[ @khronika & DEVID : " LONELINESS IS A FRACTURE THAT NEVER HEALS QUITE RIGHT. " / SHITTY HOROSCOPE MEME / ACCEPTING ; ] the memory tastes bittersweet : they were just boys then, hopeful & bright eyed & naive & even then devid understood the world in ways aleksandr wouldn't until much later. still doesn't, in so many ways. it was about their mothers then, about being grisha, about finding home nowhere . . . not yet knowing the first home they are to know would be with each other. it is just a memory now, a distant one——— of two boys with dirty faces & torn shirts. they aren't those boys anymore : but that is untrue, is it not? who truly outgrows the child one was once? the loneliness clings to them, even with their home made within the palace walls, with their skin clean & clothes sturdy. it proves again that devid knows more of the world than aleksandr could ever hope for. when he hoped to chase away the loneliness through any means necessary, all devid ever had to do was hold him to his chest & wait. hands a grounding warmth on his back, heart slow & steady & his whole world for those few minutes. even then it had taken aleksandr too many decades to understand. ( again : devid is the smart one. ) but one can only gravitate towards the other for so many years until it all falls into place. until your world becomes a person & nothing else makes sense. until you can finally find an answer to a question unasked : " it doesn't heal. but it can be soothed & i think that is all we can hope for. " & if you get to hold his hand tighter as you say this, no one can accuse you of lying.









