

If fear isn’t killed, you will continue to attract it into your life until it is killed. If it isn’t killed, it’ll kill you.

I'm scared of getting my diploma results back, of going on vacation, of renting a room away from home, of not living with my parents anymore, of getting a burn-out, of being dumb, of terrorist attacks (unlikely), of crashing planes, of being uniquely bad at programming, of something bad happening to my sister, of getting a job, of falling back into the depression because I can't take my medication on the plane because I didn't get the paperwork on time, of not getting my prescription renewed because my new doctor might be an asshole, of not being able to drive a car until next year because of some stupid law, of accidentally hurting someone, of being an outcast at uni, of being an unperson. I'm scared a lot and I don't want to be scared. I can't do anything to make myself less scared. The truth is the truth and I can't go back to redo my exams. In the worst case, i have to redo them in November, i'll get help and I will not fail. It will take a year longer but I'll get there. I will go on vacation, even though the thought of it makes me feel sick. I'm going to do it because I'm supposed to, not because I want to, and I don't have to enjoy it. I'll take books and hope for the best. I won't get depressed from not taking meds for 2 weeks, and even if, i can hold out for two weeks and then i can take them again. I will or wont find a job/room, either way i'm okay, i have options. I will see it when it happens